Latte Darling: Book Two of The Darling Series

Our bodies sway together, and I swear if Axel’s arms weren’t around me I’d disperse across the dance floor like a dandelion in a puff of air.

I want to tip my head back and tell him I love him.

I want to do it right now.

But I can’t.

I won’t.

Because I’m a chicken. And because we have so much to talk about. All of it, really.

I know he’s serious about me, or at least I think he is. I mean I’m here, at a family wedding, where he’s introducing me as his girlfriend. And I’ve met his son. And slept at his house. But…

That inner voice, the one that fills me with doubts and worries and anxiousness reminds me that people lie. Change their minds.

People leave.

I lean more of my weight into Axel’s firm body.

We’ve only known each other a couple of weeks – a little over a month – hardly enough time for a reasonable person to know that they want to spend the rest of their life with someone.

And then there’s kids…

I’ve never really given myself the space to imagine what life would be like if I found my forever. I didn’t think that was something I would get.

But being with Axel, it makes me imagine. It makes me dream. And I don’t know if I want kids, but I want the option. I want the choice to decide. And Axel, well, he already has a kid. One that’s twenty years old. One that will take over his business and carry on the family legacy. Would Axel really want to do it all over again?

With me?

My lips press together and I try to breathe slowly through my nose.

Don’t jump to conclusions. Just talk to him.

I give myself a mental nod.

I’ll talk to him. Soon.

But what if he says no? To all of it?

Axel’s thumb rubs a small circle on my back, subconsciously calming my raging emotions.

Another slow breath and I let my eyes open.

Other dancing couples come in and out of view and I make a silent promise to myself to enjoy the rest of the night. My questions and doubts can wait until tomorrow.

The song comes to an end and the DJ changes up the tempo to something faster.

As we stop our swaying, Axel presses his lips to the top of my head. I want to stay just like this, forever and ever.

“Axel!” a boisterous voice from just beside us jolts my calm.

“Hey, man,” Axel keeps an arm around my shoulders as he angles towards the man.

I recognize him as someone Axel introduced me to earlier, but I don’t remember his name.

Knowing I need a little space, and possibly some liquid courage, to gather my composure, I tap Axel on the side.

When he looks down, I smile, “I’m gonna grab a drink. Want anything?”

The side of his mouth tips up, just a little, “Nah, I’m good. I’ll meet you back at the table.”

“Kay,” I nod a silent acknowledgement at the other guy before I slip away.

Axel’s driving tonight so he’s not drinking alcohol. And I was planning on staying sober, but dealing with my emotions is proving to be a little too much.

And really, coming to a fancy wedding with an open bar and not getting a drink seems almost criminal.

I keep my eyes down as I make my way to the back of the large ballroom, where the bar is set up. Everyone’s been really nice, but I don’t know if I have it in me to small talk right now.

Getting into the short line, I absently chew on my lip as I look at the selection.

When I see my favorite brand of hard cider on tap, my mood lifts.

The pair of women ahead of me move away and I step up to the bar. “Hi, can I please have an Apple Loon?”

The bartender tips her head and turns to grab a glass.

Happy I grabbed my little bag from the table, I stuff a couple of bills in the tip jar and wait.

“Should’ve ordered the champagne,” a nasally woman says from next to me.

I jolt, not having seen her approach.

She’s probably around 70, just a little taller than me with sharp shoulders and a gleam in her eye that makes me want to step away.

“Oh?” I try for a smile. “Why’s that?”

I expect her to tell me it’s her favorite, or maybe she picked it out, paid for it, something.

But she just lifts a brow, “It’s a smart, low calorie, choice.”

Did… did she just…?

A queasy feeling settles in my stomach as my face struggles between paling and flushing.

“Here you are,” the bartender slides the glass towards me.

I’m frozen. Stuck in indecision. My panic reaction in full force.

The bartender slides the glass a little closer.

Do I take it? Leave it?

Did this old bitch actually just call me fat?

My eyes automatically move to seek out Axel.

I find him, not far from where I left him, but his back is to me.

A cold hand presses against my forearm, and my body automatically recoils, moving away from the nasty woman, leaving my untouched cider on the bar.

Dropping my gaze back to the ground, I spin and walk away as quickly as I can. Out of the room, into the lobby.

But it’s teeming with people.

Feeling my panic rising, I turn down a side hall towards the restroom.

I was in here earlier, so I don’t need to look around. It’s just as lavish as the rest of the building, the restroom has dim warm lighting, several sinks stocked with scented soaps and lotions, and real towels for drying.

Thankfully it looks empty so I move to the center sink and turn the water on.

You’re okay.

You’re fine.

You’re good enough just as you are.

I close my eyes and repeat the words in my mind, letting the cool water trail over my wrists.

I’m okay.

I’m fine.

I’m good enough just as I am.

Noise suddenly fills the room as the restroom door is pushed open.

My eyes open and I watch through the mirror as a couple of girls in their 20’s walk in, chatting as they head towards the stalls. I’m about to look away when another form walks in. The same mean-faced woman from the bar.

My heart rate spikes to a new high.

She’s staring right at me.

This woman has come in here for one reason, and it’s not to pee.

I pull my eyes away and turn the water off, making sure to keep my movements calm even though I feel anything but.

Picking up one of the soft cotton hand towels, I turn to face her.

I don’t want to. I want to crawl under the sink and die. But by facing her I’m also forcing myself to confront one of my greatest fears. On my own. To prove that I can.

The fact that I’m also facing the door is simply a happy coincidence.

“Look, I’m not trying to be harsh,” she starts.

