Chapter Broken
I sat in that chair, reading and re-reading that letter as fat teardrops rolled carelessly down my cheeks. Then, I folded the letter back and pressed it to my chest. Terry was the best and only father I had ever known. I never wanted to forget him.
I cleared my throat to keep it from cracking. "May I keep this?" I asked, hoping with all my heart I would never have to part with Terry's last words.
"Yes, of course," Mr. Bennett said, as he handed me a tissue from the box on the corner of his desk.
"Thank you," I said, taking the thin tissue to dab my eyes.
"Would you like me to give you a moment?" he asked understanding, pity coloring his voice.
"No," I shook my head. I sniffled, "I'm fine." Taking a quick inhale to help me get a grip.
Jonathan Bennett nodded. "Alright then, let us continue. Terry's holdings were quite substantial. He invested in quite a few startup companies that eventually became very profitable for him. I can easily turn his bank accounts and brokerage accounts over to your name, but if you would like me to sell his stocks or other assets it will take me some time."
This whole situation seemed surreal. It was harder for me to believe this was happening than standing in a penthouse suite in the Dark Palace. My eyes widened as I tried to catch up on everything Mr. Bennett was saying.
"Can't you just keep doing whatever you're doing?" It was too much to go from almost penniless to having assets.
Mr. Bennett sat back. "Yes, absolutely." He seemed gratefully relieved. "If you would be interested in continuing to use my services, as Terry had, I would be glad to do so."
"Great," I said. The less I had to think about right now the better.
"Okay, so I will get everything in order and transfer all the accounts under your name. I will need a picture I.D. and a copy of your social security card and birth certificate for certain things, but that won't be necessary right away. If you are not suffering from debt issues I can start you off with an allowance of, let's say about five thousand a week?" he didn't even flinch, but I did.
"What?" My jaw hit the floor. "Did you just say five thousand dollars a week?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could Terry have that much money? He wore old tee shirts and I wasn't even sure if he owned a pair of shoes.
"Miss Woods, Bonnie," Jonathan Bennett looked at me and smiled. "You are about to have a very, very comfortable life. Terry's gift to you is a new life. You aren't ever going to have to worry about rent or money in general, ever again. You can now travel, or go to school. Whatever you want to do. Terry was an adventurous person and he lived his life following his passion. When he told me he was going to leave everything to you, he was certain no one else deserved this kind of happiness like you do. As your lawyer, my advice is for you to take this opportunity and figure out what you want most."
After I had left Jonathan's office, I was in my own world completely. I couldn't believe the new direction my life had taken. When I got home, I just stood outside the gate and stared at the house. My house.
I couldn't make myself do anything. If I went inside, I knew I was just going to break down and cry. I didn't want to see all of the memorabilia that would remind me of the life Terry lead or the life he left behind.
I hated my studio now. It only served to constantly remind me of Cove. My heart still ached for him and yet, I still hated him on so many levels. Never had I felt like this before. I wished I could still climb into his strong embrace and cry about everything happening to me, but how could I when it was all his fault?
So, I just sat down on the steps that lead to the portico in front of the house. I let my head fall into my lap. I just thought about Terry, about his note, and everything else. I sat there the whole day, never moving. I watched the sun set into the horizon and the shadows stretch across the asphalt street. I was so tired, but I didn't have the strength or will to drag myself up from that spot. I leaned against one of the white columns accepting that I would probably sleep there, as long as the neighbors wouldn't complain.
"Hey, Beautiful," Phoenix's liquid, cool voice came from the shadows.
I could feel his body heat radiating next to me. I didn't look, I just shifted my position and leaned my body weight against him. He lifted his arm, wrapping it around my shoulders as I let my head fall into his lap. I made a weakened groan and began to weep. Softly, he rubbed his warm hand up and down my back allowing me to cry. He was strong enough not to be bothered by my weaknesses. Eventually, I exhausted myself. I was barely aware of being lifted. Phoenix carried me to my bedroom in the studio, and tucked me under my covers. Then without a kiss goodbye, he turned and left.
When I awoke in the morning I made a call to Jenna asking if I could come into work. She knew Terry had passed and she had given me as much time off as I needed, but I couldn't stay at home anymore. Now that the funeral was over, there was no reason to sit around. I would only wallow in my grief. She was a little reluctant at first, but when I insisted that staying busy was the best thing for me right now, she caved.
Getting to work was a little bit of a release because it gave me something else to focus my thoughts on, but when the traffic got slow my mind always drifted off. I would think back about my time spent with Terry and occasionally, I would start to think about all the money that I had now inherited, but I wouldn't let myself reminisce about Cove.
I didn't want to think about him. I was still angry. The fact that he had only come to me because the whole time he had been plotting to kill Terry tore me apart. He should have told me from the beginning. I should have figured it out on my own, but I was too preoccupied in the illusion that he loved me. He didn't. He had a wife and a job. A job that meant he would rather kill countless numbers of kind, sweet, wonderful men and women out there like Terry, than be with his family in the Underground.
When it was time to knock off at work, I would stay later cleaning up and getting things in order for the next day. I walked slower going home, never really noticing anything. The world seemed bleaker, duller than it once had. I tried to find the silver lining to the dark cloud hovering over my new life, but I just couldn't see it. I was too sad. The only thing filling me up was the emptiness that I felt inside. It was as though the brightness in life had been replaced by a gray film, making all the beauty I once saw and felt disappear.
I no longer felt happy or hopeful for the future. I knew that Terry would be sad to see me like this. This was the exact opposite of what he had wanted for me, but how was I supposed to carry on? I didn't know what to do and there was no one whom I could talk to. I had no one left.
I couldn't bring myself back to the college and after a few more weeks feeling like this I dropped out completely. I tried to go shopping, thinking I could buy some new clothes and fill some of the void in my life with things. Terry had been right though, all the stuff I got was just that, stuff.
I would often find myself going to the beach and staring out at the surf. It felt good to be there, like somehow I was closer to him. The months started to drag on and I couldn't pick myself up. I had been shattered into a million broken pieces. Every night I spent crying alone in my bed, and every day I sank deeper into my depression. Finally, I stopped caring altogether. I didn't try at work and Jenna started to get complaints. When she tried to talk to me about it, I snapped.
"Well then, you know what Jenna?" I said glaring at her, "I quit! I don't need this dead end job anymore anyways."
Jenna's eyes bugged out of her head. "Bonnie, no Sweetie, that's not what I meant at all. Please don't do that."
"No, it doesn't matter. I don't care. I don't need this job, and I don't need you either. Always watching me to see if I'm gonna lose it. Well, guess you were right. I lost it. I hope your next customer chokes on your cheap, overpriced, burnt coffee!"
I untied my apron and threw it on the floor before storming off. I could hear Jenna calling after me to come back, but I didn't turn. I didn't even look back. I was done. I was done with that whole part of my life.