Moonlit Surrender

Present time.

Lucy woke to the sunshine pouring in through her bedroom window. She rolled over onto her side and thought she was still dreaming when she smelled John, then realized she had fallen asleep in his sweater. She looked over to the other side

of the bed and saw that Ben was already awake somewhere else in the house and hopefully hadn't noticed her new apparel. Reluctantly, she touched her toes to the faded carpet and then knelt down to pull out her photograph box. She didn't think an entire sweater would fit in it, so instead folded it neatly and tucked it under her secret box to keep safe until her next scheduled Philosophy class when she'd return it. Until then, it was best to keep hidden away so Ben couldn't accidentally stumble upon it.

The night spent with John seemed so long ago in the light of day, yet she held it close. She crawled back into her warm cocoon in the bed and felt a flood of emotions as she remembered, in flashes, the things that had passed. She smiled at the memory of his commands, his tenderness, the ways he made her come, but then felt a stabbing pain of guilt. She'd cheated on Ben.

She scrunched her eyes closed and shook her head. "I'm a horrible person," she whispered into the blankets. Maybe Ben wasn't dynamite in bed, but he offered so much and she knew lots of women would kill to have him as their partner. He was a hard worker and good provider and all he wanted from her was a family. Why couldn't she just be happy with him? "Be better," she whispered again.

She threw the blankets back and rushed through her morning routine before bouncing down the stairs in search of her fiancé.

She found him in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and his phone in the other hand scrolling through social media. "Hey." She smiled.

"Morning," he mumbled. "Barely. It's almost noon."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sleep so long."

"Well, you were out late."

She felt the icy fingers of panic curl around her throat. "What?"

He set his phone down and looked up at her. "Where did you go last night? Your car was here, but I know you left. Did someone pick you up?"

She turned away from him to hide her fear as she poured herself a cup of coffee and lied, "I went for a walk."

"Must have been some walk."

"I needed some air. I'm sorry for blowing up last night."

He was silent for a moment, then said, "It's fine. You're off today, right?"

"Yeah. It's like the first full weekend in months I've had off." She sat down on the other side of the breakfast nook bench and looked out the bay windows into their empty backyard. She thought about how one day she'd probably look out those same windows and see a swing set and little miniature Bens running amok. Something in her recoiled at the thought, and then recoiled with disgust at being a person that would shy away from the American dream.

"Do you want to catch a movie or something?" he asked, pulling her from her silent self-loathing.

She nodded. "That sounds nice. We haven't had a date in a long time."

"I'll check show times."

"I'll go get ready," she smiled and set her mug down to head back upstairs to finish getting dressed.

***

Lucy and Ben enjoyed a quiet afternoon together, catching a new release and then sitting down for dinner at one of the nicer restaurants in the area.

The hostess sat them in a private corner, intimately lit by candlelight.

Old candelabrum dripping with wax. Warm light mingling in cool gray eyes. Moans. She pinched her arm under the table and chased the thoughts away while she listened to Ben's negative review of the movie and the glaring plot holes he had caught.

"What looks good to you?" he asked suddenly, setting the menu down. "I hear the eggplant part here is really good."

"I'm not feeling all that hungry. I think I'll probably just have soup."

A young man approached their table and introduced himself as their waiter and asked for their order.

Lucy looked to Ben, who hummed in thought for a moment and then ordered for himself. She waited just a moment to see if maybe he'd throw in her order too, but both he and the waiter looked at her expectantly.

She hid her disappointment and ordered her soup and drink, then watched the young man disappear through the doors in the back to the kitchen. She tapped her fingers on the edge of the table and tried not to notice the sun dipping down below the horizon beyond the shaded windows.

"You seem really tense," Ben observed, watching her shift awkwardly in her chair.

"I'm just a little distracted, I guess. I have some papers coming up that I haven't started on yet," she lied yet again. It was starting to become a nasty habit.

