SWNOVELS Chapter Sixty three
"I thought I had control" I cried harder in Lucian's suit when I saw the paramedics taking out the body of dead bodies. Some of them burnt to no recognition while some were gone because of the smoke. I just wanted another normal day not mass murder. My fear and worry increased when I saw the cops rushing in after the fire fighters helped to subdue the fire. Will they be able to find anything? What will they say the source of the fire was?
"Raina" Lucian called my name in my hair. I made a sound so he knows I am listening to him.
"You do have control, the heat made this out control" I looked up at him with a look of irritation. Did he really think that was going to help me feel better? Was I supposed to leap up with joy because the heat did this and not my stupid powers.
"Probably the wrong thing to say" He murmured. I didn't say anything.
"I should have confirmed if there was going to be a full moon before taking you out, even with that we wouldn't have guessed that this would have happened"
"But it did anyway. I killed them" This time I could not shed anymore tears. My voice was already gone and my head aching so bad.
"I should get you home" I did not protest because I knew that I had to leave because I did not want to stay and watch a disaster I created, selfish I know but I just needed the break.
The car ride was quiet which I appreciated. Lucian kept his hands in my hair and massaged my scalp gently. I let myself find a little calmness in his gentle touch.
"I hate myself for doing this to you. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for this" He said quietly but I heard everything he said. I didn't say anything. I wasn't going to lie to him and tell him he didn't have a fault in this. If only he hadn't marked me that night. I have forgiven his, yes but thinking about how differently things could have been without that one mistake makes me angry and sad sometimes. Some days I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel. I'm holding on to the past again? How I'm I to deal with this? The thought that I killed people who did not attack me. People who only came because they wanted a romantic night with the people that they love.
The car came to a stop. I felt Lucian wrap is hand around me to lift me up.
"I can walk" I told him taking my head away from his lap. I got down from the car to the packhouse.
The scene before me did not surprise me. I knew as alpha he was going to call the Alpha family. Lucy jumped up as soon as she caught sight of me. She pulled me into her warm embrace.
"Raina" She kept me in her arms and I didn't leave. I needed this hug.
"What happened Lucian?" Jack asked standing up. I turned to see Lucian walking towards us.
Lucian made everybody sit. He sat beside Lucy and me.
"We were having dinner and things got out of control" He started. He held my hands and drew small circles with his thumb as he explained what happened.
"What happened?" Jack asked.
"What got out of control?" Henrietta asked.
"Me. "I saved Lucian the trouble of explaining himself again. I got confused looks from them so I rephrased my sentence.
"I got out of control"
"It's a full moon today and we didn't know" Lucian explained.
"Shit" They said in unison
"I'm so sorry this is happening to you" Lucy said.
"I don't deserve that, I killed all of them" I argued not wanting their sympathy.
"We have five confirmed deaths" Lucian argued.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I snapped at him. He sighed but did not say anything.
"Of course not Raina but you should know that this is not your fault" Henrietta said.
"Whose is it then?" I asked but none of them could say anything.
"You should get some rest" Lucy said helping to sit up.
"I'll take her. See you guys tomorrow" Lucian announced helping me lean on him as we walked to our room.
"Thank you"
I mumbled as soon as Lucian helped me to the room. Before I could sit Lucian held my waist.
"Let me help you" He said silently on my neck. He helped me out of my clothes before lifting me off the ground. I yelped in surprise because I was not expecting him to carry me. I could not ask my question because he already had an answer to it.
"You deserve a long shower" I gave a faint smile. I suddenly felt bad for how I snapped at him. He was just trying to help me but honestly he just kept saying the worst things possible. Or maybe I just needed the silent help. Just knowing that he is there for me.
"I'm sorry this happened" He kissed my cheeks before dropping me in the bathtub. He turned the tap and the cold water poured on my aching body. I relaxed in the half full bath tub. With my eyes closed I hummed my favorite song. A song my mother always sang to me. I felt the brush of his hand on my skin causing me to open my eyes. Lucian was with a bathing scrub, he had the body wash on his other hand.
"Do you mind?" I nodded, no. He gave me a big smile before kneeling beside the bath tub and started ti scrub my body gently.
No words were passed between the two of us as Lucian helped me get cleaned up.
