Lustful Hearts

A door slammed, and I instantly stirred from my sleep. I rubbed my sore eyes, despairing at being dragged back into my nightmare. The moment I returned home I was immediately forced into a family reunion dinner, one in which I remained pretty mute throughout.

My mother and Mike had filled the long, awkward silences, but I wasn't so blind to notice their long looks of concern. If I'd thought things were bad already, then my conversation with Mike had taken it to a whole new level.

Hearing him confirm my suspicions that Lauren was indeed Joel's fuck buddy left me shattered and broken forever. Right now I just ached to be alone to deal with the pain in my on way and to come to terms with it all.

I flinched in surprise when my phone sprang to life, revealing Joel's name flashing up on screen. I sat upright too quick.

Shit. Major head rush.

I clutched my head as the room began spinning around me.

What was he going to say?

Was he finally going to confess?

My finger hovered over the answer button. I hesitated, the panic inside building, but I was unable to find the words, or courage, to answer.

I watched as the music died, the screen returning to the photo of us both huddled together smiling on the beach. The photo sparked such warm memories and tears sprang to my eyes. It seemed a lifetime ago I felt that happy, though it had barely been a day.

The voice message alert snapped me out of my short trip down memory lane as I contemplated the meaning behind the call. Curiosity got the better of me, and I hit the call button to retrieve the message. The moment his beautiful voice filled my ears, I felt my body come back to life.

Just hearing it made my heart skip a little bit faster. But Joel's voice sounded strained and slightly hesitant. I had been avoiding his texts since we returned home, so he had more than likely assumed I'd be doing the same with his calls.

"Iz, I need to speak to you urgently. Please ring me back. Please, baby, I need to tell you something . . ." The concern in his voice had me intrigued. I rang his number before I had the chance to back out. I took in a few sharp breaths to gain some composure. He answered on the second ring.

"Hey, Iz, hope you're feeling better, baby." His voice was laced with concern, and for a moment he made me forget my own anger. I just wanted to be near him, breathing in his delicious scent. Then reality hit me square in the face, and now I just wanted answers.

"You said you had something urgent to tell me?" I said, cutting to the chase.

He hesitated for a few moments. "Oh yeah, well, uhhmmm, one of the pubs, Charlie, my boss owns, the manager has walked out, so he's asked me to takeover. It's not doing well financially, it could take months, but Charlie thinks I'll be able to get it back on track and it's too good an opportunity to miss. The problem is they want me there as soon as possible."

We both fell silent, my brain trying to process the information. I already had a bad feeling about it. "Where's the pub at?" I whispered, afraid of his reply.

He hesitated before speaking. "Manchester," he answered softly.

I gasped. "Manchester? Can't someone else go?" I cringed at how petty I sounded but why him?

"Iz, I don't want to leave you, but I want to prove to the boss I can do this. I'm sick of being just a barman. I want to have more responsibility and eventually become a manager. The fact they are letting me sort out the pub in Manchester is a great opportunity to show them I can do it."

I heard the annoyance rising in his voice. He'd officially made his mind up before ringing me, this was not a discussion.

"When do you leave?" I whispered, already knowing it would be soon.

He hesitated, letting out a loud sigh. "That's the thing, I'm packing right now and catching the train in an hour."

"What?" I yelled down the phone unable to conceal the level of surprise in my voice.

He had to be joking.

"Try to understand, Iz, I don't want to leave you, but things had been strained over the last couple of days. Maybe some time apart is what we need and Manchester isn't that far, you can come up on the train." He thought we needed some time apart?

I couldn't speak, my throat felt like it had completely closed in reaction to his words. It was bad enough surprising me with the news he was moving to Manchester, but the whole time apart threw me. Had he grown tired of me already?

Tears streamed down my face, and my voice became thick with emotion. "Joel," I croaked out, desperately trying to form a sentence. I needed to reason with him to change his mind.

"Iz, I'm going to have to go, work is calling me on the other line. I'm going to be stretched as it is packing and catching the train. So I will give you a ring when I get there. Bye, baby." Before I had time to speak, the line went dead.

No discussion.

Nothing.

I sat there dazed and confused, still tightly clutching the phone. Just when you thought life couldn't stick the boot in anymore, it came back for one last go.

When the pointer hit twelve for the sixtieth time, a tear rolled down my cheek. For the last hour, it had felt like I'd held my breath the entire time waiting for him to call back.

My eyes remained firmly locked on the clock, but the call never came. Another tear closely followed the first one as it finally registered he'd gone. His train had left without even a proper goodbye.

He'd left me all alone.

***

I got up for college the next day, automatically slipping into autopilot mode. Showering, dressing, and performing my other basic morning duties. I tried hard to keep my mind away from the fact I woke up to nothing from Joel.

The slice of toast I was nibbling on was more to appease my mother as she watched me like a hawk. I had no appetite. I wouldn't care if another morsel of food passed my lips ever again. I was hanging on by a thread; any sense of hope was slowly dying away.

Elijah arrived shortly after and within seconds I recognised the signs of his jovial mood.

He was in love.

Just seeing him possess these kind of feelings sent my heart plummeting. But he was my best friend and I had to give him his moment, no matter how much my heart was breaking.

We were kept busy for the majority of the morning, so by lunchtime he looked fit to burst. I watched as he bit his lip, trying to rein in the excitement bubbling inside, but his sparkling eyes gave him away. "You've been seeing him for three months and you never told me?" I yelled, glaring at him. He frowned at my response, but I was annoyed at the fact he couldn't trust me enough to tell me.

I told him everything.

Well, almost everything.

"I'm sorry, Iz, but he begged me to keep us secret for a while. He was still in the closet then, up to that point he'd only dated girls. I wanted to tell you so many times, sweetie. Please don't be mad at me." He pouted and gave me his best puppy dog eyes. He always did have a way to win me over.

I smiled. How could I be mad at a face like that? "So tell me all about Sam then."

A large grin spread across his face. It was enough to tell me he'd fallen deep. He took a long sip of his water, quickly launching into a biography of Sam's life.