Legends of Amacia The Awakening

Crisis of the Completed Soul

Thirty-six hours after Josephine purged Hanna and Selina of their shebat infestations, Hanna slowly woke, unaware of her location. A soft moan escaped her lips as her eyelids fluttered. Upon opening her eyes, Hanna realized she no longer lay in the healing chamber, but in her own bed with the blankets pulled up to her shoulders. Lifting the blanket, she noticed she no longer wore her swimsuit, but a silky thigh-length black nightgown with quarter-inch wide adjustable shoulder straps and low circular cut on the front. In the next moment, she first sensed, and then saw Selina deep asleep next to her in a silver nightgown with a plunging neckline and quarter-inch adjustable shoulder straps. The blankets lay pulled up to her shoulders as she lay on her side facing Hanna, purring softly in her sleep.

Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, Hanna yawned deeply, stretching as the rest of her began to awaken. Turning on her side facing Selina, Hanna smiled warmly. Selina looked so peaceful as she slept with her head on the pillow; her purr rumbling softly from her chest. Yet, Hanna felt ill at ease, sensing something ominous she couldn’t identify. It worried her. Moreover, a deep longing filled Hanna, a yearning to be Hannibal again. “Sleep, princess, sleep,” she whispered, briefly caressing Selina’s cheek with her fingers. “You deserve it.”

Moving slowly not to awaken Selina, Hanna slipped out of the bed, going to the bathroom to relieve herself. As she came out of the bathroom, she stopped in front of the full-length mirror on the wall by the bathroom door. A deep, solemn sigh escaped her lips as she scanned her shapely athletic form covered by the sexy black nightie. A pleasant chill raced down her spine at seeing her reflection. Conflicting emotions welled up inside Hanna. She loved how beautiful and attractive she was, but at the same time hated it knowing she’d been forcibly changed from a man into a woman without her consent. Tears started flowing as she turned away from the mirror, unable to continue looking at her reflection without completely losing her composure. “It’s not fair,” she moaned, wiping her tears away. “I didn’t ask for this.”

“You didn’t ask for what?” Selina called out, awakened by Hanna’s soft sobs.

“THIS!” Hanna cried, gesturing to her body. “I never asked to be a girl! Every time look at myself, I see the Emperor mocking me. He did this to me!” She screamed at the top of her lungs in rage and despair, feeling completely impotent as she dropped to her knees sobbing deeply. “It’s not fair!” she hissed, choking on her emotional pain and grief. “Why did this shit have to happen to me? I’m supposed to be a guy, not a girl! I want to be the way I was!”

Seeing Hanna in the midst of an emotional crisis, Selina called out sympathetically, “I know you do little sister. Come here and sit with me.”

Hanna heaved herself to her feet and plodded to the bed, plopping down on it heavily. Selina pushed back the blankets and crawled to Hanna. She embraced Hanna warmly from behind, purring. “You mustn’t give up hope, little sister,” she cooed in Hanna’s ear. “You’re not this way forever. In a few days, Josephine will reverse what she did to you, and you’ll be the man I married once again.”

“I know,” Hanna whimpered, holding on to Selina’s hands as they gripped her around the belly from behind. “But I’m feeling so lost right now. I can barely remember what I even looked like before the mutation. And every time I see my reflection, it just reminds me of how impotent I really am. The Emperor had this done to me out of spite, and I couldn’t do a fucking thing to stop him! What am I supposed to do? I woke up with this incredible longing to not be your sister, but your husband...to be the man you married, the man I was born as. It’s so frustrating it’s making me crazy!”

“I understand what you’re saying,” Selina purred, “Believe me; I can sense this frustration in you. It’s been building since you were mutated. Now, it’s about to explode. Look at me.” She let go of Hanna and moved, sitting down on her knees beside her. Hanna gazed at Selina with a completely lost look in her eyes. “You’re feeling so lost because you’re not sure what you truly want anymore,” Selina stated, holding Hanna’s hands. “You must decide what’s most important to you and go for it. When you’re focused and centered, there’s nothing you can’t do. Your raid that freed me and everyone else from the Black Fortress is a prime example of what you can do when you’re focused and centered. Now, it’s time for you decide what you truly want. Tell me, what do you want in your heart of hearts?”

