Losers: Part I

Now that I finally felt like I could sleep, I didn’t even want to.

The bed really wasn’t big enough for all of us. Jess lay naked on her back with my arm around her, our deep breathing in unison. She felt so warm, her skin sticky with sweat, her muscles still quivering. Vincent had wedged himself into the corner of the bed behind me, slowly scratching my back as he hummed some little tune. Lucas sat at the end of the mattress, leaning against the wall with his legs sprawled out in front of him, and Manson sat right beside him, his knees pulled up as his arms rested limply on them.

I couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes. I liked this sight too much — this beautiful woman laid out beside me and all the people I loved most around me. If I closed my eyes, if I fell asleep, I feared it might all wind up as a dream.

I used to have terrible nightmares like that, imagining that I’d gone back in time and the family I’d found was gone, Vincent was gone, all my freedom — gone. I would wake up in the middle of the night, gasping and shaking with my parents’ words echoing in my head.

I will not have my son living in sin, not under my roof!

I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to think about that right now. I was safe. The nightmares were memories, not predictions of the future.

The mattress creaked, and Lucas grunted, “Gonna go downstairs and get a drink.” He eased off the bed, stretching his arms over his head. Vincent sighed, and when he shifted, I reached back and grabbed his wrist.

“Sorry, babe,” he said softly. He leaned down and kissed my head, squeezing my shoulder. “I really do need to get ready for work though.”

He got off the bed, and I groaned as I sat up, running my fingers through my mussed hair. Jess had opened her eyes and was staring up at me, her makeup streaked, her face and chest still messy with our cum. I pushed her hair back, chuckling softly at the state of her.

“I’m a mess, aren’t I?” she said, a little smile on her face.

I nodded. Her cat ears had fallen off and were lying on the floor; the only thing she still wore was her collar.

It was only a silly accessory, but I didn’t want to take it off her.

She sat up, easing her arms around my neck. She rested her head on my shoulder, her arm reaching back for Manson. He moved closer and took her hand, twining his fingers through hers.

“My legs feel so weak,” she said. “You fucked me until I can’t even walk.”

“Mission accomplished,” I said. It was a point of pride for me to see her looking dazed and thoroughly pleasured. It felt like a long-awaited victory.

I’d thought finally having sex with Jessica would leave me bitterly vindicated, but I felt no bitterness at all. I felt like I’d finally sucked in a breath after holding it for far too long, like all the tension had gone out of me.

“Come on,” I said. “Let’s get you cleaned up. You look like a toaster strudel.”

She laughed so hard she snorted, and it was possibly one of the cutest things I’d ever heard. I helped her off the bed on her wobbly legs, leaving Manson to sprawl out on the mattress with a satisfied grin on his face.

Vincent emerged from the bathroom right as I was leading Jess toward it, his hair brushed and tied back. He caught her face as he passed us, giving her a lingering kiss.

“I’ll see you next time, baby,” he said, giving her a wink before he went on toward the attic to get dressed. I usually slept far worse when he was away for work, but maybe tonight I’d manage a solid six hours.

She went into the bathroom first to use the toilet, and I joined her once she’d finished up and opened the door again. She sat on the edge of the tub as I turned on the hot water in the sink. I took a washcloth from the cabinet and dampened it, before I sat beside her. “Relax, I’ve got you.”

She closed her eyes as I wiped her face, taking my time to clean her smudged makeup from her cheeks.

“How do you feel?” I wiped down her neck, taking care to be gentle. I cleaned around the collar, prolonging taking it off her for as long as I could.

She gave a heavy sigh, her mouth twitching slightly as she said, “I guess I have a kink for cat maids now. Thanks for that, Jason.”

“There’s more new kinks where that came from,” I said. “Just wait. They get weirder.”

“Oh, I know. Your list gave me a lot of new words to learn,” she said. When she spoke again, her teasing tone was gone. “I feel really good. Relaxed…tired.” She opened her eyes, those green irises searing into me. “I feel happy.”

My heart skipped a beat. Being here with us, taking part in this, made her happy? She took the washcloth from my hands, rising from the edge of the tub.

“Your turn,” she said, grabbing a clean cloth from the cabinet and leaving the used one beside the sink. She dampened it as I stared, admiring her naked body. When she returned and sat down again, she pushed my hair out of my face with one hand and used the other to wipe the cloth over my skin.

“And how do you feel?” she said. She was going to put me to sleep doing this. The soft touch of the cloth was so relaxing.

I closed my eyes, savoring the moment. “I feel like this is surreal. Like Vincent and I saw you at that car wash and fell into some kind of fever dream.”

“I know the feeling,” she said. “Almost like it’s not supposed to be happening. Like we broke the rules.”

I caught her wrist as she wiped the cloth along my throat, drawing her a little closer. “We always break the rules, Jess.”

Her lips were pliant as I kissed her. It felt too good to pull her close, to cup her face and stroke my thumb over her cheek. And when her breath hitched, shuddering slightly as she inhaled, that soft feeling in my chest got even fucking softer.

