SWNOVELS Chapter 23 Shattered
I couldn’t even bear to look at myself in the mirror anymore without being reminded of how much of a deadbeat loser I was. I let myself, Liz, and everyone down. The only thing I could think of doing at that point in my life was to drive back to campus and give a call to the only person who gets me, and that person was not my own mother, Margaret, as much as I wanted to tell her everything.
But she wouldn’t understand Liz’s problems with guys, unlike her mom, whether I liked to admit it or not. Anyway, I called her phone number at a phone booth somewhere, I don’t remember exactly where, but I do remember telling her this sob story of almost everything that happened to me thus far and why I needed to stay home for a week or two but still wanting to go to class despite this. All the while trying to hold back my tears again.
She completely understood, had my back, even insisted I should start packing my things and head straight home. The drive back to campus was quiet, and so was my packing of items that I needed to stay at home for a week or two. The only noise was in my dorm room, where you could hear the echo of my pen clicking as I wrote a note explaining my circumstance with Rob to Margaret, who throughout these past two months became not only my roommate but a dear friend. I folded the note and put it on my nightstand where she could find it and left while looking back at the place...one last time chuckling to myself slightly, remembering the good times that I had rummaging through my things. But I also looked down at the floor once I came in contact with Margie’s things. That’s when I remembered all those nasty catfights we had.
Back at home, I was greeted with a hug by her mother with open arms. I had never been, felt so safe and loved in someone’s arms like hers before. It was nice. After the sweet hug, I ran straight to her room and finally let go of all the tears that I was holding back into one of her pillows. The tears just kept on coming after lunch and dinner. Sometime after dinner, when I was busy crying again, I heard voices outside my room arguing about something. So, I sneakily tiptoed and put an ear to my door, so I could eavesdrop on what the huge commotion was all about. Turns out the commotion was between her parents, and they were arguing about me. Her Father started saying how my mother handled that better the second time to which her response sounded more of an insult than a compliment. They argued for what seemed like hours and never spoke to me afterwards.
But I guess they made it up to me because the next day, I was treated like a total princess. For starters, I was woken up early at like 6 am by My Mom, where My Dad served me my favorite breakfast meal with a glass of orange juice that I could eat in bed! This beats getting breakfast at the cafeteria by a long shot, and my mom did practically everything for me afterwards. From helping me do my hair where she helped distract me by first telling me how she loved this new hairstyle of mine and doesn’t want me to change it, then went on to tell me how gorgeous I was, which was nice. Then came the makeup, where she told me this funny story about me trying on makeup for the first time and how much fun I had from back in my childhood. Also, she helped me choose what outfit I should wear for school and even dropped me off at campus, where she told me she would pick me up as soon as my class was over, which should be in like an hour.
Before I headed out of her go to go take my one and only monday class I asked her why she decided to drive me, she didn’t give me a straight answer other than “Samantha and the boys need to get used to taking the school bus more, don’t you think.” After my class was over I saw Robbie again standing nearby. I ran away from him as fast as I could before he could even say “Hello” then hopped in my mom’s car and demanded that she drive me straight home, and when she asked “Why? Did you see him again?” I answered, “Yes,” and she drove me straight home, where I sat in a fetal position in my bed and bawled my eyes out more just as I was slowly starting to feel better. As I was crying, I heard a knock on my door, and my mom asked: “Elizabeth, honey, it’s me. Can I come in?”
I told her, “I don’t want to talk right now?”
But she persisted, barged in, and I felt her sitting on the edge of my bed, where she said, “Elizabeth, I know you’re still upset about that boy, but sitting here crying about him isn’t going to make you feel any better...believe me, I’ve tried. Remember that boy Petey your grandma had mentioned at your brother’s party? Well, he was my first crush when I was about your age, and I couldn’t get him to notice me, no matter how hard I tried. When he finally noticed, he didn’t feel the same way as I did, and I was hurt just like you, and I would get so mad at your Uncle Eddie whenever he mentioned his name at the dinner table. Also, I hated how your grandmother brought him up again randomly like that, but I think it was a good thing because when you came home the other day, I remembered what she told me one time that I should do, that would make me forget about him for a while and I think you should try it.”
I looked up at her and asked, “And what would that be?”
“Baking,” she answered.
