Leave Me Behind

Eren left to shower ten minutes ago, but I can’t tear my eyes away from the pastel yellow dress he bought me. It’s simple. Mid-thigh length and sleeveless. I let my finger glide over the soft fabric and cautiously look at the door.

No one else is here. No one has to see.

I step out of my pants and pull my shirt off before slipping into the dress. There’s no mirror in here so I can’t see how it looks from afar, but I gaze down at the ripples the fabric makes, the way it makes my hips and waist look desirable. My hair is down and meets my mid-back; the dark brown strands complement the warm tone of the dress and my olive skin.

A timid smile coasts across my lips. I shut my eyes and, suddenly, I’m in the bookshop I use to daydream about. Lovely little dreams. Things that aren’t meant for me.

The door clicks and my shoulders tense. I look up and expect to see Eren, but I’m met with a masked man. It takes my brain a few seconds for it to click.

It’s Bradshaw.

He looks completely different in his heather-gray T-shirt and form-fitting black sweatpants. His mask is thin and his black hair isn’t swept back like it usually is. Messy strands fall over his forehead, still wet after his shower. His pale eyes widen on me and neither of us says a word. We just stand in this horrible fucking silence where both of us seem to be thinking, Why are you here?

Again.

Bradshaw’s eyes slowly move down my body, taking in the dress and my figure. His pupils dilate and his fists tighten at his sides, making the veins in his arms protrude more prominently.

“Okay stop fucking with me. Why are you here?” He says calmly, but I don’t miss the jealousy that flashes through his eyes.

I turn away from him sharply, an act of vulnerability that is purely instinctual and takes me by surprise. My cheeks burn and I feel so stupid for him to see me in a goddamn dress.

“I asked you a question.”

Chills spread over my arms at the coldness in his voice. I reach for my pants to pull them back on, but Bradshaw is at my side in an instant and grabs my wrist tightly.

“Let go of me,” I say vehemently. His eyes fill more with curiosity now than rage. He notices my duffle bag on the ground beside the bed and looks at me intently.

“You’re staying with Eren instead of with the hostile squad?” Bradshaw sounds pissed. His features are hard to read, though, only being able to see his eyes. A small yearning to see his face again bubbles up in my chest.

I nod once. His broad shoulders loom over me and there’s nothing more that I want than for him to just leave.

“There wasn’t room for me in the other barracks,” I explain, even though I should just tell him to go eat shit instead. I’m still unsteady after he took me out to the open ocean on a surfboard. He studies me thoughtfully for a second. I can feel his pulse against my skin, his palm still wrapped snugly around my wrist.

He releases me but doesn’t take a step back.

“What do you want, Bones?” I grind my teeth at the way his mask shifts into the hint of a smile beneath it when I say his code name.

“Well, I was coming in here to see my brother, but I found myself a prettied up little creature instead. Were you hoping he’d fuck your brains out if you wore a dress? Ah, wait. Eren isn’t into rodents… or lago-whatever-sluts.” His voice has that pouty sarcastic sound to it. There’s nothing more I want than to punch him square in the jaw.

“Lagomorphs, you dumb ass.”

He doesn’t blink. “I bet that word means a lot to you.”

“Jealous much?” I shove his chest, but he doesn’t budge an inch.

“Me? Jealous over a slut? Yeah, keep dreaming.”

“Fuck you.” I slap his face hard enough to tilt the angle he holds. He brings that deadly gaze back to me.

“You want to? God, you’ll get me excited if you keep hitting me like that, Bunny.” His eyes are filled with loathing and I reciprocate the hatred gladly. “Remember what I told you about leaving or I’ll end up ruining you?” He runs his fingers over the back of my neck, sending chills up my spine. “I think it’s time to break you bit by bit.”

I look at the ground and swallow the knot that’s building in the back of my throat. “I hate you.”

“Am I supposed to care?” He pushes me and I fall back onto the bed. Before I can get up, he comes down over me like a tidal wave. His hands are pressed on either side of my head, sinking into the mattress slowly. Those icy eyes are like a cold winter day, hollow and empty of anything that once lived there. “I’m incapable of feeling things as petty as hatred, but if I could, I’d loathe you most. I thought we already hashed this out in the water, baby.”

His masked nose is a breath away from mine.

I bite where his lips are.

He moves in time to evade most of my intended bite, but I tear the lining in his mask. It leaves a hole, revealing his gnashed teeth beneath. He stares at me like I’m a feral thing, evil lurking under his skin. My spine heats with dread and I know I’ve poked the bear too far.

“Oh, I knew you were into kinky shit like biting, but I guess you need to learn some manners,” he murmurs in a low, dangerous tone. He lifts one hand and pulls off his ruined mask, using the back of his knuckles to wipe off a trickle of blood from his lip. “Let me show you the kinky shit I’m into.”