“Freedom,” Hanna murmured, choking on her emotion. “I want the freedom to be who I truly am. I want to be your man, your husband, and soul mate the way it should be. I’m weary of living someone else’s life; a life I didn’t choose or want. I want to live my own life for once.”

A warm, caring smile crossed Selina’s lips. “Well said,” she purred, caressing Hanna’s cheek with her hand. “Very well said, my prince; you truly know your heart. Now, reach out and take it. It’s there for the taking. You’re the master of your own fate. Make your own destiny. It’s what the Lord wants you to do. Become the man you were truly meant to be. Finish what you started.”

“How?” Hanna asked; having to smile at Selina’s cunning. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“None of us do,” Selina chimed. “You said it yourself that life is trial and error. Just fake it like the rest of us. No one will know, except for maybe me and the Lord.”

A strained chuckle escaped from Hanna’s lips. “You clever little minx,” she said, feeling her emotions lighten some. “You’re doing it again...giving me what I need when I need it.”

“That’s why the Lord sent me with you,” Selina purred. “He knew you needed me to keep you straight. After all, you’re only human.”

“That I am,” Hanna admitted. “But I still feel so lost. What am I supposed to do now? I’m not even sure I was ever a man at this point.”

“Do what Harry told you,” Selina stated, seeing what Harry told her before Josephine’s repair through her telepathic link to Hanna. “You need to remember who you are. I know who you are and I remember your true form before this sordid business of your mutation. Go to your dresser and get the pictures you brought with us. It shows who you were before this calamity.”

Hanna nodded and rose, going to her dresser. She found a small envelope with a pack of pictures in it. Returning to the bed, she sat down beside Selina again and looked at the envelope with a hesitant look. Pushing her hair out of her face with one hand, a troubled sigh escaped Hanna’s lips.

“Go on, open them and see who you were,” Selina urged gently. “When you see who you were, then we’ll look into my memories so you can see what I saw.”

“All right,” Hanna replied, getting the courage from Selina’s confidence and words. Opening the envelope, she pulled out a stack of twenty pictures. A gasp escaped her lips as Hanna saw the top picture: the one Harry took at his house the day Selina, Nathanael, and Dan showed up for dinner.

“You were such a handsome man,” Selina declared, putting her arm around Hanna. “I remember that picture. You were so worried what would happen if anyone saw me and dad.”

“That I did,” Hanna agreed, a chill racing down her spine as she saw her old form as Hannibal. “That’s really me, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Selina stated categorically. “And I see that in you, Hanna. It shows up in your face the most. That man is still in you. All you have to do is remember him. Go on; look at some more of them.”

Hanna moved on to the next picture, which shows Selina playfully kissing Hannibal on the cheek in the living room of Harry’s old house on the surface. Hanna saw it and laughed, seeing Selina’s playful side in the picture. “You sure caught me off-guard when you did that,” she stated pleasantly. “And Harry was right about you being a playful kitty.”

“I sure am,” Selina chimed, “Sometimes, I just can’t help myself.” Without warning, Selina pounced on Hanna, tackling her to the bed while tickling her mercilessly. The pictures fell from Hanna’s hand, scattering while she squealed in laughter. “Come on,” Selina demanded playfully. “Let her out! Don’t be such a stick in the mud! Laugh; be a child, let go and be yourself for once.”

“Stop it!” Hanna squalled, writhing with laughter; trying to push away Selina’s tickling fingers. “Please, stop!”

“Not until I see the real you,” Selina replied, laughing. “I know you’re in there. Come on out. You know better than to try to hide from me. You can’t do it. I’m in your soul and you know it. Come out, Hannibal. Come out.”

