Love that heals

Rudrani:

"Jiju is saying the truth. When you can't give any happiness to jiju as a wife, how can you expect him to stay with you lifelong?" Prajwala asked me shaking the Earth under my feet. "Prajwala" I raised my hand to slap her but Ashu caught my hand.

"Don't create a scene, Rudrani. Just understand the situations," Ashu said and left to guest room with Prajwala.

I went to my room. Tears are flowing so much that I can't stop them at all. The pain in my heart is not ending up though I cried for almost 2 hours. I want to kill myself for loving a person like Ashu who stooped so low to marry my sister. I didn't expect this from him. I trusted Ashu so much. I loved him truly.

How can people be like this? Why do they fake their words, love, sweetness and caring? How can they act so much where the other one just falls into their trap of love by trusting their words and sweetness? Every word I said came from my heart and I never knew to fake my love or care for anyone. May be trusting and loving truly is my fault.

I was in my thoughts and mom came to me.

"Rudrani," mom said caressing my hairs.

"As a mom, can I suggest you something?" "Please tell me, mom," I said.

"Look Rudrani, most of the men expect their wives to fulfill their desires and if they fail in doing so, they just lost interest towards them and try finding alternatives. That's an undeniable fact. Of course, I never thought our Ashu is also one among them.

I thought Ashu is different. I expected Ashu to heal you and make you win over your fears. But today I feel that my brought up went somewhere wrong." "Mom, please don't say that. Ashu is a good and it's me who failed as a wife..." I tried to say but mom cut me off.

"Rudrani, now stop blaming yourself. Now it's time for you to win over your fears and insecurities. It's not that you can't overcome them by yourself. You are strong. Don't give up on your relationship with Ashu. Win him back. Try to make him all your's by becoming his wife completely. That's the only option you have now to stop this relationship deteriorate further," mom said caressing my hairs.

"I understood what you mean to say mom and I am ready for it," I said deciding myself to save this bond.

Next day, my parents came and took Prajwala to home as mom and dad imformed them. Mom and dad told me that they won't stay at home tonight. I made all arrangements for the night and wore his favourite sari.

Ashu came to home at night. I served dinner to him. He didn't talk to me and just had his dinner calmly. Later, he came to the room and looked at the bed and then me. My heart started beating fast with tension and fear. Will he accept to go further in our relationship? What if he just ignores?

"What is this?" He asked pointing his forefinger towards the bed.

"It's.... It's....," I stammered as I don't know how to answer.

"Whatever leave it. I just came to your room to shift my luggage to the guest room. I won't be staying with you here anymore," Ashu said packing his stuff.

"Ashu, please give me one last chance," I said pleading.

"For what?" He asked without even glancing at me.

"To... Become... Your wife... In all respects," I said closing my eyes with nervousness.

I felt his breathe on my neck and opened my eyes.

"Are you sure?" He asked in a husky voice.

I nodded.

"I didn't forget your slap yet when I tried to get closer to you," Ashu said.

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"I am sorry," I said.

"Are you sure that you are not going to mess up with me again if I get close to you?"

"Yes, I won't," I said.

"What about your phobia and insecurities?" Ashu asked.

"I want to overcome them for you because nothing is important to me than you," I said trying to be confident though I know I can't control my fears.

Ashu looked at me for few minutes and then signalled me with his eyes to move towards the bed. I laid on the bed and Ashu closed the door.

Ashu slowly removed my jewellery one by one placing kisses on my face, neck and hands. I stayed calm and cool auto suggesting myself not to get scared as he is my husband and he won't hurt me.

Ashu came top of me but his eyes have no emotions. He is just doing it as if he has no interest at all. He buried his face under my neck kissing, licking and finally gave a small hickey which is not that painful but I don't feel anything. I don't understand why is he behaving so. He looked at me.

I downed my eyes as I don't want to say anything. He removed pin of my sari and kept it away slowly. He kissed my cleavage. He removed the buttons of my blouse and removed his shirt. I closed my eyes as fear engulfed me one more time. I felt his lips on bosoms. He placed few kisses on both my bosoms and then he started squeezing them. I felt very uncomfortable and a strong urge formed in me to push him away with all the force. Anyway it's not necessary because if I ask him once, he will stop and will leave me. But, it will lead only to the destruction of my relationship with Ashu. I silently bore the uncomfortableness remembering Ashu's love all these days.

I felt Ashu throwing away my sari on the floor. I felt his touch on the lower part of my body. But, he stopped and started kissing my belly. He then started teasing me which made my eyes to shed tears. Suddenly I felt dizziness occupying me. I hope Ashu will not notice this and will make me all his. I felt better to lose my conscious as I can't give him what he want if I am conscious. My insecurities and fear will make me rude and will hurt Ashu. That's the reason I took sleeping pills to fell alseep until this session completes. As Ashu switched off the light in the room, I hope he won't be able to see me losing conscious.

I don't know how long I was in that state but when I opened my eyes, I saw myself fully dressed. I turned my head only to find Ashu in full rage who sat beside me on the chair.

"Ashu," I tried to speak.

"Shut up. Just shut up," He yelled at me making me shiver. I never saw him that angry.

"What do you think of yourself? What do you think about me? Do you think I am such a jerk who just want your body? Do you think I just want to fulfill my desire? Answer me," He shouted making me cry.

It's he who created such feeling in me. But I can't say that because I didn't want to fuel his anger now.

"I want the answer, Rudrani," he said again.

"It's my responsibility to fulfill all the duties of a wife, Ashu," I answered calmly.

"How? Is it by taking sleeping pills every night when I come closer to you? Is it by putting your life into danger? Do you think that is how I want you to fulfill your duties as a wife or do you think it makes me happy?"

"Look Rudrani, I want to make love to you but not just fulfill my need. I will do it only when you overcome your every fear and gets ready to feel my love when I make love to you. Who the hell gave you this idea to take pills to fulfill my wish?" He shouted again. I didn't reply. Ashu sighed and sat beside me on the bed and cupped my face.

"Please don't hurt yourself for me. I will wait till you become absolutely normal. It's my promise to you that definitely I will heal your wounded soul with my unconditional love for you. Only then I will make you all mine," Ashu said. But, it's he who said he wanted to marry my sister yesterday.

"But Ashu you told that you want to marry Prajwala," I said slowly.

"Come on, Rudrani. Your sister is equal to a daughter to me. How can you believe that bullshit? It's just a part of our plan in....." he stopped his words. "Plan?" I asked.

"Yes, it's a plan. Just two more days, you will understand everything. Don't think much and spoil your mood. Just relax and see my game. Just remember I won't do anything that betrays your trust for me or hurts you. This is my promise, my love," Ashu said kissing my forehead and wiping my tears away. I hugged him tightly and left myself in his arms.