Manipulate

I’m awoken by tender kisses on my face. I open my eyes and find Theo’s meeting mine. A yawn escapes me and I nuzzle into Theo’s shoulder.

Theo’s fingers trace gentle patterns on my back as I fight myself to wake up. He smooths my hair as he places gentle kisses on my jaw and neck. I shudder against his warm lips.

“Good morning, Phoenix,” he whispers, he voice sweet like honey.

“Good morning, Wolf,” I mumble against his shoulder, not wanting to wake up or move. “How did you sleep last night?”

“Very good,” he says. “How did you sleep? Did you have any nightmares or flashbacks?”

“No,” I say. “I slept very, thank you.”

“That’s good,” Theo mumbles against my hair.

“Do you have a razor that I could borrow?” I ask.

Theo places another kiss on my temple “What are you planning on doing with it?”

“I was going to shave some of my hair, Wolf.”

“Yes, I have one. Let’s get up and then you can borrow it.”

“Thank you,” I say, rolling away from Theo.

I instantly feel cold. His warmth felt nice. Theo kicks the covers back and I sit up and stretch. Theo stands up and opens the dresser drawer, picking out a new shirt for the day. I stand up and begin lacing my sneakers up.

I follow Theo into the bathroom, where he plugs in the electric razor. He hands it to me and says, “See you in a bit. Don’t do anything stupid.”

I nod and thank him. I place it to my head and turn the razor on. The electric humming of the razor fills my head as I shave the left side of my hair off. I gently guide my shaking hand from my temple to the back of my skull.

My brown hair falls in a circle into the sink. It becomes a large pile of brown hair that needs to be thrown away. When I’m done, I set the razor down on the sink and admire the work I’ve done to myself. I look different. My eyes look harsher-- less fragile. I don’t look like the girl I was.

I’ve changed in more ways than I’ve known. Now, it’s time for me to bring back freedom for the people I’m now protecting. It’s time for me to put Donatella in her place and change this city for once because no one deserves to live in fear-- in the dark waiting for it to be over.

I take the hairband on my wrist and braid my hair to the side. I run my hand over the soft patch of buzzed hair behind. I unplug the razor and clean the sink up, then I leave the bathroom. When I enter the kitchen, Theo looks at me, his blue eyes sparking.

“Wow, Phoenix, wow,” he stutters, his voice mixed with admiration and shock. “You look great,” he adds immediately.

“Thanks.” My cheeks instantly turn a deep crimson from the compliment. “But don’t be deceived by my looks, I can still kick your ass in seconds.”

Theo grins as I walk over to him, and he touches the soft buzz. His fingertips against my head makes me metal around a blazing fire.

“We should go down to breakfast,” I offer.

“Sounds perfect,” Theo agrees, placing a kiss on my temple.

I laugh softly as we walk out the door. Theo’s hand is warm against mine and my heart can’t sit still. My entire body buzzes with energy from Theo’s touch.

The breakfast bell rings and soon hungry initiates and adults rampage through the hallways. I tug on Theo’s hand, urging us to beat them to the cafeteria. I hear Theo chuckle as he catches up with me.

The cafeteria doors are open and everyone pours in, conversations filling the room. Bench’s scrape the ground and the scent of bacon, toast, eggs, and oatmeal fill the room.

“Good morning, Abhaya,” Alia sings.

“Morning,” I say, attempting to fill my voice with enthusiasm.

Alia laughs and slaps my shoulder lightly. Her brown hair falls over her face, covering her eyes like a curtain. I poke at my eggs and laugh with her.

“That’s a mood,” Alia states. “Hold on, I have to leave for a minute.”

Alia stands up and walks out of the cafeteria, lifting a backpack onto her shoulders. Theo presses his hand against my shoulder and tenses. I place my hand on top of his, hoping to comfort him.

Rae comes around handing backpacks to everyone. She stops to talk to every table. But her face is creased with worry as she walks around.

“Good morning, Theo and Abhaya,” Rae says behind me and I jump, my shoulders tensing.

Rae and Theo laugh as I turn my head around, my face burning. She hands me and Theo each a light black backpack then she turns away. I open the bag and see a water bottle, bullets, bagged snacks and meals, first-aid supplies, water purification, and an extra hoodie, pair of pants, socks, and shirt. I press my lips together.

Alia then comes around handing each of the older initiates and adults a gun. She passes them out in little gun holders that can clip to our pants. Then Rae’s voice fills the room.

