Kartega

Sid found herself huddled in a stray shop tent long after the queen departed and the crowd dispersed. Peeking outside periodically, she couldn’t believe how fast the dome returned to its usual activities. It seemed that only moments ago the Starblades carried off the bodies of the dead and she could already hear Domers arguing over produce prices and who carries the best frigger meat in the marketplace. A child’s laughter sounded not too far off and Sid flinched. There should be tears and screaming. There should be an uproar. The whole stardamned sky should come crashing down with an angry thunder. Anything was better than life going on as though nothing had happened.

She didn’t understand it, didn’t understand any of them. Not the Domers whose mourning of their dead lasted shorter than a hiccup, not Ashlan and Tann; who were already coding fight plans in the dim light of the shop tent. Not even Dalrak, the simple image of whom made her wonder how she could be so connected to someone that belonged to Tazmin’s deathly tribe.

As if on cue, the warrior bristled behind her, flexed his marked arms and peered through the tent’s flaps over her shoulder. She wondered what they watched out for. Did it truly matter anymore? They all heard the queen’s warning; surrender or more will die. How many more lives was she willing to sacrifice to save her own skin? Even if Leona killed only one person in each of the domes it was still too many people. Too many deaths to justify her own existence.

She was a fool to think they could end the separation between the star’s residents and an even bigger fool to think she could be the one to lead the revolt. She was nothing more than a child playing with power she didn’t understand. She wasn’t like Leona or Tazmin, wasn’t raised to believe in something so strongly they were willing to kill for it. It wasn’t that long ago that she thought her true place was with Colton in the towers or that the queen was a savior sent to Kartega to correct its downward spiral. Muck, it wasn’t that long ago that she didn’t even know Kartega was Kartega.

Someone cleared their throat next to her and she looked up to see Tann hovering over her with a troubled expression on his face.

“You alright?” He asked.

“Do I look alright? How does someone stay alright after that?” She shouted and waved her hand in the general direction of where the killings had taken place. Everyone’s eyes swung to her but she didn’t care. “Are you alright?” She shook and tears welled in her eyes. It was wrong to take out her frustration on Tann but she couldn’t help it. Besides, it was a stupid question to ask her, all things considering.

“Not really,” he said, ignoring her outburst. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she answered but he sat down beside her anyway.

“Let me guess,” he mused, “you’re thinking about turning yourself in.”

“Wouldn’t you? She’s killing people, Tann! Your people!”

“Our people,” he corrected her. “And she’d kill them regardless. Whether or not you give yourself up, our people are going to die. She either kills them outright or sucks them dry until they have no power left to fight at all.”

“At least it’ll give you a chance. I can bargain with her! I can-”

“We both know there’s no bargaining with the mucking queen of Neostar. You think you’re the first person to try that?”

She bit her bottom lip until she could taste iron on her tongue. “I can’t just sit around and wait while more people die trying to protect me.”

“Who says we’re sitting around? We have a plan, remember? You sort of came up with it.”

“And if it doesn’t work?”

“It will,” he said sharply.

“And if it doesn’t?”

Tann’s face darkened and his eyes looked somewhere beyond her. “Then we all die. But at least we die for the right reason.”

“So let me die for the right reason, Tann! Why is it fine for all of you but not for me?”

From the corner of her vision, she could see Dalrak look their way, no doubt listening to every word they said. She checked on Ashlan to see if he was eavesdropping as well but if he was, he hid it well. His fingers toyed endlessly with the projection in front of him, moving holographic figures around the screened corridors of the towers.

“Because if you give yourself up, if you surrender without so much as a fight, that makes all of this pointless. Those two that died today, their deaths would be meaningless. Your parents’ deaths would be meaningless. Nyala’s death would be meaningless. Colton’s death-” he stopped and lowered his voice. “His death would be meaningless. It would all be for nothing. Don’t you get that?”

“I’m not some hero or some weapon. I don’t know why all of you think that.”

