Mary's Path

“Hello Mary.”

“Hi Ida, is your mother at home?” asked Mary.

“Of course, come in.”

Mary entered the small house and followed Ida into the kitchen where Mrs. Kopi was stirring in a pot.

“Well look at this, Mary, it’s nice to see you.” The woman said.

“Thank you, Mrs. Kopi. Do you think Erik’s going to be able to talk to me soon? I need to talk to him, it’s urgent or I wouldn’t have come in the middle of the day” Mary said. A small pensive wrinkle appeared between Mrs. Korpi’s eyebrows.

“Well, the men will soon have their food. You are welcome to wait and join us.”

“Thank you very much,” said Mary. She had hardly sat down to wait when the back door opened, and Erik and his father entered the kitchen. They looked at Mary curiously before greeting her.

“Here, take your bowls of stew and go and sit in the garden you two. There you can have a talk”, said Mrs. Kopi, giving Mary and Erik each their bowl of food. They thanked me and went out into the garden.

It was still a bit chilly, but they found a place where the sun warmed and settled down. They started eating in silence, although Mary got a few curious glances from Erik. When Erik had emptied his bowl, Mary had only got a couple of spoonsful down. She gave him her bowl as well and he emptied that as well it in an impressively short time.

“Why are you here, has something happened?” he asked as he ate the last bit.

“You could say that” she said nervously. “The lady is back intown.” He nodded to show that he already knew that.

“She’s going home soon, and she has asked me to come with her, I said yes,” Mary said. Erik didn’t look surprised, just grim.

“When are you leaving?” he asked.

“Tomorrow, I would have come earlier to say goodbye, but she asked me last night” Mary said.

“What has he done?” Mary looked at Erik questioningly.

“Who?”

“That soldier, my guess is that he did something that made you want to go” he said. Mary was surprised at how close to the truth Erik was.

“It has nothing to do with Zerden. I don’t know how long I will be allowed to stay in the castle kitchen, and I have nowhere else to go,” Mary said. Erik had stood up and was pacing back and forth in the garden.

Then he looked at Merry with a determined look and walked up to her and yanked her to her feet so that she was facing him.

“Come and live here, you belong here, I’ve always said that. You can move here tomorrow if that’s the case.” he said, looking intently at her.

“You have a heart of gold my friend, but I can’t stay here as a guest. You know how hard it is to keep a family feed. I won’t add to your burden” she said smiling at his kind words.

Erik looked at her in silence and then Mary felt his hand on her cheek as he cupped it and took a step forward. Before she knew what was happening, he kissed her. It was a soft and gentle kiss.

Mary had never been kissed before and although it was a nice feeling, her emotion was into much of a turmoil for her to enjoy it completely. After a short while, maybe too short thought Mary, Erik stepped back and let her go.

“You wouldn’t be here as a guest. Marry me, Mary,” he said softly, looking at her as if he was trying to read her mind. Mary just looked back at him at him.

Marry Erik? Why not, she liked him, liked being with him? No, that wouldn’t be right, she would hurt him in the same way that Zerden had hurt her just by not being able to return his feelings.

She liked Erik, she even loved him, but as a brother or a friend. She didn’t love him the way he apparently loved her. The realization of Erik’s feeling towards her chocked her.

“If I were to choose someone to marry, it would be you, Erik. But you deserve so much more than I can give you” she said. He looked at her thoughtfully for a while.

“You love him,” he said with a tone of bitterness. Mary thought for a while, it had not been a question, but it still felt like an answer was needed.

“Maybe” she finally said. “Maybe I don’t know what love is. I’m confused and I feel lost, Eric. I don’t want to marry you just because I’m scared and want security. We would both end up getting hurt,” she said.

“Isn’t it the same reason that you choose to go with the Lady?” asked Erik.

“Probably, but by going with her I can only hurt myself” Mary admitted.

“You will hurt me by going away from not being part of my life,” Erik said honestly. Mary felt it a pain in her heart from her conscious.