“Baking? You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, I am. That made me feel so much better, and you’re so good at it. Remember the cake you helped me bake at that party. It was delicious. I’ve never been more proud. Besides, you have nothing better to do, and I could put you to work again helping me bake for your little sister’s bake sale coming up soon.”
“Bake sale?” I asked curiously, and her response was, “Yea, she counted on me to bake our famous cookie dough recipe for school, but I don’t know if I can do it alone, so that’s why I’m asking you for help.”
“But mom, I haven’t baked in like forever. I don’t even know how to at this point.”
My mom only scooted closer to me and said, “It will come back to you in no time, don’t worry. In the meantime, I can teach you everything I know.”
“Everything?” I asked curiously.
She responded, “Well, some stuff I’ll teach you when you’re a bit older and have kids of your own, but for now, let’s stick to the basics.”
I gave a little chuckle and wiped the tears that were running down my face. She had a point, and I might’ve failed Robbie, but there are countless other guys out there, and I can’t fail others when there are those like Samantha and her mom that are counting on me. I’ll do it...not just for me but for them too. So, I said, “Alright...I’ll do it.”
My mom gave me a big smile and a big hug. As she was hugging me, she said, “Good. I’m counting on you. I’ll be downstairs waiting.” She stopped hugging and got up from my bed, but before she closed my door, I asked, “And mom?” She looked back at me, and I said, “Thanks,” giving her a soft smile. She gave me one too before closing my door and leaving. I didn’t move from my bed until I was sure she was gone. I didn’t say a single word to myself either and slowly walked out the door.
Once I was ready, I slowly walked down the steps and headed towards the kitchen, where my mother, with no hesitation, put an apron on me, and we got to work. I’d never baked cookies before, so I didn’t know what to do. But with my mom giving me instructions I needed and her telling me how good of a job I was doing, especially when I made my first ever batch, it made me feel a lot better about myself. That really helped me gain a lot of confidence in myself that I had lost, and it got to the point where I didn’t need her help anymore and simply told her, “I got this.” She was stunned and asked, “Are you sure you don’t need any help because if you just mix the dough a little bit more then…”
Annoyed, I interrupted her and shouted, “Mom! The way I mix my dough is fine, thank you, and I don’t need to be graded on my work. That’s what school is for.”
“If you say so, but that dough still needs to be stirred more,” she replied. I don’t know how, but she actually made baking, cooking….whatever you want to call it, fun and not like a chore it usually is. I had so much fun baking cookies with her that I completely forgot that Rob even existed. As I started to get into my own little groove, the doorbell rang.
Thinking it was one of her siblings coming home early, I said while holding a bowl of cookie dough in one hand and mixing it in another, “Hey, mom can you get that for me? Like, I would, but I kinda got my hands full here.”
She said, “I’ll get it,” and I heard her walk towards the door. As I was finishing the last batch, I heard some footsteps walking towards me. Thinking it was my mom, I said while turning around slowly, “Hey mom, who was at the…...you.” Standing in the hallway was thee Robbie Shelton himself.
I quickly turned my back to him and thought, “He came back for me?” I shook my head and answered, “I mean, uhh yeah, who wouldn’t by having looks like these.” Oh, who am I kidding? I need to get out of here. These girly thoughts and girly feelings are messing with my mind again! Even though he came back for me, I still wasn’t convinced that he was here for me because, for all I know, he could just apologize in person and leave. Not wanting to look desperate in front of him, I hid my little smile and exchanged it for a slightly angry look so he couldn’t tell the difference. So, I turned back to face him and said angrily, “Robbie...What are you doing here?”
He gave me a sheepish look and replied, “Your...roommate...told me where you live. I came here to talk to you.”
I took one look at my mom and said, “Oh. Really? And Mom, can you please do me a favor and leave us two here ALONE. I think I’m finished with baking for the day, and we’ll only be a minute.” She nodded and walked away. As soon as she left, I asked him, “What exactly are you even doing here, Robbie?”
He answered, “I just came by to apologize for what I said to you yesterday.”
“Which one are you going to apologize for first?” I asked. “Is it the one where you said I’m not your girlfriend in front of your older sister Claire or is it the one where you said that in front of your parents?”
Rob answered, “Both...actually, I was afraid you’d ask that. Let me just say before you get even more mad at me that you’re right. You’re right about being upset, and you’re right about everything...but you didn’t get to hear the whole thing with my sister, though….there was more to it. I didn’t get to finish what I said to Claire that morning because I got distracted.”
