Look Beyond What You See

Malina was right about going outside. The fresh air cannot repair the damage that’s been done to my heart, but it makes my body feel better, and it helps not being in the same building as that Russian strumpet and him whom I would have married. The necklace that symbolises our relationship hangs heavy around my neck, as though it is trying to drag me into the ground. Probably part of the enchantment on it, but I could care less at the moment. I just want it to be gone, to be free from all of this. I don’t know where I would go or what I would do, but at least I wouldn’t be tied to a man who lacks the courage and sense of dignity to rid himself of a whore who hopes to supplant his fiancée.

I have not, ere now, spent much time in this rose garden. I believe it is Zinaida’s favourite, which is probably why I have avoided it. Mostly I have not gone into gardens, save for the roof garden, without Dmitri taking me on horseback, and we have not had overmuch time for such things of late.

Damn this war, for coming in and screwing everything up. Were it not for the war, Giacomo and Yekaterina never would have come here, never would have caused these problems.

But perhaps it is for the best, as Malina said not too long ago. Problems would have arisen between us eventually. Better to know now, before we are married, what we are truly dealing with.

I cannot believe him. I cannot believe what I saw, what I heard. And she.... Well, she should be thankful that I chose to leave instead of drowning her or crushing her with fog or tearing her to shreds with my own hands.

A tear slips down my cheek again and I dab it away with a handkerchief. I do not want anyone inside who might be looking out at this garden to see me crying, especially that blonde harlot or Zinaida.

Perhaps I should practise. Anything to take my mind off of this. Maybe I’ll wake up and all of this will have been a dream. I’ve had a relapse, somehow, and I’ll wake up in bed with my head pounding and Dmitri holding my hand, whispering my name and assuring me that I’m the only one he wants.

I should be so lucky.

I half-heartedly walk over to a birdbath set in a clump of rosebushes and peer into it as I had into the bottom of Acionna’s boat. Nothing happens for the longest time. Put your heart into it. What heart? It’s shattered into pieces and shows no signs of being repaired anytime soon. Still, I tighten my focus. Eventually the cyan glow comes, followed by the swirling Celtic patterns, and then the window opens on the dark study that crackles with electricity. Wesley sits in his imposing leather chair, pointing emphatically at spots on a map and drawing lines and circles and arrows with a pencil and then rubbing them out. His eyes crackle, and the electricity in the tubes all around follows suit. I snap my fingers, and suddenly the crackling electricity and Wesley’s exclamations about possible campaigns and supply routes and military maneuvres fill my ears.

Dmitri fidgets anxiously in his chair. His face suggests that he is absolutely distraught. The flames in his eyes have never looked like this: the dull red of a fire that might soon go out, the struggling of embers that have been partially exposed to rain.

“Father, I can’t do this right now!” he exclaims abruptly, leaping up from his seat and moving towards the door. Wesley is suddenly in front of him.

“And why not? This is your duty. I’m sure Aerys is fine--” Wesley argues.

“You don’t understand. Before you ran into us, she’d come to the library, and Yekaterina--”

“So the blonde wench has gotten you into trouble with your fiancée, then. It was only a matter of time, you know.”

Dmitri groans in frustration. “I really tried to get her to leave me alone, Father--”

“Not in a way that would make her take you seriously, if the rumours have had any merit. There is never a good reason to let a woman who is not your fiancée sit on your lap.”

The truth of this shows in the shame in Dmitri’s features.

“What were you thinking, son?” Wesley inquires gently.

Dmitri sighs heavily before replying. “At first I just... She didn’t understand the way I felt about the Italian tutor, because of the way he looked at her and spoke to her, and it only got worse when they were spending every morning together, even if they were training for the war, by your orders. I wanted...I wanted to make her jealous, to make her understand how I felt. But it got out of control so quickly. I didn’t expect Yekaterina to...to honestly think that I...and of course she never knew that Aerys has magic. She was convinced that she would be better for me, because she thought Aerys was an ordinary human--”

“And you never told her the truth?”

“When Aerys and I talked about her the first time, the night after she arrived...we decided it would be more fun to keep that a secret. I think that playing tricks on Yekaterina with her magic is all that has kept Aerys’ temper from snapping, until this morning. I never told Yekaterina because of that conversation.”

“What happened this morning?”

“Aerys came to the library. I think she wanted me to look over her response to her sister’s last letter, the one that the combat tutor saw before I did--”

“The reason for his black eye. You really must learn to control your temper. Will you not permit your wife to have platonic relationships with other men?”

“It was never her honour or purity of motives I questioned, but his, and I did not want her to run the risk of falsely encouraging him.”

“And so you falsely encouraged Yekaterina to make your fiancée jealous.”

“Yes,” Dmitri admits with a miserable face. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. “This morning, when Aerys came in, Yekaterina was trying to convince me to...give her a chance, I suppose is the tactful way to put it. Once Yekaterina knew Aerys was there, she felt the need to...um...show both of us what she meant, I think was the phrase she used. So she...she kissed me.”

Wesley’s eyebrows nearly fly off his face.

“Only for a moment, Father. I was trying to push her off me, and then a geyser erupted under my chair, which pretty well separated us. I don’t know what happened to Yekaterina. I was up as soon as I hit the ground, running after Aerys, trying to get her to listen to me. I know I don’t deserve....” He swallows hard. Tears lurk behind the dark red flames in his eyes, trying to come out and douse the fire completely. “I don’t deserve for her to listen to me. I never should have.... I’ve messed this up so badly, and I never wanted to--”

“Aerys!” Giacomo’s voice interrupts me suddenly. The window in the birdbath closes abruptly with a splash that would have doused the front of my dress thoroughly had I not leapt back. “Please accept my most humble apologies. I did not intend to startle you. I did not expect to find you here, in all honesty. Such a pleasant surprise.” The light in his swirling blue eyes indicates genuine pleasure at finding me here. I am not prepared to deal with this. Indeed, I can hardly remember how to make my lips form words, so caught up am I still in what the water showed me.

