Chapter 20: Initiating contact with Selina
It was late in the afternoon the next day when Hanna awoke in a strange bed with a nagging headache. Her legs tingled as she looked around the room and saw it had a dresser and a couple of chairs, one of which sat beneath a small window that let light into the room. Two doors sat on two of the walls. One of the doors lay open, showing a small bathroom. Yawning, Hanna rubbed the side of her head. As she looked around, she saw the scepter and swords leaning against a chair. Her clothes sat on top of a chest dresser folded neatly in a pile with the back brace lying there as well. When she saw the clothes sitting on the dresser, Hanna looked under the blankets and noticed that she was wearing a simple woolen nightgown that reached to her knees and a pair of shorts. A troubled smile came to her face while her head throbbed as she lay there. She closed his eyes and rubbed her forehead with her hand.
“Man, what a terrible headache,” Hanna muttered. After a few minutes of rubbing her head, the headache began to ebb. She finally forced herself to get up, throwing the blankets to one side and sitting up, hanging her feet over the side of the side of the bed. Rubbing the side of her face, she sat there for a few moments while using her fingers to comb her long hair back. Curiosity about what lay outside the window grew, her legs tingling from her hips to her toes. As she sat there, Hanna flexed her arms and hands. The strength had seemingly returned to them. A troubled sigh escaped her lips as she looked down past her breasts to her legs as she sat her hands on her legs. Her head wagged forward slightly as she tried to remember the time before her mutation. The memories of being a man seemed so distant, almost dreamlike. The female reality of her present situation seemed to be forcing her male past into a distant corner to be forgotten. A tear dripped from Hanna’s eye as she felt her past as Hannibal slipping into oblivion. Soft sob bubbled up as she covered her face with her hands. “I’m losing it,” she moaned. “My greatest fear is coming true. I’m forgetting what it’s like to be a man. I’m forgetting Hannibal. How could I let it happen?”
A soft voice echoed in her ear, “Why do you grieve so, Hanna? You haven’t forgotten Hannibal. You can no more forget him than you could forget breathing.”
The voice shocked Hanna out of her despair as she looked around wildly. “Who’s there?” she called out.
“You know who I am,” the voice cooed in her ear. “I’ve been with you since the beginning. Don’t despair. Your present state isn’t permanent, but it’s essential for your growth. Have faith and you will see the Lord’s wonders.”
“Oh, Lord,” Hanna wept. “I’m so weak like this. It’s affecting my ability to remember who I am.”
Without warning, a luminous being appeared two feet in front of Hanna. She cried out in fright and fell back on the bed, shielding her eyes with her arms and hands. What little strength she had fled.
The light diminished as the voice said, “Do not be afraid, Hanna. It’ll be okay.” She felt someone take her by the hand and sit her up. A feeling of great love and compassion emanated from the being.
When Hanna’s eyesight returned, she gasped, seeing none other than the angel Caverias sitting on the bed next to her, holding her up. He had a warm smile on his face. “You!” Hanna breathed, “It’s you again. Was that you speaking to me a few moments ago?”
“Yes, Hanna,” Caverias said softly. “Please forgive me for frightening you, but you were slipping and needed help.”
“Oh, you think?” Hanna replied. “I’m afraid, Caverias. I’m afraid I’m losing myself.”
“You will never lose your identity, Hanna,” Caverias declared. “What you’re experiencing is the crisis point in the mutation. You’ve been a female long enough now that you’re beginning to doubt whether you were a male at all. Am I correct?”
“Yes,” Hanna blurted out. “I don’t want to forget, but I feel like it’s being ripped away from me by a force greater than myself. How do I stop it?”
“By believing in the Lord,” Caverias answered, “...and a little prod from your friends; the demon hordes of this place have been slipping in through our perimeters and are trying to steal away your memories and hopes of reversing the mutation. There’s a way you can stop this erosion of your memories.”
“Tell me,” Hanna pleaded.
