SWNOVELS Chapter 33
I stare sightlessly out the windshield as River stabs the ignition button and the SUV roars to life. A heavy silence blankets us as he squeals out of the parking lot and onto the main road that leads back to campus.
In less than five minutes, my life has been turned upside down.
My head spins as shock reverberates throughout my entire being.
It takes effort to force the words through stiff lips. “Why did you do that?”
River’s angry gaze slices in my direction before glaring back at the ribbon of road stretched out in front of us. “Do what? Protect you from the asshole who was only using you to get back at me?”
His words are like a punch to the gut, robbing the air from my lungs.
Everything that happened between Maverick and me flashes through my brain like a slow-motion picture show.
No.
It wasn’t like that.
At least…I don’t think it was.
He shoots another glare at me as his voice rises. “He fucking admitted it.” There’s a pause before another outburst. “You heard him!”
Tears sting the backs of my eyes as I wrap my arms around my middle and stare sightlessly out the passenger side window.
My brother isn’t wrong.
Maverick did admit that he wanted to steal me from River because of what happened in high school.
Even though that acknowledgment hurts, it’s not nearly as painful as what River did. Whether my brother realizes it or not, there are bigger issues at play.
“You have to stop outing my cancer diagnosis.” Before he can respond, I snap, “I’m not a fucking disease. Not every person I meet needs to know my medical history, and you do it all the time!”
His intake of breath is sharp and audible as his expression twists, turning pained. “I never meant—”
“Bullshit. You always pull out the cancer card anytime a guy shows interest, and I’m tired of it.” There’s a pause before I tack on, “It needs to stop!”
His wide eyes fasten on mine in the darkness. “I… I’m sorry. All I’ve ever wanted to do is protect you, Willow. You’re my twin. A piece of me.” He swallows as his eyes turn shiny in the darkness. “There were times when I thought we’d lose you.” He shakes his head. “How the fuck could I go on if the most important piece of me was gone?”
Some of my anger melts away at the thick emotion that clogs his deep voice.
Unable to help myself, I wrap my hand around his before giving it a squeeze, wanting to draw him out of those painful memories.
All the love that fills my heart is silently conveyed in that one touch.
It only takes one shared look, a brush of hands, or even a thought popping into one of our heads, to understand what the other is thinking or feeling.
It’s the kind of bond that can never be severed.
Even though it would be far easier to drop the topic and move on to something else less painful, I can’t. I despise arguing or being at odds with River, because it feels as though I’m not right with myself.
But the only way for me to move on is to finally air it out.
I need to do something with my twin that I never expected.
Set boundaries.
The thought saddens me. In a way, it’s like hacking off a limb. But I need to be my own person. I can’t continue living in the shadows and allowing the people around me to hold me back.
As much as they love me, they’re smothering me.
Hampering me.
They’re not allowing me to spread my wings and fly.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.
As much as I know this will hurt him, he needs to understand my feelings on the matter.
Not only that, he needs to accept them.
“Mom, Dad, and you are the ones who make me feel sick. There are times when I actually forget that I had cancer, and you know what? Those are amazing days. But then Mom calls or you out me to someone I just met, and it’s like the candle has been snuffed out and I’m dragged back into the darkness. Alone. It’s isolating, and I hate it. I really fucking hate it.” I let that sink in before adding, “It makes me not want to be around any of you. And that just breaks my heart because I love you all so much.”
His face turns ashen as anguish floods his eyes. “God… I’m sorry, Willow.” He opens his mouth as if to say something more before slamming it shut with the next breath.
His pain has always been my own.
When I hurt him, I cause the same damage to myself.
We’re so tightly connected and intertwined.
As much as I’ve always loved that feeling of never truly being alone in this world, especially during my darkest hours, I need the separation.
I need boundaries.
“I’ve never wanted to see you hurt,” he mutters, thick emotion invading his voice.
It’s so tempting to crumble and offer forgiveness the way I have in the past. Instead, I force myself to hold strong. Nothing will change between us if I don’t.
“Right now, you’re the one who’s causing me pain.”
Those charged words hang heavy in the air.
The remainder of the drive is silent.
Bursting with unease.
The one thing it never is between us.