“Enough! Enough; I give,” Hanna wheezed in laughter, tears flowing from her eyes. “Please.”

Selina stopped tickling Hanna and leaned over her with the sweetest smile. Her hair hung down around her face, framing it. “Well?” she asked intently, searching Hanna’s eyes.

“Please; no more,” Hanna wheezed, catching her breath. “You know I can’t resist your charms.”

“I know,” Selina purred, taking Hanna by the hand and pulling her into a sitting position. “That’s why I did it. You needed to be reminded of our connection. Male or female, you and I have such an intimate connection it defies all description. How do you feel now?”

“Good, actually,” Hanna admitted, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I suddenly don’t feel so lost and full of despair. It seems I was in sore need of a good deep laugh.”

“And that’s why I did it,” Selina chimed, sitting beside Hanna with her hands in her lap. “I sensed your despair about your situation. It had become an unbearable weight for you; a weight you had to relinquish. Come here, my mutated prince.” Selina moved closer and wrapped her arms around Hanna in a warm loving embrace. “I love you,” she told Hanna, “And I know your pain, grief, and angst over what you’ve endured. Believe me, I know.”

Hanna put her arms around Selina, returning the embrace. “I am so blessed to have such an exquisite soul with such insight into my needs. You always know exactly what I need and give it without any thought of recompense. Thank you, princess.”

“You’re so welcome,” Selina purred, stroking Hanna’s lower back. “This is why I’m here. I wouldn’t be much of a help meet if I didn’t give you help when you needed it. Besides, I can see what happened.”

“What happened?” Hanna asked, looking Selina in the eye.

“You’ve reached another crossroads and crisis point in your mutation,” Selina stated. “It’s similar to what happened when you came to us in the Harem. You’re unsure of who you are now and doubt your own identity. You went to such incredible lengths to secure your male identity then. Now, you feel it’s only a dream...your male side, that you’ve really always been a woman. That’s not the case. You are a man, Hanna. Hannibal is who you really are. You can’t continue to live as a woman now that we have the means to undo what the Emperor did to you. Hannibal must live again, and you know it. It’s time to make peace with yourself, Hanna. Hanna and Hannibal must come together and become the completed soul.”

“I know,” Hanna admitted, her voice strained with fear. “But I don’t know how. Furthermore, I fear what will happen when I do. I don’t want to lose you again.”

“You will never lose me,” Selina declared. “And you shouldn’t fear this union. I know you’re scared, but you can’t let it stop you. It’s just like all the other fears we’ve learned to overcome. Take it head-on. I believe in you, and so does everyone else. We all believe in you. All you need to do is believe in yourself and the Lord. He will show you how to do this. I suspect it’s probably much simpler than you think. Use your instincts. It’s brought you this far without fail. They’ll not betray you.”

Hanna let out a strained chuckle. “You never cease to amaze me,” she said softly, looking Selina in the eye while caressing her cheek. “You always know what to say to make me feel better. I’m astounded and awed by your wisdom.”

“It’s not my wisdom,” Selina admitted. “I’m just not that smart. It’s the Lord telling me what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. You know what He’s telling me now?”

“What?” Hanna asked, laying her head on Selina’s left shoulder while holding her.

“He’s whispering in my heart and mind,” Selina stated softly. “He knows your pain and suffering and is begging you to let Him bear the burden. You were not meant to bear this terrible burden alone. He wants you to let Him carry it. He’s also saying you needn’t be afraid and relax. Enjoy yourself. Have fun; live and enjoy this brief moment of peace while you can. It’s these brief moments of love and life He wishes us to cherish.”

“He told you that?” Hanna asked, looking Selina in the eye again with a surprised look.

“Yes,” Selina cooed. “Stop trying to carry this burden by yourself, Hanna. You can’t do it alone. No soul can carry the burden you carry. That’s why I’m here; why your family and friends are here. We’re here to help you carry this terrible weight. Only together can we successfully carry the burden. If you don’t let us help, let the Lord help, it’s going to crush you. That’s why you were so distraught when you woke earlier. You’re trying to bear this burden alone again. Don’t do it! You know you can’t do it by yourself.”

