Maliha

“So, when do you actually plan on leaving?”

Maliha looked over her shoulder as Nkechi sank onto the bride to sit beside her. Maliha’s eyes narrowed as she turned back around to stare into the shifting orange sky. “When do you plan on telling your parents about your Dahara?”

“When do you plan on actually seeing Tobi and not avoiding him?” Nkechi shot back.

Maliha’s head whipped around as she glared at Nkechi. “I’ll stop hiding from Tobi, the moment you stop hiding from Kofi.”

Nkechi huffed in denial, “I’m not hiding from Kofi. I’m not,” she repeated when Maliha’s eyebrow shifted skyward at the blatant lie. “I’m merely avoiding Kofi to prevent his untimely death.”

“Yes, okay Nkechi, I believe you” scoffed Maliha. Maliha believed Nkechi’s excuse as much as Nkechi believed that Maliha wasn’t hiding from Tobi.

Nkechi had every reason to hide from Kofi, just as Maliha had every right to avoid Tobi.

Kofi was the pig-headed male who thought he was the goddess’s gift to their kind and unfortunately the male that Nkechi was betrothed to against her will. No amount of protesting on Nkechi’s behalf had changed her father’s mind. The only positive was that her father hadn’t officially announced the pairing to everyone. Nkechi believed her father would eventually change his mind but Maliha had witnessed their arguments. There was no changing Razi Matin’s mind.

“Maliha, were you even listening?” Snapped Nkechi angrily, her fingers clicking in Maliha’s face.

“Sorry,” Maliha apologised swiping Nkechi’s fingers from her face. “Repeat what you said one more time.”

Nkechi rolled her eyes heavenwards as she sprang to her feet. “I’m giving you two days Maliha. Two. We have been here for well over a fortnight, we may have even been here for a whole moon cycle and that’s unacceptable.”

“Nkechi,” sighed Maliha.

“Grow up Maliha,” Nkechi huffed, struggling to hide the smile that Maliha’s whining tone always brought to her face. “Seriously Maliha, stop hiding. I think you’ll find that most things are never how we imagine them to be.”

With those final words, Nkechi flounced off into the distance, disappearing into the trees and leaving Maliha alone with her thoughts. Sometimes it felt nice just to be alone, to just breathe and feel the world moving around her. Enzo was safe and sound in bed sleeping and these few moments were what Maliha needed to try and clear her mind.

Maliha sat there for a few moments pondering over her conversation with Nkechi. She could understand Nkechi’s reticence because Maliha was reluctant to face Tobi, not because there was any animosity but because there was just so much unnamed emotion that Maliha felt for Tobi. He had been the boy she had lost her virginity to. The same boy she had only felt platonic feelings for. Well, that was what she had told herself back then. Tobi had been one of the only males she had as a friend, yet the moment things became sexual between them, something had changed. They had still remained friends but there had been a hidden undercurrent of something that Maliha had been too scared to explore. Her heart had been too battered for her to even contemplate what could have been but being amongst the Feri years later made it hard for Maliha to do anything but that.

She couldn’t see Tobi now, not because she didn’t miss him because Maliha had missed him. He was the only male she had been intimate with before Ujarak and as it stood, Tobi was the only positive romantic relationship Maliha had ever had. Maliha didn’t want to tarnish that last relationship with the brutal reality, whatever that may be but perhaps it was time to stop hiding.

As she climbed to her feet, a solid body collided with hers, Sending her reeling. For a moment she thought she would topple to her death, but the strong arms outstretched and caught her. Her face thudded against the strong chest before she was slowly released.

“Maliha? What a surprise?”

That voice, she could never forget that voice.

Maliha laughed dourly because it appeared that the universe had a sense of humour.

“Tobi,” she replied dryly, trying her hardest not to reveal her emotional reaction.