“I need everyone to wear the gun holsters and backpacks around TID in case of an emergency,” Rae announces, the room going dead silent. “We’re not safe right now and we’re taking the necessary precautions that were written years ago. So just please carry out as you normally would but keep the backpack and gun on you at all times. Listen to your unit leaders and follow their instructions. Stay safe and strong everyone.”

I press my lips together and poke at my oatmeal. I’m no longer hungry. The rest of the meal is spent either in silence or talking about what’s going to happen.

The bell rings and we exit the cafeteria, with the backpacks on our shoulders and guns clipped to our waists. Theo’s hand finds mine as we exit the cafeteria. He squeezes it lightly and I squeeze back.

In the training room, Theo lets go of my hand and walks over to stand next to Max. Their posture is rigid and tense. We all look like that now. No one sets their backpacks down. We’re all on edge now.

“You can set your backpacks down now,” Theo says, his hands behind his back and the sound of backpacks thudding against ground echo. “Now, we’re still going to continue our training but you have to bring your backpack with you.”

“And keep your gun on with you at all times,” Max adds, his tone filled with authority. “It’s just precaution, but still, we need to be ready to leave at any time, if necessary.” Max clears his throat. “Understand?”

“Yes, sir,” we chorus in a monotone voice.

“Good. Theo,” Max says, “go ahead and tell them what we’re doing today.”

Theo clears his throat and reads off of his notepad. “Due to the safety concerns of TID, we are to continue training as normal. We’re wrapping up Stage Two today and rankings will be posted by dinner time tonight. Any questions?”

Nick raises his hand. “What? How is that fair? Some of us haven’t even conquered four of our fears.”

“Well, that’s on you,” Theo replies slyly. “Now, would you be willing to share one of your fears? If I recall correctly, it’s a girl with brown hair beating the shit out of you in a fight and you losing.”

Theo grins as Nick’s face turns the color of brick. The rest of us laugh in amusement. Nick is scared of me. Who would have thought that?

“Okay, settle down, everyone,” Theo shouts, cutting us off. “We have limited time for training now. More details will be discussed at lunch. But for now, I need the following people.”

Theo calls my name, Nick, and Erika. This is my last chance to conquer all my fears. I can’t screw up. And if I do, then I’m screwed and I’m going to bury myself in a hole and crawl in it and cover myself with the dirt.

#

Theo calls my name after Nick and Erika finish and come out in tears. I walk in and sit in the chair. This is a routine now. Theo injects the needle into my neck and the hallucination begins.

#

Bone-chilling air whips past me and bites at my skin. My breathing is fast as my arms flail to reach for something to stop me in the pitch-black darkness. The only sound I can hear is my breaths and the wind whistling in my ears. I don’t scream this time. I take it instead.

First comes my family. I see Aj’s dark hair sticking up in the back like it did at home. I see Dad’s kind blue eyes sparkle when he sees me. The Mom stands next to him. Her brown hair is pulled back into its usual braid on her right shoulder. Her blue eyes match mine and she steps forward and reaches her hand out to touch me. But I don’t feel her hand touch my face. A wall of glass separates us.

“Mom!” I scream, my voice echoing in the dark chasm. “Dad! Aj!”

I bang my fists on the glass, hoping to break it. Tears stream down my face as I try to concentrate on being with them. Then, the sound of a loaded gun fills my head. Donatella stands where the glass wall was. She sneers as she clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. She shakes her head and walks toward me, her heels clicking against the ground.

“Abhaya, kill them or I will,” she states, handing me the gun.

I wrap my left hand around the handle and place my finger on the trigger. My heart lodges itself in my throat as my blood pounds in my head. I won’t kill them. I love my family too much.

“No,” I whisper. “I can’t-- I won’t.”

“Do it,” Donatella snaps, forcing my arm to point the gun at my own brother. The one who’s always been there for me.

“NO!” I yank my arm back and bring the gun to her face. “I’ll kill you!”

A bang echoes in the darkness and Donatella collapses to the ground. Then, I bring the barrel to my head and pull the trigger back.

“I love you, Mom, Dad, and Aj.” I close my eyes and pull the trigger with my hand shaking.

I feel my body float in the air. I didn’t die. It was only part of the hallucination. Part of my thoughts. I place my hand over my heart and sigh. Hot tears prick the back of my eyes and slowly fall down my face.

I’m in the closet. Trapped. I feel the walls around me begin to close. My breaths accelerate and my skin begins to crawl with goosebumps. I feel my muscles begin to tense. I close my eyes and try to remember something good. Theo, getting a piercing, tattoos with my friends.

