Love that heals

Ashutosh:

I understood that Rudrani has many issues. She was struggling a lot with her fears from her childhood to which no one paid attention. She pretends to be strong but she was vulnerable inside. Atleast I felt happy as she trusted me to the extent where she shared many of her fears. I hugged her to me and asked her to write her known fears as I will identify her unknown fears. As I was reading her list of fears, I felt happy, sad, angry and proud reading her first fear. She wrote "Fear of losing Ashu's love: Insecurity."

"Aww so my angel is insecure about me. Wow, I am happy to know that as I understood how much you love me. But sweet heart, don't you trust me? I love you so much and do you think I can live if I leave you?" I asked hugging her more tightly.

"I trust you. I know you won't leave me but I know my thinking was different from other girls. My opinions contradict with you and this society. So, I was scared may be because of my uncompromising attitude, you may get angry with me. So....." She stopped.

"It may happen but I don't think it breaks our relationship though we may fight for sometime. Rudrani, every couple and every relationship has few issues and every conflict makes couple closer if their love is true."

"I don't know, Ashu. I was scared. May be my attitude was wrong."

Rudrani said in a dull voice.

"Rudrani, Standing for yourself and being stubborn with your important decisions is never wrong. I love your attitude. You just want to be yourself. You want to be independent. Of course, I took time to understand you. As society implanted a kind of male chauvinist attitude in me, I felt bad to take your refusal to my words. However I am happy I was not trapped into that kind of stupidity and understood your value soon. I will never leave you. We may become angry with one another but I will never leave you. It's my promise," I said.

She smiled but I understood still she is insecured. It's okay, soon I will make my love trust me completely. She wrote the list and gave it to me. Many of her fears are silly and funny but for me, not for her. I understood she was affected a lot by these silly problems. But as her husband, I must free her from all these fears and issues.

Later she slept hugging me on my chest. I held her carefully in my arms. I kissed her cheek.

"Good night, sweety." "Good night, Ashu."

In the morning, I dropped her at the college and went off to my departmentals. In the afternoon, she messaged me saying that her sister Prajwala wanted to meet her and she is going to her college. I asked her to call Prajwala to our home or we shall meet her at parental home. But, Rudrani said she wanted to meet her sister without informing to her parents. As she said, I went directly to Prajwala's college to pick her. I went to them but listening their conversation, I stopped going to them.

"Didi, How will you arrange that huge amount for my fees?"

"I don't know Prajwala but I will do something," said Rudrani.

"Can you take advance salary?"

"No, I can't do that. Your jijaji will come to know if I apply for advance salary. He will get hurt for not asking him the money. Actually I thought to quit job and find job somewhere else for this purpose but Ashu is very serious about me working in his hospital. Ashu even paid off the amount to my Principal madam requesting her that I can't handle tution and studies. He didn't even tell this to me. For advance salary, Ashu signature is compulsory on the application. So we can't do anything. If we ask, Ashu will help but I can't do that.

Already I became a burden for him. He cleared my debt and cares for me a lot. So, I didn't want him to bear the burden of our family too," Rudrani said.

"What shall we do didi?"

"I will try to sell these bangles gifted by mom," Rudrani replied checking her bangles.

"But didi, what if jijaji question you about bangles?"

"Usually he won't observe or care for all these things. But if he observes and comes to know the reason, he will definitely give me the earful."

"Didi, are you happy with jijaji? Does he scold you for minor things? I saw you crying a lot when you came to our home as jijaji stopped talking to you," Prjawala said.

"No I am not happy. Yes he scolds me for everything. He never treats me as a wife. He restricts me a lot" Rudrani said.

What? Is she not happy with me? When did I scold her? Am I restricting her? Why is she feeling like that? I thought she is happy with me.

"Then how you are managing didi? Mom and dad said jijaji is too good and loves you so much. I thought you are very happy with him," her sister said.

Rudrani laughed at once.

"I am not happy, I am beyond happy with your jiju. He scolds me if I compromise, if I hurt myself or if I change for him. He scolds me if I get tired doing household chores or his works saying I shouldn't do those things. He never treats me as his wife, he treats me as his princess or a friend. He restricts me by forcing me to share my feelings, fears and worries with him. If I worry without telling him anything, he scolds me. If I go anywhere without informing him, he shouts at me as he will be so worried about me. He will search whole city if he didn't reach me for an hour. So, he restricted me saying that I shouldn't go anywhere without informing him. His love is very sweet and we can't find such a person in these days. I just forgot all my miseries in his love. I am more happy with my Ashu than at our home. I am very lucky to have Ashu as my husband," Rudrani making me happy and surprise. Does she feel lucky to have me in her life? Wow!

"Didi, I am happy to know this. I am happy to see you blushing while talking about jijaji and I can even see love in your eyes for jijaji."

