Leave Me Behind

My bruised leg and torn up feet burn as I lower them into the hot spring. The rest of Riøt went the remaining few miles to get back to base, but I can’t handle another elbow to my ribs or one of them tripping me and laughing about it.

I blow out a long breath before letting the rest of my body sink into the warm water. My eyes close and, for the first time in months, I have a sliver of peace.

“Private Gallows, did I excuse you from formation?”

And the peace is gone.

I jolt and straighten at the sound of Sergeant Jenkins’s voice. He’s standing on the rocks lining the edge across from me and has a full view of my naked body. My arms go to my chest and my cheeks burn.

His face is stone like it always is. His blond hair is fade-cut on the sides and longer on the top, swept to the side perfectly. His sharp cheek bones and jawline make him intimidating, but tonight I find his dark eyes a little softer than usual.

“Sorry, Sergeant Jenkins.” I stand and turn to grab my clothes. How could I be so fucking stupid. Of course he’d notice if I slipped away from the squad.

“Gallows.” His voice is stern.

I flinch and stop reaching for my shirt. “Yes, Sarge?”

“I didn’t say you had to leave.”

My eyes widen at his soft tone and I look over my shoulder at him. His brows lift slightly and the first smile I’ve ever seen from him curls the edges of his lips.

My whole world ends with that smile. I know I’ll never endure one quite like it again.

“Please, by all means, resume,” he says as he slowly takes off his jacket and hangs it on a branch.

I slowly let my body sink back into the water and watch him curiously as he sheds every article of clothing. I avert my eyes when his boxers drop to the ground and don’t look back at him until I hear the water break.

He lets out a low sigh as the steam curls around him. He’s sitting directly across from me and when his lovely eyes crack open, I don’t look away.

“You don’t have to be formal, so feel free to be yourself, Gallows.” The way he’s talking makes my chest hurt. Like he’s tired of people being so stiff around him. But what does he expect? He’s ruthless. We’ve all seen him kill. The first time I witnessed him gouge a soldier’s eyes out haunted my dreams for weeks.

Jenkins always prefers to use his ebony knife if he can. He loves the intimacy of it. I nod but don’t offer anything for conversation.

His eyes are heavy but he stares at me. My heart rate spikes when he starts to wade over to me.

“Are they still giving you trouble?” I clench my jaw when his hand finds my knee and he pulls my leg up enough to examine it. The bruises and cuts are evident of either me being the clumsiest person alive or them pushing me to the ground. Jenkins knows better, so there’s no sense in lying.

“Yeah, they are.” I won’t meet his gaze.

He hums in thought. “I know you’re the one that killed Barlet.” My blood chills and my eyes snap to his nearly black ones. He knows? “I know that Barlet was an asshole. He was next on my list of traitors.”

But I killed him without orders.

Oh God. Fuck, he knows now how fucked up I am. Sweat rolls down my temple.

“Sarge, I⁠—”

“Jenkins. Call me Jenkins when it’s just us.” His eyes hold me captive. A dark light flickers through them.

“Jenkins… please don’t report me to the general. I’ll never earn my cards if I’m found to be insubordinate.” That’s all any of us want. Our cards, so we can go back to society. It’s the only ticket out of the dark forces.

“Report you? No, Gallows, I want to take you under my wing.” My eyes widen as he grips my chin gently, tilting my face up so I look into his dark eyes. “I’m going to help you bloom into the monster you truly are.”

A monster.

“Why?”

He moves his hand to my cheek and brushes his thumb gently across it. “Because you’re just like me. I also happen to like you, Gallows.” That’s the second compliment he’s ever given me. My heart thumps wildly inside its cage.

We stare at each other for a moment, the warm water soothing my entire body and making me want to melt in his arms. I shouldn’t want to be held by a murderous thing like him. But I do. I crave it like a shot of morphine.

Jenkins’s eyes lower to my lips, lifting back to my eyes slowly before he leans in and kisses me.

The world ceases to exist as the man I fear most adorns me with kisses and his dark dreams for us.

I knew it then. Jenkins would ruin what good was left of me.