Chapter 9 You Have No Right to Say That You Will Be Here With Me
"Do you realize that you're wrong?" Jensen noticed that she gave up so quickly and knew that she was most probably in the wrong. If she wasn't, she wouldn't give up like that and would be all arrogant. "Ahem," Rae cleared her throat. She felt awkward and didn't want to say anything. But then she glanced at Jensen and he was pulling down his zippers. She quickly raised her head and looked at him shockingly, "What are you planning to do?!"
"What else? Will you only realize what I want to do after I spray it all over your face?" Jensen retorted.
Only after saying that he felt like it was too vulgar. Rae was a bad influence on him.
"Are you crazy, I'm not that close to you. Can you do it after I'm done with the laundry?" Rae mumbled, but Jensen ignored her. After that water flowing sounds could be heard and Rae looked away. She felt uncomfortable.
Jensen was done peeing and he left.
Rae wasn't having it. She cursed him under her breath and continued doing the laundry.
Jensen left the bathroom but didn't walk far. He leaned backwards and peeked at Rae who was cursing him and washing laundry at the same time through the crack of the bathroom door. He couldn't help but smile. He thought that it was a beautiful morning, so beautiful that the word "forever" appeared in his mind again.
It was rare for Jensen to take a day off and stay home. Rae didn't want to go to work either. She was done with loads of laundry, and then she remembered her promise with Isabella today. She sauntered to Jensen's study room and leaned at the door while staring at Jensen, who was sitting up straight while looking through the documents. She said, "Isabella said that she would come by today in the afternoon." Jensen was wearing light blue pyjamas and looked totally different from how he usually was in a suit. He looked like a friendly and handsome next-door neighbour.
"Okay," answered Jensen. He typed on the keyboard and sent out the email. He then turned his head around and looked at Rae. He wanted to say something but frowned upon seeing Rae as she was still barefooted, and her legs were still wet. He then said, "Come here."
"What?" Rae didn't know what he wanted but she still walked over to him.
She went to his side. He then grabbed her waist with his arm and hugged her in his arms. Rae didn't struggle, she laid down comfortably in his arms. After that, Jensen bent her legs and used his pyjamas to dry the water on them. The fabric quality of his pyjamas was great, it was soft and it was caressing her legs. She felt like feathers were tickling her heart. Rae hugged her legs and put her chin on her knees. She looked at the handsome Jensen up close. She couldn't say it before, and she blurted out suddenly, "How's your shoulder?"
Jensen wasn't surprised that she knew about it because Adam already confessed honestly that he told her about it. But he didn't expect her to only ask him about it so long after.
His Adam apple moved and he gulped. He didn't say anything.
"Why didn't you tell me that you got hurt? I don't only care about if you can get hard or not, I also care about...!" She didn't manage to finish her sentence. Jensen who was drying her legs turned his head around suddenly and bit her on the lips. Rae licked her lips and knew that Jensen didn't like her to talk so vulgarly.
Jensen ruffled her hair seeing that she quieted down. He said helplessly, "I know you are trying to comfort me, but can you talk decently? Why do you always want to talk about my dick?"
Rae pursed her lips and gave him the silent treatment. But then she felt the need to say something and hence she said quietly, "But I'm that vulgar, talking so vociferously is just the way I am. Also, I don't have friends who like to talk about philosophies with me."
Jensen stopped talking seeing that she mentioned Karina.
"In the morning, a fire broke out in the shopping street on HS Street. The fire was spreading fast, but luckily the fire department came in time. No one was injured..." said a female reporter. The voice came from Jensen's laptop. Rae knew that Jensen always listened to the news and it was something absolutely normal. But the news report about fire...
Rae quickly looked at Jensen and noticed that his expression changed. His eyes lost focus and he looked not in the very least normal. Rae got worried, she quickly stood up from his lap and grabbed his arm, "Jensen, Jensen? Are you okay?"
Jensen looked at Rae and there was an unfamiliar look in his eyes. After a while, he regained his composure, but it took a long while until he recognized Rae again. The first thing he said was, "Meds, I need my meds..."
"Don't take them. Jensen, listen to me. I'm here, I will be here with you." Rae knew that he was trying to escape from the pain again. She couldn't remain as calm as usual, she was so nervous that she was almost in tears.
It was her fault. If only she didn't leave him back then...
But she didn't have a choice either back then!
