Knot so Lucky (The holidates series Book 2)

crew

“Goddammit,” I shout, hitting my fist on my palm.

Everything about today’s practice has been a fucking disaster. I can’t throw for shit, my feet feel like fucking lead, and I can’t see a fucking pathway to anyone.

Everything’s wrong.

I’m thrown another ball so I can try the play again. So I set up, calling it out to the line, and fall back into the pocket, knowing the fucking route, and still, I throw way above TJ’s head.

“Fuck,” I grind out again, punching the air.

My hands come to my knees as I stare down at the turf, berating myself quietly.

“This is bullshit, Crew. Get your head in the game. You’re better than this, you fucking idiot.”

I hear my name called as Coach jogs over to where I’m posted and pats my back, so I stand.

“You’re being too hard on yourself,” he offers. “You’re letting all the shit—the press conferences, the news, the divorce…you’re letting it get in your head.”

If you only fucking knew what I’m really thinking about right now.

“Listen, son. I asked a friend of mine to come and talk to you today. He just got here, and I’d like to introduce you. I think he can help you through this time of transition, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s a Hall of Fame quarterback.”

A v forms between my eyes before I glance over my shoulder, immediately recognizing who’s standing about six feet away.

Alec Price walks toward me. The legend himself.

And also one of Eleanor’s sister’s boyfriends. And I do mean boyfriends because, apparently, she has four.

He extends a hand, and I take it, shaking it as Coach pats both of us on the shoulder and says, “I’ll leave you to it.”

What he thought he was leaving us to, I’m not sure because neither of us says a thing, choosing to silently size each other up. I’m debating on whether or not it’s a power move to speak first when he beats me to the line.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Crew Matthews.”

I give him a tight smile.

“And I’ve heard a lot about you.”

We stand there staring at each other, tension building until we both break and laugh at the same time. Alec throws an arm over my shoulder as he turns and guides me off the field.

“Are we talking football, or are we talking women?” he says quietly, giving a nod to someone who says his name with admiration.

I look at him, appreciating the frankness, but I shake my head.

“There’s only one thing I can talk about. Because the other one’s not an option.”

He nods, looking thoughtful, and removes his arm as we get to the bench, so I grab my sports bottle and take a drink.

“Well,” he finally offers, “if we’re talking football, then that’s easy. Just do what you know how to do. That’s what got you here, and it’s what’ll keep you here. And maybe if you’re lucky, your name will be somewhere around mine in that Hall of Fame.”

I nod, and I keep nodding because I heard him, but I’m still thinking about what I really wanted to ask him. And that thought is getting more and more intrusive until I look up and, against my better judgment, say, “How is she?”

He smirks and gives my cheek a pat. “Give me a moment.”

Alec pulls out his phone and hits the call button as I frown. Who the fuck is he calling? But I don’t get a chance to ask before a voice rings out.

“Did he cave already?” Who the fuck?

Alec chuckles, covering the phone and whispering, “That’s Cole,” before he answers the question. “He did. Even before I got to the inspirational shit.”

Cole shouts, “Reed, you owe me three hundred dollars.”

Jesus Christ, he called the whole damn dick brigade. So now I have to talk to all her sister’s boyfriends. Come the fuck on.

“I already gave it to your mom for head,” Reed yells back.

Alec hangs up and looks at me.

“Sorry about that, but a bet’s a bet. You understand how that is.”

I roll my eyes because my girl talks too much—shit, not my girl…thought typo.

Alec continues. “And to answer your question, she looks about as good as you.”

I take another drink from my water bottle, trying to decide how I’m handling this bullshit. But again, he beats me to the punch.

“You should call her.”

“I can’t do that, Alec. Simply because she doesn’t want me to. I won’t pressure her. Why should I? For a chance at love? I don’t believe that would make up for giving up who you are. Sometimes people can’t have it all, and that just fucking sucks.”

Alec crosses his arms, staring back at me for a long, hard few seconds before he takes a deep inhale. But I pipe up first this time.

“Is this gonna be the inspirational part?”