“Help,” I whisper so softly that my voice is faint. “I can’t do it.”

The walls begin to close in faster. I scream so loudly that I shatter the glass around me. Everything inside of me burns in fury. I stop everything. The walls around me stop closing in.

I drop to my knees and sob. I feel my soul crumble inside. I let the girl who was taught not to cry, cry. I let the girl who has tried so hard break. She broke. I laugh. Who would have thought that I’ve reached my breaking point?

Heels fill the hallways. I pull myself together as quickly as I can. Donatella’s face appears in front of me. Her cold gray eyes meet my blue ones. She wraps a hand around my wrist and jerks me to my feet, harshly. Her stone face meets mine as she slaps my face so hard, I feel my teeth rattle.

“Pathetic little girl,” she hisses. “No one ever or will ever love you.”

My breath hitches in my throat as I try to scream at her. Instead, I kick her in the shin and run. I run down a dark never-ending hallway. I hear heels click and clack against the hardwood and her cold voice: “Abhaya, come on, dear. I won’t hurt you.”

It’s a horror novel that I’ll never escape. It’s cliché but it feels so real. Finally, I reach the end of the corridor. My heart thunders in my chest as my blood rushes through my veins. No, no, no. This can’t be happening, I scream in my head.

“Gotcha!” Donatella sings.

No. Think, Abhaya. Think! Before I know it, a knife appears in my hand and I lunge for her. I stab her until all my anger and hate is released. Donatella shrieks in pain as her blood sprays out from her body, staining her.

Her body disappears and I’m alone with a sharp knife in my hand. Blood coats my hands and arms as I drop the knife. It clatters to the floor and I’m just a teenage girl who fears her stepmother.

The darkness consumes me once again. The air becomes colder and colder as I fall deeper into my mind. Until I hit frigid and numbing water.

My body becomes submerged under the surface. My nose is bitten by the below freezing water. I just float until I realize that I’m drowning. My arms begin to flail until my legs kick to keep me afloat. The water soaks my jeans, socks, shirt, and shoes.

The oxygen that I was trying to save is escaping me. I scream at myself to stay afloat. Fear controls me. I can’t manipulate anything now. I can’t stop this from happening. I close my eyes as I try to swim to the surface.

My head comes above the water and I can finally breathe. The air I inhale is sharp and pierces my lungs. I begin to tread water as I begin to fall deeper into my fears.

“Phoenix, is that you?” a familiar voice calls.

I look over my shoulder and see Theo. His brown hair is shoulder-length and covers his eyes. A small stubble is visible on his face. His eyes are wild and his clothes are torn. Bruises and scars cover his arms and face. My heart stops.

“Wolf, it’s me,” I yell, trying to reach him, but I can’t.

A force keeps apart. A gun is placed next to his temple and Theo shakes. His hands begin to tremble as Luke whispers something that I can’t hear to his brother. Theo nods and obeys what Luke just told him.

I feel Luke grab my arm and drag both me and Theo across the room. He forces Theo to sit in a plastic chair and grips my arm with tremendous force. He hands me a gun. Not again.

“Shoot him,” Luke orders, his voice gruff.

“No. Shoot me,” I state, my voice filled with authority.

“Foolish girl, that’s not how it works. Now, shoot Theo before I do it myself.” Luke forces me to aim the gun at Theo. “Now.”

“No, and that’s my final answer.” My heart pounds and my legs and arms go numb.

“Fine, I’ll do it myself then.” Luke snatches the gun from my hand and aims it at his younger brother. He lets go of my arm.

Just as he pulls the trigger back, I throw myself in front of Theo, taking the bullet instead. I feel my body collapse to the ground. Warm sticky blood gushes out of my chest as I close my eyes. So, this is what dying for someone you love is like.

#

A sharp breath fills my lungs as I snap awake. I check for a heartbeat. I’m still alive. I sink back against the metal chair and close my eyes. That was better than before but it still feels worse.

Theo places his hand on my shoulder and kisses my forehead. I turn my head away from him and scream into my hand. I’m ashamed of what he just saw. He just saw that I would take a bullet for him and that I would kill myself rather than my family! I’m a foolish girl.

“Phoenix, come on. You’re done. It’s all over now,” he whispers.

“It’s not that.” I shake my head. “It’s what you saw.”

“Phoenix, what are you talking about?” Theo forces me to look at him.

