SWNOVELS Love By Moonlight: Chapter 6
Daniel tossed and turned all night, his mind filled with painful memories and wishful dreams, until he didn’t know where one ended and the other began. Finally, as the sky lightened at around four in the morning, he fell asleep, and it wasn’t until late morning he surfaced, feeling bleary-eyed and confused.
There was no reason on earth, he decided as he brewed some coffee, to break his self-imposed solitude. Safer to stay as he was. And unfair to inflict himself in this damaged state on such a lovely person as Claire. Even as just friends, he’d cause her misery. And as he’d realised last night, much as he knew he’d enjoy taking her to bed, he couldn’t do it. She wasn’t someone to be used.
A small voice nagged at him, telling him she appeared kind and caring. She might cope with him as he was. That same voice kept whispering as he made toast. What would it feel like to try again? To trust a woman without fear she would eventually desert him?
Ah, but he was afraid.
Eyes stormy, he slashed butter onto the crisped bread and dug some marmalade out of the jar with vicious stabs of the knife.
His own mother was the first to show him how faithless women could be. She’d neglected her husband for a string of affairs and was indifferent to her son, ignoring him when he came to her with paintings, toys or hurt knees. His father had done his best to give him a stable childhood and had encouraged his talents as an artist. Finally seeing sense, his father had sued for divorce and later met and married a gentle lady called Mandy. Too late for her to be a mother, because by then Daniel had been a young man, but she’d always welcomed him kindly.
Okay, so maybe women could be kind, and Claire might be one of them.
His mind drifted to his ex-wife. Blonde, stunningly beautiful, sexy as hell. She’d dazzled him and captivated him, and he’d been easy prey. It was much later he’d realised Gina had seen him as someone on the up, and had used him as a stepping stone until she met someone more famous, someone richer. Through his marriage to Gina, he’d realised he might have been seeking the love and approval denied to him by his mother, because it had slowly dawned on him she was exactly the same type. Faithless, shallow, self-absorbed and, as a result, cruel and destructive. But he’d not seen the likeness, not at first. He’d been overwhelmed, and anyway, Gina had wanted him. He was the upcoming darling of the art world, and charismatic with it, so she’d approached him with sweetness and flattery, and more fool him, he’d not seen through her until she had a ring on her finger and the affairs had begun.
But worse was to come, and it was the one thing he kept buried deep inside, and had never talked about to anyone except a counsellor he’d had a few sessions with. It had been a knife to his heart then, and was still a knife now. Losing their baby—how they’d lost it—had been harder to bear than losing Gina.
He took his coffee and toast outside to the small wooden table, bleached to grey by years of being exposed to the elements. It was another sunny day. A gentle, off-shore breeze allowed a family to fly two kites down by the edge of the sea, now on its timeless way out again. He could see waves languidly rolling onto the sand, and the air smelled of seaweed and flowers.
Flowers. No doubt courtesy of the delectable gardener, Claire Bradstock.
So was she a Mandy or a Gina?
Oh, he was fairly certain she was a Mandy, but that didn’t mean he wanted to trust her or start some sort of relationship with her. His mother and Gina had destroyed that for him, and yeah, okay, now he lacked the courage to try again. Ever. Despite what he’d been told by the counsellor, that one day he’d be over it and would find someone to love again. He couldn’t trust those words.
Shrugging, he bit down hard on his toast. It didn’t matter. He didn’t care.
He knew he owed Claire an apology for his appalling behaviour last night, when he’d been needlessly unkind. And that kiss… why, oh why, had he allowed himself to kiss her? He’d meant it as a coldly calculating insult, but a spark had flickered between them, then erupted into a blaze. He was hard now, just thinking about the feel of her body in his arms and the taste of her on his tongue.
There was a click. Looking up, Daniel observed Jake Bradstock descending the steps from the hotel gate, wearing shorts and a tee shirt. Shit! The last person he needed to see in view of the direction his thoughts were taking. Jake’s presence was, though, a pretty effective passion killer.
Jake noticed him and paused, then in two quick strides he came up the steps to the cottage, swinging his leg over the wall, sitting astride.
‘Hey. Have you settled in?’
‘Thanks, yes.’ Daniel paused before continuing reluctantly. ‘It was good of Claire to give up her home for a few weeks.’
Jake eyed him thoughtfully. ‘She’s like that. Kind. Thinks of others. Any coffee going spare?’
