Let Me Love You

Three Weeks Later

“I came here to work out, not to get my ass whooped.” Ryan bent over, holding his abdomen. “I turned forty this year. I’m too old for this shit.”

“Yeah, yeah, and I’m thirty-seven, so what?” I slapped a hand over his shoulder, urging him to stand tall, knowing he wasn’t too old for anything. He’d still be running ops for DEVGRU, more commonly known as SEAL Team Six, if he hadn’t been medically forced into retirement.

“You think I’d let one of my best friends marry a guy who wasn’t tough enough to go up against me?” That had him upright fast.

“Oh, you let Talia marry me, huh? Is that right?”

“That’s right.” A sly grin slid across my lips, one I hoped would lure my friend into raising his gloves again. I needed to relieve some tension, and since I couldn’t do the one thing I wanted to do, I needed to hit something.

Ryan let go of his side, still a little breathless, since we’d been sparring for nearly an hour. “I know what you’re trying to do, and it’s not going to work.” He pointed to the punching bag to our left. “Beat the bag up instead of me. My wife will have both of our heads if we keep at it and I come home with bruises.”

I looked around the mostly empty boxing gym. It was Monday evening, and one of the nights the restaurant was closed during the week. I always went a little stir-crazy when I wasn’t working. I needed to be doing something with my hands, or I’d wind up . . .

I let go of those thoughts and surrendered, heading for the heavyweight bag. “Fine.”

“Does your stress have anything to do with the fact Maria is going on a date tonight?” he asked once opposite the black bag.

I went still at Ryan’s words, and he closed one eye as if preparing for a swing to the face. “She’s what?”

“Maybe I wasn’t supposed to tell you that?” He snatched the sides of the bag and tipped his head, a request to pound it and not him.

I made a come-hither motion, shaking my head. “Too late. Details. Now.”

Maria had told me three weeks ago on her birthday that she had planned to date again, but she hadn’t brought up that she was dating again. I’d hoped a lot more time would pass before the dreaded day came.

Ryan’s shoulders fell, and he let go of the bag. “Talia’s gonna have my head anyway, I see.” He dragged his gloved hand over his bearded jawline, his eyes on the mat beneath his bare feet. “Tonight is Thomas’s night with Chiara, and Maria was asked out, so she said yes. I’m sorry, man. You can’t expect her to wait around forever.”

I let go of a gruff breath and struck the bag so hard, it nearly slammed into Ryan. He caught it between his palms and looked around it with narrowed eyes.

“I can’t be with her.” I flicked my wrist, a demand to release the bag so I could hit it again, but he held it hostage between his gloved palms.

“You really think you can watch her date? And what happens when she brings a guy home? You’re not going to break down the door and kill the guy?”

The fact she’d been with only one man in her life and it hadn’t been me made me insane. But Maria was right, and Chiara wouldn’t exist if I’d crossed the line six years ago. “I promised Maria I wouldn’t kill anyone.”

“No cutting hands off her dates, either?” He smirked, and I knew he remembered the threat I’d made to that son of a bitch last year who’d thought it was okay to put his hands on a woman without consent.

“I wouldn’t have actually cut off his hands.” Well, probably not.

Ryan’s smile dissolved, turning into a solemn look. “Clearly, you’re worried about your past. But I know whatever happened in New York that you haven’t shared with me can’t be dangerous. You’d never have risked coming to Charlotte in the first place if it were. You wouldn’t work at Talia’s or live next door to Maria if being near you threatened them.”

No, my past wasn’t dangerous. I wasn’t one to leave loose ends. Ryan was right, I’d never jeopardize their safety if I thought I was a risk to be around.

“Don’t do what I did and wait too long. Life is short.” He released the bag and began removing his gloves, letting me know he was done. “If you’re worried about starting a relationship with secrets, then tell her the truth. See how she reacts.”

“She doesn’t need to know I have blood on my hands,” I said in a low voice, referring to one of the things Ryan did know about, the fact my brothers and I killed the man who’d murdered Bianca. Where the justice system had failed my sister, we’d vowed not to. “And there’s more to it than that. I just . . .”