I scoffed and asked, “Distracted? Distracted by what! What could possibly distra--”
Rob, who I had no idea was fuming at this point, interrupted me and shouted, “You, alright...I got distracted by you! There, I said it!! You’re beautiful, smart, and you love to help others, like helping John and Margie get together. It was almost like it was your mission or something. You have all these things going for you while I’m nothing.
I’m nothing more than a guy with glasses who sits in his room reading books and studying the schematics of famous buildings all day. Also, every time I look at you, even for a moment, my heart skips a beat. “ He then softly spoke, “You’re the only girl that has ever liked me for who I am. I am in love with you, Liz. I really am, and from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry I did that to you. You, of all people, didn’t deserve it. Look, I didn’t come all this way asking you to bring me back into your life, but I’m asking as a friend to forgive me, and if it makes you feel any better, I won’t bother you again. I promise.”
After he was done talking, I thought, “Aww, that’s so sweet... it’s a little much, but it’s still sweet for him to say that about me. I mean, Liz.” But I’m so relieved that Rob admitted his feelings for her, and now I know what I need to do, but first, I think it’s time to celebrate.
I took a deep breath and asked him, “I need some time alone to think about this more. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back.” I then took off my apron, put it on the hanger, and walked past the kitchen into a corner of the living room where he couldn’t see me. I pounded my fists into the air with excitement and squealed, “Yesss….Yesss,” then looked behind me to make sure he didn’t hear that and headed back to the kitchen to tell him the truth of what Liz was probably thinking all along.
Back at the kitchen, I told Robert, “Hey, I’m done thinking it over, and before I say anything, there’s something important I need to tell you, and that is I feel the same way about you. From the moment I saw you in the cafeteria, I just knew there was something different about you. But I didn’t know what, so I didn’t want to say anything until I got to know you better, so I put that in the back of my mind. It wasn’t until I was at the mall heading to the hair salon with my friend Tiff and Jo that I got distracted by you heading into Merry Go Round. I could’ve just walked away and moved on, but I didn’t. Instead, I followed you there, totally staring at you the whole way and daydreaming about us being toge—”
Suddenly, Rob pulls me toward him and plants the biggest kiss right on the lips. I was completely frozen. I was too scared to even open my eyes. But when I opened them, I was surprised to see that Robbie wasn’t facing me. Instead, I was facing directly at the mysterious green fog again.
I immediately gasped for air, wiped my lips, and said, “Great timing. Now, get me the heck out of--” I stopped talking for a second because I noticed a face that felt all too familiar. As I looked in the rearview mirror, I said, “Wait, is that really... me? It is! H-H-How is this even possible, and how did I even get here?” As I took a glance at my seatbelt that I was still strapped in. “I don’t remember being in my car. The last thing I remember was being with Robbie.” I sighed and said, “I wonder what happened after? But who cares? I’m back to being a guy who doesn’t have any long hair or painted nails at all, haha, yes. Oh, you have no idea how much I missed you,” as I messed up my short blonde hair and looked at my hands. “Don’t ever leave me again!”
When I said that, I heard the same thunderous metallic sound when I first got in the fog, and the same bright flash of light blinded me once more, and the next thing I knew, I was back on the road and was conveniently right next to the senior parking lot. I got out of the car with my grandpa’s varsity jacket that I had been wearing all along, grabbed my phone and backpack that I had tossed in the backseat. When I looked at my phone, I thought, “Huh, only five mins had passed. If I run to the first period, I’ll just make it.” Sure, traveling through time was fun, and there were certainly some moments that I’ll never forget, but they were also ones that I hope to never go through again.
Guess what I’m trying to say here is that learning from your mistakes isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s a great thing. Now, when you accept and adapt to them is what really makes you, you. Life is strange, just like the fog, and that is something that you can never explain. Change happens to everyone, and as much as you miss living in the past or looking forward to the future, just remember there is as much good as there is bad to whatever place in time you look forward to.
Hmm. You know what’s funny? The one thing that I still don’t get about me living the total eighties nightmare for that long period of time was, was I really the one in love with Robbie, or was that fate’s or Liz’s doing all along. I guess that’s up to you to decide. Don’t you think?
Now, if you can excuse me, I need to somehow get back to my own life’s journey.