"You're pent up, baby," he said and grinned. "I'm sorry about last night and gaming with the guys. I promise when we get home, you'll have my full attention." He leaned in and said softer, "I'll take you upstairs and we'll fix that tension." She did her best to smile, but the thought of ten minutes of him flopping around on her and finishing before she could even catch up made her stomach sour. How could she possibly go back to the mundane now that she had tasted something better with John?

Maybe she could teach Ben to do it. Then, she'd have no reason to stray. Just tell him what she wanted. She bit her lip, debating for a moment whether or not to follow through with the plan, but answered barely above a whisper, "I want you to do things to me."

He looked at her curiously. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

She glanced around their tiny corner of the restaurant to make sure no one else was listening in. "I want you to choke me." She felt heat spread through her at the thought.

"What the fuck?" he laughed. "Seriously? Why would you want that? I love you. I don't want to hurt you."

"I just... I think it could be fun, sort of like being helpless to you, and like maybe you could hold my hands down-"

"Lu," he laughed in disbelief. "What has gotten into you? You don't seriously want me to do those things, do you?"

She was about to say yes but gave a defeated shrug and tried to laugh it off. Thankfully, their food arrived, ending the torrid conversation before it could descend into an argument.

They ate their meals in silence. Lucy asked for the check and boxes for their leftovers and after Ben slipped his card over for her to finish paying their bill, they left and made their way home.

The drive was just as quiet and all Lucy could think about was how every second brought her closer to disappointment. This had to be fixed. There had to be some sort of compromise she hadn't thought of. If she could just fix this one thing, she could be happy with him and they could have their happily ever after. Maybe she'd even be okay with quitting school and settling down. If he could somehow give her even just a little of what John had given her the previous night, the thought of domestication wasn't so daunting.

A humored smile spread across her lips. I could be that for John. A vampire's wife? A brood of little batlings? Wasn't that what she had always daydreamed about as a teenager?

"What are you smiling about?" Ben asked, noticing her private grin.

"Just that one scene from the movie," she lied again.

The car pulled into their driveway and Lucy took a deep breath, trying to find some courage to say what she really wanted.

They made their way inside and Ben smiled. "So, did you want to go upstairs?"

She nodded and followed him up to their bedroom.

Ben stripped down quickly and climbed up on the bed to wait for her.

She stepped out of her lacy mini dress and met his brown gaze reluctantly. "Can we go slow tonight?"

"Sure, baby." He patted the bed.

She slipped out of her bra and panties and settled onto the soft comforter beside him. He leaned in and kissed her eagerly and tweaked her nipples gently.

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"Harder," she whispered against his mouth.

"What?"

"Pinch me harder."

He continued to kiss her and squeezed his forefinger and thumb tighter around the blushing peaks of her breasts, but still she muttered, "Harder." "Jesus," he laughed. "I don't want to rip them off."

"You won't," she huffed. "Please, just harder. Bite me."

He lowered his mouth to her nipple and closed his lips around it while she closed her eyes and leaned back into the pillows with a soft moan. "Bite me," she begged again.

Ben hesitantly clamped his teeth gently around her.

"Fucking bite me, Ben," she whined impatiently.

He pulled away. "I fucking am, Lucy. What the hell? If I do it any harder it'll hurt."

"I want it to hurt."

"That's really fucked up, babe."

She sighed in frustration and began to move for the edge of the bed, but he grabbed her and held her in place. His tight grip on her arm fanned that small flame in her that John had awoken and she felt heat spread to her thighs. "Fine. If that's what you want. We can try it." He pushed her back into the pillows and climbed on top of her and settled himself between her legs. He grabbed her wrists and held them above her head while he lowered his mouth back to her nipples and pinched them between his teeth with carefully increasing pressure.

She moaned and closed her eyes as he kissed each of her breasts roughly and curled her toes into the blankets at the feel of her wrists pinned. She smiled and moved her hands, to wiggle so he would hold her tighter, but to her disappointment, his hands rose with her movements. She wiggled a little more, but still he accommodated her.