His handsome face is shrouded with malice and promises unspeakable things.

Bradshaw stands and pulls his pants down without hesitation. His cock is swollen and already throbbing as he stares down at me. “Suck my dick,” he commands.

I’m still sprawled out on the bed, elbows digging into the sheets. My teeth grit together with abhorrence. “Yeah, you’d like that wouldn’t you?” He smiles at me and it’s the cruelest one I’ve gotten out of him, mainly because of how genuine it is. He seems pleasantly happy with this scenario.

“No teeth or you’ll really get me excited and you haven’t seen me really excited yet, Bun.”

I bury my teeth into my lower lip to keep myself from unsheathing the knife strapped around my thigh and burying it in his chest. “You think you’re the first man to force me to suck his dick?”

“I think you’re the first woman to spit in my face and bite my lips in the same day,” he comes back harshly as he pumps his cock slowly, pre-come spilling at his tip.

The fact that I find it erotic disturbs me to my core. A beautiful, broken man who’s working his dick while telling me to suck it. That’s also why we’re so drawn to each other, because we’re both toxic and cruel.

Bradshaw must see the lust in my eyes, because his wicked grin grows. His curious eyes trace the curvature of my face and down my throat. He licks his lips and shifts on his feet.

“You like this, don’t you?” His voice is smooth for once.

I continue to glare at him. There’s no way I’m answering that question. And the sly raise of his brow tells me I don’t need to. He already knows.

“Oh, Bunny, you sick little thing. Tell me you aren’t into this too. The pain kink was already catching my heartstrings, but this? This makes me want to brand you as mine.” Bradshaw smiles with his teeth revealed and it’s both absurdly handsome and bone-chilling. He tightens his grip on his dick and the veins pulse more prominently, the head of his cock swelling with the pressure he’s putting on it. His eyes narrow and his lips part as pain and pleasure dance over his features. He swipes the pad of his thumb over the tip of his cock and brings the drop of pre-come to my lips, sucking in his lower lip and biting it as he pushes his thumb inside my mouth.

Oh my god.

Oh my fucking god.

I taste him. The saltiness and the heat. My center aches for him and he can see it written all over my face and in the way I suck on his thumb as he pushes it further into my mouth.

I can’t force my eyes away from him. The way his hips dip and form the V-shape down to his erection beckons saliva to pool in my mouth.

He watches me like a snake, patiently waiting for the perfect moment to strike. To constrict me and never let me go.

He hooks his thumb behind my lower set of teeth and guides my jaw to his cock. I try to pull back but end up whimpering at the way he digs his fingers into my jaw.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you swallow.” My eyes widen and shock rivets down my spine as his hand wraps around the base of my neck, fisting my hair and cupping the nape until my mouth lolls open. “Such a pretty mouth is wasted on you,” he says, voice dripping with disdain.

Bradshaw drags the head of his dick across my bottom lip. His pre-come is still blooming from his tip. I savor the salty flavor as he smears it over my lip, lubing it like gloss. He watches every movement with hooded eyes. Darkness collects in his cruel grin.

“I don’t hear you refusing this,” he says as he continues to smooth the soft, pulsing flesh of his dick over my lip. I hate him so much. But the fire that burns inside my chest also trails down to my core, making a painful, urgent need throb through me.

I want it. I want him.

After a moment of hesitance and deciding that I’ll just have to unpack my mental disarray at a later time, I let my hands move to his bare hips. I trace the grooves of his muscles and the abs that form a V tempt my depraved thoughts. My lips come down over his tip and I swirl my tongue around the soft flesh.

Bradshaw groans and lets his head fall back. His grip on my hair doesn’t loosen.

I shut my eyes and let this moment just unfold. The deep sounds that roll from his chest send pulses of heat through my center. I let my free hand slide down to my clit and rub in a slow motion to get myself off. The dress is thin and makes access easy.

“Fuck,” Bradshaw hisses between his teeth as I take him deeper, massaging the underside of his cock with my tongue and swallowing on his flesh to work him into madness. His fist curls tensely into my hair and his other grips my jaw like he’s trying to keep me from consuming him so feverishly. “Who the fuck taught you to do this?” His voice is weakened by lust and pleasure.

If I could smile I would, but he’s too deep inside my mouth.

I can tell he’s close by the way he’s bucking lightly into the back of my throat with need.

The door opens just as I’m performing my finishing move on Bradshaw—we’re too connected and unable to part before the gasp rolls out of Eren’s throat.

Bradshaw stills and tenses, his entire body like a statue, with the exception of his pulsing, throbbing dick inside my mouth. He’s coming and I can’t keep myself from swallowing multiple times. Bradshaw lets out a few shameful groans as his salty release flows down my throat.

