Learning Curve

Finn

“He did what?” Scottie questions and bursts into laughter. This is the fifth time my brothers have made her laugh like that in the last three hours, and I’m positively vibrating with satisfaction.

After Ace and Julia left yesterday, I spent an entire five hours warring with myself about going home for Christmas while Scottie was here by herself. I didn’t want to let my siblings down on the first real holiday for our family, but the thought of leaving Scottie here to rot in a bucket of sour feelings I’ve had the pleasure of marinating in my entire life seemed equally as cruel.

I finally compromised with myself on getting home a little late for Christmas with the Hayeses after making a quick stop at Scottie’s dorm this morning, but evidently, making crazy decisions truly is biological.

My siblings all showed up at my dorm first thing this morning, ready to spread some Christmas cheer to the “friend” I told them about with me.

I didn’t tell them any of the gory details—sharing something so personal is well outside my moral code—but they knew from our one million FaceTime calls about me being late that Scottie has been hanging out on the bottom rung of the down-and-out ladder.

Willow suggested that a Christmas surprise wasn’t a Christmas surprise at all without going all out, so on our way over, we stole a tree and its ornaments from the courtyard behind my dorm and bought way too many Christmas-themed snacks at the store in Brower Center.

“Oh my God!” Willow exclaims and throws herself back onto Scottie’s bed. She shoves a pillow over her face, and her next words are muffled. “Just shut up, Trav! Shut up!”

Travis smiles like a real bastard and continues telling Scottie about the night they found my sister’s then-boyfriend Steve in her bedroom. “That’s right, Scottie. Stupid Steve was so scared of Jack and me that he scaled the side of the house in his boxers.”

“Of course, we didn’t let him get away that easy,” Jack comments with a smug grin. “Trav grabbed flashlights, and we stood outside shining them directly on him while he hung precariously from our gutter.”

“You’re lucky he didn’t die,” Willow says, sitting up to glare at our twin brothers.

“No, Low. Stupid Steve is lucky we didn’t kill him,” Travis says, and Scottie snorts, clearly amused by their overprotectiveness.

“I promise you, Low, if that fuckhead would’ve been naked in your bed, I would’ve killed him,” Jack comments, his face pursed like it’s puckered on a lemon. “It was already bad enough I found you two all cuddled up with him in his fucking boxers.”

Travis holds up both hands. “Please, for the love of God, don’t say anything else. I don’t want to know.”

“We were just sleeping,” Low contends. “That’s all we were doing.”

“Again, I don’t want to know,” Trav repeats. Scottie looks over at me with big, comically wide eyes, and a flash of her and me in this very bed, very much not sleeping, catches me off guard. I have to swallow hard around the knot that’s formed in my throat to breathe again.

“Poor Willow,” Scottie says. “Her overprotective brothers are a permanent chastity belt.”

“Thank you!” Low exclaims, tossing both hands in the air and letting them fall hard on the pillow in her lap. “Finally, someone who understands! They are boyfriend repellent, Scottie. Ninety percent of the guys at school are terrified of them.”

“Good,” Trav says. “That’s exactly how I want it.”

“You’re lucky it was just me and Trav,” Jack comments. “If Reece and Finn would’ve still been home, you would’ve been fucked.”

“Dude,” Trav says with wide, knowing eyes. “Stupid Steve’s body would be rotting in the backyard as we speak.”

“I’m not that bad,” I counter, crossing my arms over my chest with a smirk. Trav and Jack and Willow burst into laughter.

“Please, you’re the actual worst,” my sister says.

“I’m not worse than Reece,” I hedge, starting to feel a little embarrassed.

“Does Reece have a tendency to get into fights too?” Scottie asks, and all three of my siblings nod.

“Reece and Finn are straight-up brawlers,” Willow states, and I roll my eyes.

“We’re not that bad.”

Willow laughs again. “Finn, you are that bad. But I will say, you’re never the one to start fights. Only finish them. Reece, on the other hand…” She shakes her head dramatically. “He’s a full-on hothead.”

“Finn beat up my ex-boyfriend,” Scottie offers, not to be left out of the conversation. I don’t know if she even realizes what a big deal it is to bring it up like this when she’s so fresh off dealing with the consequences, but I’m proud of her. “He deserved it, though.”