He huffs a laugh, shaking his head.

“No. This is the honest part. I’m assuming you know about my private life?”

I nod.

“Then we’re proof that you can have everything you want without sacrificing who you are. We manage that shit daily with five people. Your amateur-hour ass can figure out the two of you. Don’t you think?”

I toss my bottle a little harder than necessary, but he’s starting to piss me off.

“If I go after her, I’ll always wonder if she would have ever eventually chosen that for herself. She wrote the note. She decides for herself. Who the fuck am I to second-guess that?”

“You’re the fucking guy that wants to be with her,” he presses.

He doesn’t get it. “Eleanor isn’t there for me to take… That woman is a gift only she can give.”

I hear Coach blow the whistle, so I reach out and shake Alec’s hand, putting an end to the conversation.

“I appreciate you coming today.”

He gives me a tight smile, but as I let go, he holds me in place, his eyes locked on mine.

“Eleanor’s a wild card, Crew, but she’ll never be able to surprise you if you don’t give her the option.”

Alec releases my hand, and I take a few steps backward, still staring at him. But as I turn around to head out onto the field, I stop, looking back over my shoulder, and do something I’m scared to death I’ll regret.

“Tell her there’ll be tickets with her name on them at will call for the season opener. If she wants me, she can come and get me.”

eleanor

“Yay, salon opening.” Sami cheers, clinking her glass to mine.

I smile and say, “Yay,” back before downing the entire flute of champagne I’m holding.

“Whoa,” she breathes. “I was assuming the vibe was celebratory, not blackout drunk.”

I narrow my eyes at her, aiming for hilarious sarcasm, but instead, I hit too close to home…mine.

“Why are you trying to bring up my past?”

Her head draws back as she looks at me like I’m crazy. But before she can say another thing, Millie walks over.

“Oh my gosh. The turnout is amazing, and I’m so excited to see how many bookings we get… hold on a minute.” She looks between Samantha and me as her finger shifts between us. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What’s going on here? There are no sister fights at the opening of our salon.”

Sami’s brows raise as she looks over at Millie.

“Oh, we’re not having a sister fight. Your partner in crime and in LLC is losing her shit. She’s in a spiral.”

I shake my head. “We’re not in a spiral… I am not in a fucking spiral. I’m here, being pleasant and shit.”

“Babes. Too loud,” Millie hisses, hooking my arm as she begins guiding me back to the break room.

But I protest. “What are you doing? I’m not doing this right now.”

She keeps her voice low as Samantha follows behind us, grabbing a plate full of hors d’oeuvres.

“Would you please shut up and get in here,” Millie rushes out, opening the door to the break room and shoving me inside.

Sami follows before they close the door behind them.

“What are you two doing? You can’t trap me in here. I’ll gnaw my leg off.”

Samantha laughs, shoving the food at me. “Oh my god, eat food, you lightweight. And that only applies to traps…not room, dummy.”

“Whatever,” I huff, hearing how I sound before I shove a crostini in my mouth.

They’re staring at me like two impossibly large, emotionally accountable mountains to bypass. I hate it when they team up on me because then I have to deal with my actual problems. Just let me bury everything deep down and pay for therapy later, jerks.

“We should have done this weeks ago,” Millie whispers to Sami, who nods.

My shoulders slump as I shove another delicious bite in my mouth with no attempt to be ladylike. Food was definitely needed.

A random thought strikes, suddenly hitting me like lightning, making me feel fried.

He’s right. I do eat like an animal.

Sami walks over and slips her hand inside of mine, staring me directly in the eyes.

“I’m going to tell you something that I’ve been keeping from you. I was waiting to see how you were today. Because if you were great, then you never needed to know. But if you weren’t—”

I cut her off, scowling, little pieces of bread flying from my mouth before I cover it.

“What do you mean? What have you been keeping from me?”

Samantha looks at Millie, who starts chewing on her thumbnail, so now I know it’s something I’m going to totally fucking hate. I reach out, snatching the water in Millie’s hand, and chug it back before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

“You two better come clean. Because I don’t love the vibes.”

