Latte Darling: Book Two of The Darling Series

I’m so sick of trembling fingers. Trembling lips. Tears.

All the fucking tears.

I use my left hand to hold my right wrist steady as I enter the code on Elouise’s front door, and on the second try I get it right.

There’s a beep, then I turn the deadbolt and walk into the cool interior. The curtains are all pulled closed, leaving the house dim with filtered sunlight.

Not too long ago my best friend hid out at my house to keep away from the man she was seeing, and now here I am. Hiding in her house so I don’t have to talk to Axel.

Axel.

Inhale – 1, 2, 3, 4.

I try to find my happy place.

I try to breathe.

Exhale – 1, 2, 3, 4.

My purse drops off my shoulder and I don’t bother catching it, letting it fall to the floor.

The thud is barely audible over the memories racing through my mind.

“Are you Maddie?”

Hearing Axel’s voice for the first time will forever be etched onto my soul. The deep gravelly sound of it. Like he doesn’t use it much. Doesn’t talk to other people much.

But he talked to me.

My next inhale is interrupted with a keening sound.

“Maddie.” His hands squeeze gently around mine. “Baby Doll, look at me.”

Slowly, I bring my gaze up to meet his.

His head gives the smallest shake, “Don’t you dare be sad over this.”

A sob falls out of my chest.

What I wouldn’t give to have him here with me now. Telling me not to be sad. Telling me that he’ll protect me. Keep me safe.

I let my feet stumble forward until I’m close enough to collapse onto the couch.

Another sob.

I force my eyes closed and remember the second time he found me in The Bar.

“You fucking hugged me.”

I blindly grab for the throw pillow next to me and clutch it to my body. Holding it as tight as I can.

I remember the morning after.

He slowly steps closer, “I told you I’d be here… I’ll never lie to you.”

I press my mouth against the soft cotton of the pillow, muffling my sounds of heartbreak.

I spent so long, so many years, being alone. Being all by myself. And I got used to it. Solitude became my normal.

But then Axel came crashing into my life and he changed everything.

Everything.

And now this loneliness feels like the worst kind of torture. Like I’m standing at the bottom of a deep cavern with smooth walls, nothing to hold on to, and no way to climb out.

Crying freely, I let my body tip until I’m curled up on my side.

As much as I try, I can’t stop more memories from coming. Memories of Axel. Of the happiest I can remember being.

His hands on my face.

His hold on the back of my neck.

How he holds me while he sleeps.

And even though I know I shouldn’t, I let myself pretend.

I let myself pretend it’s all still real.

And that I’m still safe.

“Taste this.” He starts to lift the mug, then pauses to turn it around, so my lips will press where his just were.

“Wh-why?”

“…I need you to feel as proud of it as I am proud of you.”