She sighed in frustration again and he looked down at her just as annoyed. "Now what?"

She decided to let it go, taking the small victory that he was even trying. "Nothing," she whispered. "I want you inside me."

He obliged that particular request happily and sat up so he could guide himself into her. She sighed as she felt him enter her and wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and relaxed into his quiet tempo. With her wrists still loosely held in his hands, she moved his right hand to her neck and licked her lips with anticipation.

He let out a vexed sigh, but wrapped his hand around her neck.

She moaned again and begged him to squeeze tighter as she slipped her hand down to touch herself. He gripped her marginally firmer, nowhere near as intensely as John had. She could hear the quiet thunder of her pulse, but couldn't feel even a bit of the ethereal, lightheaded feeling she had been given the previous night.

With her demands finally ceasing and her critiques falling silent, Ben focused on himself. She could feel him getting closer and his grip on her gradually releasing until his hand was limply draped around her neck and he plunged himself into her one last time and came.

She dropped her hand to her side defeated.

He let out his conservative groan and then slipped out of her and rolled onto the bed beside her with a contented exhale. "You don't have to stop," he reassured. "Keep going."

"No, it's all right. I'm just a little off tonight, I guess. Thanks for trying something new."

"Sure, but, Lu, it made me really uncomfortable. It was fun to shake things up a little, but I don't want to hurt you. I love and respect you. You're my equal, babe."

"I didn't think I wasn't. It's not about love or respect. I know you feel that. You're very good to me."

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"Then why would you want me to do those things to you? It feels disrespectful."

"But it's not. I liked it. I like... feeling you take charge."

"I thought I took charge when I initiated things earlier. Why do I have to like rape you for you to feel like I'm taking charge?" He laughed.

She rolled her eyes and said, "Never mind." Then left to clean up in the bathroom. As she washed up, she heard his telltale heavy footfall on the staircase, probably heading down to his Xbox. She stood there alone, naked, staring at herself in the reflection of the mirror above the sink, berating herself with her thoughts. Why are you like this? He's right. It's unnatural, these dark and violent things you want.

She felt tears pushing their way free, and felt like a monster, or if nothing else, some depraved and dirty pervert that should feel lucky to even have a fiancé. What would Ben think of her now? Regret filled her belly and she cringed. Her phone chimed from the bedroom.

She padded back into the dim room, the only light illuminating it coming from the streetlamp outside and the night light from the bathroom spilling in. She knelt down to her clothing pile and found her phone still tucked away in a pocket. The guilt twisting in her tummy burst into a cloud of butterflies tickling her and quickening her pulse when she saw a text from John.

John: Would you like to play again?

She heard Ben settling into gaming with his friends downstairs. He wouldn't miss her. She could say she got invited out with friends again.

Lucy: Yes.

She watched the text send and hurried to redress and touch up her makeup.

John: Good girl.

Go to my apartment and let yourself in.

Take off all your clothes and get on your hands and knees on top of the coffee table.

Wait for me.

Lucy: Yes, sir.

Lucy looked at the instructions wide eyed. Never in her life had anyone ordered her to do anything remotely like this. It was all new to her and she felt excitement shaking those butterflies in her tummy away. Her body was filled with a soft hum of anticipation and longing, remembering his touch, remembering the feel of him moving inside her, the way he had conquered her and bent her to his will. She ached for it again.

She finished freshening up quickly and bounced down the stairs feeling light as air, renewed and ready for anything.

Ben noticed her land in the foyer. "Going somewhere?" he asked.

"Some friends invited me out."

He huffed. "These same girls that keep you out all night? It's ridiculous to start this late, Lucy."

"Why do you care? You're doing stuff with your friends."

He shook his head in disapproval.

"Don't wait up," she smirked as she slipped out into the brisk night.