SWNOVELS Chapter 8. What the fuck?
Kaylin’s POV
“Okay, to make sure I’ve understood this correctly...” I begin and continue pacing around the room, hysterically with my wine glass in my hand. “They expect me to jump into an arena where I’m going to have to fight for my survival; the chances are great that I’m one of the weakest, and the only reason I need to suffer all of this is because of that idiot?”
I’m pointing to William, and I don’t know what to do. When I first found out about this when my mother warned me, it instead felt like a possible future scenario, but now that we’re at this crossroads, I realize that it’s reality; I can die!
“I don’t know what else to say than I’m sorry, Kaylin,” William says, rubbing his face.
Without hesitation, I sweep the last wine in the glass and throw it away through the living room until it cracks against the wall. Oliver looks astonished at the glass before gently turning toward me and says;
“You’re good at long-distance throwing anyway.”
If I weren’t pissed right now, I would have laughed at his jokes, but this is certainly no occasion to neither laugh nor joke. I indeed appear bipolar right now with my mood swings, but you also need to understand that my whole life is upside down. The life I once lived and at least occasionally enjoyed is now gone, while I split into a world I don’t know at all. Elijah gets up and walks to me.
“Okay, Kaylin. I understand you’re scared, and you don’t know what to do, but you have to pull yourself together!” he says, shaking my shoulders.
“Scared?” I ask astoundedly. “I’m terrified, Eli! How long have I been in this world? A few days tops. I know nothing about being a vampire, and I’m not as strong as the others; they’ll break me in half like a twig!”
I sit down with an immeasurable sigh and put my head in my hands. Someone moves behind me, and I grab the hand placed on my shoulder, turn over and throw the person over my shoulder. Oliver lies on the floor, gasping.
“What the hell was that!?” he exclaims, confused.
“Kaylin, how did you do that?” Elijah asks and looks straight at me with a faint smile as if he has something in mind.
“I’ve been practicing judo since I was a kid because my dad is overprotective. Why?” I ask, and now it’s my turn to feel confused when his smile grows.
“There we have it,” he says, standing in front of me. “You have the basic training in fights and should be able to defend yourself a little.”
“Defend myself a little...” I mumble with a snort.
“What? What belt do you have?” William asks.
“Black,” I answer, and everyone else is watching with surprise.
“Wait here, one god damn minute now!” Oliver exclaims, confused. “You can fight like a warrior, but don’t use the skills!?”
“And show everyone and everything that I can defend myself? Positively for sure, a great idea,” I say, and he keeps looking confusedly at me. “I didn’t know who you were at the beginning, and to announce directly to the threat that I’m not completely helpless isn’t a good idea. The threat should always see you as weak; whether you are or not, it gives you the possibility of a surprise attack.”
“Strategic thinking,” William murmurs. “You have all the skills necessary to survive this, Kaylin!”
“Well, not really,” Benjamin says. “She must be able to use weapons.”
“Can you?” William asks, and I give him a deadpan grimace.
“I work in a bar and live in the ghetto; what do you think?” I ask and roll my eyes.
“Okay, fine,” he says, getting up. “Get ready; we shoot in fifteen minutes.”
He leaves the room, and I look surprised after him.
“Asshole,” I mumble to myself and start walking towards my bedroom with the rest of the guys behind me.
Thankfully, either Ozzandra or Vivienne has been shopping for me; hence the wardrobe is full of different varieties. I put on a black workout top showing half my belly with my navel piercing and a pair of black shorts.
“Oh my god! I didn’t know you had piercings!” Oliver exclaims like a schoolgirl, and I stick out my tongue to show my tongue piercing.
“Damn, you’re sexy,” Benjamin suddenly says, and the rest of us look at him like he’s growing yet another head.
I laugh at him and open the window out to the back. Just as William comes out the back door, I jump down and land on his back, causing both of us to fall on the ground. I roll around on the floor, holding my belly and laughing loudly; he looks grouchy.
“Kaylin, damn it!” William growls, and I stand up, still laughing.
“You didn’t prepare for that, did you?” I say and try to stop the laughs from escaping.
“You’re so fucking childish!” he exclaims, annoyed.
“Well, someone obviously thought you needed it in your life. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been your beloved,” I point out, and he stops.
“Kaylin... What did you do?” Oliver whispers behind me.
“What? I didn’t do anything!” I exclaim.
“You have accepted me as your beloved; we’re bounded now. The only thing missing is some sexytime in the hayloft and that you mark me,” William says and grins as if it’s something funny.
Damn it! I growl soundly and pick up a weapon from the table and shoot him in the foot; the coolest thing is that I didn’t even have to look to know I was going to hit in the right place. William yells at the pain, and I grin at him.
“Remember this the next time you piss me off,” I hiss and pick up another weapon.
I completely ignore him and aim at the target; every bullet leaving the gun hits precisely in the middle. Oliver, Elijah, and Benjamin help William sit up.
