Look Beyond What You See

“Aerys...Back to reality, sweetheart,” the familiar enthralling masculine voice invites me. The darkness around me is warm, comforting, safe, but nevertheless I find myself swimming out of its blissful embrace to join the voice elsewhere. My eyes flutter open to see amber flames, somehow emanating concern instead of heat, against a backdrop of pearls on black velvet. Where am I?

“What happened?” I mumble. Dmitri’s face materialises from the flames, which still flicker in his eyes, mesmerising me. He laughs gently at me with a smile that does not penetrate his flaming irises.

“Of all the things you could have done when I kissed you, fainting was the last thing I expected,” he answers, a hint of bitterness underlying his teasing tone.

“I’m sorry. I’ve never....” I attempt to explain, but then I give up. Speaking is too hard, especially as I remember the flood of feelings that overwhelmed me the second our lips made contact. His eyes brighten as understanding somehow dawns within them.

“It’s all new for me, too, you know.”

“I just...didn’t expect...to feel....” Again I give up, unable to describe what I actually felt.

“Ah. So that’s what happened,” he mutters, more to himself than to me. I expect him to continue, but instead his eyes search the sky for answers to unvoiced questions and his grip on me tightens. Only then do I realise that I’m lying in his lap.

“What do you mean?” I ask him after what feels like an eon of silence. He seems startled by the question, but his eyes are soft when they meet mine.

“It happens sometimes, or so the legends say, when those with magic make intimate contact with each other. The magic meets, too, and that meeting can be very intense. I felt it strongly, but you...I can only guess that you are more fatigued from learning to access it than I thought.”

“That should be no surprise. I didn’t even know I had it, until you told me....”

“I keep forgetting that.” He seems to want to say something else, but I can see him choosing not to. “How are you feeling?” An interesting question. Staring into his eyes makes me dizzy, but it’s a pleasurable dizziness. Otherwise, though, I feel fine.

“Better. Can I sit up?” He obligingly helps me into a seated position and then pulls me against him, my back to his chest, my head on his shoulder. Something within me comes alive, swirling and bubbling with anticipation and pushing towards Dmitri. My heart races irregularly and my lower abdomen pulses desirously. What is this? What does it mean?

“Stronger than I thought,” he mumbles near my ear. “And I knew....”

“Knew what?” The atmosphere changes; our harmony has been interrupted by a wall. The swirling within me turns cold and confused.

“I can’t explain it now.” But why? I bite my lip to keep from asking. He’s answered quite a few questions tonight. But why is it that every time he answers some of my questions, new ones arise?

“Is my water dangerous to your fire?” I blurt childishly. He laughs a bit.

“Not unless you’re very angry with me and want it to be, which I sincerely hope never happens.”

“You’ll simply have to be on your best behaviour.”

“When am I ever otherwise?” His warm chuckle makes my body ache for our lips to meet again. I turn my face towards his accordingly. Pulse quickens. Eyes delve into each other, searching, wanting. Faces grow closer, closer....

And then I hear Juniper’s distinctive screeching somewhere in the mansion, demanding to know where I am and why I’m not in bed ‘like a proper lady ought to be at this hour.’ Dmitri and I both laugh, but the strange desires I had have quite fled me now, and I can tell he feels the same way.

“She ruins all my fun,” he mutters before carefully getting up and then offering me a hand, which I gratefully take, still being a bit dizzy from the fainting spell (or from his nearness). “How will you keep her from noticing that book?”

“I’ll bundle it in the shawl and take care of it myself. No need to worry,” I reply with a brightness I don’t feel. I wish we could stay up here forever, away from the needless restrictions of life down below, in a place where he could answer all of my questions without concern for whatever he might have promised to whomever. But alas, such a place is only a dream, and moments later I’m climbing down the ladder from the roof into my closet, dreading my upcoming confrontation with Juniper.

“There you are! My heavens, milady, what were you thinking, going up to the roof at this hour? You’re bound to catch cold--” Juniper begins upon seeing me. I brush past her frantic form as nonchalantly as possible, knowing it will only aggravate her more but wanting to get my book hidden again before she can find it and really become angry with me.

“Catch cold, Juniper? It’s really quite warm outside. It is summer, after all,” I answer her calmly. “I do so love the fresh air, you know, and my requests for my windows to be open and fires not to be lit in my chambers seem to go quite unheeded. Perhaps if my whims were humoured, I wouldn’t feel the need to put myself at risk by climbing to the roof.” Juniper seems absolutely flabbergasted by this dose of logic and follows me into my bedchamber gawping like a fish out of water at the revelation that perhaps I have a brain (which seems to be quite the revelation to everyone in this mansion). Meanwhile, I tuck the shawl into a drawer in the armoire with the others, sliding the book under it and into the back corner, where it will be safest. I’ll find it later, after Juniper is satisfied that I’m in bed, sleeping like a proper princess or whatever I’m actually supposed to be.

“But, milady, our express orders are to see to it that you are kept as healthy as possible, and the air outside cannot be good for a constitution as delicate as that belonging to a lady such as yourself.”

“On the contrary, current medical science suggests that fresh air is in fact the best thing for everyone, particularly those with delicate constitutions, and even if you do not believe that, surely you know by now that my constitution is far from delicate.”

“You may think that now, but all true ladies have delicate constitutions.” What a ludicrous idea. I snort in the most unladylike fashion possible as a hint about my ladyhood and begin to get ready for bed. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Undoing my corset. What does it look like?”

“The other staff and I are here to do that for you! A lady mustn’t strain herself with such things--”

“Perhaps a lady ought not strain herself by wearing such ridiculous, torturous contraptions in the first place.”

“How can you even suggest such a thing?! It is tradition, and you look so lovely wearing one....” More unintelligible fussing from Juniper ensues, but I ignore her, letting my thoughts wander in more pleasant and intellectually satisfying directions. Juniper’s ideas are really too silly to bother with. Soon enough she is satisfied that I am properly prepared for my beauty sleep and leaves me in peace, tucked so tightly beneath the covers that I can scarcely breathe. That does not stop me from getting out of bed after listening for Juniper’s footsteps to travel out of earshot. The history book is my target, naturally. Perhaps I can read the whole thing tonight, and then tomorrow I can read the other one. At this point the other is more interesting to me, because it might hold answers to my questions about whatever is going on between my fiancé and me. But I might as well finish the history book first. After all, it can probably help answer my other questions, or at least help me determine which questions to ask Dmitri first. I sense that there is still much more beyond what I already see waiting to be discovered.

***~O~***