“Good morning,” I greet him civilly, trying desperately to compose myself and collect my thoughts. Should I still try to keep my promise to Dmitri? Whether I should or not, I probably won’t. Giacomo is a frustratingly good guesser, and I’m feeling rather spiteful towards my fiancé at the moment. “What brings you out here? I would have thought you would be training.”

He chuckles warmly, and I cannot help but smile slightly at the sound. “I probably should be, according to my contract, but my favourite student has been absent for the past few days, and training is frightfully boring without her. I’m surprised you’re permitted to be outside. Didn’t Lady Berkeley restrict you to bed rest?”

“Aye, but Juniper and Malina let me do as I please when Her Ladyship isn’t looking. Malina thought some fresh air would do me good, so here I am. My malady was not bad enough to warrant such restrictions after the first day, anyway. I feel perfectly fine now.” But for a broken heart.

“I’m glad to hear it. You look well.”

“As do you. I see your eye is healing up nicely.” The bruise is much faded from what I saw when I looked in on him and Malina through the window in the bottom of the boat, but it is still obvious that he took a solid punch to the eye not too long ago.

“I suppose you heard about how that happened?”

“Indeed I did. I have to say, such treatment might befit those who read personal letters over the shoulders of others.”

“My apologies for offending you. I was simply curious, and once I started reading, I couldn’t stop.”

“I understand. I might have done the same, were our positions reversed. They all complained, when I first arrived, that I was far too curious for their taste.”

“Even your beloved fiancé?” Ouch. I wonder if he knows....

“He was not nearly as bothered by it as his parents.” Without the acting skills from growing up with Zira and her mother, I would be in some really hot water by now. “Speaking of, Dmitri and his father are in conference right now, about the war. Have you heard that war has been declared?”

“Indeed, I received notice as such from a courier just moments ago,” he replies gravely. Amazing how quickly he turned from teasing to serious. “My clan telegrammed me as soon as they got word, it seems. I have been ordered in no uncertain terms to come as quickly as possible, with all the resources I can muster.”

“They expect you to fight with them, then?”

“So it would seem.”

“Has Italy even been dragged into the conflict yet?”

“No, and I hear there is some uncertainty as to which side we will fight on. But nevertheless, I have been summoned back to Venice. I can only surmise that they wish me to train with them, instead of staying here, where my means of getting back to them could be cut off or made exceedingly treacherous by warfare. Switzerland may well declare neutrality, but it is likely to be something like the eye of the storm, if you will.”

“If this is an attempt at as resignation or leave-taking, you would be better suited to speak with Lord Berkeley about it,” I point out, toying with a yellow rose. Anything to keep my hands busy, give me something else to think about. He’s leaving now? NOW, of all times? I don’t need him to keep getting better with my skills; as Dmitri once said, we did just fine before he arrived. But I will miss training with him anyway, and the friendship of a sort that we have had. “I cannot grant you leave to depart.”

“No, of course not, and I would never burden you with such a request. Indeed, I was simply making conversation.... But come to think of it, Aerys, your skill would make you an interesting resource, particularly to a clan of water elementals.” A resource? Really?

“I am a lady, not a resource, and ought to be treated as such,” I retort with venom.

“Forgive me. I meant no offence. I was simply speaking in military terms. I do mean, however, to extend you an invitation.” He pauses to let me catch his drift. I deliberately play dumb, arching an eyebrow at him to ask him to continue. “Come to Venice with me. Join your own people. What place do you have here, with this mixed element family and none of your own skill set? You haven’t seemed particularly happy here, especially of late, and if the rumours about Dmitri and Yekaterina are true--”

“I cannot honourably abandon this place, which has been chosen for me, even if I wished to,” I answer coolly, cutting off his rapid torrent of words. I can hardly believe his nerve. “I do appreciate your regard for my skill, that you would think me useful to your clan, but I cannot help but point out that, as a magic-endowed human instead of an elemental, I would not be joining my own people but a group of elementals about whom I know next to nothing. You cannot think you are asking anything small of me.”

“Far from it, Aerys. I realise that this must be very shocking for you, and that to accept my invitation would be to give up practically everything. But you might find more happiness there than here, and, if you were to unite yourself with an elemental of a type compatible with your talent, your species might change. It has happened before, according to legends, and to some with less talent than what you exhibit.”

“Are you making advances to an engaged lady?”

“Can you really consider your current situation an engagement? As far as I understand it, you were not consulted in the bringing about of the arrangement in which you find yourself, and you have been permitted no choice in the matter. Do you not think you deserve better?” His eyes are positively glowing with feeling. I have no idea what to say and so I simply stare at him, my mouth slightly open from sheer shock. “I think you deserve better, and so I am offering you a choice now. You can escape this ‘engagement.’ You can take your life into your own hands. Come with me to Venice.”

“You have not answered my question, and I cannot help suspecting that there must be a catch somewhere in this preposterous offer,” I answer carefully. I honestly cannot believe this is happening. Have I not had enough stress for one day? “Are you suggesting an elopement?”

“If I were proposing an elopement,” he asks, his brilliant blue eyes locked on mine with earnestness and swirling with feelings I dare not name, “would that make my offer more attractive to you, or less?”

***~O~***