“Just what?” Ryan tossed his gloves in his gym bag as a text on my Apple Watch popped up.

Maria: I need to see you. Can you come over?

“It’s Maria,” I shared as he pulled his shirt over his head. “She needs me.”

“She does need you. And I hope you come to your senses soon and realize you are good enough for her.” Ryan patted me twice on the shoulder. “Go. I’ll see you later.”

I removed my gloves and grabbed a tee from my bag, covering my sweaty chest. “Tell Talia hey, and thanks for taking the, uh, beating today.” I smirked.

“Just glad you found out about the dating news after we stopped sparring.” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder, telling me to get a move on.

We bumped fists as our goodbye, and once my sneakers were on, I grabbed my phone, slung my bag over my shoulder, and started home.

I sent a group text to my brothers, hoping one of them would calm me down before I faced the little hellion who drove me nuts.

Me: She’s going on a date. How do I stop this? My trigger finger is fucking itchy.

Alessandro: You forced us into retirement, remember?

Alessandro was always there for me no matter what he was doing, or “who” he was doing, and I appreciated that. The same was true for Constantine.

Constantine: We made a deal. We all agreed. Don’t blame him.

Constantine: Ask Maria out. Make Mom happy. Have babies. Live the good life, brother.

Alessandro: Sure, sure. Do what Boss Man says. But if not, I’ll help you dispose of her date’s body. Your choice.

I shook my head at their responses, allowing them to continue in the conversation without me.

Constantine: Don’t listen to him.

I swiped my key fob to enter my apartment complex and went inside. It wasn’t too fancy of a place. No lobby with a security guard, and now that Maria was living next door, I was beginning to wonder if I needed to upgrade our location. Tap into some of the money I told myself I wouldn’t touch to get a more secure place and then somehow not let her know the actual cost.

Alessandro: Watch her with another man the way you had to do with Thomas? Genius idea. Your control has its limits, bro. You’ve waited long enough. You’re bound to snap soon.

I finally joined their exchange because he’d struck a nerve on purpose.

Me: What choice did I have? She was married.

Constantine: And she’s not now. WTF is wrong with you?

Me: You know my problem. ALL of our problems. What we’ve done . . .

Constantine: Was exactly what needed to be done. And you know that.

Alessandro: If you’re not going to make a move, then I’m going to get back to the two women who are having too much fun without me right now.

Constantine: THAT’S why you bailed on this important dinner meeting I’m now handling alone? Get your ass here PRONTO.

Alessandro: Easy with the caps, bro. One of the three of us needs to get laid.

I laughed as I stepped into the elevator. They’d never change. I missed them, though. And at least I felt a bit calmer now before I faced Maria.

Me: I’ll leave you two to argue. Later.

I pocketed my phone and stepped onto our floor a moment later. We had the only two apartments on our level, and yeah, luck had nothing to do with the fact my neighbor abruptly moved out last November, freeing the place for Maria.

I knocked and rang the bell. After no answer, I checked the door handle, which was locked.

Good girl. I grabbed my keys from the gym bag and used the key she’d given me to let myself in.

“Maria?” I dropped my bag in the foyer and went into the living room in search of her.

The bedroom door was open, so I poked my head in, surprised to see Chiara on the bed, since it was her father’s night with her.

Chiara’s eyes widened as she let go of her favorite stuffed animal. She opened her arms and stood but lost her balance and fell back. “I thought you were with your dad, silly?”

“Enzo!” Maria exclaimed on my way to get Chiara, and I turned to see her exiting her bathroom in only black jeans and a lacy bra, and her tits were trying to escape the damn thing. Fuck. “Chiara spilled her juice on me while I was getting ready. I didn’t hear you ring, sorry.”

“Getting ready for your date?” I let go of a frustrated breath, tense all over again at the fact she had on such a sexy bra for her date. Did that mean she hoped someone would see it?

Maria’s brows lifted in surprise. “Who told you?”