“You’re probably thinking that I’m a fool. I’m a fool for taking a bullet for you and for killing myself instead of my family!” I swing my legs over the chair and stand up, facing Theo. “Wolf, you saw all of that! You saw what I did for you! I’m-”

“You’re scared of losing me,” he finishes. “Abhaya, I do believe that it is foolish to kill yourself or to sacrifice yourself like that for your loved ones, but you conquered your fears. And you honestly did way better than the others. I had to literally drag them out of their hallucination. Come on, you’re done. You don’t have to do that ever again.”

Theo guides me out of the room. As we walk back to the training room, Nick and Erika walk ahead of us while we walk behind them. Theo grabs my hand and holds it. He sneaks small kisses on my hand and cheek. Sometimes he catches my lips. I blush every time his lips touch me.

We get back to the training room and we begin to rush. Theo takes groups of two to four people at a time. Max makes us run laps until we can’t breathe and we’re laying on the floor due to exhaustion.

Theo finishes testing everyone ten minutes before lunch. He walks across the room and stands next to Max and whispers something that I myself can’t decode. Max scans the room and clenches his jaw. Theo just shakes his head and taps his foot against the ground.

The bell for lunch dismisses us and we bolt out of the room. Theo catches my arm just as the room is empty. He grins bashfully at me and wraps an arm around my shoulders as I pull my backpack on my shoulders.

“What is it, Wolf?” I ask, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“It’s a surprise.” Theo presses a kiss against the top of my head. “You’re cute.”

I glare at him. “I put ‘cute’ in execute.”

“Fine, you’re a very loveable girl who knows how to scare the shit out of others.” Theo kisses my head again and adjusts the straps of his backpack.

“I’ll take that,” I state, thinking about him for a moment. “And you’re that boy everyone thinks that is nice and innocent, but will kill you for insulting him or his friends and family.”

“True,” Theo admits. “Very true. Come on, we need to hurry.”

“Wolf, I thought that we weren’t supposed to leave TID!”

“You have my permission,” he calls, dragging me along with him. “Lighten up a bit, Phoenix!”

We make it the platform and jump into a car. As we tumble in a tangle of limbs, I land on top of him. My ear is close enough to hear his beating heart. My whole body burns as we untangle.

Theo removes his backpack and begins to unzip it. I shrug my backpack off and sit crisscrossed next to him, resting my head on his shoulder. Theo kisses my temple and runs a hand over my back. Every hair on my body stands up from his touch.

“Lunch is served,” Theo says, handing me a sandwich wrapped in white paper with a smile.

“Thanks, Wolf.” I accept the sandwich. It’s chicken, lettuce, and hummus. My mouth instantly waters.

Theo smiles and peels back the paper of his sandwich and takes a bite. We sit in silence until we finish eating. Theo takes my trash and throws it in his backpack. He looks at me, his blue eyes concerned.

“Abhaya, the Government is coming after us. Mainly after you,” Theo confesses. “Look, I-”

My heart feels as if it’s been stabbed into a million pieces. I cover my mouth with my hand to choke back a sob of anger. Theo places his hand on my back and presses his forehead against my temple.

“I should have never left home. If I hadn’t been so selfish to find my mom, none of this would have ever happened!” I scream in anger. “God, I’m stupid and foolish!”

“You’re not-” Theo gets cut off by my yelling.

“Look.” I stand up. “I am selfish and it’s my fault that everyone is going to die because of me! Because I chose to leave. If I had just said no, everything would have been so much different. I wouldn’t have hurt anyone, I wouldn’t have-”

Theo stands up. “Abhaya, you wouldn’t have learned how to control your powers. I wouldn’t have met you. You would have been at home, miserable. Believe me this is none of your fault. As much as you want to say it is, it’s not.”

Tears form in my eyes and a sob tears out of me. I wrap my arms around Theo and fall into him. My body shakes as the train car’s floor shakes beneath us. Theo wraps his arms around me and holds me tightly. We stumble back against the train car wall and stay there.

“Shh. It’s okay,” Theo whispers, kissing my forehead. “We’ll fight together. We’re a team.”

“If one of us fights,” I recite Rae’s words.

“We all fight,” Theo finishes.

A hiccup comes out of my throat as I attempt to stop crying. Theo holds me until I stop. His shirt is soaked with my salty tears. He pulls back and looks me dead in the eyes.

“Your eyes are stunning,” he whispers. “They’re very blue.”

“That’s what happens when I cry,” I admit.

“They’re always stunning though, Phoenix.” He kisses me softly on the lips. “You’ve always been a flame, love.”

I don’t respond. I kiss him full on the lips as his hands are on either side of my facing, bracing him. I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him closer to me and we ignite.

