SWNOVELS My Dark Desire: Chapter 65
Being waited on, I decided, was even worse than being the actual housekeeper.
The entire weekend at the Hamptons, Zach sent his staff to coddle me. I found myself being chased by people begging to make me another smoothie, draw me a bath, fetch me Starbucks, and drive me around for a shopping spree.
“I have legs, a driver’s license, and agency,” I’d growl at them to the backtrack of Zach’s amused chuckle somewhere in the distance. “Please, for the love of God, take a break. Watch a movie. Treat yourself to something from the pantry. Leave me alone.”
With Eileen gone, a weight lifted off me. She’d rushed off to an emergency patient in the middle of her dinner with Zach and hadn’t returned.
The entire weekend, Andras blew up my phone with texts, begging me to reconsider my position on Vera.
I called him once, demanding to know why he felt so strongly about it. He dodged my question, insisting he was looking after me and my interests.
I was frustrated and confused, but mostly disappointed.
I’d thought Andras was on my side.
Zach and I acted recklessly, slipping to the rose garden to steal kisses and orgasms. Guilt sat in my stomach like a brick, sinking me down, and yet—I was a willing participant.
At night, he’d crawl into my bed, wringing emotions and sensations out of me I didn’t know existed.
He worshiped every part of my body, and for the first time in my life, I felt like someone’s choice, not default. To the extent that I realized we needed a frank conversation about where we were headed.
This didn’t feel like a project anymore.
It felt like forever.
A few hours before our flight home, Zach left a note on my nightstand.
Two p.m. at the rose garden.
The butterfly wings caressing the walls of my belly told a tale as old as time.
Zachary Sun wasn’t my boss and my fling—he was my everything.
It was time to have the talk I’d put off for months.
I arrived at the bench in the garden a few minutes early. Lush red-and-white flowers and thorns cradled the swan-shaped stone, twisting into one another like swords.
I busied myself with my phone, skimming emails from my lawyers. I’d never been a coward, but telling Zach my feelings gave me cold sweats.
The rustle of leaves swished behind my back. I glanced up from my phone, surprised to see Eileen trudging in my direction.
Her heels dug into the damp soil. A brown maxi dress swayed as she walked, paired with a thin Hermès belt.
She wore minimal makeup, a placid expression, and her hair gathered into a flawless, elaborate bun.
I stiffened, finding it hard to meet her penetrating gaze. She was privy to my indiscretions with her fiancé.
It didn’t matter that both of us had agreements with him—and neither of us had technically broken them. Up until this moment, I’d managed to avoid her in the sprawling mansion, thanks to her disappearing act.
Now, she was like a mirror, forcing me to look my sins in the eye.
I stood.
“Oh, please, Miss Ballantine.” Eileen waved a hand. “You’re not an employee of mine. You can sit back down.”
“I’m an employee of your fiancé’s.” The word scorched a path up my throat, burning my tongue.
“Even so, I come to you today as a woman speaking to another woman.”
My heart spiraled downward dangerously fast.
Eileen slid beside me, forcing me to scoot to the edge of the bench.
She propped her bag on her lap. “I appreciate you for coming here.”
“I don’t appreciate you tricking me into thinking it was Zach who invited me here.”
“Perhaps you don’t appreciate it, but surely you can understand it.” Eileen nodded. “That’s why I kept it vague. I couldn’t risk you refusing my request. Time is not on my side in this matter.”
I clung to my mask of indifference, feeling a looming catastrophe barreling straight into my life. “How can I help you?”
“I think we both know how you can help me.” She rummaged for something in her bag, lips pinched together. “Stop fucking my fiancé.”
Her demand sliced my chest, reached deep into my heart, and grabbed it. There was no point denying the obvious, even if it was my knee-jerk reaction.
If nothing else, Eileen deserved the truth.
I retreated into my jacket, forcing words out of my mouth. “It’s not serious.”
Not a lie.
For Zach, at least.
He repeatedly reminded me—and himself—that we were just a temporary arrangement.
Still, it felt dirty to say. Like a white lie.
Eileen’s eyes explored my face. Behind them, I saw so much of the same emotions I’d been drowning in. Agony, jealousy, and desperation. Raw self-pity that made it hard to breathe.
Her eyes glossed-over with tears, but I knew she wouldn’t let them fall. Eileen, like me, viewed vulnerability as weakness. She didn’t allow herself to break.