“Maybe cover up before we talk?” I rasped, my voice a bit harsh, but she was testing my patience.

She didn’t pin her arms to her chest to hide her body as she walked closer to me, and a gorgeous smile slid across her red lips.

“Maria,” I hissed, and I turned and reached for Chiara.

I’d accidentally seen Maria in a bra twice while she’d been married. This was by far the most memorable, since she was single and I didn’t have to feel guilty about eyeing another man’s wife’s breasts. Of course, her husband had been an ass, so I’d never felt that bad about seeing her in a bra back then. I’d only been upset that I couldn’t swipe the pad of my thumb along the underside of her breast before placing her nipple between my teeth.

Chiara cupped my cheeks and smushed my lips, and my heart dropped like it always did when she exclaimed, “Dah-dah.”

I wish, sweetheart. I sighed and faced the storm coming. My Maria. And she’d always been mine, even when she was with Thomas. She owned my mind, heart, and soul. My fucking everything. I just couldn’t be with her for reasons I had no clue how to explain.

“Has she called you that before?” She lifted her perfectly shaped brows in question as she buttoned up a silky gold blouse, thankfully hiding her breasts before Chiara witnessed my control snap.

I looked back at Chiara and tried to talk, but she kept squishing my lips, so I nodded my answer. A few times.

Maria retreated to the bathroom, presumably to finish getting ready. And I peered at her adorable daughter, shifting Chiara’s shoulder-length dark hair away from her face. She had the same dark mass of curly hair as Maria, but Maria’s was often styled to be wavier instead. Her ex used to make her straighten it, though, and . . .

I sat on the bed, trying to discard my anger toward Chiara’s real “dah-dah” for being such a horrible human being. But the dark, shitty side of me was secretly glad he hadn’t been husband of the year. Because if he had, he’d still be with Maria right now. And Alessandro was right, my self-control had its limits. Maria may have been married when I moved here, but her eyes and the way she’d always looked at me betrayed her secret. Her eyes weren’t just a window to her soul. They were a mirror of my own thoughts and desires.

And fuck, I didn’t just want this woman, I craved her. Needed her like fire needed oxygen. But if I had her, then I’d do what fire did best—ravage and consume her. And then I’d ruin her life, because ruining lives was what I was good at. And that was why I was so hell-bent on not giving in to what we both so desperately longed for even though she was now single.

But Alessandro was right, I’d barely survived her relationship with Thomas. How would I handle someone new?

“I’m crazy, huh?” I asked Chiara in a soft voice while holding her little fingers, and she giggled her answer, as if saying, Yes, you are. I bounced my leg up and down like I knew she loved as Maria opened the bathroom door.

She folded her arms and leaned into the interior frame, and I took a moment to study her. Her hair was like a bed of silky waves that stopped just shy of her belly button. She wasn’t tall or short, about five-six, but in her heels right now, she was tall enough that if I fisted her thick hair and pulled, I could slant my mouth over hers without too much effort.

Her light-brown eyes and long lashes beneath those dark brows always did a number on me. And I could feel her gaze piercing me, so I gave her my attention and did my best not to imagine her on her knees looking up at me with hooded eyes.

“Were you working out when I texted?” I lost sight of her brown irises for a moment as she peered at Chiara bouncing on my thigh.

“I was sparring with Ryan, yeah. We were just finishing up.”

“So he told you about my date tonight?”

I nodded, and this news had her straightening, relaxing her arms at her sides as she crossed into the room as if delicately stepping over the invisible line that I’d done my best to maintain between us.

“Never offer yourself to me again,” I remembered telling her six years ago, and I’d meant every ugly word. If she wanted a happy life, untainted by the likes of me, then it was best if she never let me have her. Because I also meant what I told her three weeks ago, if she were to ever be mine, there wasn’t a chance in hell she’d ever be with anyone else. “I thought she was staying with Thomas tonight?” I steered my focus to the issue at hand—her dating someone. “What happened?”

“He had a work thing run late, so he bailed on me.” She frowned. “I was hoping you could watch Chiara.” At her words, she took her from me.