“You first must relax and not doubt who you really are,” Caverias stated, “You are Hannibal Smith…the great Beowulf, descendant of Thoth and Ariel Caverias. Then you must reach into yourself and find the strength to touch the one person you love and cherish most. Reach out with the gift the Lord gave you and touch Selina. You have the power to do this. And to help you, I shall remind you who you are.” Caverias touched Hanna on the forehead with his finger and Hanna’s memories energized, especially those that showed who she was before the mutation. A gasp escaped Hanna’s lips as she remembered everything, bringing a peace to her mind.
“Oh, thank you, my friend,” Hanna cried in gratitude, embracing Caverias. “I can remember now. Thank you.”
“You’re most welcome,” Caverias stated. “Just remember, the Lord is with you in whatever form you are and wherever you go. Gideon, Jarret, Bannon, and I are with you always, as is Selina. You’re not alone in this. Now go and touch your soul mate, but be cautious in what you share. As you know, she lies in the heart of the Black Prince’s dark domain.”
“You don’t have to remind me of that,” Hanna answered. “That’s something that I’ll never forget. But what about my legs; why are my legs feeling so strange? When will I be able to walk again?”
“Have faith, little sister,” Caverias stated with a smile, “It won’t be long before you’ll be romping about the island like a child at play. Now, if you wish to see a wonder that will lift your spirit, go to the window and look. You’ll not be disappointed.” With that, Caverias vanished like a dream, his words echoing in Hanna’s ears.
“Caverias?” Hanna called out. “Caverias; oh, well; thanks for the pep talk and reminding me of who I am. I needed it.”
“You’re welcome, little sister,” Caverias’s voice echoed through the room...a ghostly distant voice no more than a whisper.
The reply brought a broad smile to Hanna’s lips. She didn’t feel so depressed and worried about losing her male identity. Caverias had reminded her it was still there and could not be removed by anyone. Moreover, the nagging headache she woke with had vanished, increasing her good mood. The window beckoned. “I guess I’ll not know if I can walk unless I try,” she murmured. As she mustered her strength and will to stand up a knock came to the door.
“Hanna, are you awake?” Nathanael called out.
“Yeah,” Hanna replied. “Come in.” As the door open and Nathanael stepped into the room, Hanna pushed herself off the bed. Her legs refused to hold her and she fell with a distressed cry. Nathanael pounced, moving from the door to her in less time than it took her to fall, catching Hanna before she hit the floor.
“Are you all right?” Nathanael asked in a worried tone.
“Damn,” Hanna growled, “My legs still don’t work right even though I’ve gotten some feeling back in them.”
Nathanael sat Hanna back on the bed. “Don’t worry about it,” he reassured her. “You have some muscle atrophy in your legs. We’re going to have to help your legs remember how to walk. Why were you trying to get up anyway?”
“I wanted to look out the window,” Hanna answered.
“Then let me help you,” Nathanael stated as he started to scoop her up in his arms.
“No, Nathanael,” Hanna said bluntly, “Don’t carry me over there. I need to learn to walk again. Help me walk over there.”
“As you wish,” Nathanael answered, putting his arm around Hanna and helping her stand up. Holding most of Hanna’s weight, he said, “Okay Hanna...one step at a time. I’ll hold you up and help you move. Try to move your legs as we go to the window.” Hanna smiled and nodded as Nathanael guided her slowly to the window.
“Come on, move,” Hanna growled at her legs and feet that slowly and awkwardly moved one step at a time.
“Don’t rush it,” Nathanael instructed. “You can’t be expected to learn to walk again in just a day after such a long time of being crippled.”
“True,” Hanna stated, “But I worship a god of miracles, who gives sight to the blind and makes the lame to walk. If I’m not lame right now, then I have no concept of the word. The Lord will give my legs back to me. I just have to believe.”
“But don’t be disappointed if he doesn’t do it just now,” Nathanael cautioned, “He works in his own timing, not on ours.”