“Tell me the truth,” I said, barely parting from her to speak. “How long have you wanted this?”

When she lifted her eyes to mine, they looked uncertain, almost afraid, as if someone was pounding on the door that protected her most tightly kept secret.

She took a breath and then whispered, “Always.”

A soft knock at the door made us both jump. “It’s unlocked,” I said, and Manson opened the door to lean against the frame. His hair looked wild, sticking up at odd angles, and he was wearing only his briefs.

“I’ll admit, I listened out here for a little bit to see if you two were fucking again.” He trudged over, grasped Jess’s chin, and tipped her face up to claim a kiss of his own. “How are you doing, angel?”

“Really good,” she said. She paused, muffling a yawn behind her hand. “Exhausted, honestly.”

“I can drive you home,” he said, and pointed his finger at me in warning before I could volunteer myself. “You need to stay here and rest. No more excuses. You’re going to get yourself in an accident driving so tired, J.”

I sighed, but I didn’t have the energy to argue. He was right; I was exhausted and the lack of sleep was hitting me hard. It wasn’t the best idea to drive when I could barely keep my eyes open.

I didn’t want to take her home at all. I wanted to drag her back into bed and fall asleep between her and Vincent again.

“As much as I love to see you naked, we have to get you some clothes too,” Manson said as Jess got to her feet and stretched. I couldn’t help but grasp her hips, pulling her toward me and kissing her stomach before I let her go.

“You can borrow some of mine,” I said. I was just a few inches taller than her, unlike the other giants in the house, so hopefully she could find something that wasn’t too big.

Manson went to get his own clothes as Jess and I shuffled back down the hallway to the bedroom. I pulled a few things out of the closet for her as she put the jewelry back in her piercings.

“Your parents come back the day after tomorrow, right?” She nodded, and I continued, “I’ll drop by your house tomorrow and see what I can do about the security system. They still need to replace the damn thing, but you at least need something that works in the meantime.”

There was a clever look in her narrowed eyes as she watched me. “You only decided I need security after you fucked me?”

I brought over some clothes for her, dumping them on the bed before I grabbed her ass and pulled her against me. “That pussy absolutely needs its own security detail. But I can’t follow you around twenty-four-seven, so…”

The way she was looking up at me brought her face close to mine, her entire body pressed against me. “Careful, Jason. If you keep talking about protecting me, I might end up thinking you care.”

A dismissive sound left me. “Yeah, yeah, I’m just protecting my property. Don’t read into it.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she said. It all sounded like a tease, but was there any truth in it? Did she want us to care? Or did she already know that we did and thought we were foolish for it?

She dressed, yawning again as she pulled my t-shirt over her head. It did something to me to see her standing there in my clothes. The sweatpants were pooling a bit around her ankles and the shirt was too big, but as she pulled it over her head, I swore I saw her pause for a moment and sniff.

She still hadn’t taken the collar off, and it jingled every time she moved, so she couldn’t have forgotten it.

Manson poked his head into the room. “Ready?”

Jess nodded before she turned back to me. “Thanks for the clothes. And for a really fun time.” She kissed me, the touch of her lips too quick. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I almost asked her to stay. I nearly dragged her back and told her she’d be coming to bed with me.

But then she was gone; Manson wrapping his arms around her shoulders and walking her down the hall.

I collapsed onto the bed, scrubbing my hands over my face before I stared up at the ceiling. This was exactly what wasn’t supposed to happen. This feeling, this…longing. The reawakening of a high school crush that had somehow intensified despite time and distance.

When I’d transferred to Wickeston High, Jess and Vincent had been my first true temptations to sin. A seductress and a jester, challenging my carefully guarded thoughts. I was used to being surrounded by rules, to living with the guilt of being a sinner who must repent, repent, repent. Do not give into temptation. Worship. Pray. Beg for forgiveness.

But then the floodgates opened. Jess was untouchable, beautiful, proud. Vincent was tempting, seductive, too damn charming to resist. Back then, the reality of what I was facing hit me hard. I couldn’t choose one or the other. I couldn’t settle.

I couldn’t live as anything less than fully myself, unless I wanted to remain in an endless cycle of praying for forgiveness of my own nature.

The Jessica I’d known back then had surrounded herself with all the right people. She’d presented herself as picture-perfect. That’s what you did when you were pretending, when you were trying to prove that you belonged. The “right” people had been her armor and the “perfect” life was her own grand production. Her peers were her audience.

Now, the curtain was drawn and the costumes were gone. Jessica was just Jess, a woman trying to figure out who the hell she was like the rest of us.

I didn’t know what it meant — for her, or for us. Time and distance hadn’t kept us from being pulled back together again, but for what? This was the woman we weren’t meant to have, whose life plans were going to take her away from us again.

Vincent claimed her showing up again was a “sign,” but a sign of what, I truly didn’t know.