“You’re asking me to watch her while you’re on a date?” I slowly stood, and I was wrong, I still towered over her, even in her heels. “It’s only been five weeks since you’ve been divorced, maybe you should wait?”

She looked up at me with a stubborn lift of her chin. “And it’s been forever since a man has touched me.” She flicked her wrist, and her bangle bracelets jangled together.

Yeah, well, I wish no man other than me had ever touched you. And if Chiara wasn’t wedged between us, I’d allow my thoughts to turn dark. To picture this woman with her long legs over my shoulders, her heels digging into my back, and those bracelets clinking together, as I plunged in and out of her.

“Dating, are you sure that’s what you really want to do? Maybe give those dance lessons a try again?” I suggested.

Last month, she’d taken dance lessons and quit. The month prior, she’d taken a few real-estate classes. She’d been on a quest to find a new passion in her life ever since singledom, and I was all for her doing that. But did dating have to be next on her Things to Try list, as she called it?

“I sucked at dance lessons, and you accidentally walked in on me practicing and nearly fell on your ass laughing. These Italian hips just don’t move like they should.”

“Oh, I bet they do,” I blurted, forgetting myself for a second, and she bit her lip at my suggestive words. Shit. Fucking. Hell.

Maria innocently tipped one shoulder as she shared, “I love being a mother, you know that. And running Natalia’s catering business is great. But I feel like there’s this void inside me still. I’ve been searching for my thing for years, and I haven’t found it.”

“A ‘thing,’ huh?” I poked back in a teasing tone. “Tell me more about this thing you need.”

Maria rolled her eyes. “Be serious.”

“I am.” Now I am, at least. Because if finding a new man was going to be her “thing,” I’d more than likely lose my mind.

“In the meantime, while I figure myself out, why not have some fun, you know?” There went her other shoulder. A not-so-innocent lift this time because she’d followed it with the word fun in relation to dating. “I need to get back on the horse, as the saying goes.”

The blood drained from my face. “I don’t want to think about you on any horses. Literal or metaphorical.”

“No?” Her lips twitched as if fighting a smile.

Did she find me funny? I was serious, dammit. I crowded her personal space even more, but she didn’t back away. “You could break your neck riding a real horse.”

“And the other kind?” Oh, she was trying to get a rise out of me.

My little fireball. “Someone else’s neck will get broken,” I shared in a steady voice, letting her know I wasn’t joking.

“And you promised you’d behave when I started dating.”

She still thought I was joking. I hadn’t made myself clear, had I? But she didn’t know about my past, so why would she take me seriously? “I promised I wouldn’t”—I looked at her sweet daughter, not wanting to discuss murder in front of her—“put your date six feet under.” I said nothing about breaking bones.

“You’d never really hurt anyone. You’re all talk. You might look like some tough guy, but I see how you are with my daughter. You’re a softy.”

I stepped back and pointed to Chiara in her arms, my heart pounding. “For her, I’m who she needs me to be.”

“And who is that, exactly?” She lifted her chin, not backing down from her stubbornness to always press my buttons. She’d been relentless in pushing me to my limits since her birthday, ever since I opened my big mouth and admitted the truth, that I wanted her.

“Her friend. Her protector,” I said in a hoarse voice, dying to add father to that list.

“And tonight, her babysitter?”

This is a test, isn’t it? And if I failed, she’d move out in November. If I didn’t prove I could handle this, I’d lose her for good, I could feel it in my bones. But my dumb ass blurted, “So you can get laid?”

“Baby ears,” she snapped out. “And it’s just dinner.”

My gaze fell to her chest, partially hidden by her squirmy daughter playing with her bracelets. “Then why the sexy bra if no one will see it?”

“You saw it,” she remarked, and when I looked at her, I saw the stain of embarrassment on her cheeks, as if she hadn’t meant to verbalize that thought.

“Dah-dah.” Chiara extended her arms for me, and Maria hesitantly handed her back.

“Who is he?” I asked, doing my best to maintain my control, knowing it was becoming increasingly impossible to do.

