Mary's Path

As summer turned to fall the sickness once again griped the capital in a strong grip. The lower wards of the city came under isolation and everywhere the slightest sigh of illness was meat with fear and isolation.

The sickness was never far away from Mary’s mind. She was thinking about her parents and about all the children that was affected this time. Children that didn’t have the Lady to watch out for them.

As the weeks passed by Mary was still joining Zerden and lady Sarah for walks in the garden. When the winds started getting too cold for the lady, Zerden suggested they meet at the old run-down tower.

Zerden and Mary hade explored the old tower that was no longer in use several years ago. Now it was their special place to go if they needed to get away.

Mary didn’t like the idea that it was now lady Sarah’s as well. Fortunate for Mary, the lady didn’t dare to venture up she old wooden stairs. So, the top floor, the best part of the tower. Were still Mary’s and Zerden’s.

To get away from having to join Zerden and lady Sarah, Mary usually when to church whenever she had time off and Zerden hadn’t told her in advanced she was needed.

Mary felt a bit guilty about not being there for Zerden all the time. But she needed a day once in a while for her heart to recover from the meetings that slowly but surely chipped away at it. Mary would have thought she would get used to it, that she would stop having feelings for Zerden. But that hadn’t happened yet.

Erik and Ida came with her to church almost every Sunday and sometimes she would go with them back to there home.

This Wednesday afternoon, she was hiding away in the church. Appreciating the silence and that she didn’t have to worry about being recruited to another secret meeting.

Mary saw father Link come walking towards her. He sometimes stopped by where she sat when she was there, just to exchange a couple of words.

“Good afternoon, Mary” he said in a low voice. “May I join you?”

“Good afternoon father. Please do”

“Here alone today?” he asked.

“Yes, Erik and Ida can only come along on Sundays”

“I have enjoyed seeing you with your friends” the priest said.

“I’m lucky to have them”

“Have something special happened since you are coming by more frequently of late? Not that I’m complaining min you, but I just want to check that there isn’t something on your mind”

“Thank you, father.” Mary said and wondered if she should tell him about Zerden. But that didn’t seem appropriate. She chose to go with a half-truth. “The sickness has been on my mind a lot lately”

“As it has for most of us my child” he responded, and Mary nodded. “But with your history it must be hard for you”. She nodded again.

“I keep thinking about what happens to the children if the parents die. Like mine did. I feel so sorry for them, and I would like to help them. But there isn’t something that I can do”

“The church takes in the children that don’t have anywhere to go, or if their relatives are too scared to take them in. The nuns are running an orphanage not far from them amin square” father Link told her. “Would you like me to ask if you could volunteer there one afternoon a week?”

Mary looked at him in wonder.

“Do you think that would be possible? I would very much like that. I can come to them every Wednesday afternoon.” she said exited at the idea.

“I will talk to them and then I’ll let you know when you come to church on Sunday” he said smiling.

“Thank you so much father”

“No, thank you my child. Not everyone would dare to volunteer at a place like that and they could certainly use the help”

“I’m not afraid, I’m just happy to be able to help” Mary said with more confidence than she had had in a long time

Father Link made the arrangements and the following Wednesday Mary started going to the orphanage. The work was sometimes hard. It opened up old wounds, but at the same time she felt like she was doing something to help.

As an added bonus it meant she couldn’t come along for any meeting on Wednesdays. Zerden was unhappy about that. But for once Mary stuck to her decision. But that meant that Zerden started arranging meeting almost every Sunday after church.

Even Marys days off where now booked. On Wednesdays she would go to the orphanage and help out, on Sundays she would first go to church with Erik and Ida, then she would go for a meeting between Zerden and lady Sarah.

Zerden now got to call her just Sarah. But Mary still had to address her as lady. The lady still made sure to put Mary down as often as she could. Zerden still ignored it or looked the other way, always having excuses for lady Sarah.

The excuses mostly revolved around that the lady was helping Mary. By pointing out her flaws, she was helping Mary to understand what she needed to change in order to get a good husband, Zander said.

But Mary didn’t know how to change her hair colour, or her status, or the fact that she couldn’t afford more expensive dresses.

Instead, Mary just learned that everything about her was not as it should be, and she lost hope that someone would find her attractive. A fact that was supported, in her opinion, by that no man inside the castle ever approached her if wasn’t in her official capacity as a cook’s assistant.

Mary didn’t know that Zerden had made sure that everyone knew that Mary was under his father’s protection, so men should stay away of face the wrath of the castellan. In Zerden’s mind, as Mary was under his mother’s protection she was also under his father’s. So, it wasn’t a complete lie.

Zerden on his side didn’t know how badly the lack of male interest affected Mary’s confidence. The combination of regularly hearing that she was no good and then getting it affirmed by no one paying any attention to her, withered the small amount of self confidence that she had had.

Erik tried to lift her spirits. But as Ida was always present, he didn’t feel that he could be as opened with Mary as he had been.

All in all, Mary became more and more quiet and just seemed to accept that this was now her life.