Kartega

“Hey, Sid! Wait up!” Tann ran to catch up with her down the winding steps leading to the floor below. “You want some company?”

Not really, she thought. All she wanted was a break from everyone to get food and clear her head.

“Or I can just mind my mucking business and leave you alone,” he smiled and she melted.

“No, it’s fine. I’m going to try and find some food if you want to join.”

“I can always eat! Come on, I know a pretty good spot!”

His hand reached out and she reluctantly wrapped her fingers around his and let him pull her faster down the steps. His grip was strong and she could feel each callous bump on his palms brush up against her own. Unlike Ashlan, his hands were rough and strong and permanent somehow. She squeezed her palm tighter, testing the distance between them and flushed when he squeezed back. Maybe this is what home was supposed to feel like. Strong and pushy and warm.

They were already down to the second floor when Tann stopped in his tracks and turned to face her. His fingers still looped around hers. His dark eyes gazed down, as though she could read his mind and this was the best way to shield himself.

Sid let him brood for another brief moment, then snatched her hand back and slapped him across his chest. Even beneath his thick tunic, she could feel a wall of muscle meet her palm.

“For star’s sake! Out with it! What’s going on?”

“Nothing bad,” he said, eyes still on the floor. “I was thinking about what you said. About leaving.”

“What about it?”

“I don’t get it.” He shrugged.

“Don’t get what? We find the ships, I take some parts, fix my pod, shoot up out of here and that’s the end of it.” She hoisted her fist in the air to sign the motion in case he still wasn’t getting it.

“That’s not the part I don’t get. I know how ships work.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that I don’t understand how you can just abandon us like that. Your own people.”

Sid scrunched her nose in annoyance. “Uhm, until a few days ago, I didn’t even know I had my own people.”

“Well, now you do.”

“Doesn’t change anything.”

“How could it not change everything?”

She wanted to make him understand it, how confused she felt all the time. Every minute of every day was like a waking dream. She was here but she wasn’t. He couldn’t possibly know what that could feel like. He knew who he was and who he was supposed to be. He knew which side he was on. Knew his own family. How could he even imagine what she was going through? She wanted to scream at him. To tear at his skin and beat at his annoyingly strong chest. She wanted to tell him that she’s scared and that she can’t stay because if she did, she wasn’t sure which side she’d pick to fight for. That she’s not the girl they all thought she was and that if he knew her, really knew her, he might not like her so much. She wasn’t even sure she liked herself these days.

“I just can’t stay. You need to accept that.”

“And if I can’t?” He demanded, his eyes a dark well of fury and probing.

“Why?” She shouted, her fists beating at his chest, tears pooling beneath her lids. “Why can’t you accept it? Why can’t everything go back to how it was? I just want to go home! Stardaughter! Just let me go home!”

He grabbed her shoulders and squeezed, the warmth of his touch spreading across her body and making her legs numb. “You are home, Sid. Here, with us; it’s where you belong.”

“With you?”

“Yes, with me,” he smiled, teeth whiter than Jericho’s glow.

Sid finally blinked and the tears sitting in wait behind the cages of her eyelids ran freely down her cheeks, leaving lines of clean on her dust-covered face.

And then she did it.

Pushing herself to her tip toes, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Her face reached up and she closed her eyes, bringing her lips to his.

Sid had never kissed anyone, unless she counted the time she tried to practice with her own reflection in the shiny doors of her ship’s dock. This was nothing like that time. For starters, when she opened her eyes just a smidge, it wasn’t her own grey eyes that stared back at her. Another notable difference for Sid was the taste. Tann’s plump lips had none of the metallic flavor that her first kiss carried. A taste Sid couldn’t wash off for days after; the drawbacks of locking lips with an aluminum doorframe. His lips tasted like a mixture of heat and salt and she couldn’t get enough of them.

Sid was so absorbed in the moment that she didn’t even notice the stiffness of his back or the way his hands didn’t move to wrap around her waist. By the time she realized she was kissing a statue, it was too late. Tann’s face had already taken on a state of shock, his arms so rigid at his sides that it was a wonder he didn’t pull a muscle from the strain.

