Kara's Cross

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want. It was rude of me to ask. You were nice enough to help me and now I’m acting like we’re friends or something.”

Fourteen. I’m fourteen years old and I’ve never been someone’s friend before.

“It isn’t that, Madison. It’s kind of complicated.”

She does seem nice and we are both looking for a friend. Plus, no one would believe her if she told them, if she even believes me.

“Okay, here goes,” I shift my body to face her. “I’ll warn you now, though, you’re going to think I’m making it all up.”

Madison sits up straight, looking intently at me.

I take in a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds. Letting it out, a nervous sensation causes chills to run through my body. I inhale again and open my mouth but unsure of how to begin, I exhale and close my mouth. I’m just going to have to force myself. Filling my lungs one more time, I decide to start at the beginning.

“When I started first grade, my life was normal, at least for a while. Another year of school seemed exciting and the idea of making new friends was what I looked forward to the most.”

My cheeks feel the stretch of my smile. My memories of kindergarten and the first days of first grade are good ones. They are memories of innocence and fascination, of a time I felt safe and happy.

“Reality did creep in little by little those first days of school. I would see some kids laughing at other kids during recess. In the classroom, I could overhear whispers and see kids pointing at other kids whose clothes didn’t look as nice as theirs.”

I cringe at my own words, recalling what Madison told me. She looks toward the floor and presses her lips together, but quickly regains her calm and looks at me with renewed interest.

“I asked my dad about these kids and he told me there are people who make themselves feel more important by trying to bring down those around them. He further explained that people who do this want attention and believe hurting others is the only way to get it.

Those kids took away much of the magic of school for me. I had been looking forward to it for so long, and all of a sudden, life at home with my dad seemed like the treasure I had lost.”

Madison is nodding her head; her experience must have been similar.

“Anyway, I still had to go to school and even after my dad’s revelations, I held onto the hope I would make friends and could enjoy school in spite of those kids.

The fourth day of school, my dad said he had a surprise for me. He gave me a Princess Kitty hat.”

“I remember Princess Kitty!” Madison’s face lights up. “I used to watch the show all the time.”

“I did, too. It was my favorite show. I had all the movies and all of the Princess Kitty songs on CD. I even had a bunch of the toys.”

“I had one of the dolls.” Madison leans back on the bench before continuing in a whisper. “I still have it, actually.”

“My dad said he was in the store and he couldn’t resist since he knew how much I liked it. It was a pink knit hat you could pull down over your face leaving only your eyes exposed, with little ears that stood up above the hat. I was so excited I wore it through breakfast and in the car to school. I couldn’t wait to show my hat to everyone at school. When we got there, I jumped out, gave my dad a huge hug, and told him thanks for the hundredth time before running off to show the first person I saw. My dad was laughing and waving as he drove off. He was so happy.”

I want to stop. It was such a good day and we were both so happy. Looking back in the direction of the classroom I had been sick in, I just close my eyes and enjoy the memory for a moment.

Opening my eyes, I notice Madison has leaned quite near to me and is waiting with raised eyebrows.

“Well, I didn’t have to wait too long to get a reaction. I asked a girl standing near the swings if she liked my hat and she said I looked like a ‘pink weirdo’. Several kids nearby heard her and joined in with their own clever names for my hat. I heard everything from ‘cotton candy head’ to ‘chewed bubble gum girl.’ I took off the hat and stuffed it into my backpack, but it didn’t do any good. They told me it was ugly, but I looked better with it on, or that maybe I should wear it in my crib tonight.”

The pain of fingernails pressing into my palms draws attention to my clinched fists. Why did those kids have to ruin everything? My anger swirls into sadness, and I’m instantly opening my eyes wider trying to keep the tears from falling. Kids, or anyone really, shouldn’t have to worry about things like this. It’s not fair.

“They were gathering around me and wouldn’t stop. I just wanted to disappear and go home. The shock of what was happening kept me from being sad, but I sure did feel mad. I was mad at all of them for what they were doing, I was mad at the kids I could see less than ten feet away staring at us, but not reacting, and I was even mad at my dad for causing all of this.

I waited and took their attacks for what felt like forever. When I realized they weren’t going to stop, I just reacted. I remember making the meanest face I could and turning slowly in a circle, staring at each one of them. Once I had looked each of them in the eyes, I growled for them to ‘go away and leave me alone.’”

“What happened?”

“It was like they turned into zombies. Their eyes seemed to go blank and they wandered aimlessly away from me. I had no idea what happened, but I wasn’t able to dwell on my questions, either. I remember a feeling of intense pain exploding in my brain, as if a bunch of baseball bats were hitting my head from all sides. The feeling was more than my body could handle, because I almost immediately blacked out.