“Jesus fucking Christ… Well, don’t stop on my account,” Eren says, laughing to himself and throwing his towel on the floor.

Bradshaw loosens his grip on my hair and jaw. I sit back on my haunches, wiping my lips with my wrist before growing increasingly horrified at the evidence of my pleasure that drips down my bare legs.

Both men are staring at my exposed thighs with front row seats to see my wet panties.

Eren curses and extends a hand to help me up off my knees while Bradshaw tucks his still very hard dick back into his pants.

Once I’m standing, the room becomes increasingly awkward as the silent seconds draw out.

Eren runs his hand down his face, his fingers lingering around his mouth and chin as he stares at me like I’m the biggest fucking problem in his life right now. I can practically hear his thoughts. What am I supposed to do with her? Then he looks at his brother and the same thought seems to flutter across his mind.

“You two are making my life really fucking hard right now, you know that?” Eren practically laughs, but the humor in his voice doesn’t reflect in his dark blue eyes. “First you’re fighting, then hurting each other.” I open my mouth to argue that only Bradshaw has hurt me, but Eren’s pointed look shuts me up. “And now you two are… what the fuck even is this? Are you fucking now?” He throws his hands in the air, exasperated.

Bradshaw rolls his eyes at his twin before glancing down at my wet thighs. The way his eyes become hungry with his unfinished business sends another throb of need through me. I refuse to waver, so I stand firmly, ignoring his seductive looks. But that becomes impossible as Bradshaw approaches me and slides two fingers up my inner thigh, an inch away from my core, before bringing the evidence of my arousal to his lips and stroking his fingers clean with his tongue.

My cheeks flare with heat and Eren’s eyes widen.

“This. This is exactly what I’m talking about. What the fuck is wrong with you, Bradshaw? I’ve never seen you act this… this…” Eren’s voice trails off and pain spreads across his face.

“Go ahead. Say it.” Bradshaw stares at him emptily.

“Psychotic! You’re acting like a fucking animal. The shit you’re pulling… Do you have any idea how much I’ve covered for you? How much I’ve sacrificed to keep you here? You know the general won’t put up with anymore of your shit.” Eren is nothing short of pleading with his brother and it tears at my chest like savage claws. I’ve never had what Bradshaw does—his brother is fighting so hard for him and he just doesn’t give a shit.

“I am a goddamn animal, Eren. Haven’t you known? Don’t pretend like I’m just some broken little thing that you can fix. You’re just prolonging a shitty ending and you know it,” Bradshaw says calmly. His words are like drops of rain. More sorrowful to be heard knowing that he doesn’t care an ounce for himself. Is this why I’m drawn to him? Because he’s… like me. A prolonged, shitty ending.

Eren’s eyes narrow with anguish. “Get the fuck out.” He says through gritted teeth and tense shoulders. The veins protrude in his neck and, for a moment, I think he’s going to hit Bradshaw if he doesn’t leave.

They hold a glare for a few dreadful seconds before Bradshaw turns to regard me once more, tapping two fingers on my sternum and knocking me back on the bed. I scowl at him and it earns me a cocky, careless grin before he heads to the door without another word. Eren hands him an extra mask he had in his nightstand, since I ruined the one Bradshaw wore coming in. Then he’s gone, and I find an odd sense of loneliness filling the space where he just was.

Eren lets out a long, weary sigh before looking at me. He seems disappointed and maybe even ashamed. Though I can’t discern who it’s for—me or Bradshaw.

“I… um.” I try to form words but fail miserably.

My thighs close together and rub with need. I have to take care of this ache. I’m still worked up from Bradshaw’s cock in my mouth.

Eren’s eyes catch the motion of my legs and his brows pinch with more humor than rage. “You two really will be the death of me.” His gaze is heavy and he doesn’t pull his attention away from me as his lips curve up. “Need help, or are you going to take care of it yourself?”

My heart clammers against my ribs. Did Eren just offer to get me off? He laughs at my widened eyes and tips his head down toward his swollen cock, not hidden at all beneath those gray sweatpants.

“I’m just a man,” he says innocently, and my cheeks flush with his admittance. “I can’t look at a woman in need and not get an erection.”

Eren looks like Bradshaw in every way. Even the size of his bulge seems comparable. My conscience tells me that it’s wrong to use him like this, especially if I’m picturing his brother in his stead, but he’s just my superior. This can just be an indulgence, can’t it? Just two humans who need to get off?

“No feelings attached, right?” I ask and Eren’s grin is instant.

“Of course not.” He takes a step closer to me, confidence and a gentle demeanor beaming through his eyes.

“You’re not going to be weird after?” I pry because, my God, he’s my sergeant.

