SWNOVELS My Dark Desire: Chapter 42
I couldn’t find Farrow.
She’d gone missing since last night’s engagement party, not bothering to show up to work in the morning.
By the time Oliver left, I’d convinced myself she’d gotten cold feet and moved back to Seoul without handing in her two-week notice. After all, irresponsibility seemed right up her alley.
I sulked, barked at Natalie to find her, reviewed the surveillance cameras again, then finally resorted to showing up at Vera’s doorstep.
The entire drive there, I told myself this wasn’t about missing her. This was entirely about accountability. An employee of mine had taken a leave of absence without giving me notice.
I refused to let her get away with it.
When I pulled up the Ballantine driveway, double-parking in front of a Mercedes, it became clear that Farrow had not moved to Seoul.
Two shiny roadsters flanked her dirty old Prius, barely leaving room for her to slip inside.
The entry door swung open before I cut the engine. One of the sisters—for the life of me, I couldn’t remember which was which—rushed to my door, gasping at the sight of me.
I popped it open, using the heavy metal to force her away.
“Mr. Sun.” She batted her lashes, pushing her tits out as she arched over my hood. Another thing to disinfect once I returned home. “How can I help you?”
You can vanish into the ether.
I kicked the door shut behind me. “I’m looking for your sister.”
“Reggie?” Her expression melted into a grimace. “She’s in New York, shopping for the season. I don’t even know why. She’s too short for anything worth wearing.”
“Not Reggie. The one who is not a complete waste of space.”
I’d forgotten her family completely disowned her.
“Farrow?”
“That’s the one.”
“Can you believe the little shit disappeared on us? The house is a total mess.” Tabitha pouted. “You know… we’re worthy, too.”
“Beg to differ.”
“Don’t be so harsh.” She giggled. The hyena laugh screeched down my ears like nails on a blackboard, reminding me I only ever liked Octi’s. “You know what you need, Zach?”
“A conversation partner who doesn’t have the IQ of a dead starfish.”
“Someone to complete you. A girl who’s simple and easy.” She flung her hair over one shoulder. “Like me.”
If only empty minds came with mute buttons.
“Free advice?” I locked my car, not trusting any of the Ballantine women not to steal it. “Describing yourself as low hanging fruit? Not as appealing as you think it is.”
“You’re not as tough as you think you are, you know.” She followed me to the gaping front door. “You’re an open book.”
“And you’re illiterate.” I strode right past her, inviting myself in. Apparently, I could add trespassing to my list of negative influences Farrow had on me. “Where is she?”
I went from room to room, noticing the layers of filth. Every inch reeked of rotten food.
The crack in the dining room wall—only a small fissure when I’d last visited—had metastasized, slashing from end to end. Dirty dishes sprouted from piles of clothes, peppering the stained carpet.
Did these people do anything when Fae wasn’t here to serve them?
Tabitha tailed me, shimmying her miniskirt down her thighs. “Is it true that you’re engaged now?”
Unfortunately.
I started taking the stairs to the second floor.
“I hope you don’t think you have a chance with Fae.” She panted, trying to keep up with me, white-knuckling the banister as I poured into the hallway. “Because you don’t. No one does. She… she’s incapable of emotions. She’s always been like this. Unsympathetic. Unloving. Weir—”
I spun, getting so close to her I could see the pink blemishes staining her face. “Don’t finish that sentence if you value your meaningless life. Farrow Ballantine’s pinky nail is worth more than your entire being. Now make yourself useful.”
She blinked, stunned by my reaction. “H-how?”
Good question.
Her breath fanned across my cheek.
I wanted to tear the flesh off.
“Get the fuck out of here. Take a walk.” I reared back, putting as much space between us as the narrow hall would allow. “I need to talk to your sis—” No, she wasn’t her sister. “To Fae.”
Aside from the obvious indicator of her presence, her car, I knew Octi lurked somewhere within these walls for the simple fact that she didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Tabitha sniffed, her lower lip poking out. “You don’t actually like her, do you?”
No, I don’t like her.
I more than like her.
I’m tragically obsessed with her.
“Leave.”
I gave her my back, graduating to throwing doors open. When I reached the final door in the hallway, I found it locked.