But I already know that what’s coming next is going to be worse than harsh. Worse than I’d imagined.

The other voices in the restroom even cut off at her words, quieting so they can hear the humiliation I’m sure is about to come.

She scoffs, “But it’s not like you’re doing anything to hide your weight.”

She gives my chest a pointed look and I twist my hands into the towel, trembling at her directness.

Are people really like this? Are they really this cruel to strangers? At a wedding?

When she just continues to stare at me, I work to form words, “Have- Have I done something to offend you?”

I think I hear a small gasp from one of the stalls, and I feel my dread build even more.

The Bitch takes a step towards me and I automatically back up, my butt bumping into the counter.

“You offended me,” she sneers, “by having the fucking audacity to come here tonight. With him.”

“Are you and he…?” I whisper, thinking scorned lover is the only reason for someone acting this ugly.

The look she gives me is pitying while also saying you’re an idiot. “Axel is my nephew, not my boyfriend, which just goes to show how little you know.”

My throat feels like it’s closing and I tighten my hold of the towel, “Then why-”

“He’s too good for the likes of you.” She cuts me off, pointing her finger like a dagger. “I know your type. Gold digging whores. Leeches with daddy issues, looking for a soft target you can suck dry.”

I flinch when she says the word daddy and her eyes narrow even further.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” She hisses. “You’re trying to get back at your own old man, see his reaction when you bring Axel to dinner.”

“I’m not-”

“So what did they say? Your parents? When you told them you were fucking someone old enough to be your father.”

My lips are trembling just as bad as my hands now.

“My parents are dead,” I whisper.

And she scoffs.

The woman fucking scoffs, before giving me a what did I tell you look.

“See, it all makes sense.” Her hip juts out as she tries to take on a casual pose. “How about you take your problems to therapy and leave Axel out of it? He doesn’t need to throw away his career and future on some piece of chubby ass.”

Feeling small and too big at the same time, something inside of me cracks.

The door pushes open as someone new enters and my feet finally break free.

I rush out the door.

My ears are ringing. A dull hum filling all my senses.

I think I hear a female voice call my name, but I don’t pause to find out who it is. Because I can’t stand one more moment in that woman’s presence.

The first sob bursts out of me and I turn away from the lobby, moving further down the hall.

I’m okay.

I press the towel I’m still clutching to my mouth, trying to catch the sounds.

I’m fine.

Tears pour from my eyes.

I’m enough.

A few more steps.

I’m okay.

A door sits ajar just to my right, and I lurch forward to push it all the way open.

An empty coat room, unused in the summer heat.

Another sob bubbles up and I let my body fall against the door. Snapping it closed under my weight.

I’m fine.

Closing my eyes as tight as they’ll go, I try to will away the vile emotions filling my mind.

I’m enough.

I’m okay.

I’m fine.

You’re exactly who you need to be, Sweetheart.

My mom’s voice swims through my mind, and a new wave of sadness crashes over me.

You’re the perfect you.

You’re enough just the way you are.

A sound I don’t recognize leaves my chest, as sorrow like I haven’t felt in so damn long swamps me.

“I wish you were here,” I choke on the words.

I haven’t allowed myself the luxury of self-pity, not in a long time.

Not until now.

Not until Axel.

More tears fall.

What if I am what she says?

What if I’m taking advantage of him?

Using his good nature against him?

My head shakes on its own.

He’s not like that.

Axel’s with me because he wants to be.

Slowly, I lower myself until I’m sitting on the ground. And I breathe.

I just breathe.

You’re okay.

You’re fine.

You’re enough just the way you are.

Keeping my eyes closed, I use the hand towel to pat at the tears streaking down my face.

I just need a minute.

Another inhale.

One more minute.

Then what?

Walk back out there looking like I just had a mental breakdown?

Walk back out there and risk running into that old bitch?

The small clutch purse still attached to my wrist vibrates with a text.

Sniffing, I drag the zipper open and pull out my phone.

Axel: Where are you?

A ball forms low in my stomach. It’s toxic and heavy and feels a whole lot like doubt.

And I hate that woman even more, because now I’m questioning us. I’m questioning him.

Is he giving up on his own dreams by being with me?

A new set of tears trail down my cheeks.

I’m not sure where Axel and I go from here.

I have to blink a few times to type out my response.

Me: I don’t feel well. Is it okay if we leave?

Guilt niggles me as I hit send, but it’s really the only option. I can’t go back to the ballroom. Not like this.

Axel: Are you in the bathroom? I’ll come get you.

Panic shoots up my spine and I hurry to reply.

Me: Don’t come in.

Axel: Baby, if you’re sick I’m coming in.

Shit, shit, shit.

Pushing myself up, I carefully open the door and peek out. I’m not far from the restrooms and I’m not surprised when I see Axel’s big body pacing back and forth in front of the Women’s Room door.

I can’t let him go in there. Obviously. And I can’t let him find me here. If he confronts me, I’ll break down completely.

Me: Can you get the car?

Me: I don’t want to walk that far.

Me: Please?

I press a hand to my stomach, Karma making me feel ill over the lie. How fitting would it be for me to write my own self-fulfilling prophecy and puke on the floor.

I watch Axel pace a few more times.

Please just go.

A small moan pours from me at that thought and I slap a hand over my mouth.

Please don’t go for real.

Axel stops, hunches over his phone, then strides away.

Axel: If you’re not out front when I am, I’m coming in there and carrying you out.

More tears trickle from the corner of my eyes.

He’s so good to me. So good for me.

But what if I’m not good for him?