I smiled looking at her and finally went to them.

"Jijaji, till now didi is speaking about you," Prajwala said and Rudrani looked at her asking her to stop teasing her.

"Really?" I said winking at my wife to which she blushed hard. Wow, even my wink has lot of effect on my wife. "Prajwala, don't worry. I will clear your fees tomorrow."

"Ashu, no," Rudrani tried to speak but I looked at her seriously and she stopped her words.

"Sorry jijaji, I can't take help from you against didi's wish. I can't hurt my sister's self respect." Prajwala said.

"That's fine. Then your sister will give you the money tomorrow," I said looking at Rudrani.

Rudrani gave confused look to me to which I smirked. After dropping Prajwala at her home, we reached our home.

"Rudrani, what's your problem to take money from me?"

"My self respect doesn't accept that."

"Why didn't your self respect come in between when your parents help you? Why do you feel like that only in the case of your husband?"

"I don't know," Rudrani said pouting.

I went close to her and held her right hand to kiss her. I kissed her hand.

"Sweetheart, we both are one. Moreover your sister will be my child too and I have responsibility towards her. There's no my family or your family, it's our family.

You always treat my parents as your parents and you love them a lot. Then even I too should love your family as mine. I too have responsibility towards our family. Tomorrow I am paying Prajwala's fees. That's it." I said.

"Our family? Thank you, Ashu. I never thought that my husband will treat my family as his family. You are removing all my negative perceptions on marriage and husband. Truly, I am so lucky to have you," Rudrani said and hugged me. "Sweet heart, why are you so emotional?"

"Nothing, tomorrow you pay her fees. I don't have any objection. Of course it's our family, not my family. But, can I repay it when I have money," Rudrani asked slowly.

"What?" I said seriously.

"Nothing, it's okay. I got the answer. Do whatever you want to," Rudrani said and I smiled. I kissed her cheeks and lips teasing her.

"So tomorrow you are leaving to your camp. I will miss you very badly."

I said holding her waist and pulling her towards me.

"Me too."

"Shall I quit the camp?" Rudrani asked.

"No no, you should go. Till now you never went to any camp and never enjoyed such things. Now you should experience that fun. I want you to be free. You should be able to do whatever you want." "Sanjay want to meet you," Rudrani said in a low voice.

"Why?" I said seriously. I have no interest to meet him. As I love my wife, I forgot everything. But I don't want to meet that fellow.

"Please just once meet him. At least for me," Rudrani said.

"No, I don't want to meet your so called great friend." "Please Ashu."

"If you didn't stop this, I won't even allow you to meet him."

"But Ashu," Before she say something, I plugged on the head phones with full volume. I laid down on the bed criss crossing my legs ignoring her words. Rudrani sat beside me and tried to remove the headphones. I kept a serious face and she slowly came near to me. Rudrani kissed my cheek slowly removing my headphones.

"Ashu, I decided to tell you the reason behind Sanjay's suicide attempt. I didn't want to hide anything from my husband."

Rudrani stopped for few minutes.

"But I promised Sanjay that I would never share it with anyone."

"It's ok Rudrani. Leave it," I said as she bent her head keeping confused face.

"No Ashu. I didn't want that thing to be between us. I can't break the promise. So I asked Sanjay to tell it to you by himself. Just meet him once for me, please," Rudrani said.

I thought for sometime. I didn't have any interest to know about that Sanjay.

"Okay," I agreed.

"But not tomorrow. Tomorrow we need to pay Prajwala's fees and you need to go for tour. I will meet Sanjay after your tour," I said and she nodded.

Next day, I started packing her luggage.

"Ashu, what is this? From early morning you started packing my luggage. I am not a kid and I can do it," Rudrani shouted at me.

"Baby, I kept 6 dresses, one saree, two sets of jeans and tops. I hope these will be sufficient."

"Ashu, saree is not necessary and these jeans, I can't wear and never wore till now. Why did you bring it for me?"

"Because during our wedding shopping, I observed you looking at jeans and tops but your parents restricted you even from seeing them. I understood that you want to wear them. So, I brought it for you," I said.

"Ashu, you are right but in my childhood I thought to wear jeans. Now I am married. I should look like a married woman and I can't wear all this," Rudrani said.

"Sweet heart, you should wear dress which you like and is comfortable to you. You are married but still you are just 21 years. Still your dreams, likes and wishes are very much alive. I want to make your every dream true. I brought those jeans and tops which suits you and in which you will be comfortable. Wear them as per your wish," I said cupping her face.

She went to her dressing room and came out wearing the jeans and top. She looked so shy. I looked at her hairs and earrings. They are so old fashioned and doesn't look good on this modern dress. Frankly, it looked odd.

