Let Me Love You

“You got laid, didn’t you? About damn time.”

I winced at Alessandro’s comment; then memories of my time with Maria a little over an hour ago tore through my mind. And I’d give anything for us to be together, her safe in my arms. Chiara asleep in her crib. No worries in the world.

Instead, I was on a jet heading to Syracuse to steal a man from CIA custody, and Maria was left alone to handle my parents and sister.

“You’re really asking me that?” I wasn’t in the mood to discuss my sex life with a man who’d been using my home to get laid so women didn’t find out where he lived.

Alessandro casually leaned back in the leather seat aboard our private jet. We’d been in the air for twenty minutes, and it was his first time talking since he left the office.

I looked over at Hudson as he busied himself with prepping his MK 13 sniper rifle. Not made for rubber bullets, clearly. More like .300 Winchester Magnum caliber. The rifle was a bit more compact but had greater accuracy. One of my preferences as well.

We really did owe some hefty Christmas bonuses this year to our people at the airport who helped ensure our gear and weapons safely made it to our jet without getting flagged. We weren’t flying commercially, but it helped to have an inside man, or woman in this case, to get our shit into the hangar.

“I need a distraction from the fact our father ruined our lives.” Alessandro wasn’t going to let this go, was he? The man had been an impossible thorn in my side ever since I moved to Charlotte and he realized how I felt about Maria. For a man who claimed he had no heart, he’d spent a year pressing me to follow mine.

“What are you thinking about?” Alessandro glanced at Constantine, who was putting away his Ruger Precision Rifle, his preferred long-range shooter.

Constantine positioned his hand on the ceiling overhead. “Dad did what he did for Mom. She wouldn’t have survived the death of her daughter and her three sons in prison. Everything he does is always for her, you know that.”

“He told you that?” I asked in surprise.

“He didn’t have to. That woman is his world. He’d do anything for her.” Constantine’s neutral expression softened a bit, a message to me: You’d do anything for Maria. And I would. “In Dad’s mind, he did what he believed needed to be done, even if it meant betraying his word to her in never letting us live the same life as he had in Italy.”

Alessandro stood and went over to the scattered gear, moving aside the case that held our M4 carbine, a short-barrel rifle meant for close-quarter combat.

“None of us had a chance anyway. You realize that, right?” Constantine reached for Alessandro’s arm, urging him to look at him. My brother slowly turned to face Constantine, his shoulders still squared back, body taut. Ready for a fight. But he couldn’t shoot his way out of this problem. Our past. “We were all fucked long before Bianca died.” Constantine drilled in the point. “Just look at our family’s background.”

“I don’t buy it. We could have done something else with our lives.” And yet, defeat penetrated Alessandro’s tone.

Constantine let go of Alessandro, his gaze moving to Hudson, who’d remained quiet during our family discussion.

“What if I told you I’m so messed up that I never actually quit, then what?” Alessandro looked over at me, an apology in his gray eyes. “Like I said, I’m addicted.”

Sitting taller with shock, it took me a moment to register his words. “So all that talk the other day about missing the hunt, and you’re never satisfied by anything, was bullshit?”

And why didn’t Constantine look pissed? Or Hudson, for that matter?

“I can’t look the other way when bad shit happens. Can you blame me?” Alessandro asked, trying to downplay whatever he’d been doing in the two years since our supposed retirement. “But I miss when we were a team. Nothing in the civilian world can compare to that.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Hudson mumbled under his breath, breaking his silence.

“I get it.” Constantine coughed into a closed fist, his gaze shooting uncomfortably to me. “I didn’t stop, either.”

“You’re kidding me? All that talk about . . .” Alessandro let go of his words, realizing he was about to parrot what I’d just said about him. “So we’ve been riding solo when we could’ve been united? Well, that sucks.” He peered at me as if double-checking the sincerity of my surprise.

“I stopped when I moved to Charlotte,” I confirmed, then checked with Hudson.

Hudson palmed his bearded jawline, eyes falling to the floor.

Alessandro peered at Hudson. “Fuuuck. You too?”

“I haven’t taken a life in years, though, if that makes it better?” Hudson shrugged.

Hudson had never been part of the deal with the government, but that was because we’d never offered his name when arrested. But he’d been at our sides every step of the messy way as we handled injustices as we saw fit.

“Looks like you’re the only one who really retired and changed, brother. Guess you do have a shot at a normal life,” Alessandro said to me.

Changed. The word pummeled its way through my mind as I processed the truth I’d struggled to acknowledge out of fear it couldn’t be true.

I’d walked away from that life, but I’d had Maria and Natalia to help “tame” me. Keep me under control. And I supposed working with my hands in the kitchen had been another way for me to escape. Also, I never read or watched the news. Made sure all alerts were turned off on my phone. I wouldn’t be able to handle hearing about some asshole hurting someone innocent and do nothing about it.

I did change, didn’t I?

“We need to focus on tonight. We can figure everything else out later,” Constantine declared. But what was there to figure out? They needed to stop, like we previously agreed, right?

Swallowing down the uncomfortable lump in my throat, I decided to switch gears and asked, “Can you really work with Carter?”

Constantine squeezed the back of his neck. “What choice do I have?”

“Good. Just don’t start shit with him.” I shook my head. “And maybe we’ll all survive the night.”