Learning Curve

Friday February 7th

Scottie

I zip up my coat and walk out the doors of Brower into the dark, frigid wind with my cheerleading duffel and a bag full of sustenance—snacks in every form—in hand.

As the second month of the semester starts up, I’m finally starting to find a rhythm. It’s clunky and well offbeat, but I don’t spend every second of my life locked away in my dorm either.

As the whispers have dulled, I’ve found the strength to go back to class, and my performance at cheerleading practice is getting back up to snuff. With NCA Nationals coming up and my alternate expelled out of the picture, Coach Jordan has been on the brink of a breakdown, waiting for the old, capable me to show back up.

Tonight’s practice was the first time she didn’t make herself hoarse from screaming at me to get it together.

But missing nearly three full weeks’ worth of classes has taken a toll. I have two quizzes to make up in calculus, an essay on abstract expressionism to write for art history, and about three hundred pages of reading in Anna Karenina for English Lit to catch up on—and not a whole hell of a lot of time in which to do it.

Julia and Kayla have been champs, though, checking in and getting notes from my classes without request or complaint. Considering we don’t have a lot of classes together, I know it took a serious amount of coordination, and it’s the one thing that’s been keeping me afloat.

Thankfully, we have this weekend off from cheerleading, so I’ll have a full two days to get as caught up on everything as I can.

Once I’m back in my dorm, I take a quick shower to wash away the practice sweat and plop down on my futon with my bag of snacks and another cup of hot chocolate that’s been left anonymously at my door.

It’s funny how when I first got here, I longed for the friendships I left upstate. Now, I know that these are the formative years—the ones that create friends for a lifetime. I’ll never forget this group of people and the way they’ve stepped up for me, even at my lowest of lows.

I put Perfect Match—my new reality show that I’m watching but not watching—on in the background and grab my copy of Anna Karenina.

While everyone else is going out for the night, I’m tucking in. I don’t have even the slightest interest in going back to sorority and frat row—even if Delta Omega did lose their charter over the whole incident—and the Double C event I got a text for will be swarming with the kind of company I’m trying to avoid.

The social media notifications have calmed down, but the sex heard ’round the world has hardly disappeared entirely. Kayla’s been insistent that people don’t actually blame me for any of it—even the sorority getting shut down—but I find that hard to believe. She and Julia have both been coddling me too hard to ruin it by telling the harsh truth.

I flip to page ten of Anna Karenina and will myself to concentrate. It’s not going to do me any good to read it without paying attention.

Just as I’m finishing the thought, an ironically distracting knock pounds on my door, and I shake my head with a laugh. “Well, then. Maybe old Anna’s not meant to be right now.”

Familiar voices outside are a comfort as I climb to my feet and open it.

“Hey, girl,” Julia greets as Kayla pushes inside with a pizza box and makes herself at home.

“You got any paper plates?” Kayla asks, and Julia flashes me a little grin.

“Kay is starving, so she doesn’t have time for pleasantries.”

“Yes!” Kayla exclaims, already opening the pizza box to grab a slice. “I’m starving, and after that practice this afternoon, I know you have to be hungry too, Scottie.”

I shrug. My appetite isn’t exactly back to normal, but I know it won’t ever be if I don’t make myself start eating regularly again.

“So…uh… I’m happy you guys stopped by, but, like, what’s the plan?” I ask as Julia and Kayla get comfortable. “You going out after this?”

“No way,” Julia answers around a mouthful of cheese and sauce. “We’re here for a girls’ night sleepover.”

“It’s been flipping years since I’ve had a sleepover,” Kayla comments and pops the tab on a soda she got from my fridge. “Did you guys have sleepovers when you were growing up?”

“All the time,” Julia comments. “Up until I was about eight, I even used to have sleepovers with Ace.”

“You guys have the strangest relationship,” Kayla responds, making Julia’s head explode. I can’t blame her, honestly, with the number of times she’s gone over this.

“I don’t know why everyone keeps saying that! Ace and I are best friends, and we’ve known each other our whole lives. Everything about us is normalllll.”

Kayla looks over at me to garner support, but when she realizes I’m still hovering by the door, she frowns. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I shake my head and stare at my feet, trying to gather the courage to say it out loud. “It’s just that…” I pause and lift my gaze to meet theirs. “You guys really don’t need to keep babying me, you know?”

“Babying you?” Julia asks, confusion evident in her voice. “What are you talking about?”

“Making sure I have all of my notes, leaving me hot chocolate every night, dropping off dinner and snacks,” I list off everything they’ve been doing over the past month. “The old-school Discman with burned CDs with very specific playlists. I appreciate it all, and I’ll admit, the ‘I want to break shit’ playlist has really gotten me through some rough days, but it’s not necessary anymore. I’m doing okay. Almost good, even. You don’t have to keep going out of your way for me. Okay?”

“Um…Scottie?” Julia ventures, her eyes darting to Kayla and back to me. “That wasn’t us.”

I furrow my brow. “What?”

“That was Finn,” Kayla answers. “I mean, we helped him with a few things, like getting notes from some of your classes when he couldn’t make it to that part of campus, but it was all his doing.”

Everything has been Finn this whole time?

“He’s been really worried about you,” Julia says, her voice soft. “I know you guys have had your moments in the past, but Ace says Finn’s officially in his emotionally healthy era.” She rolls her eyes and laughs. “I mean, you know Ace, he’s dramatic, but every time I’ve seen Finn this semester, he has seemed different. Steady, you know?”

My body feels warm, my hands tingly. The idea of an emotionally stable Finn Hayes is…overwhelming. And frankly, seems a little too good to be true.

“Again, it’s none of my business, and I know there’s been some shit that’s gone down between the two of you,” Julia says, and her eyes lock with mine. “But when a guy is willing to do the kinds of things he’s been doing for you, I think he might be worth talking to.”

I can’t say I disagree with her. He’s always been special, and I love him for a reason. But my heart can’t take another U-turn. I won’t survive it.