Moonlight Serenade

Gideon felt cold sweat trickled down his back as he continued listening to Zion. He felt stuffed, guilty, and ashamed. All of his words sounded exactly for him who was hiding his vices from the public.

"Gid," Arnel called in a whisper but because he had good hearing due to military training, he still heard him.

He looked sideways and their gazes met. Arnel gestured to Analisa and it took him a few moments before he understood what the man was saying.

They both secretly looked at Analisa and Gideon immediately averted his gaze.

He remembered that Analisa was a sex slave of some rich business tycoon in Cebu. But after he saved her from an operation in Talisay and met Christ, she changed her life.

But Analisa confessed that she felt shame and guilt that's why she can not fully approach the throne of grace with confidence. He had prayed for her, and he hope now that Analisa do not have the same mindset she had years ago. The irony of it all, it was he who needs prayers to overcome his vices.

"Sin always attaches to human nature so we must learn how to subject the flesh." Zion took a deep breath and looked at them one by one again. "Because flesh doesn't come and go, but strengthens and weakens.

The temptation is there to strengthen the flesh, that's why it is a process. It slowly builds up in a slow process. Think of this example.

You were once delivered from porn-addiction. Days and weeks passed after deliverance, you are living peacefully.

But on Monday, you saw a show with a naked body. Instead of switching channels, you continue watching that show thinking that it will not affect your spiritual life.

On Tuesday, you were on a streaming site and suddenly a beautiful woman wearing only a piece of clothing appeared in the advertisement. You kept watching with the same mindset... 'it has no effect on your spiritual life.' Wednesday, you heard music with obscene lyrics. Instead of turning off or moving on, you continue listening because you are entertained by the beat of the song.

On Thursday, you read a story full of obscene things. Let's say the scene is full of sex but you continue reading instead of putting the book down. Because you still think that such book will probably have no effect on your spiritual life. But when Friday comes, you always remember the obscene scene in the book you read and the video and advertisement you saw the day before. You suddenly feel a sexual urge.

So you went to porn-site to watch pornographic videos. You even looked for other obscene books full of sex and read them in full. If you can't fight the urge, then you'll pleasure yourself.

It's too late when you realize you're back to what you used to do. You have done the sin you promised yourself and God that you will never do again.

And then you realize, what was written in the Bible is true. 'A dog turns back to what he has thrown up.' And, 'A pig that has been washed goes back to roll in the mud.'

Temptation is building up the strength of your flesh to caught you off guard in times of weakness. You should stop the growing of your flesh by not putting yourself in the place of temptation."

The group fell silent and Gideon sighed in secret. Truth to be told, he knew all of these yet he couldn't stop himself from doing his vices. He is addicted, just like Jewel, that's why he's strict to his wife because whenever he saw her being addicted to erotica, he could see himself in her. And he hated it. He hated everything about him.

He sighed again as he thought about Jewel's condition. Gideon knew that Jewel fell into sexual nightmares because she has been reading books full of lustful contents. His wife was tempted by those books.

Gideon looked up when Zion took a firewood and threw it into the bonfire. The fire grew big and a little sparks flew into air.

"See how the fire increases when I throw the wood into it. In the same way is your condition.

The wood is what you consume. What you consume will strengthen something inside of you.

If you are a porn-addict and you always go to obscene sites, you are only strengthening your flesh. On the other hand, if you regularly read the Bible or listen to music that draws you closer to God, it will strengthen your spirituality." Gideon cleared his throat. "But why do people fall into sin when they know that sin is not good?"

"Because of the pleasure it brings," Zion replied. "Sin inclines into human nature. And you know what the human nature is.

The nature of human is selfishness. And sin was born from selfishness. The nature of sin? The lust of eyes and flesh, and the pride of life? These three became the root of sin because it is loving yourself more than loving God and others. It's your self-love. Self-gratification. Self-glorification. Self. All of that pertains to yourself. You. That's why sin is pleasurable because all of that inclines to your own selfishness.

Example are when you feel happy when someone throws false accusations to someone you hate, you love to see your enemies suffer, you want to have what others have, you seek praises and attention from others. All of these human desires and many other human desires will lead you to sin."