Daniel raised an eyebrow. He didn’t feel like entertaining a visitor, but it would be appallingly rude to say no to one of the very people who’d solved his accommodation dilemma. Anyway, it was difficult not to respond to the open smile on the guy’s good-looking face.
Silently, he went inside, filled another cup, and returned.
‘Lovely view, isn’t it? Thanks.’ Jake, now sitting in a chair, reached for the mug and took a mouthful as Daniel sat back down.
A silence fell.
Daniel observed Jake as he gazed out over the sea. With his strong profile and tangled curls blown back by the wind, the man would make an excellent subject for a painting. If he’d pose with a surfboard, Daniel could then insert him into a scene of gathering waves and angry clouds. He was hoping to call his next exhibition People Sea and try to incorporate people doing various sea-based activities, and Jake would be a perfect model.
Eventually, setting down his mug, Jake grinned. ‘You must really wonder why the hell I’m here.’ Receiving no response, Jake snapped his fingers a couple of times in front of Daniel’s face, his easy grin still in place. ‘Hello? Earth to Daniel?’
‘Eh? Oh. Sorry, I was putting you into a painting. You’d be a fantastic subject for a sport seascape. Would you mind posing on a surfboard? It can be on the sand. Then once I’ve got shots of you, I can wait until the right sea comes up and photograph that. From the two lots of photos, I’d put it all together.’
‘On the sand?’ Jake pulled a face, his eyes widening. ‘Um… wouldn’t it be better to take action shots and paint directly from those?’
Daniel raised an eyebrow. He didn’t want someone messing around and wasting his time. He needed to work all summer to get enough paintings to send to his agent and liked the idea his theme would be based on people and the sea.
‘Yes, maybe, but I don’t have the time to look round for someone who can surf and you’re an ideal model because you actually look the part.’
Throwing his head back, Jake gave a wicked laugh, one eye-brow rising. ‘Look the part, eh? Okay, I don’t mind. Name the day. But look, I actually came by to see if you needed to talk. Claire doesn’t think you’re very happy, and Emily and I noticed you seemed pretty stressed out when you first turned up. We hadn’t the heart to turn you away because of it, so just as well Claire came up with the idea of letting you stay here, since we were having a hard time finding a solution other than the hostel. And Claire said that’d be no good.’
Daniel opened his mouth, about to make another comment about Claire’s kindness, but Jake held up a hand, forestalling him.
‘Don’t start thanking us again. She hadn’t even moved in, apart from getting some basic stuff and setting up the bed. She won’t mind a few weeks in the hostel.’
He spoke with the casual dismissal of a brother for a sister, but Daniel knew it was probably the truth from what he knew of Claire so far.
‘But, I don’t know, I just thought you might like to talk. We all go through some tough times, and it sounds like a tough time to me if you can’t access your own house. It sometimes helps to offload.’
Daniel looked at the waves, his fingers drumming lightly on the table top. The wind stirred his hair, and he enjoyed the feel of the warm sun on his face. This place was sheer heaven, and he appreciated Jake’s offer to talk. However, he intended to fob the guy’s sister off at every opportunity, which might piss him off, so maybe better to keep his distance? He was used to being self-contained ever since Gina had done the dirty on him and made trusting so hard.
On the other hand, this was a bloke offering to talk, not a woman trying to get under his skin by finding out all about him, and sometimes a friend was good, especially when feeling as alone as he sometimes did. And if he explained, Jake might understand why he wanted to avoid Claire.
‘Daniel?’
He made one last feeble protest. ‘Look, I think it might be best to just be guest and hotelier.’
‘Because of Claire?’
‘What? What is this? What do you mean, because of Claire?’
‘That first night, it was pretty clear you appreciated her help, and a couple of times I noticed you looking at her as if you wanted to make a move on her. She’s damned keen to help you, that I know, and I’m sorry, but I think maybe she’s interested in you as well.’
‘I’d worked that out.’ Daniel reached for his toast and took a vicious bite.
‘Yeah, well, maybe you don’t fancy her. I can understand that, and if that’s the case, tell her.’
‘I did, last night.’
‘Ah.’
Putting his toast back on the plate, Daniel narrowed his eyes and tilted his head sideways. ‘Ah? What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘I bumped into her up in the yard last night. She seemed very quiet. Mentioned she’d just seen you down here and you seemed conflicted. If you’re telling her no, then mean it.’
Conflicted. Hell, she’d nailed it there. Even as he was telling her to get lost, he’d allowed the detached kiss to turn into something more, and she’d known it.