Apparently, I was in some sort of a coma. I woke up two days later in the hospital. They told me my body appeared to have shut down. My dad told me he was so scared I was going to die. The strange part is I was completely healthy again, as if nothing had happened. The doctors didn’t know what to say even after running tons of tests. I hadn’t make the connection between my words and what happened to my body yet, so it didn’t even occur to me to talk about what happened on the playground. I didn’t realize I even had any power until the third time something happened.”

Well, that’s it. She knows what I can do. It’s up to her what happens now. I hope this isn’t a huge mistake.

Madison’s eyes narrowed and her lips twisted to one side, trying to absorb what I’ve said. She could be trying to figure out how to tell me I’m crazy, too. It’s hard to tell.

“So, you’re saying you can make people do what you want?”

“Well, that’s the way I’ve figured it, yeah. I’ve only done it a few times since first grade, this will be the fourth, but I’m sure I’ve figured out how it works. If I really focus on the person, or group of people, I am talking to and concentrate on the words I am saying, what I say happens.”

“Wow,” she shakes her head, “I’d be afraid to have so much power.”

I can see she is imagining the possibilities. It’s interesting how easily she believes me. She did have a firsthand account, which probably helps.

“Every time I’ve ‘persuaded’ someone to do something, I get a horrible headache. It hurts so much I can’t concentrate on anything except the pain. Like someone is slamming my head against a wall. Then my insides begin churning and it’s all I can do to keep from throwing up. Both the pain and the sick feeling keep intensifying until I pass out.”

“Are you still hurting from this morning?” Madison’s face loses its excitement, turning into either one of concern or sadness. “That’s why you threw up in class, huh?”

“Mostly. After leaving the nurse’s office, I still felt weak and my head really hurt, but I wanted to stay in school. I might have been fine, but then I was late and the teacher made me stand in front of the class and was going to have me talk and everybody was laughing and...”

I stop speaking before the fresh wave of nausea makes me sick again.

“I wasn’t laughing at you, Kara. I’m so sorry I’m the reason your day is ruined.”

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t ask for my help and it was my choice anyway. I knew what would happen and decided what was more important. If anything, I’m sorry for what you had to go through.”

“Yeah, this day is off to a lousy start for both of us. At least you get to go home.”

“If I go home now, my dad won’t let me come back for another year or two. He thinks my episodes are due to stresses from being out of the house. It’s not exactly untrue, but I won’t let him trap me in the house forever. I’m going to rest for a while, get cleaned up and then find a place to wait until third period. I’m hoping by then I will be well enough to finish the day.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be going to the nurse? What about all the kids in your classes?”

“I bet Mrs. Pickford was too distracted to do anything other than send you with me. If any kids ask, I’ll just say the nurse said I was well enough to come back to class. They’ll probably keep as far away from me as possible anyway. Can you do a favor for me and just tell the teacher you dropped me off at the nurse?”

“Sure.” Madison looks toward the ceiling for a few moments, as if she is about to ask me something.

I wait for her to speak, but nothing happens. So much for reading body language.

“Well, then,” I try to be pleasant and act casually, “you should go back to class now. Thanks again for walking me out here. I’ll probably see you around.”

Madison remains seated for several seconds before turning toward me.

“Kara?”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking since we were both kind of looking for the same thing and we’re both not having any luck that maybe we could work on it together?”

“What do you mean?”

“I guess I’m asking if you wanted to hang out sometimes and figure out ways we could work on fitting in here and become more popular.”

“I’d really like to be friends with you; you’re one of the nicest people I’ve met in a long time. Of course, I have been home schooled for the last five years.” A look of apprehension takes over Madison’s face. “I’m just kidding. You seem truly nice and I would really love being your friend.”

She smiles.

“First thing. Call me Maddie. It’s what my family calls me. I like it the best.”

“Sounds good, Maddie. What is your schedule for the rest of the day?”

She pulls her schedule out of her book as I grab mine from my pocket. After a quick comparison, we find we are in the same class for periods 1 through 3 and periods 5 and 7. Even better, we have the same lunch. It’ll be nice to see a friendly face for most of my classes.

“We’d better get on with our day, Maddie. Mrs. Pickford is probably expecting you back by now, and I need to find a bathroom to clean up and hide in for the next forty minutes.”

“Oh shoot, you’re right, I’d better go. So, I’ll see you next block in science class?”

“I think so. I’m already starting to feel better.”

She starts walking back down the hall and I get up and head toward the cafeteria bathroom. I turn to take a quick glance and she turns at the same time. I laugh and wave. She does the same.

I push open the door to the girl’s restroom and head toward the mirror, smiling.