“So true,” Hanna replied. “I’ll just have to be patient, though I’m running a little short on that right now.”
“Then maybe that’s why He hasn’t given your legs back yet,” Nathanael suggested as he slowly walked Hanna to the window. “He may be teaching you the virtue of patience.”
Hanna chuckled. “You may be right about that,” she stated. “But look where I am now. I have feeling in my legs again and with your help, I am walking, even though it looks like a baby’s walk.” As she spoke, they reached the window where the chair sat. Nathanael sat Hanna down in the chair and stood back. “Thank you,” she said warmly, though winded by the walk. Looking up at Nathanael, she asked, “Do you know how I came to be dressed like this? I woke up this morning and found myself dressed in this nightgown with my clothes sitting on the dresser there.”
“After you used the Teacher, you passed out,” Nathanael replied. “Enoch took you back to the healer, where you stayed for ten hours. Then he had Electra and Kida bring you back here, give you a bath, and put you to bed. I can only assume they dressed you after giving you a bath.”
Hanna blushed. “Oh,” she murmured, “They took care of me while I was unconscious.”
“Yes,” Nathanael stated. “I would have done it, but they insisted, saying it was more proper for them to do it than me.”
“I would have to agree with them on that,” Hanna said softly. “Though I wouldn’t mind you doing it. You’re the closest thing I have to a father and I trust you.”
“I know,” Nathanael answered, “Now why don’t you look out the window. It’s a breath-taking sight.”
Hanna smiled and looked out the window over the island of Antilla. Most of the island could be seen from her lofty perch two-thirds the way up the tower. Wisps of steam and smoke rose from the crater of the island’s central volcano. Hanna looked and saw ruins of a major city laid out in concentric circles on the flanks of the massive volcano. Forests stretched out from near the base of the mountain, fading into grasslands near the coast. She saw great herds of giant animals moving across the grasslands. “Wow,” she whispered. A feeling of peace permeated Hanna, a peace that she had not felt in years. Caverias was right, she thought, this view is inspiring and wondrous. I feel so at peace right now.
“It’s quite a view, isn’t it?” Nathanael asked softly, looking out the window with Hanna.
“Yeah,” Hanna replied softly, “It makes me feel like all the shit I’ve been through has been worth it. I feel so at home here.”
“I know you do,” Nathanael said softly. “It’s as plain as the nose on your face. Only an idiot wouldn’t see it. This is the first place I’ve ever seen you where you’re completely at ease. Would you like something to eat?”
“Sure,” Hanna replied. “I am a bit hungry.”
“Good,” Nathanael stated, “I’ll go tell everyone you’ll be down for dinner.”
“You do that,” Hanna said softly as Nathanael left the room. Casting her gaze out the window toward the island, Hanna sighed. The beauty of the island enchanted her. “Wow,” she murmured, “The island is so beautiful. In all my travels, this place puts them all to shame. It’s the world time has forgotten; a world I belong in.”
The splendor of the island caused Hanna’s thoughts to drift to Selina as she sat there thinking of Selina’s perilous predicament. Before Hanna realized it, she felt her telepathic prowess surging, reaching out to Selina. Her link with Selina flared into activity. Hanna could sense Selina’s desperation and pain, but couldn’t sense exactly where she was. Selina. Selina. Wake up, Selina, Hanna called aloud and telepathically to her.
Far away in the Black Fortress, Selina lay sleeping fitfully in the tower on her cushion when Hanna’s call reached her mind. She twitched and woke suddenly as Hanna called to her. Selina, wake up, Hanna called out. Selina yawned and pushed herself up looking around because the call was so strong that she believed someone was physically calling her name. When she looked around and saw nothing, her heart fell along with her countenance. Do not be so downcast, my precious princess, Hanna told her telepathically.
“Why’re you doing this to me? Leave me alone, Ahriaman!” Selina cried, thinking that the voice in her head was Ahriaman trying to seduce and trick her.