“Don’t get too carried away,” Theo whispers, breaking the kiss for a moment. “Powers, love.”

“I know, Wolf.” I grab a fistful of his shirt and kiss him roughly.

The train jerks and we sway to the right but Theo keeps us upright. He grins against my lips as I gasp from the sudden movement. I wrap an arm around Theo’s waist, pulling him against me.

A sigh escapes from my lips and my body melts against his. I feel like molten rock; burning and rushing. The way our bodies fit together. The way his arm snakes around my waist. The way his lips brush my cheek. It all makes me fall more in love with him.

I pull back and giggle. Theo kisses the side of my neck one last time and stares at me. He sighs and wraps his arms around me, pulling the two of us to the ground. He presses his nose next to my temple and I feel his eyelashes flutter against my skin.

“I’m sorry that I made you so upset, Phoenix. I should have been more considerate,” he apologizes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me at all.” I push his apology aside. “I’m used to the pain.”

I shift my body and take Theo’s face in my hands. His ocean blue eyes meet mine as my thumb strokes his cheek. He closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“I know.” His voice cracks. “I know the feeling.” He leans in to kiss my forehead. “I’m still sorry.”

“I know.” I wrap my arms around his neck and sigh. “But I’m not afraid.” I pull back. “I’m not afraid of Donatella. Wolf, I’ve lived with her for eleven years. I’m used to her and I know her better than anyone at TID.”

“You’re our secret weapon then.” He grins mischievously. “That’s our one advantage of defeating her.”

Theo drapes his arm over my shoulders and pulls me close to him. We let the train loop around the city until it arrives back at TID, just before the bell dismisses us from lunch. We shoulder our backpacks and jump onto the platform.

“That was fun,” Theo whispers, kissing my ear. “We should do it again sometime.”

“When we’re not being hunted by the people who control us would be best,” I state, kissing him back.

The bell rings and we catch up with the rest of the group. We blend in with the crowd of people as we hold each other’s hands. Occasionally, I swing my arm as we walk back to the training room.

Max goes over protocol if we had to leave TID in a rush and we just stand in rows in front of him. Some of it is dull and other parts sound exciting. Nick and Lee ask irrelevant questions and Theo tries his best not to give a sarcastic response. Instead, he ignores them.

It takes Max until dinner to explain and to dodge the imbecilic questions. When the bell dismisses us, my heart turns into a heavy weight in my chest. Rankings are going to be shown at dinner. That means I find out if I passed or failed soon.

When we enter the cafeteria, the blackboard is positioned next to the podium, covered by a black sheet. Rae stands next to it, pride fills her face as her hands are clasped in front of her. She beams at us as we file in. All the instructors stand

“Sit, sit, please,” she ushers as we sit down as fast as humanly possible. “Congratulations to everyone. Myself and your instructors are very pleased with your overall performance in Stage Two. Now it’s time for the rankings to be shown.”

She removes the sheet and I see my name at the top of the ranking board. My heart beats out of control in my chest as I feel all the eyes in the room fall on me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Theo grinning and Rae beaming. Along with Alia trying to contain her excitement.

TID Mental Training

1.Abhaya

2.Nick

3.Lee

4.Mia

5.Peter.

My whole body turns warm from the applause and I look down at my empty plate. I cover my mouth with my hand to contain my beaming face. Mia claps me on the shoulder and Kayla squeezes the air out of me. Maybe I do have a chance at finding Mom. Maybe, just maybe I can defeat Donatella.

After Rae coagulates us on our training, the instructors sit down with us and we begin to eat. Theo sits down next to me and briefly kisses my cheek. He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. My body ignites with energy, sparking.

“Congratulations, Phoenix,” he whispers. “You did a great job.”

“Thank you, Wolf.” I kiss his jaw, not caring about the crowd around us. “Is it- uh, are we not allowed to be together since you’re an instructor?”

“That doesn’t matter, Phoenix,” he murmurs in my ear. “Everyone here already thinks that we’re together anyways.” He kisses the side of my neck and I shudder. I feel his lips curl upward against the sensitive skin.

Dinner passes within minutes and Theo removes his arm from around my waist. My warm skin now feels cold without his touch. The bell rings, dismissing us for the night.

#

In the dorms later, Kayla, Trey, Mia, and Peter approach me, bursting with excitement as I place my backpack on my bunk and my gun in the bag. Mia and Kayla begin to squeal and jump up and down. All four of them know that I’m with Theo, I’m assuming.

