Mary's Path

After a while Mary went to sit next to Kopa, for a long time they didn’t say anything.

“I’m not going to try to convince you one way or another” he said suddenly. “But I want you to come with us, you’re safe with us. That’s all I’m going to say. The rest is up to you, now you know what I think” he said, pausing.

Mary put her head against his shoulder and there they sat for the rest of the evening.

Mary didn’t know what to do. She wanted to go with Kopa, he was her safety. But she didn’t want to leave Zerden and Erik and father Link. She decided to go and talk to Zerden the next day. Maybe he could help her.

When the morning came, Mary had not had many hours of sleep and she had not found a solution to her problem either. After breakfast, that was eaten in silence, with Kopa, the Lady and the two aari, Mary stood up.

“I’m going for a walk” she said.

“Do you want company?” asked Kopa. Mary shook her head, earning a slight narrowing of Kopas eyes, but the Lady put her hand on his arm.

Mary steered towards the abandoned tower and climbed up the stairs, her feet jumping over the broken steps by themselves out of habit. Once at the top, she stood looking out over the city. It was already full life. She looked out over it and was flooded with memories, good and bad. Could she leave this, she thought.

She heard steppes from the stairs and turned around to see Zerden coming out of the damaged doorway.

“Already here?” he said in amazement.

“I have something I need to talk to you about,” she said.

“Yes, I have news too,” he said cheerfully.

“This is important Zerden, I need your help. The lady...” She was interrupted in the middle of the sentence.

“Yes, yes. We’ll talk about it later. Listen to this” he said, dragging her further away from the banister, behind the wall so they would be protected from the wind.

“I met Sarah the other day, you remember I told you we were going to meet? Well, anyway. We talked about an engagement, you know how much we want to get engaged but that she’s been so worried about what her father is going to say. Well, when I told her that my father said that it won’t be long before I become captain, she said maybe it was time we got engaged. On Saturday, I’m going to meet her father and talk to him. If we’re lucky, Sarah says we can have a winter wedding.”

The words flowed like a stream from him and with each word Mary felt another piece of her heart broke of and broke. He was silent now, waiting for her reaction. She tried to smile.

“Congratulations,” she said.

He continued to talk about the meeting with lady Sarah, how surprised his parents they had been about the news and how happy he was.

Mary couldn’t focus, all kinds of emotions were spinning around in her head. She needed to find a fixed point, something to hold on to before she drowned. She couldn’t take it anymore. She searched her mind for something solid and there he was, Kopa. She focused on him and the way it always felt being around him.

Pieces started to fall in to place. She didn’t want to keep guessing what was best for everyone else, she wanted to do what was best for her. And to her great surprise, she got angry, it was the last feeling she had expected to take hold of her.

But now she felt angrier than she had been in her life. She looked out over the city while Zerden continued talking, he didn’t even seem to notice that she wasn’t listening anymore.

She heard the Lady’s words from the night before and Kopa’s words, she realized they were the only two in all this mess who were trying to do what was best for Mary. They both wanted her to make her own decision. They had both told me that they wished she would come back to Salamis, but they had also given her other options.

When was the last time Mary decided something for herself? She thought about what the Lady had said about how she got over the crush she had had on that boy. She had started studying to become an aari.

Mary did not know what it took to become an aari, Mary probably didn’t have a chance. But she could decide to learn something new, to change her life and not to get stuck in a place that made her miserable. She could make a decision.

“What did you want to tell me?” asked Zerden suddenly. Mary made her decision a split second before the words left her mouth.

“The lady and her entourage will go home tomorrow, and she has invited me to come along, I said yes,” she said calmly. Zerden just stared at her.

“When are you coming back?” he asked.

“I won’t be coming back. The Lady says she can’t put everyone at risk to travel here. If the king does not want to receive her help this time, she will not return, and then I will not return either.” Mary told him.

It was harder than she thought to say it out loud, Zerden looked like he didn’t believe her.

“But you can’t just go” he said.

“What should I do Zerden? We both know that Mrs. Meata will find a way to get me out of the castle if I stay, and what should I do then? I have nowhere to go. You’re going to marry lady Sarah and you’re going to be happy. Between her and your work, you won’t have time for me. I can’t stay,” she concluded.

“You can help mother, have my old room” he said. Mary smiled at him.

“I came here to say goodbye, my mind is made up.” she said. “I was going to go visit your mother before I leave, is she home?” she asked.

“Yes, she’s had one of her headaches and are weak, so father has banned her from going out.”

“Okay, thanks.” Mary said. “It’s time for me to go, I have a lot to do before it’s time to go.” she added.

She walked up to him and gave him a hug. They had never hugged before, but it felt right to do so now. This was the last time she would see him.

“You can’t go, Mary,” Zerden said.

“I can’t stay” she replied, taking a step back. “I hope you’ll be happy my friend, you’ve meant more than you’ll ever know from the first day we met,” she said.

Then she turned around and walked away. Tears was forming in her eyes, but she held them back and steered the steps towards the castellan’s apartment. It was too late to turn back, the decision was made.