She fixed her bracelets in place, keeping her eyes away from me as she answered, “I met him at a catering job last week. It was for his company. We were talking while I was there, and he asked me for my number. We’ve been texting this past week, and tonight we’re going to dinner. And since I don’t have another night off until next weekend, I don’t want to cancel at the last minute, and I—”

“This man ate my food? And you’ve been texting?” My stomach dropped, all the way down to the seventh circle of hell where the soul of Bianca’s murderer lived for all of eternity.

“Enzo, you wanted to just be my friend, so be my friend. Okay? Prove to me we really can make this work.”

Friend. I repeated the word a few more times in my head, trying to digest it. My idea or not, I hated the thought of just being her friend.

My chin went to the top of Chiara’s head as I mulled over how to communicate my desire for her to stay home and never date again. Had I really boxed myself into a new kind of hell, one where I watched her fall in love with someone else?

“What’s his name?” My heart was beating so fast, the hard snaps of sound traveled to my ears.

“I’m not giving you details. Let’s take it one step at a time.”

A dark laugh fell from my lips, one that let her know not to test me. “You think I’m letting you walk out the door without knowing you’re safe first?”

“He’s safe. You wouldn’t have let me cater his office party if he wasn’t, right?” she chided, taking Chiara from me while letting out a heavy sigh. “Forget it, I’ll find someone else to watch her tonight.”

What do I do? I gave her my back, cupping my mouth as I played out the possibilities. If I told her to choose me instead of this corporate dickhead, I’d be lying. Because I wasn’t an option. I’m not a choice.

I looked down at the ink on my right arm. Good versus evil battled on my skin, and it was a reminder of how I’d spent years taking on the role of judge, juror, and executioner on more than one occasion.

My fingers curled into my palm as I tried to reclaim my sense of control that waned every second we were alone. “Fine,” I relented, facing her. “I’ll watch Chiara. Go on your date.”

She peered at me with curious eyes, as if worried she was walking into a trap. Maybe she was? I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly. “Okay, well, I’m meeting him downstairs in ten minutes, and you’re sweaty. Maybe shower first?”

“He’s not coming to the door?”

“So you can give him the third degree?” She faked a laugh. “No, like hell am I letting him come up here.” She waved her hand like a directive. “Go. Shower. And then come back to me.” Her tongue flicked between her lips for a quick second, and I wanted to catch it with mine. “Come back here, I mean. Please.”

I studied the two of them for a few agonizing seconds, then stalked away from her, hating myself for allowing this moment to happen. But once in the living room, I stopped in my tracks at the sight of the bookshelf, and memories peeled open in my mind.

One of Bianca on her favorite swing at our family home in Long Island with a book on her lap and a bright smile.

Another memory of one of her handwritten letters she’d sent while I’d been deployed. She’d hated emails, preferring the personal touch of ink to paper.

My stomach tightened as I thought back to a few weeks before she’d been viciously killed, when she sent me a selfie holding up a magazine, which housed her first published piece of fiction.

“Technically, it’s mostly nonfiction,” she’d told me. “In part, a real-life love story. But no one needs to know that.” I never did have a chance to ask her whose love story it’d been, because she was murdered.

I closed my eyes at the last memory. Her gravestone. REST IN PEACE. My brothers and I knew she’d never have peace if her killer walked the earth. Since the justice system failed to do its part, we’d had no choice but to handle it ourselves.

“You okay?” Maria asked from behind, catching me by surprise.

I opened my eyes, glanced over my shoulder to quietly nod my lie, then left.

Once at my place, I quickly showered and changed. I put on gray sweats, slipped into a pair of kicks, then snatched a white tee from the dryer, since I’d yet to put away my laundry. Hiding my wet hair with a backward ball cap, I returned to Maria’s so she could go on her date. Kill me now.

Maria was waiting in the living room with Chiara on her lap. Her eyes went to my crotch, and her lips flatlined.

“What?” I looked down, checking to ensure I wasn’t hard, and the fact she was going on a date had me about as limp as possible, so no, that wasn’t it.

