SWNOVELS Mila: The Godfather: Part 1 – Chapter 26
KADRA
“Twinkle, twinkle, little star…” I sing softly to my little sister, Mila, trying to soothe her discomfort. “How I wonder where you are.” My baby sister shakes uncontrollably in my arms while we try to escape the sad reality of our world.
Nothing helps. Not really.
But I try with all my might to give her something when she’s been deprived of so much.
Comfort.
Love.
Understanding.
She’s getting older now, and that means she wanders by herself when she feels lonely and trapped inside the four walls of her room. Most kids her age have every kind of toy in the market, pretty clothes and a room fit for a little princess, but not her.
Not my Mila.
My Mila has only known white walls and a cold room. Nothing that shows a little girl with the biggest heart lives there. A little girl who is so smart and so kind.
Since the moment she came into this world, our father has been trying to erase her existence by shoving her in the shadows, and yet my sweet, sweet sister has always had a blinding smile on her face and a kind word, even when her heart has been broken time and time again.
Tonight, she wandered off in her blue pajamas with her favorite book in hand, searching for someone to read it to her. She’s smart for her age, but there are still words she doesn’t comprehend.
Before she could find me or Arianna, she found our nightmare instead.
Our father.
“Arianna…” Mila whimpers and points her tiny finger at our sister’s door.
“Shhhh, stelina. It’ll be alright.” I rock her tiny body, wishing someone would take her away from here, even if it broke my heart to watch her leave. I truly believe God made a mistake when he chose this family for her. We don’t deserve her. People who are rotten don’t deserve her pure heart.
She deserves better.
She always has.
I push her curls out of her face and notice tears staining her chubby cheeks. The bruises on her neck are starting to show. Bruises to match my own.
“Sing this song, stelina. Sing it when the world gets too loud or when you feel scared.” I whisper.
Sing the damn song when someone is unkind or when you get hurt. I want to say, but I don’t. I keep that to myself. There is no doubt that she will face great obstacles when she grows older. I promise to slay every monster that tries to hurt her, but what if I’m not here? What if she finds herself all alone in this world? What then?
If I had tears left to shed, I would. I would for the little girl singing quietly in my arms. For our big sister, who is being used as a punching bag for daring to stand up to our father. For being brave and fearless.
Looking at the discarded fairytale book my little sister loves so much. The book she wanted someone to read to her before bedtime. That’s all she wanted. She doesn’t ask for much. She stays quiet and tries to blend in as if she already knows that’s her best chance to escape our heartless father. Escape his anger and his cruelty.
I stare at the book’s cover, where a pretty princess is wearing a yellow gown and a gold crown and is singing happily to the animals in the forest. She kind of looks like Mila with blue eyes and a gentle smile.
Looking away from the book, I stare at my baby sister, knowing the truth she is still too young to comprehend. One day, she will.
One day, she’ll wake up and realize fairytales aren’t real.
They are just stories.
There is no happily ever after.
At least, not for girls like us.
One day, her little heart will break, and I won’t be able to stop it.
Because one day came for me.
My heart broke the day my father directed his rage at my sisters, all because I disobeyed him.
I started this.
It was all my fault.
While my sisters long for their one day basking in the sun, I can’t wait for the day I am strong enough to put an end to their misery.
Happily ever afters in books are only achieved once the princess is free of their wicked stepmother, right?
In our case, it is our own father.
Our own blood.
The one person who should have shown us love and protected us. Instead, he was the one who showed us how to hurt and how to bleed for sins that weren’t our own.
One day won’t come as long as he is breathing.
As long as he still reigns.
There’s only one choice then.
One way to do it.
It’s quite simple, you see…
All I need to do is take down the heartless king.
Present
“One day. Okay? This is my one day, and I just want you to fight for yours instead of worrying about me.” The voice message ends, and what was left of my heart—a heart that only beats for my little sister— crumbles at my feet.
My baby sister.
My little sister is now in the hands of my enemies, and it’s all my fault. I should’ve done more to keep her safe, but what else could I have done? My need to keep her alive and safe had begun to dim her light. I saw it every day. How the little girl with stars in her eyes and so much goodness in her heart started to slowly fade away, hidden inside this cold mansion that never truly felt like a home.
More like a prison.
I failed her, and even when I thought things got better with the removal of our sperm donor from our lives. I tried my damnedest to shield her from the cruelty of this sick world, and it was all for nothing. I see it now.
