Love that heals

Rudrani:

I went to my room, but Ashu's words replayed in my mind.

No, I can't take it. My mind started imagining Ashu touching Artika and kissing her. I threw everything on the bed. My heart was unable to take the pain this time. I don't know why my dad didn't kill me on the day I was born when he hated the girl child. I felt that I should have died long back.

I hate you, Ashu. I hate you. I trust you, but I hate you.

Ashu, do you know how I feel when you said yes to Artika's wish? Can you imagine the pain which I went through when you proposed her? Will you forgive me if I behave like this with any of my friends in front of you? Won't you question me? You are not right, Ashu. You are wrong. You didn't understand me. I appreciate you for your care for your friend, but you failed as a husband in caring for your wife. You indirectly killed me today.

I cried for half an hour. Every second I heard the sound of the second's hand that was moving around the clock. Ashu didn't come to the room yet. Does it mean is he really fulfilling her wish? I can't stay here anymore.

I left the house. I sat on a bench in the park. I recalled my life. Does anyone be this lonely in the life? I have no one who loves me. Ashu doesn't love me. He married me to save me. Now I got clarity. If he loves me, he should have given a thought for my feelings, but he cared for Artika. Artika is his priority over me. Maybe he values marriage and all, but he doesn't love me. My lifelong companion, i. e., tears embraced by my eyes again. I don't know how long I cried. I sat there for many hours having nowhere to go and no one to care.

"Rudrani, is it you?" I heard the voice and looked at that side.

"Sanjay?" I exclaimed.

Sanjay hugged me all of a sudden. I releazed myself from his hug.

"How are you, Rudrani? I called many times to your landline, but your dad didn't allow me to talk to you. I returned to India last week from London. I missed you. I tried many times to speak to you knowing the incident that happened in your life from our friends. I won't say I feel sorry or something because you are an inspiration to us and I know only to make you as an inspiration to many others; God posed this problem to you," Sanjay said.

I smiled. Sanjay was my best friend from the childhood. He went to the Britain for his studies, and I thought he forgot me. I never knew that he called me many times.

"Are you married?" Sanjay said seeing at me mangalsutra.

I nodded.

"Okay, how is your husband? Is he of your father type or a good person?" Sanjay asked.

"Just a husband, can't say more than that," I replied.

"Why are your eyes swollen? Are you crying?"

"No, semesters are coming up, and I didn't sleep these days."

"Okay, shall we have a coffee?"

"Sure," we went to a cafe.

We were having coffee and Sanjay shared his plans with me about his career.

"Sanjay, how did you recognize me?"

I asked him as I know I look horrible without mask and scars on my face.

"Your beautiful eyes helped me to recognize you," Sanjay said.

I looked at him. This Sanjay never changes. He was like this from the time I know him. Then Sanjay invited me to his home. I went there and met his parents. They were glad to see me after a long time. I spent some time with them and had dinner together with their force. I didn't know how time passed until Sanjay remembered me of time.

"Rudrani, it's 10:30 pm. I think you should go home. I am sorry, Rudrani. I didn't check time. It's late, hope you won't face problem from your husband and in-laws," Sanjay said.

"It's okay; It's not an issue."

Because no one cares for me.

"Shall I drop you at home?" Sanjay asked.

Home? Do I have any home?

"Sure," I said, and Sanjay dropped me.

I went inside, and I saw Ashu and his parents in the living room. Ashu came to me immediately.

"Rudrani, where did you go? Are you okay? I searched everywhere for you. I saw hell in the last five hours as I couldn't find you" Ashu said and tried to hug me, but I stopped him by showing my hand. Ashu stopped.

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"Rudrani, is everything okay?" Mom asked looking at Ashu and me.

"Yes mom," I said.

"Okay, go and get fresh up. Let's have dinner," mom said.

"I had my dinner, mom," I said.

"Where?" Ashu asked.

"At my friend's home," I answered.

"Okay, Rudrani. Go and take rest. Ashu, join us for dinner," mom said.

"I am not hungry," Ashu said and left the room.

I didn't want to go to our room as I need to see Ashu and talk to him but I can't upset mom and dad saying all this. I sighed and entered into my hell.

"Where did you go, Rudrani? I was worried about you a lot. Why did you go without informing any of us? I was scared and..."

"I can go anywhere I want, Mr. Ashutosh. Who are you to ask me? I don't require your permission to go where I want. I don't understand why are you scared and worried when everyone who matters to you is here with you," I said. "What do you mean? Who am I? I am your husband. Did you lose your mind on the way while returning to our home?"

"My husband? Maybe temporary husband as we will take divorce soon and you will marry your Artika," I said sarcastically.

Ashu closed his eyes and clutched his fist. He slowly opened his eyes.

"I understood that you were hurt by my words, but I didn't do anything that hurts you. I told the truth to Artika. When I returned to apologize you for my harshness, I didn't find you. Our room was a mess, and I was scared understanding your mental status. I searched for you everywhere, but I didn't find you.

I am sorry, love but now Artika won't come between us. I cleared the problem. I love......."

My patience dead and the volcano of anger erupted out. What is he thinking? Does this Ashutosh think that still, I will believe his words?

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"Enough, don't repeat it. If you say I love you to me one more time, I will leave at that moment itself," I shouted at him.

"My feelings may be nothing to you, but they matter to me. I am not ready to get hurt again. I want the divorce, Ashutosh. Talk to your parents and free me," I said.

"Divorce? Rudrani, nothing happened between Artika and me. Trust me, please. I didn't even touch her hand. You are misunderstanding me," Ashu tried to defend himself.

"It doesn't matter to me. You are not related to me, and even if you keep an affair with someone, I don't care because I decided to leave you. For me, this relationship was already ended," I replied.

"I think you need time. I will talk later to you but don't keep any hopes on divorce. I will never divorce you, mad girl. I know I was wrong, but I won't pay for it by losing you permanently," he said and tried to kiss my forehead. I pushed him away.

"Don't touch me. I hate you," I said.

"You love me, my dear wife, that's why you are very possessive towards me. That's the reason for your anger."

"I will bring food for you. You might have tired with continuous crying," Ashu said.

"I had my dinner with my friend's family. Do you think I will quit food for you?" I said.

"Who is that friend? I heard you have no friends in your college."

"Sanjay is my school friend. He returned from the Britain recently. I went to his home and had food with his family," I said casually, but the expressions on Ashu's face changed.

"When will he return to the Britain again?" Ashu asked making me wonder.

"He has no plans to leave India again. He is going to start a firm here," I said.

"Good night," Ashu said.

He cleaned the room and kept all the things thrown by me in their place. He set bedsheet and pillow neatly, but slept on the couch leaving the bed to me.

I won't forgive you easily, Ashu. I know you won't do wrong, but you are wrong too. You may not do what Artika asked, but you hurt me so much. Now I don't feel that you love me.