“I will miss you every day,” she said. “You’ve always been in my life, and I honestly don’t know how to cope with you not being there.”

“And if I would have been a better person, I would not have let you continue spending so much time on me. But I’m not a good person, but a selfish one, and I couldn’t let you go. Because of that I have hurt you and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that.”

“But you will move on my friend, you will meet a warm-hearted woman that deserves you and you will make her happy. You will start a family, you will take over your father’s business and you will be happy.”

“If things had been different, if I had continued to live on here with my family, maybe that woman would have been me. I wish it could have been. But I love you far too much to ruin your future my friend” Mary said, emotions making it hard for her to speak.

Erik looked at her and slowly shook his head. She saw that he didn’t accept what she said. She didn’t know how to make him understand how damaged she was, how little she had to give to him.

She realized that he was entitled to his own feelings, and she didn’t have the right to try and change them. Instead, she fished out the small parcel and handed it to him.

“Don’t forget me” she said. He looked at her as he took it and carefully unfurled the fabric. He looked down at the small silver bell with a mount and looked at her questioningly.

“Father made it to be hung over a door of a shop, then it will always alert you when the door opens” Mary explained. “It deserves to be used” she continued with a wry smile.

Without a word, Erik disappeared into the workshop. Mary stood looking after him and felt discouraged, feeling like she had lost her last friend.

But before she could turn around to leave, Erik was back, he still clutched the silver bell in one hand but reached out the other to her. Mary accepted the object he gave her.

“I don’t want you to forget me either” he said, looking at her expectantly. Mary looked down at one of the most beautiful bone combs she had seen.

The teeth were long and straight and distributed at perfect intervals along the comb. On the back of the comb, roses had been cut out, surrounded by leaves and vines, that were laid in by some sort of wood so that the roses popped out from the background of the white bone. It really was a master’s craftmanship.

“Did you make this?” she asked, looking at Erik. He nodded.

“You’re going to need a comb no matter where you are” he said, smiling even though it didn’t reach his eyes.

“It’s beautiful, you’re very talented,” she said.

“Thank you,” he said, sounding proud.

“I still ware my rose every day” she said. Erik looked at her like he didn’t know what she was talking about. Then it looked like he remembered and looked at her in shock.

“The small thing I gave you when we were little?” he said. Mary nodded bringing the small rose out from under her dress.

“There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s still as beautiful as the day you gave it to me. It has reminded me that I’m not alone. Now I have something you made, and I will cherish it and I will try to use it. Even though it really is far too beautiful to be used.” Mary said.

“It’s made to be used” Erik said. “Think of me when you use it. I don’t want you to forget me.”

She smiled at him and put her hand against his cheek.

“I can never forget you,” she said. “You will always have a special place in my heart. Be happy, Eric, promise me that.” she asked the same promise of him that Anna had asked of her. She meant it from her heart. When he nodded, she took his vacant hand and pressed it. Then she leant in and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

“After all, you gave me my first kiss” she whispered and saw how Erik blushed.

Together they went in to tell his family about Mary leaving. His family tried to persuade her to stay as well, but Mary had made her decision and she thought for once that it was the right one.

After many tears, hugs and goodbyes, Mary left the small house in the artisan quarter and walked along the street until she arrived at the store where she grew up. It was a tailors shop now, customers came and went out the door.

Mary stood in the street and looked at the building and let herself be overcome with memories. Eventually, she got herself together and turned around to go back to the castle. She had never been told where her parents were buried, so this was her way of saying goodbye to them.

As she made her way through the city among all the people, she was well aware that it was the last time she would visit the artisan quarters.

She thought of the happy little girl who lived with her parents, of the terrified girl who desperately tried to survive when everyone had turned their back to her, and she even gave a thought to the woman she could have become if she had been allowed to stay here.

As she stepped through the castle gate, she made a conscious effort to leave her memories behind and instead look ahead.