Maliha’s heart was quivering at the sight of Tobi. The years apart had been good to him. He was no longer the scrawny boy who had tagged behind Femi’s every footstep. Tobi was a man now, with slanted eyes, full lips and skin the colour of cocoa.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would assume that you were avoiding me.”

“Avoid you? Never,” Maliha croaked, looking anywhere but at Tobi’s face.

Mirthless chuckle had her eyes snapping back to him. “You were never a good liar Maliha," he teased. “Take a walk with me, we were once good friends, right?”

“Yes, we were.”

Tobi hummed in response as he stuck his hand out for Maliha and they began walking along the winding bridge that led into the centre of one of the communal areas. Tobi motioned for Maliha to take a seat on one of the small wooden chairs inside the communal garden. People lingered by, tending to the few vegetables and plants they were able to grow so high up in the air.

“Why have you been avoiding me Maliha?”

Malika stared down at Tobi’s long outstretched legs as she thought of the best way to voice her childish reasons. “The real reason,” he uttered, “there are no lies between us, remember?”

Of course, Maliha remembered, it wasn’t every day a girl could say she was having sex with a man who was so open with her. There had not been one lie between them. Tobi had told Maliha everything, from who he found attractive to some of his deepest insecurities and in turn, he had slowly coaxed those truths from Maliha. He had challenged her basic beliefs and encouraged her to express herself freely with him. Tobi had even successfully prodded her into answering why she had loved Petr. Back then Maliha hadn’t truly been able to put all of her emotions into words but now why but now it was so obvious to her. Maliha had loved Petr because he had been the only person who had appeared to accept all that she was and in her young mind she had confused that gratitude with love. Perhaps she had loved him, but not in the way she had loved Ujarak, still loved him.

Tobi had demanded Maliha reveal all of her truths to him back then and it seemed that time had not changed that trait of his.

“I guess I have been avoiding you because I didn’t want to taint what we had. You are the only male I have had a positive romantic relationship with. Every other relationship has gone up in flames. I guess I just wanted to hold onto the memories.”

“By avoiding me?” Tobi guffawed, “Maliha when are you going to stop hiding from everything?”

“I don’t hide.” She huffed, “I don’t,” Maliha added when he looked disbelieving. “It’s just… A couple months ago I was pretty confident, well compared to my usual self. I was stating what I wanted and what I believed in but now? It’s like I’m reverting back to that same insecure girl who was so desperate for everyone’s approval. I’m scared I am turning into that little girl who ran and hid from things when it got too hard. It makes me wonder if I had ever changed.”

It seemed that hiding or running was a habit of hers that she had never truly realised. Instead of dealing with the fall out of confrontation, Maliha often ran away. She was either too scared to see or deal with the harsh reality and as a result, she had never truly healed. She had kept the hurt with her, burying it deeper and deeper the further she moved until something happened and forced her to relive those very pains that had initially sent her running.

It was a vicious cycle.

“I think you have changed. It’s pretty obvious to me. Just this conversation alone is one we would have struggled to have. Before, you rarely told me your fears even though it was so obvious to everyone and now? Now you are more accepting of how the past has formed you.

I don’t know happened to bring you back here all these years later Maliha, but all I can say is to not get too caught up in what has happened. Life is constantly moving. Good things and bad things happen. As beings, we have to adapt. We can’t stay stagnant. With movement comes change. You need to embrace it.”

“Wow Tobi, when did you become a philosopher?” Maliha chuckled trying to play off the effect his poignant words had on her. He had hit the nail on the head.

“I became a philosopher the moment Rajal wouldn’t stop harassing me in your absence. He really missed you when you were gone. We all did.” Tobi’s shoulder bumped against Maliha’s side affectionately.

She swatted him away and then gripped his hands in hers. “I missed you all as well Tobi. I missed all of you and I would have never left here without seeing you first.” Maliha promised as she squeezed his calloused palm.