Willow flashes a smile in my direction, matchmaking schemes in her eyes. She doesn’t know the extent of ups and downs Scottie’s and my relationship has already been through, and she doesn’t need to. Honestly, at this point, if she can figure out a way to bring Scottie and me together, I might actually let her.

I miss her.

“And I saw him fight an ex-UFC fighter too.”

Both of my brothers’ jaws drop.

“What?” Jack questions, and Trav is quick to add, “Who?”

“It’s nothing,” I say, but Scottie smiles over at me like a little minx.

“Actually, it was something. He won the fight. And I think I died ten deaths watching it.” She snorts. “It was terrifying.”

“Who was it?” Trav asks again, and Scottie looks over at me as the realization of the NDA and the fingerprints on Special Agent Lexi’s phone dawns on her.

“I probably wasn’t supposed to say any of that, huh?”

I grin at her. “Probably not.”

“What? Why?” Jack questions, desperate for more information.

“Uh-oh, Scottie,” I tease. “I feel like you’ve found yourself in a little predicament.” I make a show of pulling out my phone. “I should probably text Lexi and let her know that—” I start to say, but my words are cut off when Scottie literally dive-bombs into my lap and knocks my phone out of my hands.

“Don’t you dare!” she shouts through a laugh. I wrap my arms around her body and hold her tight to my chest. With my free hand, I pretend to grab for my phone.

“Hold on, Scottie. I gotta send a quick text.”

“Finn! Don’t!” she squeals breathlessly, wrestling me to keep me from grabbing it. I take full advantage of our situation and hug her tightly to my chest, relishing the feel of her body against mine.

“What was that, Scottie? You want me to tell Lexi what you just told my brothers?”

She’s laughing so hard she snorts, and I feel like the main character in a Marvel movie. To lift her from the depths of despair to this—coming here this morning has been a successful mission.

I know my historical record isn’t great, but from now on, this is the only way I ever want to make Scottie Bardeaux feel.

When Scottie’s laughter finally subsides, I unlock my arms, and she climbs off me and takes a seat next to Willow again. I watch her avidly, my fingers tingling with the need to touch her again.

The next two hours are filled with more funny chatter and my siblings making Scottie laugh with ridiculous stories about one another and me, and a boulder forms in my stomach when Willow checks the time and says we need to leave.

“You should come, Scottie,” Jack says as he grabs a few cookies for the road. “Mom would love to have you for dinner.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t impose like that. I—”

“Trust me, Scottie, she made enough food to feed a hundred people. It’s our first Christmas without…” Willow pauses, and everyone in the room, including Scottie, knows how to fill in the blank. Our shitstick of a situation definitely isn’t secret anymore. “She’s just going all out,” my sister says, her voice soft. “I know she’d love to have you. Finn never brings anyone home. Like, ever.”

“That’s because he has no friends,” Trav chimes in helpfully, momentarily pausing his lick of his lollipop to insult me.

“So, this would be a big deal for my mom. I know she’d love to meet you,” Willow charges on, unfazed.

“Low,” I chastise with a shake of my head. The last thing I’m going to do is push Scottie to do something she doesn’t feel comfortable doing.

“What?” my sister asks, completely oblivious that her overenthusiastic offer is what I’d consider pushing.

“Scottie, you’re more than welcome to come,” I say and reach out to gently brush a piece of hair out of her eyes. “But it’s also cool if you want to stay here.”

“I’d really love to…” She nods, and her top teeth dig into her bottom lip. “But I don’t think I can.”

In an instant, Scottie’s eyes go from bright emerald to a muddy green. Sadness has seeped back into her senses, and I’d do anything to make it go away.

But I know better than anyone that this is part of the process. Feeling your feelings is way healthier than smothering them down so deep you drive yourself to psychosis.

Scottie needs space and time and distance to process. And as hard as it is to do, I know I have to give it to her.

Scottie says goodbye to Jack and Trav and Willow, all three pulling her into a giant group hug before they head out the door.

I hang back for a moment while they go romping down the hall, and Scottie surprises me by placing a sweet kiss to the apple of my cheek. “Merry Christmas, Finn.”

“Merry Christmas, Scottie.”

I’ve never been much of a believer, but I have to admit, this Christmas, there’s magic in the air.