A shocked look exploded across Hanna’s face as she had an epiphany. “Oh, truth of truths!” she moaned in dismay. “I’m such a rebellious idiot. Why didn’t I see it? It’s as plain as the nose on my face. Once again, I’ve tried to do things my way. Oh, Lord, please forgive me. I did it without realizing I was doing that. God, I’m so stupid!”

“You’re not stupid, Hanna,” Selina cooed in her ear, “...only a bit hard-headed. But you saw your sin and repented, which is good. I’m certain the Lord forgives you. Now, you need to forgive yourself and completely relinquish this burden to Him. Only when you do that will you find peace. Give it to Him. He can more than handle it.”

Hanna gave Selina a grateful squeeze, kissing her gently on the cheek. “We truly are one soul,” she cried, choking with emotion. “You strip away all pretenses at the Lord’s command and show me the way when I find myself lost in the Darkness. Thank you, my soul mate, for pointing my stubborn ass in the right direction. Lord, I’m so sorry I tried to carry this without you. Forgive me, and relieve me of this nightmarish burden. I can’t do it any longer. Take it, in the name of Jesus, your only begotten son. Amen.”

Selina saw and sensed the moment when Hanna truly let go of the horror and burden of the mutation that had haunted her since it happened. When Hanna emotionally relinquished the burden back to the Almighty Ancient of Days, Selina saw and felt an incredible peace fall over Hanna’s mind that caused her to forget her plight. It also restored Hanna’s focus and joy. Selina stroked Hanna’s back as she sobbed in intense relief. “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” she asked Hanna.

“No, it wasn’t,” Hanna cried in tremendous relief. “I feel so free now I can hardly contain it. I haven’t felt this way in a very long time, maybe not since my purging in Cambodia. The Lord is so good to us, despite my stubbornness and continual failures. I now truly feel things will work out in the end. Yet, I still feel incomplete...like I’ve missed something vital.”

“That would be making peace with yourself, merging your female and male halves into the completed soul,” Selina stated. “You just need to remember who you are, and then solve the riddle of the completed soul. Hanna and Hannibal must merge completely in every aspect in order for the riddle to be solved. You know this.”

“Yes,” Hanna agreed, letting go of Selina. “That’s the next obstacle. I must remember who I am because my original form seems so distant right now, like a dream fading away.”

“Then let’s get started by refreshing your memory,” Selina declared, starting to gather the pictures scattered around the bed, “And what better way than to do it with these pictures. Your true self lies within these pictures. Look at them closely and try to reconnect with who you were. You can do it.”

Hanna gathered up the pictures with Selina and sat down with her, looking over them closely. With each picture, Hanna touched the image of Hannibal as a way to connect with the image, and her original male self. For nearly an hour, they looked at the pictures, discussing the circumstances and locations under which the pictures were created. At the same time, Selina revealed what she remembered about Hannibal telepathically, particularly his physical and mental attributes. Slowly, Hanna’s fear of the union with Hannibal faded as she reconnected with her past as Hannibal. “I must be honest,” Hanna admitted, “As I look at these pictures of my true form and share what you remember of that form, I yearn to be that man again. Things were so much simpler back then. I knew where I stood then. Now, I’m not sure what I am or where I stand. Coming to this cursed savage land deep beneath the Earth’s surface has shaken my very perceptions of reality. None of this place should exist, but it does. It should be impossible for someone to be genetically mutated into his or her opposite sex while living, but it happened to me. Demons should not be able to manifest on our plane physically, but they do in this accursed place. I should not be able to channel these strange magical elemental abilities, but I do. I should not have alien DNA or a 24th chromosome pair, but I do. Arabella thought she was caught up in a screwed up episode of the Twilight Zone. But compared to her, I’m not caught up in it, I’m completely lost in it. I don’t truly know who or what I am any more. And that scares me more than the Black Prince or the Emperor ever could. All I have are questions without answers, answers that are being kept from me. It’s not fair. I didn’t ask for any of this.”

