Lustful Hearts

I stayed holed up in my room for the majority of the day, hiding away from life. I knew it was ridiculous, grieving over something I never had. But that didn't stop the ache and the endless tears falling as I well and truly gave into the pain.

The odd time I ventured out I avoided Joel like the plague. When he walked into a room, I simply walked out. Unable to breathe the same air, his proximity was almost stifling me, killing me with every breath. From the brief discreet glances, he appeared no different. He bore no signs of sadness. His laughter reverberated through me like a knife twisting in my heart. He continued to act carefree, like the pain and anguish of yesterday never really happened.

I hated him.

His reaction was like a kick in the teeth. His life continued to carry on as normal as I drowned in my own misery.

The voices filtering down the hallway were enough to distract me from my thoughts. I quickly sat up and tiptoed over to my door, holding my breath to listen in on the conversation.

"Hey Joel, did you invite Chloe tonight?" Mike asked. The eagerness in his voice sent a wave of disgust right through me. The guy would seriously bang anything.

"Yeah, she's bringing Micha, Louise and Leila."

"Well, the more the merrier."

My brother was such a slag.

I was sure he'd have a good go trying it on with the majority of the women at the party tonight. The thought left me thoroughly repulsed.

"I invited Jessica, and she's bringing some friends. I know you've had your eye on her for a while, Joel, so tonight might be the night?"

What?

I literally stopped breathing. The blood pumping in my ears was the only sounds registering as a single tear trickled down my cheek.

"And you never know, you might be able to get some of her friends to participate too."

The bile rose in my throat listening to Mike's words.

I couldn't breathe.

The inevitable was about to happen.

I grabbed the door handle, wrenching it open. To be met with Mike and Joel's surprised faces. I caught sight of Joel's face in that brief moment, his eyes gave me a look of concern, only making me run faster.

I slammed the bathroom door shut, and my knees hit the cold, hard tiles. I wretched for what seemed like hours, though it was barely minutes, until my throat was completely raw.

Flopping back down against the wall, the tears streamed down my face. The muffled voices had long departed. I was left alone. The sobs slowly subsided, and the realisation hit home.

I meant nothing to him.

How could he be so cold and callous, carrying on like yesterday never happened? But he made it perfectly clear I wasn't worth fighting for. I had to accept it and move on. After all, he had.

I pushed myself up from the floor and scrubbed my hands down my tear-streaked face. I needed to put operation move on into action. First off, I was in dire need of a bubble bath; it always seemed to calm me. I needed time to mentally prepare myself for the long night ahead.

Spilling nearly half the contents of the bottle into the bath, my fuzzy head filled with the soothing tones of Jasmine. Minutes later, I slipped under the bubbles, sighing loudly. Bubble baths always had the desired effect. I closed my eyes becoming lost, my thoughts finally eased off for the first time that day.

After thirty minutes of relaxation, I knew I had to psych myself up. Tonight was going to be hard, but I refused to become the chocolate eating hermit that stayed in her room forever. If they were partying, then so was I. I'd show Joel exactly what he was missing. All the sadness, the tears and the agony would be put on hold for one night. Tonight vodka would my friend of choice.

I swung open the wardrobe door on a mission to find the perfect dress. The dress of all dresses. Tonight was all about taking risks. I knew the moment my fingers came to rest on the short, sexy, red little number that this was definitely the one. A smile crept across my lips, holding it aloft as my fingers stroked against the soft, fine fabric. It was a sexy, mini red strapless dress. I'd been hesitant to buy at the time, but Elijah had sold me on the fact that with legs as long as mine it would be criminal not to.

It would provoke the kind of reaction I wanted, so for that reason alone, I was definitely wearing it.

Elijah arrived shortly after, looking impeccably dressed in a blue and white striped shirt teamed with cream trousers and braces, topped off with a bowtie. He was going for the preppy look tonight. His sexy smile lit up his face when I answered the door, but it dropped the moment he saw me.

He frowned, staring deep into my bloodshot eyes. "Hey sexy girl . . . wait, have you been crying? Your eyes look all red and puffy." He grabbed me, pulling me close, his eyes scrutinising my face.

I pulled away slightly from his unwelcoming inspection. "Yeah, just been watching The Notebook," I answered and smiled weakly, hoping he'd buy my tiny lie.