Bingo.
I released the door. “Farrow.”
I could break it clean off its hinges if I wanted to. Normally, I would. Strangely, with Octi, I wanted her to let me in. To invite me into her domain.
“Jerk,” she greeted from behind the wood.
She sounded fine. Calm and casual. Brave.
I pressed my forehead to the door, closing my eyes. Her voice alone soothed my fucking soul. And that was a problem.
A big one.
“Open the door.”
“I’m not even opening a can of tuna for you to slit your wrist with. Try again.”
“Let me rephrase—open the door or I’ll kick it down.”
So much for wanting to worm my way back into her good graces. My body hummed—one part rage and two parts desperation. She needed to open up.
Now.
“You can do that.” The sound of a drawer opening filled the space. “I’m as good with a knife as I am with a sword.” On cue, something thunked. Like a blade hitting wood. “Fuck around and find out, Sun.”
Despite myself, a smile tipped my lips up.
She was a one-woman army, and I admired that.
I leaned a shoulder against the door. “You threw away fifty-thousand dollars’ worth of shoes, young lady.”
She yawned. “You had someone put them back in my walk-in closet.”
“How do you know?”
Was I that predictable?
Silence met my question.
Another beat passed before she answered, with obvious reluctance, “You always take care of me.”
“Yet, you ran away.”
“Bitch, I drove. Under the speed limit, too. Don’t give yourself so much credit.”
“Open up.”
“Shut it down.”
I fought a smile.
“Tell you a fun fact about the octopus?” I bargained.
Silence.
I took it as my cue.
Finally.
“The octopus releases ink when it’s in danger. The mucus and melanin cloud the predator’s sense of smell, making it hard for them to find the octopus.” I twisted, resting my forehead against the door again. “But the ink is so potent, if the octopus doesn’t escape its own ink, it could die.”
What are you doing, and when did you become Animal Fucking Planet?
Oliver and Romeo would have a field day if they heard me right now.
Still, I ran the tip of my nose along the chipped wood as my lips moved. “Sometimes, you have to take a chance. You’ve got too much to lose by ending this, Octi.”
Was this begging? Groveling?
I didn’t know. Didn’t care, either.
In fact, I only cared about one thing—getting this woman back inside my house.
I waited a minute for her to speak.
One minute stretched into two.
Then three.
Another minute, and I swore I’d leave here with a purple-pink dent in the middle of my forehead.
Finally, Farrow took me out of my misery. “You could’ve told me about the engagement party.”
My lungs emptied, whooshing against the wood.
I flattened my lips together. I never explained myself to anyone other than Mom, and doing so right now felt humbling.
Farrow was, of course, right.
I could have.
I should have.
“I copped out,” I admitted.
More silence.
Then a response.
“Come again?” I could hear a hint of a smile in her words.
Little shit.
“I said I copped out,” I repeated, louder now. “I took the easy way out, because I’m not used to dealing with messes. And what we are is… messy.” To say the least. I sighed, exhaling hard. “And because I have the emotional palate of a Veggie Straw.”
Her chuckle tumbled past the door, and a ten-ton rock rolled off my heart. “I still don’t like you.”
“You can dislike me and still love the way my cock fills your pussy, Farrow. You can even hate me and enjoy being showered with presents and legal help.” I curled my fist around the doorknob, knowing it wouldn’t open but wishing for it anyway. “This thing with Eileen isn’t real. She will never have my kisses. My adoration. My complete and full attention. She is a checkmark in a box. She’s no threat to you in the same way a lone shooting star is no threat to the sun.”
“Zach…” It came out louder yet quiet—her voice just behind the door now. “Do you think of me as the sun?”
No. You’re the entire fucking universe.
And I hate that most about you.
“We have a deal.” I cleared my throat, trying to sound pragmatic. “And I will fulfill my end of the bargain. I’m here.”
“Till when?”
“Until the very end.”
I held my breath, waiting for the door to unlock, but it didn’t.
“Why were you awful to me on my birthday?” Her voice rolled over my skin like velvet. I could practically feel her heat pouring through the other side of the door.