“I know you didn’t, my love,” Selina cooed in Hanna’s ear. “None of us did. Granted, our perception of reality has been altered and continues to evolve the longer we’re here. But you must not despair or give up hope. It’s here that you will find those answers you’ve been searching for all your life. I know that to the bottom of my numbed feet. This place is in you, Hanna. You cannot deny it. As crazy as this place is, this is the only place where you felt you belong, the only place you feel truly at home. You’ve said it many times. This is where you belong, and I belong with you at your side.”

“You are so right,” Hanna agreed. “As fucked up as my life has become since coming here, this place is the only place I feel truly at home. I just wish this other shit didn’t have to happen.”

“Of course you don’t,” Selina purred, smiling sweetly at Hanna. “But it did, and despite what you think, you’re handling these trials marvelously. I seriously doubt that I could’ve held up under what you’ve taken. It shows your strength, stamina, and faith in the Lord. Even though I know you’ve doubted yourself through much of this, you’ve never doubted the Lord. I am awed at such faith. We believe in you, Hanna. I believe in you. You just need to believe in yourself and the Lord. He’s about the show you the way out of this trap. You just need to be patient. He will set things right, and you will be the man I married once again.”

Selina’s words pierced Hanna’s heart, mind, and soul. She embraced Selina warmly, saying, “Thank you, Selina. You’ve healed my wounded heart once again. Now, I truly understand why the Lord had you come along. You’re the calming yin to my raging yang. God, I love you so much.”

“You’re so welcome, my love,” Selina replied. “How do you feel now?”

“Much calmer and focused,” Hanna reported calmly. “I don’t feel nearly as lost and impotent. Let’s face it. You know to bring out the best in me.”

“Oh, it’s nothing special,” Selina chimed. “It’s what soul mates do for each other. By the way, that nightgown is so you. I love it.”

Hanna chuckled warmly, instantly realizing Selina was diverting her attention from her troubles. “It is,” she answered pleasantly. “And that nightie you have on is so sexy too. I like it a lot. The thing is, I don’t know how I ended up here in bed wearing this. The last thing I remember is being sedated in the Healer just before Josephine removed the shebats from me. I had on my leopard-print swimsuit at the time.”

“Me too,” Selina stated, “I’m guessing Kida and momma had changed our clothes when they brought us back here.”

“That sounds logical,” Hanna said pleasantly. “It wouldn’t have been the first time, you know.”

“I know,” Selina chimed. “And I love them for it.”

“Same here,” Hanna agreed wholeheartedly. “Between you, your father, mother, and Kida, I have a real family again. I can’t help but love you guys.”

“We know,” Selina purred, patting Hanna on the shoulder. “We’d give our lives for you. You reunited us as a family because of the Lord guiding you.” Selina’s belly rumbled loudly, making Hanna giggle. “Gee, sounds like I need to get something to eat,” she declared. “What do you say? Shall we get dressed and go get something to eat? I haven’t had anything to eat since before those beastly shebats tried to kill me.”

“Of course,” Hanna chimed. “Maybe later, I want to do a little photo shoot of me wearing my best things. You know, a photographic history recording me like this before Josephine reverses my mutation. I have to have it so I can remember what it was like.”

“We can do that now, if you like,” Selina chimed. “I remember you saying that you wanted a personal photographic record, so I borrowed one of Elias’ cameras before this business with the shebats. It’s over there on my dresser.”

“What about getting something to eat?” Hanna asked.

“I’m hungry, but not that hungry yet,” Selina stated. “Besides, I’ve been looking forward to taking these pictures. I’d planned on doing it the other day when that damned shebat infestation surfaced. That pissed me off.”

“I’m sure it did,” Hanna chimed, getting up. “You say the camera’s on your dresser?” Selina nodded.