“No, you’re not a hero, Sid,” he whispered and she couldn’t help but feel a tad slighted by the bluntness of his words. “But you are our excuse and sometimes that’s better.”

“Your excuse?”

“To do something, finally. To fight. To get our freedom back. Or at least to try.”

“But why-”

“No, Sid. If you die, we give up. And it all goes back to how it was.” He pointed to the draped ceiling of the tent, “The ring keeps turning and we keep giving. It would be like you never existed.”

She thought about it. Not existing seemed to be a pretty good option at that moment. If she never existed, her parents would still be alive. Colton would still be alive. He’d be happy and he’d be with his son, both of them would have been so much better off if she hadn’t been born at all. Even Dalrak would be free to live his oblivious life with the Al’iil and not be stuck on lookout in a fruit tent with the rest of them.

Tann tensed beside her and she turned to face him, meeting his gaze for the first time since that dreadful day she tried to kiss him. And what of him? And the Freedom Runners? And all the children born into the domes?

Crashing her pod on the star may not have turned out exactly how she had imagined but she did find her way. Maybe not to Colton and the towers as she had dreamed as a child, but to people who made her feel like she was worth more than hiding. Without even trying, she had found her own people. Not the Domers, or the Citizens, not the Al’iil; but all of them. She had found all of them.

And she’d be mucking crazy not try to and help them all now.

“I don’t think I’d like not existing. I did it for too many years.”

“Good, I wouldn’t like it either,” he said. “Neither would that one.” He pointed to Ashlan and smiled before averting his gaze to the floor.

“Who? Ash? Oh, it’s not me he’s worried about,” she blurted without thinking. She raised her hand to her mouth as if to shove the words back in but the damage was done and Tann was ogling her; flabbergasted and slack-jawed.

“What do you mean? Who?”

“No one. Nothing. I just meant that he’s probably more worried about Fred and his blade than me.”

“Oh,” Tann said and she was sure she could hear disappointment in his tone.

“Unless, you’re thinking it was someone else?” She raised an eyebrow.

He fumbled with the belt on his tunic, tightening and loosening it as if he was unsure of whether to disrobe or flee. “I mean, no one in particular. I was just wondering what you meant.”

“No, you weren’t,” she said smugly.

She waited for him say something mean, to mock her somehow like he tended to do when he didn’t like where the conversation was going. Instead, he turned his gaze to face her and lowered his voice until she could barely hear him. “Please don’t tell him.”

Not this again. Sid could almost laugh at the situation. She likely would have if she wasn’t horrified thinking about the time she tried to force herself on Tann when he had no interest in her, or any girl, in that way. She wondered how he felt then. Was he as embarrassed as she was now? Was he repulsed? Did he laugh at her behind her back? He wouldn’t do that, she was sure of it but the thought kept digging its filthy claws into her mind, forcing her cheeks to redden.

“I won’t,” she said, pulling up her suit collar to hide the maroon splotches traveling up her neck, “But take my word for it, you should probably say something to him.”

“You think?” He asked, his eyebrows raised like he was begging a scolding mother for forgiveness after breaking her favorite multimeter. Or whatever it was that mothers favorited. Sid had no idea.

“Trust me,” she said and nudged his side, “I know.”

He smiled and she moved to wrap her arms around him when Dalrak jumped back from the tents flap.

“Someone here!” He yelled.

Within moments, Tann hopped to his feet and stepped in front of her. Ashlan dropped his projector and joined Dalrak by the tent’s entrance, his blade ready and glowing. A light wind blew as the fabrics parted and Sid watched intently from in-between Tann’s stoic legs as a slender, scantily clad figure stepped through. “Miss me, kids?”

“Serryl!” She shouted, pushing Tann aside and rushing to greet the club owner.

She was so happy that she almost threw her arms around the woman and kissed her cheek. Almost. The look on Serryl’s face told her there was business to discuss and that was the only reason Magic’s owner made this very dramatic appearance. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“So I hear,” Serryl said in a monotone, yet playful tone. “Well, you found me. Care to tell me why?”