“Will that do?” I ask with a sigh, and Benjamin uses his reinforced speed to retrieve the target.
“You got a direct hit on all of them!” Oliver exclaims, surprised.
“I told you,” I answer and shrug my shoulders.
“We postpone the training until tomorrow; I’ll come and pick you up,” Elijah says, and I nod.
“You should check out that wound; it doesn’t look so good,” I innocently say and wink at William before walking back inside.
William’s POV
I try to get up in my anger, but my friends and brother keep me down.
“It’s not worth it, come on,” Elijah calmly says.
“Why does she have to be so fucking-.” I begin.
“Angry? Pissed? Incredibly annoying? Or simply, just like you?” Elijah asks, grinning.
“She’s not like me!” I growl.
“You don’t see the similarities because the only thing you focus on is your need for power, and don’t give a shit that you’ve ruined her life,” Benjamin says in a cold tone without looking at me. “The rest of us see her for what she is; a kind and strong young woman who has had to fight her way through her whole life. While you’re busy being egocentric, we notice how little you actually deserve her.”
With those words, he leaves the place and walks in through the same door as Kaylin. What the hell does he mean by that!? I’m not egocentric! Or am I?
“Guys,” I begin. “Do you think I’m selfish?”
They look at each other with doubtful faces, and eventually, Oliver sighs.
“Will, you’ve been our best friend for over two hundred years, but honestly...” he says.
“When it comes to Kaylin, you’re selfish as hell. As your best friends, it’s our responsibility to be honest with you, so the answer is yes. You are selfish and haven’t devoted thought to your own beloved. I had done anything to have my beloved in my arms; I did the same thing you do and took her for granted. Look where I am now! Rosie is gone, and I’m going to have to dedicate the rest of my immortal life missing her. Take pleasure of the time you have with Kay and get to know her; she’s not as terrible as you think,” Elijah says.
“But her anger-.”
“Is justified,” he concludes my sentence. “You took away everything from Kaylin; all her dreams and plans are gone, thanks to you. Not only that, but you also broke the law, which caused your beloved to now have to fight for her life inside the arena of death; it’s a possibility that she’ll die. I honestly don’t think that you yourself understand how much you owe her.”
They help me up from the ground, and I nod at them, indicating that they can leave me. I’m still thinking about everything I’ve done to Kaylin. Damn it... It’s no wonder at all that she hates me; just look at what I expose her to! Since day one, she’s been rude to me, but on the other hand, I haven’t precisely behaved better. Her anger is justified, mainly because it’s directly aimed at me. However, my rage isn’t because I’m not really mad at her, but at whomever, it was who gave me a beloved even though I never wanted one. Kaylin has never done anything that I didn’t do to her at first; she just pays back with the same coin.
I don’t know what to do to help her. My beloved will fight for her survival in two weeks, and she may die inside the arena; for the first time in my immortal life, I don’t know how to help. Since Kaylin is my beloved, she’s also my source of power and “life,” without her; I’ll wither away until some other stronger vampire comes in to take over my place as clan leader; I can’t allow that. No, she simply has to survive; I just don’t know how to make it happen. Moreover, the council may suddenly decide to change their decision to bring the battle forward or to extend the time until the time comes.
They’re all untrustworthy bastards, and I know what they can do with the participants fighting in there. After all, I’ve seen it in the front row. It’s namely that I many years ago had another beloved that I loved with everything I had; she changed after the battle and became a cold-cynical person who destroyed all my faith in love. I haven’t had much of an eye on her since she rejected me, but the last thing I heard from my sources was that she died. Vivienne and my mother celebrated her death with swindling champagne; then, you might also understand what a horrible creature she was; no one ever liked her.
Thankfully, the whole family likes Kaylin, and I’m sure the rest of the clan will do that as well when they get to know her. Not that I really care; I need no beloved to manage to lead my family, at least that’s what I tell myself every day since I met her. I’m in an inner war with myself; my heart screams for my beloved while my brain tells me to distance myself. Even though I try to keep my distance to avoid my heart breaking into pieces, hopefully, I don’t know what to do if Kaylin dies inside that arena. I don’t think she’s chance-less, given what the others told me about her powers.
Being psychic can help her anticipate specific events in there that could hurt her. The ability to compel other creatures is yet another advantage for her; however, I have never heard of a vampire who can make other vampires. We use it on humans, who are easy to manipulate to our will. On the other side, her ability to channel with souls may not be an advantage inside the arena, but it’s not a weakness either. However, none of us know what powers will be allowed; the council has witches who help put enchantments that block those forces that aren’t authorized to use.
