Merciless

Yesterday was full of regret.

The moment I saw Carter again, I wish I’d taken back those hours he was gone.

He always keeps his word. And true to form, he took me back to the cell and fucked me on the mattress. Maybe it was the drunkenness, maybe it was something else, but the fear of the cell was absent and instead, I did everything I could to please him. My body begged me to.

Not because I felt the need to obey.

I wanted him to kiss me.

I needed him to. And every time his lips trailed down my neck, I tried to capture them. Tried and failed. He knows I want him though. A shudder runs through my body at the thought and it’s met with the dull ache between my thighs.

He fucked me until I couldn’t move anymore and even as I laid on my belly on the mattress, unable to grip onto it, unable to keep my back arched as he commanded me to. Even then he rutted behind me, pistoning into me and giving me a punishing fuck.

Last night I was his whore. He balled my hair into his fist and pulled back so he could rake his teeth along my neck and force my body however he wanted it.

And I wanted nothing more.

The realization should startle me more, but instead, all I can think about is that he knows I want him to kiss me, and yet he didn’t let me.

It’s different when he’s with me. The security I have with him is everything.

The sane part of me knows it’s not healthy and that I should keep fighting, but the sane part of me is the only part of me that’s held captive in this reality. If only I let it go, I feel free.

Free enough to feel safe for another day.

Free enough to know that what happens in the war will happen regardless of whether I’m here or not.

Free enough to slip on the dress that Carter’s laid out for me and stare at the image of a beautiful woman in the mirror. One who I envy. One I can’t believe is me.

With my hair smoothed and clipped at the side, the bit of makeup adding a definition of beauty to my porcelain skin, I feel so much like a songbird who sings soft melodies of hope, with her wings clipped in a gilded cage.

My fingers graze over the delicate lace and my eyes close, remembering last night.

The bruise on my ass sends a reminder of the pain through me as I smooth the soft lace down my curves. The sensation is directly linked to my clit and instantly my body begs for more. For me to put an ounce of pressure against the bruise.

A soft breath leaves me, a wanting one at that, and when I open my eyes, Carter is standing in front of me.

My heart slams and then does a soft trot. As if it’s galloping toward him, even though he’s the one walking toward me.

Each step is deliberate, but with a softness I’ve never seen from him and it captures every bit of my thoughts.

“You look beautiful, songbird,” he says, and his voice is like velvet as he rounds me. His steps echo in the bedroom as he walks in a half circle and stops at my back.

I can hear his breathing hitch as he pulls at the lace, sliding it up my backside and sending a thrilling shiver up my body. His fingertips trail ever so gently along the marks. “Beautiful,” he remarks before hiding them under the lace once again.

“Thank you,” I dare to whisper, meeting his gaze as he walks to stand in front of me. My fingers slip to the hem of the dress, toying with it to hide the anxiousness of wanting to touch him as he’s just touched me. I’m not allowed to today. When he opened the door to the cell, he told me if I obeyed every wish of his today, I would never see the cell again.

One day, and the rules of the game change forever.

A million thoughts are scattered through my mind, but only one of them matters.

“I’ll be good tonight,” I tell him in a voice I don’t recognize. One of obedience, but also strength. “I won’t disappoint you.” A past version of me would slit my throat before letting herself hear those words. There’s only a faint blip of pain in my heart at the realization.

The earlier version of me was foolish.

This version of me will survive. And this version has the audacity to admit that I enjoy it. Every fucking bit of it. To be wanted by a man so powerful who wants for nothing is a heady feeling.

“Aria,” Carter says my name in a way that makes fear blossom deep in my gut. “You’re going to want to defy me,” he tells me, and the worry shows on my face. I can feel it tugging my lips down as it dries out my throat. He stalks in a circle around me, occasionally picking at the lace of the dress. They’re cages. Each of the pieces of lace is a birdcage. And there’s never been a dress that’s adorned my body as beautifully as this one does.

“You may even hate me,” he says in a purely seductive cadence. His hot breath tickles the bare skin of my neck as he whispers at the shell of my ear, “But you will obey me.”

I nod my head and then croak out, “Yes, Carter.” It’s so silent in the room with neither of us speaking, moving or even daring to breathe. It’s so silent I swear the darkness itself could whisper and I would hear its threatening tongue.

“Your necklace suits this dress perfectly,” Carter says out loud although I don’t think the words were meant for me.

Absently, I roll one of the pearls between my fingers and then feel the thin chain slide under my thumb as it moves to the diamond teardrop. It feels heavier tonight. Everything feels heavier when Carter looks at me like he is now.

With dark eyes that pin me in place and keep me still, right where he wants me. It’s a silly thing, how the same gaze that once caused fear to ripple through my body now only heats my core and begs me to bend at the knees for him.

“Thank–”

Carter places a finger against my lips, silencing me. The small touch is addictive and the tension of the dinner tonight amplifies.

“Remember what I told you last night.” He speaks as he toys with the necklace, holding the large diamond and lifting the weight from me. “You will kneel beside me, and you will obey every command.”

Instantly my body heats. I worry my bottom lip between my teeth, wanting to ask him so many questions, but I already know he won’t answer. There’s only one thing to say. “Yes, Carter.”

A moment passes, his eyes searching my gaze for something and I can hardly breathe.

“After tonight, no one will question that you’re mine.” His eyes darken and the flecks of gold that are buried beneath the coal there turn to fire. A fire that ignites my own and soothes the worries.

“Come with me,” he commands me as he reaches for my hand.