“It might not be serious for you, but it’s serious to me.” She flattened her dress, smoothing out a wrinkle. “My dream has always been to marry him.”
I reared my head back, brows pinched together. “I thought you didn’t even know each other until a few months ago?”
She rubbed her red nose, shaking her head. “Goodness gracious, aren’t you naïve?”
Shoving her hand inside her bag again, she retrieved a tiny old-school photo album, handing it to me. I flipped it open.
My heart sank further when my eyes landed on the first two pictures. Two squishy babies with thigh rolls and matching mullets grinned at me.
No.
No, no, no.
“This is Zach and me as babies.” She pointed to the second photo. “And this one is us at two years old. Our dads were good friends.”
“Zach never mentioned this.”
“He doesn’t remember it. When Constance reunited us, I didn’t want to embarrass him by bringing it up. I’ve waited for this for a long time. I…” She closed her eyes, her cheeks flushing pink. A beat later, she shook her head. “Oh, never mind.”
“Tell me,” I insisted, swiveling my body to face hers.
Eileen had quietly endured my presence in Zach’s life for months. Did she truly not mind or did she fear rocking the boat until she secured her place?
Her phone call the other night zipped through my mind. Zach viewed this arrangement as business only.
But did she?
“I’ve loved him my entire life.”
Oh, my God.
Never once had it occurred to me that she wanted him as more than a status symbol. She’d fooled me with her constant suggestions to add no-touching and pro-dating clauses to their contract.
Eileen opened her eyes, her lower lip unsteady. “I’ve spent thirty-three years designing myself to be what Zachary Sun needs in a wife. I sculpted myself like Play-Doh to his wishes and wants.”
That’s not how to love, I wanted to scream.
Instead, I sunk further into my jacket, listening to her speak.
“As kids, he used to protect me when my older brothers bullied me. He was smart, wild, and brave. He loved sculpting mud, so I’d sculpt mud. He loved swinging on ropes, so I swung on ropes. He goofed around on the jungle gym, so I did, too. Anything to be near him. And he let me… until my family moved away.”
I wanted to cry. For Young Zach, who should’ve stayed carefree and playful. And for Adult Zach, who struggled to shoulder the burden of his trauma.
And most of all, I envied Eileen Yang for meeting both versions of him.
Suddenly, I couldn’t help but curse the unfairness of it all. People who met their soulmate young never had to feel like they’d started a book on the wrong chapter and needed to read the beginning to appreciate the end.
Eileen fingered one of the photos, biting down on her lip. “One day, Dad told us his friend from college died. My siblings barely remembered him, but I did. I showed up at the funeral and offered my condolences. Zach didn’t even recognize me. He barely even recognized his school friends.”
Oh, Zach.
My heart broke for him all over again.
Eileen continued, unaware that pieces of me had shattered across the rose garden. “I decided then that I’d take the opportunity to become everything he needed and return to him as the perfect woman. The medical degree, the smart dresses, and the charities. All designed to please Constance and draw Zach in. I tailored my personality to suit his—calm, collected, cold, and elegant.”
A desperate, devious, deranged piece of me wondered…
Is that truly what he needs? Or does he need his opposite? To break him out of his shell and give him a dose of the playfulness he used to have.
Eileen’s teeth scraped her lower lip as she stared into the distance. “Meanwhile, I drank up every tidbit I heard of him from my parents, collecting any info I could about him off social media—from the feeds of his friends, his classmates, his aunt.”
Were we really so different?
I’d done my research on him, too, prior to meeting. We’d both met Zach under a guise, both entered contracts with him, and both fell fast, hard, and deep.
Eileen flipped through the photo album without really looking. “By the time I met Zach again, I’d morphed into the version of myself he required. I showed him everything I needed to show. A woman that is intelligent, cold, and uninterested in touching men. Someone who would give him a family without ruining his current lifestyle. I knew we’d hit it off, and we did.”
A small, sad smile stretched across her lips.
My heart broke for her—and for myself, too. Because I finally understood what it felt like to love someone who could never be truly and wholly yours.
“We struck up an engagement the same day we met. I ran home satisfied that I could help him, knowing how relieved he must have felt to find someone who could give him everything he needs without compromising any part of himself.”
She gutted me one word at a time. I felt nauseous with guilt and pain and horror.
I couldn’t even speak.