I made her to sit before the dressing mirror. I combed her hair and left the loose hair with a small hair clip. I made her wear earrings which are stylish. I removed her bangles and kept a bracelet to her hand. I did a little bit make up to her without harming her scars. I kept a watch to her with black belt and small white dial.

"You look damn beautiful," I said after her make over.

Once I observed her watching a Hindi movie and the style of heroine. She loved it but she didn't wear western wear as she was married. I decided to make her look beautiful inspite of her scars. I heard her asking black belt white dial watch in many shops saying she love such watches. She refused watches having big dial. Rudrani tried to put vermilion on her forehead but I stopped her.

"Baby, I know I am always there in your heart. There's no necessity to put vermilion. Be free and happy."

Rudrani smiled and kept vermilion on her forehead.

"Being free doesn't mean forgetting traditions. I love to respect our customs. Following customs like wearing mangalsutra and putting vermilion depends on the love and nature of husband. My husband is the best and I love to wear signs of marriage which makes me feel he is with me every minute," Rudrani said.

"But it look odd," I said.

"No problem. I love you and I can't remove my mangalsutra and vermilion for someone. If they feel that I look weird in modern dress wearing these things, let them avert their looks. I don't care, Ashu. My husband is more important to me and I love wearing these marriage signs or signs that remind my husband every second to me making me proud and happy to have such a loving and sweet husband."

"Okay, as you wish. I kept fruits and dry fruits in your bag. I kept few biscuit packets and snacks. Medicines are in the side pocket of the bag. If food is not good at least take dry fruits and biscuits. Take care of yourself and be in touch with me. If anything is wrong, call me immediately."

"Never switch off your mobile. This is not a request, it's an order," I said in a warning tone.

"You are rude," Rudrani said.

"Really?" I asked her and she smiled hugging me.

"I am not rude. I just want my love to be safe."

"Okay my dear husband, I will take care of your sweet wife and you too take good care of my loving husband," Rudrani said encircling her arms around my neck.

"Ashu, I have pressed your dresses for 7 days and arranged in the closet one by one. I kept your watches too in the box. I gave a list of food items you love to prepare for breakfast, lunch and dinner to the cook. I wrote and gave recipes too as you like food I prepare. I said to the driver and he will give you lunch everyday. Don't spoil your health eating outside as I am not there to check on you. I will call you to remind you breakfast, lunch and dinner. Have dinner with mom and dad. I will call you at night to talk. Remember I love your so much," saying this she pressed her lips on mine.

We had a very deep passionate kiss remembering that we will be away from each other for 7 days. I paid Prajwala's fees and dropped Rudrani in the college. She left in her college bus to the tour. I came home and felt as if I missed something. It's just few minutes she left and I already started missing her. Do I love her that much? May be I love her so much that I can't be without her even for sometime. Does she miss me in the same way I do? I want to visit her in between the tour to surprise her but what if she misunderstands me thinking that I came to check on her as she lied the last time. I opened her photo in my mobile. I remembered the day I saw her for the first time in a gift shop and every moment till today. My anger, her mistrust towards me, her anger, my trials to make her love me, her stubbornness, her trials to regain my love and how we finally confessed feelings to each other. I can never forget her proposal.

I remembered her cute words of asking me not to leave her anytime and that she will do anything for me. I just need her true love and nothing else. Before marriage, she thought I am a pervert but today she didn't want to lose me. Finally I succeeded in gaining her trust and love removing all the misunderstandings between us. I miss her very badly.

Oh my God! This love is really magical and I never felt all these emotions before. How did I live without her all these 23 years? I sighed and opened closet to change my dress as I don't want to go anywhere today. I was surprised seeing the wardrobe. Rudrani arranged my dresses and night tracks for each day so neatly and separately. I smiled and took the night suit she kept for today. I immersed myself in reading to send away this loneliness. After few hours, someone knocked the door. "Yes, come in."

"Sir, it's lunch time. I brought the food for you," the maid said.

"No, I am not hungry. I will eat later."

"But sir, Rudrani madam ordered strictly to make you eat on time. Madam called just before few minutes asking me to serve lunch to you and I should inform madam as soon as you finish your lunch," the maid.

This was a sweet shock given by my wife. When she is in college, she used to send to order the driver to give lunch to me on time. These days I quit eating food outside as Rudrani prepares my favourite food everyday and sends it to me on time whether I am at home or at college. I just wonder how she manage this. Recently I heard mom and dad talking that she sends food to them too on time without allowing them to skip lunch. Rudrani cares a lot for me, mom and dad. I agreed and maid served food to me. As soon as I completed my lunch, I heard the maid's mobile ringing.

"Yes madam, sir had his lunch."

I understood that the call is from my love. I grabbed my mobile and called my love when the maid left.