"I cannot take this!" Jensen yelled, he looked like a mad animal. He pushed Rae away forcefully, stood up and walked towards the cupboard to look for his meds.
Jensen was physically strong and Rae fell to the ground. She felt a sharp pain in her body as it hit the hard floor.
She looked at Jensen who was going crazy and the feeling of guilt was consuming her like a large wave. Tears welled up in her eyes, "Jensen..."
"Rae, back then, you chose to rescue him and left me there. You have no right to say that you will be here with me!" Jensen looked through the cupboard and finally found his meds. He opened it quickly as if he was infatuated with it. His hands trembled as he poured the pills onto his palms. He didn't even count it before he swallowed.
After a few seconds, Rae witnessed first-hand that Jensen, who was originally crazily enraged, turning into a quiet and lifeless person as if he got shot by multiple tranquillizers. She quickly stood up and helped him to the sofa. She knew that after taking the meds, he would lose his senses for a while. His senses would go numb as if someone put a bag on his head and he was the only person in the world. She knew it so clearly because she secretly took his pills before. Because she wanted to feel what he had to go through.
But she still couldn't really understand how he really felt.
Jensen, who was getting furious at her a few moments ago, was now all lifeless. Rae felt guilty, she reached out her hands and hugged him while mumbling, "I'm sorry, Jensen. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Rae kept repeating herself, she didn't even know how many times she had repeated herself anymore. Her mouth got dry and she still didn't stop. She knew that it was her fault that Jensen was like this, it wouldn't do anything even if she apologized for her whole life.
Jensen gave her everything, but she destroyed him.
She felt extremely remorseful.
After a long while, the person in her arms finally moved again. Rae quickly shut her trap and looked at him, "Are you back?"
"...again..." Jensen grimaced and couldn't really recall what happened.
"We got too excited just now from fucking, you fainted from feeling too high." Rae lied, wanting to divert his attention.
Jensen felt speechless hearing her lie.
Of course, he didn't believe her. The feeling he had right now was too familiar, he knew that he had a bad chapter of a panic attack and took the special meds he had. But it was strange that it happened since he consistently went to see the psychotherapist and had normal meds to control his panic attacks. Rae's eyes were red and Jensen knew that he did something bad to her. He felt guilty.
He shouldn't blame her at all for the incident from that day.
He was just a friend and the other person was her first love. It was only normal that she chose to save the other person. And she was also just a normal person, a young girl who didn't have the strength to save two men at the same time... Jensen kept repeating this to himself in his heart, he told himself to let go and not blame her anymore.
"I'm hungry," said Jensen, trying to divert her attention.
Rae hugged him tightly and didn't want to let go, "Eat me up then, I'm delicious."
"Rae..."
"Okay, okay. I'll go make some food," said Rae as she noticed that Jensen was going to lecture her again. She left the room on her own accord.
After the meal, Jensen went back to the study room and continued doing his work. Rae already changed the news station to the financial news channel, so that he didn't have to hear something triggering again. Rae put the dishes into the dishwasher. As the dishwasher was about to go off, Isabella arrived. Isabella was a friend from high school and she was the only one who kept in touch with Rae after they graduated. She was the opposite of Rae, she was brought up well, always speaking in a low voice. Unlike Rae who was loud and vulgar.
Rae grabbed a bunch of snacks from the kitchen and yanked Isabella to her room. They sat on the bed and started talking.
Isabelle saw that Rae was leaving crumbs on the bed, she asked, "Will you not get scolded by Jensen?"
"He wouldn't dare. I'm the one doing the cleaning anyways." Rae didn't care, "Right, I received an email two days ago saying that our class was going to hold a class reunion? Come on, it's not even new years why are they having a gathering? They probably just wanted to show off their wealth, husbands, children and whatnot, trying to make others feel envy," Rae scoffed, not trying to hide her disdain.
"Come on, Rae. You are together with Jensen, how dare you talk about flaunting wealth?!" Isabella felt faint. Did Rae know that she didn't even need to do anything and just mention the name Jensen Knight, and everyone would look at her in envy? And Jensen treated Rae really well, so well that people were dying to know how deeply in love he was, that he was willing to give up everything for her. 會
"Jensen? Hahaha..." Rae thought about how stingy Jensen normally was and laughed hysterically. If she didn't dress up nicely for the class reunion, they would look down on her. After laughing, Rae asked seriously, "I'm probably better off lending some outfits from you. Isabella, will you lend me a dress, a handbag and a pair of shoes?"