His eyes narrowed looking at me. "Watching Ryan without me? Hmmm, I thought we agreed to share him together?" He maintained a straight face, but I saw the smile he was attempting to hold back.

I laughed, just grateful he'd bought my story. I pulled him into a hug, needing the comfort of his strong arms around me more than ever.

"Tonight is going to be fun, Iz. What are you wearing?"

I bit my lip, stepping out of his hold. "Well I was thinking of finally wearing the red mini."

"Oh my god, yes." He jumped around clapping his hands. "I thought that dress would be doomed to see the insides of your wardrobe forever, I'm so excited."

"I can tell." I giggled at his reaction, pulling him indoors. "Come on, I need your help Cinderellaising me. I need to look good."

"Well sweetie, I'm going to make you look hot for the ball," he replied winking.

I was certain he most definitely would.

I stood marvelling at myself in the mirror; Elijah had weaved his usual magic. My hair was meticulously styled in loose waves, and my makeup done to perfection. My hands smoothed down the hot red dress as Elijah stood grinning behind me with delight. The dress was indeed short. I'd definitely have to limit any form of movement tonight.

My nails were painted a blood red to match my dress, and my eyes were now dark and smoky to complement my very vampy look. After blotting the second coat of my ruby red lips, I decided it was time for the games to begin.

Joel's eyes were instantly on me the moment I left my bedroom. He stood looking speechless at the top of the stairs. His eyes slowly roamed up and down my body, taking in every inch of me, then quickly darkened with lust.

I definitely got the reaction I wanted.

In football terms, that was 1-0 to me.

He stalked off in anger, the rigid look of his jaw looked like it was about to snap. Elijah walked up behind me, looping his arm around my waist, and we headed down to the party.

Walking into the now packed kitchen, we squeezed our way through the mass of hot sweaty bodies. I was grateful to be wearing a short dress; the temperature would only rise the later the night went on. Elijah passed me a plastic cup, and I began filling it up with vodka, only adding a little coke as an afterthought.

I took a large swig and grimaced, feeling the potent liquid burn all the way down to my toes. It was to be the first of many.

Half way through refilling my cup, Elijah's hand brushed against my shoulder. "Steady on, Iz, you're not used to drinking."

I looked up into soft, warm brown eyes filled with concern. But all I wanted to do was escape, for a few hours at least. To have some relief from the pain and alcohol was my medication of choice.

"Is it too much to enjoy myself for once?" I snapped, annoyed he was judging my behaviour. It was only my second drink of the night. He was the one telling me I should loosen up like a million times a day. His eyes widened in surprise. "Hell no, I think I'll join you." He grabbed the vodka pouring himself a large cupful. Several drinks later, we felt all warm and fuzzy with the alcohol flowing through our bodies. We headed into the lounge only to be met with a roomful of people I barely even recognised. The music was so loud it was practically bouncing off the walls.

The majority of people were dancing. There was one girl grinding up tight against a guy, and I could see his erection from here.

Oh god.

It set me off laughing. The vodka was definitely having the desired effect. The after burn sensation was no longer an issue, my body had grown accustomed to it. Which was good, as I intended to have far more before the night was through.

My legs wobbled slightly. I needed to sit down before I fell down. But the couple making out on the sofa was enough to make me lose the entire contents of my stomach. I cringed in disgust watching his hand disappear underneath her skirt. I made a mental note to never sit there ever again.

Several pairs of eyes openly gawked at me. I blushed slightly when their eyes roamed up and down my body. I tugged on my dress suddenly wishing it were longer.

I threw back some more vodka hoping to escape their eyes and to deaden the chaos inside my head. I smiled when Elijah's arms wrapped around me from behind.

His soft lips kissed my cheek. "Hey sweetie, I really need to dance so I'm just going to go put something on, be back in a moment."

He grinned over at me, and I threw my head back laughing hearing the first few chords of the song. Pour Some Sugar On Me began blaring out of the speakers; it was his favourite song to dance to.

Elijah was a massive eighties fanatic, revelling in the music and fashion. He had quite a collection of vinyls and films from that era. He always said he should have been an eighties child, and I had to agree, he would have totally fit right in.