He was so tired of this burden of distrust, and he wished he damned well could get over it, as he’d been told he would. Claire was attractive, kind, lively, friendly… oh, he could go on. Yes, he liked her, but he hadn’t reached the point of risking another relationship. Earlier, he’d wondered if he was a coward, and had decided, yes, he was. Still too frightened to try again.
Jake put his coffee down. ‘Yeah, right, I can see you are conflicted.’
‘What? Why?’ Daniel’s response was startled.
‘If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have looked all thoughtful and gone quiet on me.’ Jake shot him another friendly grin. ‘I’m good at reading people.’
Another long silence, but somehow Daniel didn’t feel uncomfortable. There was something soothing about Jake’s calm attitude and friendliness. He was a very relaxed man, and Daniel felt some of it rubbing off as his own shoulders lost their tension. It wasn’t just Jake. He knew that. The warm air, the smells of garden and sea which seemed to intermingle, and the gentle sound of waves—they all combined to make him feel more peaceful than he had for a long time.
He rubbed a hand over his face, let it drop onto his thigh, and started talking.
He told Jake everything, starting with his mother, moving onto Gina, and finally relating how she’d turned up in his house, pregnant and with her latest lover. How she’d refused to leave, so he’d left himself, leaving the mess with his solicitor, unable to return until they’d evicted her.
Lastly, Daniel told Jake the very worst of it, something he’d only ever talked about with the counsellor before. How they’d created something beautiful and lost it. No, not lost it. He’d had it stolen from him. Boy or girl, he’d never know now. The names he’d chosen remained hidden in the dark recesses of his mind, along with his initial excited imagination about bringing the child up, playing with the toddler, teaching the youngster to paint. All that was left to him was bitterness and a great, gaping emptiness inside.
Jake sat still, eyes fixed on Daniel’s face, giving him every bit of his attention. When the artist fell silent, one tear tracking down his cheek, Jake stood, collected their mugs and disappeared inside, returning a few minutes later with more coffee. Daniel was grateful for his immense tact and understanding, the silent listening, with no exclamations, no interruptions, no questions.
His outpouring had been cathartic. It had only needed the right time, place and person, and this, apparently, was the perfect combination.
Jake dropped back into his chair, shaking his head, his eyes clouded. ‘Well, shit. That’s a devastating story, my friend. I see why you don’t want any involvement at the present time. Hard to trust again after what she did.’
Both men fell silent as they drank the hot coffee. Daniel felt exhausted and hoped he wouldn’t regret pouring out the entire story later on. Especially the last piece of information, the one that still filled him with such pain and grief. He hoped one day he’d heal, recover from it, but it hadn’t happened yet.
‘Sometimes, though,’ Jake said eventually, ‘your view of the world gets distorted by events which have happened to you. From the age of eleven, until I was eighteen, my dad was seriously ill with cancer, and I saw both of my parents crumble under the burden because of their deep love for each other. Took my mum a long time to get cheerful again after those seven years. And me? I was determined to never suffer the pain of watching someone I loved die. Ever. Keep it superficial. Keep it light. Love ’em and leave ’em. My ma called those girls my candy-flosses.’ He threw back his head and gave a short laugh, but Daniel didn’t think it was humorous—more self-mocking.
Jake’s face became serious, and he looked directly at Daniel. ‘You know what? I met Emily, and I loved her enough to want to risk it, in the end.’ Waving his hand dismissively, Jake stood. ‘Now, while one person has let you down badly—well, okay, two—there are still hundreds out there you probably could put your faith in. Think about it, because my bet is one day you’ll look back on this as a pretty terrible episode in your life, yeah, but there’ll be someone beside you who’s helped you get past it. I’m going for my run now. I don’t know if you run, but most mornings you can find me on the beach or one of the local lanes, and you’d be welcome to join me. Hey, how about you ask Claire to bring you over to Silver Sands tomorrow? There’s a wind coming up tonight and there’ll be some surf running. I’ll, er, stand on my surfboard for you and you can take some photos, okay?’
With a flip of his hand, grinning as he hopped over the wall, Jake Bradstock jumped onto the beach and was soon a distant figure as he ran towards Solhaven. Daniel stood staring after him.
Ask Claire to take him to Silver Sands tomorrow? That had been sneaky, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to follow through. In fact, he fully intended not doing so. Apart from anything else, she probably had a load of things she needed to be doing without ferrying him around.