Her voice.
Mila was always easy to read.
She could never fool me until she did.
Until she started to pretend she was satisfied with the life she had here with me. I should’ve known that she needed more.
But then I did know, didn’t I? I just chose to turn a blind eye because, as long as she was here with me, all would be okay. She was safe, but she’s not safe now.
Her words replay in my mind, torturing me further.
One day.
Her one day.
Fuck.
Dread, fury, and desolation curl in my stomach, enraging me. Making me see red.
“You lost them,” I whisper under my breath, in disgust as Nico shakes his head at me with the decency to look remorseful. “You had one job, Nicolas.”
“Boss…” Nicolas, the man who I entrusted with my sister’s safety and to keep an eye on Augustus whispers, looking up at me with fearful eyes.
Good.
He is right to feel fear.
I usually enjoy that look in my enemies, but he isn’t that exactly. My enemy.
No.
He’s my soldier.
A soldier who fucked up, and it puts me in an uncomfortable position because how do I know he didn’t betray me like Augustus? How am I certain that he didn’t conspire against me?
A rat.
I am quiet for a second contemplating all my options.
We all had darkness inside us.
Some of us feed it.
While others fear it.
I don’t fear the dark, no. I feed it. Once I was in the middle, slowly losing my soul to darkness, but my love for my sisters always kept me from going over the edge until one day I was forced to embrace it.
Now, darkness is my only friend.
My ally.
My safe place.
Choice made, I grab my gun and stare at it for a second before putting it in the holster strapped to my chest. “Phoenix. Does the name ring a bell, Nicolas?” The look on his face tells me it does. His eyes grow big and his nostrils flare.
“I swear to God, boss, I—” I cut him off with a wave of my gloved hand before he fed me more bullshit. There is no God. Not in the land of sinners. Not here where the soulless reign.
Where I reign.
Enjoying the look of dread in his face, I decide what to do next. I slowly move towards the metal table at the far side of my office, where I keep my favorite knives. Oh, how I love to play with them. I always have. They made me strong when my own hands failed me.
Touching each blade, I stop when I land on my favorite one. The butcher’s knife. Picking it up, I turn to face my soldier.
He looks pitiful.
Weak.
He’s on his knees, blood covering half of his face and sweat falling down his messy blond hair.
A memory hits me as I look down at him.
The head of this family needs to cultivate fear. If you are not feared by your soldiers, then you’re powerless. Yes, you must cultivate respect and gratitude, but your men must fear you. Gabriele’s words flash in my mind reminding me how I got here.
Not because of birthrights.
Not because of my name.
All odds were against me. I am a woman in a man’s world.
I got to where I am because of fear.
Their fear of what I might do to them is what keeps them loyal and compliant, but someone turned rat, and it got us to this moment.
“Do you wish to live another day, Nicolas?” Knife in hand, I step forward, my heels clicking as I move closer to the man.
Nicolas’ frightened brown eyes meet mine. He reeks of desperation. Pathetic.
Running my knife along his flushed cheek, I enjoy the way he shudders, not in pleasure but out of fear.
“Let me prove myself to you. Boss, I swear to fucking Christ, I didn’t know shit of what they were planning, and I have nothing to hide. I was not behind the ambush or your sister’s kidnapping.”
The eyes.
The eyes always reveal truths, and Nicola’s beady, little eyes tell me he is telling the truth, yet I refuse to reveal that to him.
Let him flirt with the possibility of execution by my hands or my knife, to be precise.
“Find me the name of the one who dared take my sister. Bring me Gus’ head, too. I want a name before the day ends, or it’s your head I’ll have instead.” I point my knife towards the door, silently ordering him to get the hell out. He slowly rises from the floor with wobbly knees and quickly heads towards the door, but before he leaves, I speak up. “And stop swearing to God, Nicolas. Only fools believe there’s such a thing as one.”
Nicolas bows his head and closes the door quickly behind him. Clearly itching to get out of here before I change my mind.
What I said is true.
Only fools believe there’s an all-seeing presence watching over us.
A being of light and love.
That’s bullshit.
There is no such thing because if there was, then how come so many innocent and vulnerable people suffer, and this so-called God of love and forgiveness never steps in?
He lets filth rule this earth, causing havoc as they please, while he sits back and does nothing.
I don’t believe in God.
Nor do I believe in any legends or myths.
I believe solely in myself.
That’s all I’ll ever need.