“Gray sweats. Backward hat.” She wedged her lip between her teeth and stood. “You do that on purpose?”

“Do what on purpose?” I had no clue what she was talking about, but if my pants and hat were the cause of her doing that sexy thing with her lip, sign me the fuck up, I’d do it every damn day.

“She’s been having trouble falling asleep lately,” Maria said instead while handing over Chiara.

“I know, you’ve barely slept in weeks.”

“No rocking her to sleep. Just put her in the crib with Stuffy, her favorite bear, and leave the door cracked. I know it’ll be hard, but she’ll fall asleep after crying a bit.”

Watch Chiara beg for me and not pick her up? Ha. No chance. “Sure.” Another lie. I was on a roll tonight. “Can I at least know where you’re going to dinner? Time you think you’ll be home?”

Maria leaned in and kissed Chiara while gently giving her a small squeeze. “Do you plan to come spy on us? You do have a car seat in your Tahoe, so you can’t blame me for worrying.”

I’d traded my Porsche last year to help Natalia keep the restaurant afloat. I could’ve easily accessed the millions in my savings account or the money stashed in my safe, but part of my promise to myself to try and change when moving to Charlotte was making it on my own without my family’s money.

“I’m not taking your daughter out at night to spy on you, no,” I said, trying to reassure her, though it wasn’t that crazy of an idea. “So, restaurant name? Time?”

“He didn’t tell me where he was taking me. He knows I love sushi, though. And the time? I don’t know. I guess it depends on if . . .”

Yeah, I didn’t need her to finish that sentence, and she must’ve noticed I wasn’t capable of hearing more.

“Listen, I appreciate you doing this, and I know it’s awkward, but maybe this is what we need to happen so we can be certain living next door to one another is something we can keep doing.” She paused. “I’m sure you’ve had women over, but you’ve been good at—”

“No.” I shook my head, and Chiara was the only separation between us now as I stared at her. “And you won’t see it, Maria.” That was a promise I could easily uphold.

She swallowed at my clipped confession, then looked at Chiara, and I’d swear her eyes were glossy. “Have fun, baby girl.”

“Be safe,” I forced out, trying to maintain my cool. Having Chiara in my arms was all that was saving me from going downstairs and yanking this new guy from his car to ask him fifty questions.

“Okay,” she whispered, then pinched Chiara’s cheek.

Then that dark part of me I couldn’t contain snapped out. “If I find out he touched you”—I wanted to leave it at that, but I reluctantly growled out—“without your permission . . .”

“I know, I know.” Her brows tightened. “A broken something-or-other.”

“And, Maria,” I added as she turned, so she stole a look back from over her shoulder. “You look beautiful.”

She frowned at that for whatever reason, then crushed me as she walked out the door.

I looked at Chiara. “I shouldn’t have let her go, right?”

“Mmmm.” She smiled and said, “Love you,” which sounded more like, “Wuv u.”

Fuck. I drew her closer, situating her at my side, and walked us over to the window.

Chiara set her hand on the glass and tapped when she saw her mom exiting the building, heading for a BMW out front waiting.

Maria must’ve sensed us, because she hesitated outside his car door and looked up.

The prick didn’t even get out to open the door. What in God’s name was wrong with him?

Maria waved, presumably at Chiara, then slid inside the passenger door.

My stomach dropped as I watched the car pull away. “Let’s go see who this guy is, okay?” I carried Chiara over to my apartment and headed straight for my office.

Maria had said he’d been one of our clients last weekend, which would narrow my search to one. I set Chiara on a blanket at the center of my office so I could find the information from the catering event on my laptop.

After locating the owner’s name, I went to the painting of our family home in the Hamptons behind my desk. Swallowing hard at the memories connected to it, I removed it from the wall to access an electronic keypad.

After punching in the code, I stepped back and waited for the bookshelf on the other wall to automatically open, revealing a hidden room.

I picked up Chiara and we went inside. “This will just be our little secret, okay?” She smiled and nodded as if she understood me. “But we need to make sure Mama’s really safe.”