Gideon averted his gaze. "So Paul writes we are crucified with Christ."

"Yes." Zion smiled. "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Galatians 2:20) Crucified with Christ means putting an end to all of your ambitions, dreams, goals, desires, and everything about you to walk in the path of holiness." "Amen to that."

"In order for us to avoid temptation and eventually avoid sin, we need to be in the presence of God.

When we are in the presence of God, we start to love what God loves and hate what God hates. Demons, temptations, and other things will not stand a chance if we are in the presence of God. All fades into the background, and our focus is to please and love God.

For believers who have fallen into sin again, there is still hope for them. It was written in 1 John 1: 9, that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If you have sinned, don't run away from God. Instead, run towards Him and humbly ask for forgiveness. He is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us from unrighteousness.

Do not distance yourself from God if you have sinned, because doing so will only push you into sinning more against Him, and shame with guilt will just choke you to death.

Did you realize that when you are in shame and guilt, it is easy for you to fall into temptation? It is easy for you to give into the lust of flesh and eyes and pride?

That's why in times like that, you should remember that you are forgiven after your humble and repentant confession. Even if you feel you're not forgiven, believe that you are forgiven. Because if you let shame and guilt to control your life, you are weak to all temptations.

Your mind will think like this... I've sinned and dirty, so why bother fighting with this one?

But if you believe that you are clean, that you are forgiven, that you are a child of God ... Your mind will think that I'm clean and I am a child of God. I will not let this temptation win.

In other words, having a clean conscience will keep you from giving into temptation. Because temptation is also a challenge of your identity so you should know who you are and what is your identity in Christ. "

"To sum up, brother, what should we do?" a man, who was silent since earlier, asked.

"Read the Bible. Seek God in His Words. If you're desperate to seek Him, you will find Him. It was written, seek and you shall find. (Luke 11: 9-10).

If you say it didn't work on you, then you're not truly seeking God. Because if you seek God with all your heart, you will definitely find Him. Let God be true but every man a liar."

"Indeed," Gideon whispered. "If you will read His Word everyday and desperate to find Him, you will find Him. He is not a man that should lie, so if He said that you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart, then He will honor His words. You will certainly find God."

"Have you found Him, Gideon?" Zion asked. "Have you truly found Him?"

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Gideon was stunned for a few seconds by the question. He could not answer. He just smiled. "Excuse me," he said goodbye and walked away from the group.

Zion followed him by his gaze, with a profound meaning in his eyes. And his story continued.

While he was walking away, he heard their voices and laughter. His feet stepped onto the long shore and was getting farther and farther away. And this is what he wanted. The farther, the better.

The cold, salty breeze passed by him. He halted his steps and looked up at the moon shining in the night sky. It's round and bright. The seawater glistened beneath it.

He smiled softly and drew a breathe. He pulled out the cellphone from his pocket and opened the gallery.

"I have found you years ago, God." His eyes watered. "And I knew who you are. I know You're holy. And because You're holy, I can't get close to You. You know what I'm doing in secret."

He swallowed the lump in his throat and opened the secret gallery. There, hundreds of photos of naked women are being displayed in the screen. Yes, he was addicted to these lustful pictures that he could not do anything but be ashamed while facing his brothers and sisters in Christ.

He tightened his grip on the cellphone and whispered, "I am living in a lie, in hypocrisy. It is I who should repent. I'm sorry, God."

He recalled the verses he had read in his devotional. For years, reading those verses were like reading a math problem to him. Dull and boring.

During devotionals, he simply read them like academic textbooks that are of no interest to him. He was not moved by those verses. He was not convicted either.

But now, while memorizing them in his mind, there is this small pain in his chest. There is heaviness in his heart as he keeps on memorizing the verses while knowing that he is a hypocrite.

He suddenly fell to his knees as tears fell from his eyes. Gideon sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

His fist clenched as he looked beyond the sea. Then, he threw the cellphone in, making the water splashed. His phone immediately submerged into the depths of the sea.

Run away from temptation as what Zion said. So he is now running away from the small stone that becomes his stumbling block for years.