“Ahh, now your avoidance makes sense,” he crooned, eyeing Malika in that way of his. “That other reason seemed a little bit limp to me, but this? This makes sense,” he harrumphed, rubbing his chin with his free hand.

“What makes sense?”

“The real reason you were avoiding me was that you knew that the moment we spoke you would have all the closure you needed, and you would be forced to continue your journey and you aren’t ready for that are you Maliha?”

Maliha floundered for something to say but she didn’t know how to respond because Tobi had been speaking the truth and wasn’t it crazy that Maliha would have never acknowledged that truth if Tobi hadn’t made it so apparent to her.

“I wasn’t ready, Maybe I never will be. I’m finally going to meet my parents, my birth tribe. It’s scary. I am so scared that I am going to find out that they just didn’t want me and what will I do then? How could I cope knowing that?”

Tobi wanted to tell her that it would be okay, that she shouldn’t worry about what she didn’t know but those words were not what Maliha needed to hear.

“If that was their reason then you will move on. It will be hard, but you will move on and you will become a better woman and mother for all of your hardships. Now let’s enjoy these final hours we have together by creating new memories. How does that sound?”

Maliha didn’t respond, instead, she yanked Tobi to his feet and then charged off to the trees and jumped over the edge of the bridge. For a minute she felt as if she were flying and then her instincts kicked in and she was grappling with a vine and using her upper body strength to break her fall.

“Race you to the river and back,” she called, giggling madly as she heard Tobi screaming that she was a cheater.

Maliha let all her worries go as she swung from vine to vine, climbing up trees and pouncing from branches as if she were some sort of Monkey. She hadn’t done this in years, but this race was one that she and Tobi had always indulged in and the few minutes that they had was all she needed to right her mind.

When they finally returned to the village, Maliha’s arms whole body was aching including her heart. Tobi’s arms wrapped around her shoulder as he pulled her back to his front. He engulfed her in his warm embrace as his earthy scent whirled around them.

“I’m glad we had this moment,” he whispered, staring out into the dark night.

“So am I,” Maliha murmured, swallowing back her tears. Turning around in his arms she rested her head on his chest. Her arm came up along his back as she squeezed his body tighter.

“Thank you for always telling me what I need to hear. Even when I was a sorrowful little girl who thought her world was ending.”

Tobi hummed his response, rubbing her back soothingly.

“You know what I have learnt from you Maliha? That even when we feel like our world is over, there is always another world waiting for us to discover. Just because one door closes it does not mean it’s the end. We just have to be patient and notice when our new door opens.”

“And we shouldn’t be scared to walk through it.”

“Never scared but always cautious,” Tobi agreed, “Now go and show your birth tribe exactly what they have missed out on.”

Tobi pressed his lips to Maliha’s head. His mouth lingering for a moment before he turned and left her alone with her own thoughts. When the late-night chill became too much for her skin, she returned to Rajal’s home. A smile tipped at her lips as she walked past a sleeping Nkechi and Rajal.

“Maliha?” Nkechi croaked, her eyes turning feline as they adjusted to the darkness.

“We are leaving tomorrow."

Nkechi eyed Maliha cautiously, her lips pursing as she slowly nodded her head in acceptance. “Tomorrow,” Nkechi agreed.

Maliha bobbed her head in finality.

She quickly tucked the blanket around Rajal, prying his fingers from the book and placing it where it belonged. She wiped the teacups down and placed them away before heading to the spare room.

Maliha’s heart fluttered at the sight of Enzo sleeping. His hand was outstretched to her side of the bed as his feet dangled off the other side of the bed. The blanket kay bunched up on the floor. Smiling to herself, she slowly shifted him over and placed the blanket over their bodies.

Her gaze lingered over his peaceful face for a moment, until slumber one over and she began drifting to sleep.

“Mama,” Enzo grumbled, rolling until his head was tucked against her chest.

“Yes baby,” Maliha hummed, “I am here,” and she wasn’t going anywhere without him.

Never again.