Kaylin may have access to one of her powers, all three or none at all; it all depends on the council’s cursed rules! I sigh and stagger back into the house to check on my beloved. She’s mad at me, and I wouldn’t say I like it; nothing of it. Every time her gaze sweeps over me, her face holds such hatred that it isn’t even possible to describe. Even though I don’t want a beloved and never liked it either, for that matter, I can’t just neglect her. I’m responsible for everything that happened to her quickly, and she must feel totally alone in it.
Her broken voice comes from the roof when she quietly sings “9 Crimes,” it’s clear that she’s crying. Am I responsible for those tears? I use my speed and noiselessly climb the ladder to the roof. She sits at the edge with her feet dangling. I don’t know what to feel or do. Is she going to jump? Kaylin looks at me with tears on her cheeks and then turns back to the moonlight; her voice is the only thing that fills the awkward silence. I listen to her when she sings the song repeatedly; eventually, I understand that she sings it to me and our situation.
If I didn’t feel bad before, I sure do now; it’s undeniable that I’m responsible for her pain and numbness, which is a bit comical given that Kaylin is a living dead now. I gently pull her closer until she sits on my lap; oddly enough, she doesn’t quarrel about it but allows it to happen. Her head’s under my chin on my chest while I rock her softly back and forth in my arms. She’s miserable, and I have to try to do something so it doesn’t feel as heavy for her. We’ve both worked hard to try and ignore the beloved bond, but I know it’s an impossibility to fight it.
In the end, love will blossom between us, regardless of whether we plan it or not. Deep down, I know I already care about her; I could never allow anything harmful to happen to her... The only problem is that it’s precisely what I’ve done.
“I’ve always been alone,” she says suddenly, and I solidify by the words. “Ever since my mother died when she gave birth to me, and my dad told the truth that I was the reason for her death, I’ve been alone. My dad is the best in the world, but a part of him will always resent me for what happened. We both know it wasn’t my fault, considering I was a newborn baby who hadn’t even gotten out into the world yet.”
Her voice shakes a little, and I caress her arm lovingly. A couple of days ago, Kaylin decided not to tell her father anything or even contact him until she’s ready and in control, because she can’t lie to him; we respect that. She says nothing more, and I don’t know if she’s done; hence I let the silence surround us until she feels ready to continue.
“I chose the wrong paths in life and started taking drugs. All I wanted was to somehow numb the pain within me, the confusion over all the new information I got. In some periods, I even wanted to die; nothing could brighten up the darkness that was my life. I’ve always been a private and quiet person due to which I had no friends at school. No one bullied me or mistreated me; it was rather about neglect. Since I was silent and took no place, I was also easily forgotten. Dad has worked hard for many years, and even though he claims it’s because we need the money to renovate the house, I know the truth. It’s too hard for him to be around me, even though the years have passed. He works harder than he needs because he can’t manage to be my dad the way he should be. My cousin, Britney, is basically the only one I have. But she doesn’t live near me, and I only see her a few times a year. She’s the complete opposite of who I am, and she always tries to change me, whether it’s conscious or not. According to Britney, I’m a “Debbie Downer” and have to sharpen my mind to choose whether I want to be boring or entertaining. I’m not that social party girl; I’m usually quiet and don’t like others to watch me unnecessarily. I guess that’s what makes it easy to neglect me, to forget about me altogether.”
Her words hurt me; how can anyone want to neglect and forget this beautiful woman in my arms? I understand Kaylin more, and she hasn’t had it easy, although she doesn’t share any details with me.
“That’s why I had a plan to make enough money to start over somewhere else, where I can be someone different and live the life I’ve always wanted. Meet a guy, buy a house, move in together, get married, have children-everything that others consider boring. But now... Now I don’t know if that’s an opportunity anymore because you took that opportunity away from me. That’s why I’m pissed and hurt; if you just explained everything from the beginning in a calm context, then the possibility is great that I would’ve listened to you. I worked with people who struggled with drug addictions just like me; it was part of my job to listen and understand their experiences from their perspectives. Probably I would have panicked at first, but in time I would have been able to understand your situation as well. But now we’re here, and none of us know what the future will look like if it will even exist...”
I cringe and know precisely why. Kaylin’s choices and the life she wants will no longer be an opportunity. We can have children in the future if she wants to; it’s just a myth that vampires can’t have children. They are born not as vampires but as humans, just like werewolves; they transform later. For vampires, it happens when they come up in their toddler years, with the difference that they can’t shift back to humans. My dear Kaylin, what have I done to you?
“Kaylin,” I whisper with sadness in my voice, feeling incredible guilt. “I’m terribly sorry.”
A/N:
Hello everyone!
Kaylin is breaking down completely, and William begins to understand what he has done to his beloved. Hopefully, they can work it out and have a future together.
❀ What did you think about the emotional talk between them?
✿ Do you believe that Kaylin’s feelings and thoughts are justified?
❀ How do you feel about the situation Kaylin is forced into?
Please let me know your thoughts since they help me develop in my creative process! Thank you for reading, lots of love.<3