“His mother loves me. His aunt adores me. I am willing to abide by his rules. If he wants me close—I will be. If he wants me to stay away—I can do that, too. I will be there for every version of him, regardless of whether he stays this way or changes. I will mold myself into anything he needs. Can you say that about yourself? Can you give up all your dreams for him?”
I flashed back to Andras’ office. To me, trembling with rage, unable to back down from my quest for vengeance. And him, ordering me to let it go to chase our mutual dream.
But, I realized, the idea of taking from Vera no longer thrills me. I may not be able to give up revenge for fencing, but I can give it up for Zach.
Eileen took my silence as agreement, snapping the photo album shut on her lap. “My life is stable. I have a real job, a proper schedule, and the ability to raise a family—emotionally, physically, and financially. And I have never stolen or cheated in my life.”
But you lied to Zach, I wanted to point out, swallowing the words because I had no ground to stand on. You lied about who you are, about knowing him, about sharing phobias.
“Farrow, I’m telling you this because I think you’re a good person with a clear mind. You must see that I’m more suited for him. That your troubles will only be a burden. If you truly care for him—and I actually think you do—you’ll let him go.”
“What are you asking me to do?”
On the fringes of my mind, a giant warning signal went off. I forced myself to push away my emotions and think logically.
Everything about her is a lie. And the phone call. She laughed about tricking Zach into a dinner date. Don’t trust her.
Eileen gathered a stray hair behind her ear. “I’m asking you to get on a flight, move out of my fiancé’s home, and never come back. And if you do, I’ll take over the legal fees for your court case—”
I reeled back, wondering how she even knew about this. “I don’t need your charity.”
Did she snoop? Did Zach tell her?
But I knew he wouldn’t.
She toyed with the oversized engagement ring on her finger. “It’s not charity. It’s an agreement. No different from the one you share with Zach.”
Except it was different.
I wanted to help Zach. Eileen merely wanted to exist beside him.
How could she love someone she hadn’t seen since childhood? Did she even know him?
That he hated rain yet loved the cold.
That he pretended to be disgusted by hot Cheetos but scarfed them down by the dozen if a bag neared him.
That he only seemed detached but possessed fierce loyalty when it came to friends and family.
I kept my voice level, carefully crafting my expression into neutral. “My agreement with him ends soon.”
“Your agreement with him ends now.” She dumped the album into her bag, rising to her feet. “I think I’ve been patient enough.”
“I’m not the one you need to speak with. Actually, from what I remember, you’re the one who requested stricter no-touching clauses and suggested allowing outside relationships.”
I doubted she’d be content to keep those forever.
In fact, I’d put money on the fact that she’d suggested them proactively to lower his guard.
As if she’d heard my thoughts, she giggled into her fingertips. “Do you think he would’ve agreed to marry me if I hadn’t?”
“So, you tricked him?”
“It’s just a white lie.”
“A white lie is telling a five-year-old their hamster went to the farm after it dies. It is not making up an entire phobia as the premise of an engagement.”
I always wondered why my hamsters needed fresh air on that address-less farm.
“Does it matter? It worked. I’m engaged to him. You’re just the help. Know your place.” She spun her ring until the giant diamond faced me. “Your arrangement with my fiancé ends now.”
I tipped my chin up. “Zach is a big boy.” Ain’t that the truth. “He can make up his own mind.”
“Asking you to leave is no more than a courtesy.” Eileen towered over me, so close, I could smell the mint on her breath. Not a muscle in her face twitched. “Make no mistake—I will get rid of you one way or another. What I lack in imagination, I make up for in ambition.”
Oddly, I relaxed at her words.
This was my comfort zone, thanks to Vera.
The corners of my mouth tugged up. “Are you threatening me?”
“No, Farrow, I’m telling you.” She flicked a rose thorn from my sleeve. “You’re not worthy of Zachary Sun’s love. Step aside for someone who is. Or I’ll make you step aside.”
I didn’t know what life had in store for me and Zach, but I did know that I no longer believed he’d ever be able to experience happiness with this manipulative woman.
“I’m glad we had this talk, Eileen.” With a smile, I rose to my feet, feeling lighter than I had in days. “Good luck convincing Zach to fall in love with you. You never know…” I paused, remembering her words on the call and tossing them back at her. “…Once you show him how good you are in the sack, it’s game over for that brainiac.”
I pivoted with a spring in my step, headed back to my room.
“You’ve messed with the wrong bitch.” Eileen latched onto my arm, stopping me. “I’m about to unleash every circle of Dante’s inferno on you.”