“Because,” I admitted through gritted teeth, “we both need the reminder that this is only a business transaction. I enjoy you, Farrow. In more ways than I can count. If we don’t make that separation… this thing could tear us both apart.” My fingers curled into fists, and I bit my knuckles, drawing blood. “Now kindly open the door. I have some important information regarding your legal case I’d like to share with you.”
Finally—finally—the door whined open.
I stepped back, my breath caught in my fucking throat as I saw her for the first time in nearly twenty-four hours.
Makeup free. Hair a mess. In blue sweatpants and a USA Fencing tee.
Simple. Unassuming. Perfect.
“Farrow.” I choked on her name.
Get your shit together, Zach.
I shook my head, ridding myself of the spell she’d put me under, and trained my face to its usual callous disinterest. “I have some news.”
I brushed past her, entering her room. A jolt of pleasure warmed my shoulder where we connected.
I expected the tiny room to burst with personality as big as its owner’s.
Instead, it seemed impersonal. The bare essential furniture. No intimate belongings. No pictures. Nothing out of place. Nothing in general.
It could’ve been a guest room. Or the torture chamber of a serial killer.
I raised a stack of folders I’d brought with me, depositing them on her nightstand.
Her eyes followed my movements. “What’s this?”
“Bryan and Deanne ran the records in the bureau.” I flipped a folder open and retrieved a document littered with highlights, handing it to her. “There’s a time discrepancy with the will.”
Her mouth tumbled open, her plump lower lip begging to be scooped into my mouth and sucked to oblivion.
Fuck.
I’d never kissed a woman in my entire life, but I wanted to now. Wanted to feel her heat and tongue mix with mine. For us to melt into one entity.
Farrow tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, her eyes running over the text. “What does this mean?”
“It means the executed will doesn’t match the one officially filed three years prior.” I studied her face, searching for a reaction. “Vera’s will has no legal standing.”
As she read, her eyes became shinier, glistening with tears she refused to shed.
Something feral reared its head inside my chest. I wanted to hug her. To tuck her into my side. To shield her from a world that always failed her.
“Zach.” She snapped her head up, smiling. “This is amazing. It’s proof Vera faked the will. We can contest it.”
“Not yet.” I plucked the sheet from her fingers, tucking it back into the file. “Dan, Bryan, and Deanne want more time.”
“What?” Her smile dropped. “Why?”
“The stronger our case is, the easier it will be to win it. We want timelines, hard evidence, a play-by-play of how she did it, when she did it, and who assisted her. There’s a witness on the original will we need to speak with. We can’t half-ass this, Octi. It needs to be bulletproof. You have to be patient.”
“Ugh.” She flung herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck, her lips kissing my skin as she spoke. “But I don’t want to be patient.”
For a second, I froze in my spot, fighting my instinct to pull away.
What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.
I slammed my eyes shut, counting down from ten.
10, 9, 8…
I popped an eye open, realizing I didn’t feel like pouring acid over my head.
7, 6…
My shoulders rolled back, relaxing a bit, easing into her touch.
5, 4…
I breathed through my nose, familiar with each and every delicious scent coming from Farrow.
3…
…I stopped counting, letting myself enjoy it.
Our skin felt like velvet against each other. Hers glided along mine like silk, squeezing me to her.
It was… pleasant.
And marked the first time I’d ever seen her let go.
She dropped the warrior act, utterly radiating without the heavy armor in the way.
A thread of pride stitched itself into my chest. She’d chosen me to drop her guard around. The cold, cruel villain in her Cinderella story.
The worst part—I doubted she even realized what she’d done.
I weaved my fingers through her hair, unsure what to do with them. Did I stroke her waves? Run my fingers through the strands? Pat her head like she’d just returned from kindergarten with a gold star on her workbook?
My fingers trembled. I almost stepped back with how overwhelmed the options made me.
This is happening.
It is happening, and I don’t want it to end.
I pressed my cheek to hers, relishing the fact that I could. “Time will fly.”
“How do you know?” Her breath tickled my ear.
I didn’t cower. Didn’t shiver. Didn’t retreat.
“Because it always does when you have fun.”
“You are a lot of things, Zachary Sun, but fun is not one of them.”
“Your pussy is in complete disagreement.”
“My pussy doesn’t call the shots.”