“Let me guess, you know,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Yes!” they squeal. “We’re so proud of you, Abhaya!”

“Thanks,” I respond, smiling. “What are you four smirking about?”

“EVERYONE KNOWS!” Mia screams. “WE ALL SHIP IT! EVEN ALIA AND MAX!”

I jump in my skin. “Okay, okay. Please keep your voice down, Mia.”

“It’s so hard to though,” Kayla adds. “You two are so fucking cute together! I’ll help plan the wedding.”

“Kayla, please don’t,” Trey begs. “I don’t think that they’ll be getting married during a war.”

“After the war, silly,” Kayla corrects. “Ah, we’re so happy for you, Abhaya!”

My ears turn warm from all of the comments. “Trey’s right. I don’t think that getting married during a time where everyone is in danger is a good idea. But you and Mia are more than welcome to help plan the wedding if it does happen and we all make it out alive. Trey and Peter, feel free to help if you really have to.”

All four of them hug me and laugh. An abrupt noise tears us apart. Nick stands there with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes narrowed. We pull away from our group hug and glare at Nick.

“Can I help you, Nick?” I ask, approaching him with my arms crossed over my chest.

“You beat me at training. You placing first? We all know that Theo prefers you over everyone else. It’s obvious he’s playing favorites. I should have placed first You didn’t-”

“First of all, I will kick your ass if you say another word,” I state, lifting my head higher. “And second of all, Theo’s not playing favorites. Some of us actually work for our place in life.” I shrug my shoulders. “Life’s not about getting what you think you deserve. You have to work for it. Fight me, bishcuit.”

My final words make the bomb inside of him explode. Nick’s fist aims for my jaw but I duck just in time. Somehow, I’m able to predict his next move and I’m able to flip Nick over my shoulder, causing him to land on his back. This causes a scene and everyone gathers around us.

Nick scrambles to stand up. His hair falls over his eyes and his eyes ignite with anger and determination. He throws a punch at my face and I grab his wrist, twisting it behind his back and sweeping the ground from underneath his feet.

Nick glares at me from the ground. He twists himself out of my grip and kicks me in the shins, then punches me in the nose. My eyes begin to water as warm blood trickles like a waterfall down my lips, chin, and neck.

I wipe the blood off of my face and punch Nick in the jaw, then kick him in the knee. He stumbles but doesn’t fall. I grit my teeth and aim my fist to his chin, striking an uppercut. This time he stumbles back, hitting a bed frame.

“Ow,” he hisses, glaring at me. “What the hell?”

Nick disappears. I’m screwed now. I feel the force of him behind me, his arm wrapping around me and throwing me to the ground. I feel my bones vibrate from the impact and my brain rattle in my skull. I bite back a grunt and resist the urge to touch the sore spot forming on the back of my head. I know that a bump will be there soon.

I stand up and wait. I wait and listen for Nick’s footsteps or breathing. I hear him and I whip around, pinning him against a bedframe with my elbow. Nick struggles against my grip. His breaths become shallow and heavy.

“Let go of me,” he gasps.

I don’t let him go. I glare at him and wait.

“Please,” he begs.

I let go of Nick and let him fall to the ground. His invisibility drops and I see his foul face again. His eyes look at me and glares. Nick picks himself up and grabs my arm.

He whispers, “Next time won’t be so easy, Bishcuit.” Then lets go.

My blood begins to boil and I clench my fists. Before my temper gets too high, I take a breath, cool down, grab my backpack and sling it over my shoulder, and turn on my heel, leaving the room. My fists rest at my side as I walk up to Theo’s. Is this what happens when you like someone? Do you want to spend every waking moment that you can with them? Or am I just being clingy?

I get to Theo’s apartment only to find the door cracked open. Water rushes from the bathroom and the sound of glass shattering fills my ears. Screams of agony escape from Theo.

I bolt in and find Theo in the bathroom. Dropping my backpack, I take in the sight of Theo. Tears stain his face as he clenches his face in pain. It’s not the physical pain that hurts us, it’s the emotional pain that torments the demons that live in our heads. His head hangs low as he sinks down to the floor, blood coating his hands and trickling down his wrists and arms. His eyes find mine.

“Wolf,” I whisper from the doorway, placing my hand over my mouth, shocked at the sight, “what happened?”

A sob escapes from Theo. He howls in pain as the demons that dance in his head torture him. His body racks from the heavy sobs. I stand in the doorway, wanting to help but I want to leave him be.