I’m not Ahriaman, my precious Lynxian soul mate, Hanna told Selina with all her love.
When Selina realized it was Hanna and that their link had been somewhat restored, she broke down into quiet sobs. “Oh, my love and my life; you have come back to me! Praise be to the Lord; you’re alive! I’d begun to lose hope,” she sobbed quietly.
Hanna embraced her telepathically, saying, You should never give up hope, my love. Not even death can separate us. Selina telepathically responded to the embrace and refused to let go, weeping like a little girl. Shhh; it’s all right. I’m here, Hanna cooed in her ear telepathically, stroking her mind as if she were stroking Selina’s hair. When Selina finally calmed down, Hanna asked telepathically, Where are you now? Do you know? I cannot sense your location because there is so much interference from the Emperor. Where are you?
I don’t know, Selina replied telepathically as she clung to Hanna in her mind. I went to sleep in the Harem and I woke up in this cell. I don’t know where it is, but I do know one thing…this room I’m in is a room I dreamed of and it wasn’t a good dream. I have to share it with you. At that, she showed her the dream and Hanna was horrified and incensed at it.
They will rue the day they did that to you, Hanna swore.
No, don’t say that. The Lord will repay for that injustice, Selina replied softly in her mind.
Well, you aren’t the only one with bad dreams. The Emperor and his Cadre of wizards have tried to destroy me in my dreams too many times since I was rescued. He’s afraid of me and what I’m becoming, Hanna said softly to Selina’s mind.
Selina tried to see the memories, but Hanna blocked her probes. Honey, you’re able to block me now. What’s happened? Why won’t you let me see the dreams? Selina asked with growing amazement. Have you mastered more of the gift? Are you still a woman or have you been able to reverse the mutation?
Hanna embraced Selina telepathically as she replied, Something incredible has happened. But I cannot tell you right now what it is. I risk detection by going any further. Just be contented with that I’m beginning to realize the potential of the gift the Lord gave me. I’ll come for you soon, very soon. Just hold on and don’t give up. I won’t let Ahriaman or the Emperor turn you. Just hold on, my beloved wife; I’m coming for you. Just remember our minds and souls are one no matter what form I may be in. When you find yourself in hardship, draw on my strength. I’ll be there for you. In the beginning, you were my strength. Now let me be your strength. I love you so much.
Selina held on tightly to Hanna telepathically, saying with hope and strength returning to her mind and spirit, You’re still mutated, aren’t you?
Unfortunately, yes, Hanna admitted, but that doesn’t define who I am and never did. I am still the man you married and love.
Have you found a way to reverse the mutation yet? Selina asked.
Not yet, Hanna replied, but I have an idea of how to get it reversed. I just can’t do it yet.
You’re stronger now than I have ever seen you, even as a man, Selina declared telepathically. It’s mystifying to me. Before our capture, you could barely keep up with me. Now, you’re much stronger and more focused than I’ve ever seen you. What’s going on? I know something is because you are hiding it from me.
As I said before, Hanna replied in a loving tone, I cannot tell you now. It’s not safe for you to know. Just be content that I’m finally starting to figure out who I am and what I can really do. And don’t doubt me when I say that I’m coming for you.
Oh, Hanna, Selina murmured, tears of joy flowing, I do believe, especially now. For a while there, it was like you were dead. I couldn’t feel you at all. Now like the phoenix, you have risen from the ashes much stronger. Please, don’t leave me ever again!
I won’t, my precious princess, Hanna promised her. There’s no force in the known universe that can sever us now. I must go now, but remember, I’m always there for you, and I’ll come for you. That’s a promise. Hanna slipped away telepathically, but left the link wide open for Selina to draw strength from her.
Selina wept joyously after Hanna broke contact because the link that had been quiet since Hanna left Amacia was now restored and Selina knew it. She could call to Hanna anytime she wished and Hanna would be able to respond. Hope, strength, and resolve filled her soul as she determined to resist until Hanna could come for her.