Sami takes a deep breath before she dives right in.

“Alec met Crew.”

My breath ceases to exist. And I begin blinking too quickly. She did not just say that.

“Is the world spinning?” I whisper. “I think it’s spinning.”

Samantha grabs my other hand, forcing me to focus on her.

“He still thinks about you.”

I’m shaking my head.

“That means nothing, Samantha.” I tug my hands from hers and brush past her, needing air. “I still think about him too…but—”

“But nothing, ho,” Millie barks, calling my face to hers. She motions around the room. “Is this what you thought having it all would feel like? Be honest. Because you look fucking miserable. And god, you’re such a bitch lately.” I frown, but she smiles, holding up a hand. “I say that with love. Because I do love you, Mount Elsinore. And I hate that you’re depriving yourself.”

My chest feels heavy, so I start to rub the spot in the middle as everything I’ve been feeling hits me hard. God, there’s no escaping my truth anymore. Mainly because these bitches won’t let me.

But also because I don’t want to. I need to say what I’m feeling because I’m not sure he’s someone I can just forget about.

“I don’t want to get lost in him.” I chew the inside of my cheek before I continue. “I spent so much of my life looking for something to complete me. And that can’t be a guy.” I frown, picking at my nails. “But the shittiest part is that I’m scared I am that bitch. None of this feels as good because I want to call him and tell him about it. I want to be his girlfriend. I want to make stupid concoctions and rub them all over his fucking face.” My voice is getting louder like a dam has burst, and I’m finally owning my shit. “I want to fuck all night…and I don’t even want to fuck his friends. I just want him. I’m supposed to be a bad bitch, a boss babe…and I’m over here wearing these stupid fucking rings because I still want the guy.”

I let out a whoosh of air as I pull off the two black bands, one from my thumb and the other from my middle finger. They were supposed to be my surprise for Crew during field day. I had our wedding and divorce dates inscribed to be funny, like a memento.

The metal claps against the counter as I slam them down before I look at Millie and Sam, my chest heaving and my eyes welling with tears.

They rush me, wrapping their damn arms around me, and hug me tight.

Millie speaks first.

“Babe, you’re never getting lost in a guy. I wouldn’t let you. You wouldn’t let you because you’ve never needed anything to complete you. Even a career. You’re amazing.”

Sami follows her lead.

“Yeah, and the only reason you want him so badly is because you’re ready. You’ve been a bad bitch since the early 2000s…and you’ve checked off the list. Accomplishments accomplished. It’s time for you to get everything you’ve always wanted. Get your cherry.”

“And put him on top of you,” Millie adds, making the three of us laugh.

They set me free from the world’s longest hug as we all take a deep breath.

“What if he doesn’t want me? I wrote the note. I bailed, knowing he would respect my choice. I fucked up, and now, what if there’s no window?”

Sami kisses my cheek before stepping back.

“He left you tickets for the season opener. He told Alec, ‘If she wants me, she can come and get me.’”

Millie’s face snaps to Samantha’s like this is a piece of information she didn’t know either. My heart starts racing as I rush out my words.

“When is it? I’ll go.” I look at Millie. “We’ll go?”

She nods enthusiastically as Samantha pulls the information up on her phone and winces before saying the one thing that I don’t want her to.

“It started an hour ago.”

There are times in my life when I’ve thought I love my sister so much it hurt, but right now is not one of those times.

I look between them, feeling my heart start to pump and my nod get bigger and bigger as I speak.

“I’m a boss bitch.” Sami nods, her eyes widening. “I can have it all.” Millie throws her arms in the air as my voice thunders, “I can even leave it with someone to watch and go get the rest of it.”

“Yeahhhhh,” they both yell back like frat bros until Sami holds up a hand looking confused. “Are you leaving me here with the salon?”

“Yes, Samantha,” I exhale harshly, laughing as Millie’s already swinging the door open. “But rest assured I will plot your disappearance. Right now, I just have a game to crash.”