“I hate him!” Theo erupts, punching the floor. “He’s the reason Mom’s dead! And the reason Brooke had to leave! He can rot in hell! Damn you, Luke! Damn you!”

I press myself against the doorframe as Theo stands up and begins to demolish the remaining mirror. His face is full of pain as he shakes from the impact. I walk in and I grab Theo’s wrist and attempt to stop him.

He stops and looks at me, tears welling in his eyes. He shakes his head and sinks down to the floor, bringing me down with him.

I know that males have their own pain, but they choose to express it differently than females. I remember when Aj was in pain he would punch his pillow and throw it. He did this quietly so I wouldn’t hear but I knew that he did it, regardless of his precautions. That’s the worst part about being human, we hide our pain until it’s too much and we erupt. We don’t share our emotions unless it’s actually killing us. Unless we want the pain to end, even then, pain doesn’t end.

Theo buries his face in my shoulder. This is the side of Theo that he doesn’t show. This is what he hides. The pain is part of him but he doesn’t let it show.

I wrap my arms around Theo and rock back and forth. He sobs harder as I smooth his hair. He curses Luke out, burying his head deeper into my shoulder. Theo punches the floor with his fist and screams into my shoulder-- only to be muffled by the fabric.

“I hate him,” Theo whispers. “I hate him.” His voice is small and cracked with pain.

The water from the shower begins to flood the tile floor in the bathroom. I heave Theo into the stall and sit with him in there. The cold water drenches us but, in the end, it works.

After a while, Theo composes himself and looks at me. His eyes are broken. They’re not ocean blue eyes I remember when I first met him-- they look as if waves have crashed in them. His eyes are like an ocean in the storm, rough, lost, and broken.

“I’m sorry,” Theo whispers, wrapping his bloody arms around my waist. “I’m so, so, sorry.” Warm tears roll down his face and onto my shoulder.

I wrap my arms around Theo, squeezing him reassuringly. “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry. Let me clean your cuts up, okay?”

“Okay,” Theo agrees, his chin resting on my shoulder.

I turn the water off and guide Theo to his bed, making him sit down. Theo buries his head in his hands, embarrassed by his actions. He doesn’t sob now; he hiccups for air.

I find a washcloth, a bowl and fill it with warm soapy water, and some bandages. I sit down in front of him and take one of his hands. Theo doesn’t flinch at the contact of the cloth, he sits there numb, sniffling.

“I’m sorry, Phoenix,” he whispers, his voice cracking with each word. “I don’t know what happened.”

“Hate happened,” I say, placing the cloth in the bowl. “Your emotions were too strong. But you’re human and you have emotions, whether you like it or not.”

Theo nods. “I’m sorry that you had to see that side of me. Well, you would have seen it one way or another.”

I wrap a bandage around his knuckles and begin cleaning the dried blood off of his wrists and arms. Theo stays silent as I wash the blood off of him. Guilt mixes in his face as he hangs his head in shame.

“Hey, it’s okay,” I whisper, placing my hand on his knee. “Don’t be ashamed of your feelings. You’re a human being, you have feelings; we’re not machines”

“I always feel guilty; it’s in my DNA, Abhaya.” Theo looks at me. “I can’t help it.”

Tears fill his eyes and his lip quivers. I stand up on my knees and wrap my arms around his shoulders. Theo wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my neck, trembling.

Tears sting my neck as they fall from Theo’s eyes. They’re warm and salty. How long has this been haunting him? I want to help him, but I don’t know how to.

“Is there anything that I can do to help?” I ask, hoping there is.

“You could kill Luke,” Theo offers. “Or you could help me drive an icicle up his nose if winter comes.”

I laugh softly. “That’d be fun. Let me guess, you took Mr. Cross’s ninth-grade Music Theory and he told that joke?”

“Yep.” Theo smiles against my neck and laughs, breathless. “That was a definite golden line.”

“Yes, it was,” I agree. “I didn’t know that you took that class.”

“Yeah, I did.” Theo shrugs. “I had to earn a fine art credit and I didn’t know any other class.”

I smile and say, “Remember the last part?”

“Because the evidence disappears,” we chime together.

We sit in silence for a moment, then Theo lets me finish bandaging his hands. I clean his face off with the now cool water. Theo smiles small against my hand as his face turns warm. I grin shyly and I set the washcloth back in the bowl.

“Thank you,” Theo whispers gratefully. “Again, I’m-”

“You don’t need to be sorry,” I cut in. “And you’re welcome. I help anyone that I can. You should get some sleep. Sleep sometimes helps the pain go away.”

