SWNOVELS Chapter 45
James
Try to distract myself, I get on with some work. I'm not thinking straight. My brain isn't working, so I simply start on some sketches, letting the ideas flow, letting my hands do the thinking for me.
It helps, I can lose myself in the work, the flow of pencil and charcoal on paper, the images welling up of their own accord. It doesn't feel like an act of creation. I am simply a conduit for what is already there, needing only my own fingers and the right tools for the ideas materialize onto the paper.
Michael strolls in, then stands, hands in pockets, his face sombre. "Charlotte's gone to bed, I'd say to give you and me some privacy. She knows this won't be settled without us talking. Have you scraped yourself off the ceiling enough that we can talk?"
I don't look at him, keeping my attention on my work. "We can talk, yes. If you think I'm not still angry, don't fool yourself."
He peers over my shoulder. "What is it?"
"Sketches for the new library for the university. Richard offered to fund it. I'm just setting out some ideas."
"Looks good."
But we both know that architecture is not what we want to talk about.
"James...." He waits. "James.... Fucking well look at me will you. We have to talk."
"So, talk." Still I keep my eyes on my sketching.
"What exactly is your problem? Charlotte's happy with it. I'm.... well, it's an appealing idea, playing with Beth, and I'd be doing Richard a favour too."
I don't reply....
Give him some silence to fill....
He continues after a moment. "So, what is your objection? You and I have been through enough women in our time. At the clubs we...."
I cut him off. "That was different. I was single then. We were single then. It was always understood it was sex-play only. No commitments, no strings, on either side."
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"When did you start crusading for fidelity?" His head tilts, his voice slowing. "So, when you were married, you never...?"
"Never. When I was married, I was married, and that was the end of it. Michael, you and I played with God-alone-knows-how-many women when we were doing the clubs, but I have never been unfaithful in my life."
I feel utterly miserable. Forlorn almost. "I don't want her hurt. That's the only thing I care about. As to the rest, as it happens, yes, I do believe in fidelity in marriage. I... thought you felt the same. You've barely been married to her for five minutes and...."
Hands still thrust in pockets, he nods slowly down to his chest. "I feel like that about Charlotte, yes.... Of course, I do." He laughs. "All the years we've known each other, I never realized you're a romantic" I huff. "Am I?"
"You are. You keep it well hidden, but you are. All that tough-Dom exterior and the sour-faced looks, but what you want is the fairy tale."
"And I have it." I swing to face Michael. "Or thought I did." His chin thrusts out a little, but he's listening. "I arranged that you would marry Charlotte. I persuaded her to agree to it. It was always implicit in the deal that you would be faithful to her."
"James I only agreed to the business with Beth at Charlotte's behest. I refused at first. But Charlotte was clearly tickled pink by the whole idea. And I only agreed because it was Beth we are talking about and Richard doing the asking." He swipes a hand through his hair. "Look, if you really feel that strongly, I'll just tell Richard 'No'. You're right, it would be an abuse on my part. We all know there are three of us in this marriage. I'm going to go right now, call Richard, and tell that I've changed my mind. You can listen in."
He turns, but I hold up a hand. "Wait."
He turns back. "Wait? What for?"
"Let me think about it. Let me talk to Charlotte."
His lids lower in a slow blink. "Alright, but don't take too long thinking about it. I don't want to mess Richard around."
"Fair enough."
"You going to come to bed now? She'll be waiting for us."
"Yes, I'm coming."