“Perhaps it should. Lovely creature. I’m its number one fan.”
Her fingers slid up my neck, cupping my cheeks. She drew away from our embrace, tipping her chin up at me, eyes dilating as she soaked in our position.
The proximity.
The touch.
Our eyes met. Hers gleamed like the sparkling Mediterranean, so impossibly blue I couldn’t look away. Her lips parted.
I dropped my gaze, tracing them with my eyes.
“Just once…” She let her thumb drift to my lips, hovering over them. “Just once, can I kiss you? I mean really kiss you.”
“Farrow.” Her name tore out of my throat, guttural and raw.
“Do you think you’re ready for a kiss, Zach?”
No. Yes.
I feigned confidence, digging my fingers into her sides. “Sweetheart, I’ve been ready since you sat at that Go table in a flimsy nightgown and tried to pretend you belonged.”
“I never tried to pretend, you fool. I knew I’d stand out—and was proud of it.”
She beamed, and in that moment, I’d never seen anything so miraculous, and stunning, and fuck it. I erased the rest of the space between us, searing my lips to hers.
For a moment, we just breathed each other in. The air crackled between us like fireworks. Her lips were soft and warm, pliant in contrast with the rest of her.
Every cell in my body tingled.
It felt like we were fusing together, and I craved more.
Slowly—so damn slowly—I pried her mouth open and glided my tongue along her lower lip.
She let out a tiny moan, and I remembered what Tabitha told me before I sent her to hell—Farrow didn’t do love. Was incapable of feelings.
There’d be nothing to worry about for her.
Her heart wouldn’t break.
But mine?
Farrow’s tongue found mine and slid into my mouth, chasing away my thoughts. The sensation felt awkward—even uncomfortable.
Having someone else’s organ in my body made the skin on the back of my neck crawl.
I froze in place, but Farrow didn’t relent. She slid her fingernails along my scalp, sending blissful shivers down my spine.
She took her time withdrawing her tongue from my mouth. It was only after she retreated that I realized I fucking loved having a part of her inside me.
I took over, clutching her shoulders and kissing her with abandon. Our mouths fought, nipping and biting and kissing and growling.
I swallowed every groan and whimper she produced, holding her by her hair and backing her against the wall. We both stumbled over discarded blankets and strewn pillows, laughing into our kiss.
I wanted to devour her. To eat her whole and lick my fingers afterwards.
“Heaven,” I decided, my tongue chasing hers inside her mouth, swirling and caressing, reaching every corner. “You taste like heaven.”
My fingers moved from her hair, hands bracketing her delicate throat. I tilted her head up, kissing my way down her neck.
She felt so fragile in my arms, bucking her hips to meet my hard cock. I shook with anticipation, ready to fuck her through the wall and into another dimension, I was so horny for her.
Her mouth found mine, and again, we kissed like our lives depended on it.
“Clothes.” She clawed at my shirt, breathless. “We don’t need them.”
I happened to be in complete agreement. She began tearing at my button-down when the door downstairs kicked open and slammed against the wall.
“I’m baaaack.”
Regina had returned.
Great.
In an instant, Octi pushed me away.
I staggered back, frustrated and horny and on goddamn edge.
“We can’t do this.” Fae wiped her swollen, bruised lips. “No one can know I’m messing around with an engaged man.”
“The engagement is bullshit,” I reminded her.
Eileen had informed me just yesterday that she’d like to return to New York as soon as our schedule allowed.
“No, your relationship is bullshit. The engagement, however, is very real.”
She was right.
I stared at her, frustrated and annoyed. The hushed voices downstairs left no room for doubt—Tabitha had filled Regina in.
Farrow rubbed her face, growling. “What do you want, Zach?”
I want to soak in your warmth just a little longer, so when I return to my cold, numbing life, I don’t freeze over.
“I want us to honor each other’s promises.” I kissed the top of her head, halting for a moment to let the secret scent of her body crawl into my system. “Fix me, Farrow.”
Each second she got closer to unchaining herself from Vera and her stepsisters was a second that brought us further apart. The moment she didn’t need me anymore, she’d leave.
So what if she does?
I would return to my peaceful, quiet existence.
Structured, ruthless, and solitary.
Lifeless.