His brow raises and he gives me a smug smile. “It’s been weird since the club and we’ll be parting ways soon enough,” he mutters as he reaches down and grabs his bulge through his sweatpants. My tongue slips over my bottom lip.

Eren leans over me and, as he does, I realize his scent is starkly different than Bradshaw’s. It’s musky with smokey remnants. He must see something in my eyes that even I’m not aware of because he changes his direction. “Aw, Nell. Did you catch feelings for my brother?”

Eren tilts to his side and lies on his back at the bottom of my bed. He frees his dick and starts stroking it casually, like I’m not even here. My eyes dart to his length more than once while I try to form an answer.

“No.” It doesn’t sound at all convincing. I haven’t caught feelings though. I really do hate him.

Eren watches me as he continues to pump his shaft. I decide to lie next to him and pleasure myself too. We stare into each other’s eyes as I lift the edge of my dress up and slip my hand inside my wet panties. I circle my middle finger around my clit and try to remain as stoic as Eren is, but my brows pull together as my orgasm starts to build. My lips part and I stare at Eren’s veiny dick, imagining it between my thighs.

“I think you do like him,” he says simply with empty eyes. The more I observe Eren, the more I believe he’s as psychotic as Bradshaw. He just hides and controls it better, which is immensely more frightening.

“What makes you think that?” I let my eyes fall back to his hand working over his length. The movement is languid and slow, teasing in a way.

“Well, for one, you’re watching me whack myself off and not taking advantage of it, so there’s a start.” His eyes dip down to my hand rubbing my clit. “And you two look at each other in this way I haven’t seen before. It’s different.”

My throat is drying at the sight at of his dick pushing out pre-come and growing as the veins protrude along his shaft. Fuck. I want it so bad. My hand isn’t even close to enough friction. It’s not the same when you’re doing it to yourself.

“And how do I look at you?” I ask. I’ve found myself admiring Eren as much as I have Bradshaw, if not more. He has more gentle and caring features. He actually smiles like a person. Like a man I should be drawn to rather than the broken, murderous version of him.

Eren presses his lips together like he needs to deeply consider my question. “You look at me like I’m something untouchable. Like I’m a shiny glass figurine out of reach that cannot be disturbed.” He gives me a shy smirk that worms its way into my chest.

“Well, you are my sergeant.” Not that that’s stopped me before.

He nods and shuts his eyes, saying with a frown, “A hard position to be in. Lonely.”

I want to tell him he doesn’t have to be, but it’d be a lie. Of course it’s lonely. It was always lonely for Jenkins. I reach slowly over to his hand, the one that’s currently fisting a throbbing, leaking eight-inch cock.

His eyes crack open and he stares at me through heavy lashes. There’s so much pain and loneliness there. Guilt. I feel the same emptiness inside myself. I want it to go away. I want to think of anything but the gaping, agonizing hole that’s left inside my soul. It’s what we’re taught, isn’t it? To just let that shit go.

He flashes a sad smile as he accepts my invitation and scoots closer to me, pushing his cock between my thighs, slicking himself with my arousal. “I can see why you’re so popular with the bad guys,” he says, lips against my shoulder.

Bad guys? I can’t tell if he’s talking about Bradshaw, himself, or the general dark forces pond, but I reply simply, “I’m not exactly an angel, Sarge.”

“No, you certainly aren’t.” He pumps his hips and fucks my thighs, rubbing against my clit and center. His arms wrap around my back and he holds me adoringly against his chest. It makes my heart skip a beat and my breath catch.

I’m not used to gentle. It makes me uneasy, the way my chest aches for him. “I’m curious to get to the bottom of you, though. I want to see the darkest things you’re hiding. I want to know why the monsters like you so much.” His voice is raspy as his thrusts quicken.

I’m half listening as I cling to his chest and cry out as my orgasm rolls through me. He pumps a few more times before he’s shooting come on my ass and between my thighs. We lie here for a few moments, only our breaths creating sound, our hearts beating against each other.

Eren presses his head to mine and kisses my temple before untangling himself from me. He pulls his pants back up before sitting at the edge of the bed. He lets out a low sigh as he brushes his hand through his dark hair.

Who were they before becoming this? I ponder the thought again as I watch him take a few breaths. His mind seems to be warring against him, but I can’t figure out why.

“I’ll leave your dark secrets alone if you leave mine buried,” I threaten softly. I sit up and face him. Eren’s eyes are on the floor and I can’t help but take in his beauty. There’s something almost divine about him. I’m sure he can sense my eyes on him but he lets me continue to stare without bringing attention to it.

“And what is it you want me to leave buried, Bunny?” He finally looks at me with a darkness settling into his features. I study him for a moment, not sure what to say in reply to that. His voice is hard as he mutters, “I’d have to bury you if you dug up one of my secrets.”