She let go of his neck and slowly placed her full weight back on her heels. What’s wrong with him? Did he break? Did I do it wrong?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you like that. I thought that… Well, I don’t know what I thought.”

“It’s fine, Sid. It’s not you. It’s-”

“Please don’t say anything else. I misread the situation. You don’t need to explain.”

“I really feel like I should,” Tann rubbed the back of his neck like he was trying to get rid of a dirt patch. “You caught me off guard and I wasn’t expecting-”

“Stop,” she commanded. “I don’t need an explanation. Let’s move on and pretend this never happened.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very, very sure. Listen, I should probably get back to the Starblade tents. I’ve been gone for a while. Can’t have them wondering where I’m off to all the time. Make sure you tell Serryl about tonight if you see her. Just in case.”

“Sid!” Tann called after her but she was already running.

Cheeks hotter than the rush of magic surging through her veins. She felt like a fool. No, worse than a fool — she felt like a complete, mucking idiot. Why did she do that? Out of all the things she could have done in that situation, why did she think kissing him was the best idea?

Electricity buzzed within her, rising from the balls of her feet to her thighs as she ran, taking two steps at a time until she reached the ground floor of the dome. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t anything. Her blood bubbled under her skin, pumping massive bouts of energy all through her. It was as though her body wasn’t hers anymore. She was running but she couldn’t feel her limbs. Something else had control now.

Sid rushed past the shop tents, signs flickering on and off in her wake. Her body moved instinctively, like a creature held back for too many years that finally got a taste of open air. She breathed in, pulling the energy from the lights around her into her body. Sucking them dry.

People clamored out of the shops, their eyes dazed and confused, watching as sign after sign flickered and died. Their gazes followed the maddening ball of fury with short white hair and glowing grey eyes barreling through their Dome.

She could hear the whispers but words did nothing to stop her. Nothing could stop her now.

A man grunted somewhere in the distance and a few seconds later, a large metal chest slid into her path. She looked around and found the one responsible, hoping it would be Tann so she could show him exactly how he made her feel. Rejected. Pathetic. Alone.

It wasn’t Tann. Just a shop owner that had more fear in his eyes than someone readying for an execution. He was scared of her. They were all scared of her.

Muck them!

Sid pooled her magic into a single, linear thought and directed it at the chest resting in her way. She stretched her arms toward it, pushing the concentrated electrical current forward with everything she had. The current ripped through her body, glowing a pulsing yellow when it broke free of her skin. It flew at the chest, hitting it head on and shattering the metal casing like it was nothing more than air.

Wide eyed, she watched as the current levitated in front of the wreckage for a moment before altering its projection and slicing back in her direction. She started to duck out of the way but it was too late, the current she created smashed into her body, knocking her flat on her back. Sid patted her stomach where she was hit, convinced there’d be a current-sized hole right in the center of her. But she was fine. She was better than fine; she felt energized. Like the current had powered her up somehow.

She jumped to her feet and looked over the marketplace. The tents that still had lights on were closing their curtains, hiding from her like she had come delivering death itself to their doorstep. A child cried to her right and she spun around to see a young girl of no more than five crouching behind a table full of dumpling samples.

“It’s alright,” she whispered, hands outstretched in surrender, “I won’t hurt you.”

The girl looked up at her through teary eyes. “What are you?” She asked with a trembling voice full of fear and confusion.

“I don’t know,” Sid answered. “I really don’t know.”

She turned away from the girl, snapped her goggles over her eyes and ran in the direction of the Starblade tents. She wanted nothing more to do with the Domers, or Tann, or even her own magic. There was a reason Colton told her not to use it. Magic was bad. Magic hurt people. Magic made you a monster. Sid didn’t want to be a monster. What she wanted was to be normal, like Colton was. She wanted to be human.

Running faster, she made her way past the judging eyes of the people around her. Away from everyone that made her feel like she was different, like she didn’t belong. Tears collected in puddles on the inseam of her goggles and she lifted them off her face to let the saline drain down. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think, but she could run.

Sid ran faster than she’d ever had to, lights buzzing and dying as she flew by them.

Until every bit of the dome’s core was dark.