Theo nods, accepting my idea. He stands up and rummages through a drawer to find new clothes to replace his blood-stained ones. He goes into the bathroom to change as I clean the glass shards that have turned the hardwood kitchen floor into a safety hazard.

I finish sweeping when Theo emerges from the bathroom, cleaned up, but his eyes are still red and from the tears. He looks at me and presses his mouth into a tight line. He wants to say something but he can’t, I can tell.

He walks over toward me and wraps his bandaged arms around my waist. He breathes into my shoulder and exhales slowly.

“It’s okay,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around his neck. “It’s okay.”

Theo nods. His breaths are shallow as he breathes against my shoulder and his body trembles. I kiss the skin underneath his ear, tenderly.

“I didn’t know that you took Music Theory though,” he whispers against my skin, making every hair stand on my skin.

“I did. Actually, for all four years, I did. It was something that I enjoyed learning about,” I reply, smiling against his neck.

“You’re an interesting person, Phoenix.” His eyes meet mine.

I wipe away the few tears that have slipped from his eyes. His eyes look like shattered glass. Theo’s hand cups the back of my neck and presses his lips against my cheek as a few salty tears sting my skin.

His forehead meets mine and we stay like that for a moment, letting time pass us. Theo’s breaths slow down and become normal as he wraps his arms around my neck again.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“For what?” I ask against the skin of his neck.

“For staying.” He pauses. “Not many people would do that.”

I wrap my arms around his waist and whisper softly, “I love you and I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”

“Stay with me tonight?” Theo whispers in my ear and I nod.

He lifts me up by the waist and carries me, setting me on the bed. I untie my shoes and place them at the corner of the bed as Theo lifts the covers up and crawls under the blanket as I join him. I drape an arm around his stomach and bury my face near the crook of his shoulder. Theo presses a gentle kiss against my forehead and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

“Good night, Phoenix,” Theo whispers against my skin. “I love you.”

“Night, Wolf.” I kiss the side of his neck. “I love you, too.”

#

The sound of an alarm blaring wakes us the next morning and I groan. Theo pulls me closer to him and we lay there as the morning sun warms us. I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping to stay like this.

“Ugh, mornings,” Theo groans, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I yawn and stretch my arms. Theo wraps his arms around my shoulders, drawing me closer to him. He kisses the top of my head as I force my body to wake up.

“Morning, sweetheart.” Theo kisses my forehead again.

I look at him, cocking an eyebrow. “‘Sweetheart’?” I ask, unamused.

“Don’t like it?” he asks. “Should I stick to Phoenix instead?”

“Phoenix is perfect, Wolf.” I reach up to kiss his cheek. “Now we have to get up.”

Theo groans and unwraps his arm from my shoulders. I kick the covers back and pick my shoes up and begin to tie them. Theo walks toward the bathroom and stands against the doorframe with a hand over his face. I walk over to him, picking my backpack up from the floor.

“Damn,” he whispers. “I really did that. All of that.”

I place a hand on his shoulder and stare into the bathroom along with him. It looks like a tornado tore through it. A tornado of rage. Theo wraps his free arm around my waist, pulling me toward him.

“I’ll help you clean that up,” I offer, setting my backpack down.

“Thank you, Phoenix.”

It takes us about fifteen minutes to clean the skin-piercing shards of glass and to soak leftover water from the floor with towels. The bell rings, dismissing us for the first meal of the day. Theo and I walk down the stairs to the cafeteria holding hands with our backpacks on our shoulders and guns on our hips.

How many people do you suppose know about us? Besides Mia, Kayla, Peter, and Trey? Theo asks telepathically.

I jump at Theo’s unforeseen question and respond with, everyone will know sooner or later. Mia and Kayla already want to plan the wedding. I roll my eyes.

Theo’s gaze meets mine and his eyes crinkle as the corners of his lips turn upward. I stifle a laugh with a smile.

Hopefully, when this is all over, they can, Theo says, looking straight ahead.

Yeah, hopefully, I respond, squeezing his hand one last time.

We sit down and I pull my gun out, clipping it on my waist. Theo nudges my shoulder in a teasing manner. My eyes lower to my oatmeal and then a scream echoes through the hall. Alia and Rae run in with fear painting their faces.

“We have to leave now!” Rae shouts, her voice full of haste and worry.

Then we’re a blur of black and maroon running out of the cafeteria. The panic seeps into our bones as we pull our guns out of belts and make sure that everyone is out.

Donatella found us. We’re no longer safe.