"Close your eyes, not too tight" He instructed moving to the upper side of the bath tub. I closed my eyes. I felt a warm liquid run down my face slowly followed by his fingers scrubbing my face gently. He followed this procedure with washing my face with water.
"All done" He had a huge smile on his face as he wrapped me in a huge towel.
"You're so strong baby" He praised. Strong? I was a crying mess. I even snapped when you were trying to help.
He tucked me in bed and left a kiss on my forehead. He joined me on the bed. He pulled me into a hug as he got to the bed.
"Sleep tight Love"
And that I did
The warm morning sun shined in my face causing me to sit up. I looked round to find the room empty. I stood up quickly and rushed to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and got into the shower quickly.
After my quick shower I got into a short and a top and I went back to lay in bed. I didn't want to face the judgment of everyone. Pack members would have heard of it. They are yet to meet with me officially and they will know I killed those innocent humans. Still deep in my thoughts I felt a familiar hand hold my shoulder. I turned to face Lucian but I was not happy with what I saw. His under eyes full and slightly red, his lips chapped, his perfect hair not looking so perfect and his beautiful green eyes held a great amount of misery I could not comprehend.
Concerned I sat up and held his hands down to pull him down with me. He stopped me.
"I should get ready" With that i stood away from his kneeling position, which I pu him in when trying to make him seat on the bed. He walked to the bathroom to get ready. While he was in there my mind could not get over the fact that he looked so miserable. Did something else happen yesterday? He even looked like someone who has been sleep derived for a very long time.
Still lost in thoughts I did not see him walk towards me until he touched me.
"You should get some food in your system, you barely ate anything yesterday" He said. I did not like the way he was trying to act like nothing happened yesterday. I held his hands but I did not say anything. I waited for him to look me in the eyes before I talked.
"Lucian" I said softly.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Nothing" I knew he was lying so I did not say anything instead I pulled him down. This happened suddenly which caught him by surprise.
"i don`t want you to leave me" i lied. Not totally a lie though. I of course did not want him to leave me but i really need him to talk to me. I want to be there for him the same way he has always there for me.
"I won't leave you Raina, never" He promised. I gave a faint smile and pulled him to a hug. We both stayed on the bed wrapped in the hug with no words passed amongst us. I started playing with his hair.
"Are you ok?" i asked quietly.
"I'll be fine" Was his reply.
"I want to be here for you Lucian, you don't have to deal with this alone"
"I made the mistake and I should pay for it not you" I sighed understanding what he meant.
"I told you already, I forgive you. I wasn't lying when I said that" I reminded him.
"i know Raina and I couldn't be more happier but you still go through this every month because of me" He said.
"I know the male wolf goes through heat too Lucian so we are both paying the price" I told him. Suddenly it clicked,
"Your heat yesterday was very bad right" I said. I did not need to ask him the question, I knew the answer already, his heat was bad just like mine.
"don't worry about me" He told me looking up from my shoulders to look at me.
"Get used to me worrying about you" I kissed his forehead.
"You look really tired" I said again after a few while of silence.
"I am" He admitted. I smiled liking the fact that he told me he was actually feeling tired.
"Then you should get some food and rest"
"I should be the one saying that" He said with a smile.
"Nothing wrong if we both say it" He nodded agreeing with me.
Unable to resist the urge to kiss him I leaned away from him a little to give me acces to his lips before I actually kissed him. I looked away when he had a huge smile on his face.
"Look at me" He said bringing my face closer to me and kissed me again.
"I thought you were tired" I teased.
"Never too tired for you"
"That's good to know"
Once again we locked our lips together. Not satisfied with just the feel of his lips on my I moved his hand to touch me. He looked at me to cofirm the move. I nodded letting him know that I wanted this. I moaned when his fingers touched my erect nipples and toyed with it slowly to arouse me even more.
"Lucian" I moaned.
He moved his second hand under my shirt to work with my second nipples. He withdrew from the kiss for a minute to remove my shirt. As soon as he did that he pushed me gently to lay on the bed. Allowing him to what he wanted Lucian ever slowly teased me with his touch on my stomach and breasts. He then proceeded to kssing every inchof my body slowly.
"Shit!"