Just a Wolf

Evan

Oh man. Shifting out of my wolf form is going to hurt. This is going to feel worse than climbing out of a warm bed on a cold morning. I crouch in my little one-man tent, crowded in here with my huge wolf body, savoring the last two seconds of my warm wolf fur, before shifting to human.

I am instantly shivering, naked, and start grabbing my clothes and yanking them on my body as fast as I possibly can.

When I unzip the little opening and crawl out of the tent into the deep snow, piled up overnight against the sides, I see the others, shivering and looking as miserable as I feel. Except our Alpha, maybe, he always looks enormous and intimidating, like he could make the snow melt with just his scowl.

“Don’t bother being tidy,” he instructs us, “just chuck everything into the back of the cars.”

We are happy to comply, and stuff the tents and gear into the cargo space of the SUVs, not bothering to fold them up or anything. It’s possible we’ve lost some tent covers and things in the drifts of snow that accumulated overnight but nobody cares. We just want to get into the cars and turn the heaters on.

When everything’s in, Ross asks Dom, “Will we be able to drive?”

He nods. “I think so. The snow is fresh and not too deep, I think we’ll be able to get through. I’ll have to go super slow since I can’t really see the road, but it looks like there’s just a few inches. We can get through as long as it isn’t much deeper than this.” He looks up at the Alpha. “Um, can someone keep checking the GPS, to make sure I’m not losing the road?”

“I will,” Ross says grimly.

Dom tells Theo, “Follow us, and be patient. We’re going slow.” We all load into the cars, and wait a minute for the engines to warm up before heading out at a crawl.

We only have a few miles to get to the next cave, but they’re going to be hard miles. I get some protein bars out of a pack and pass them around. Not much of a breakfast. I try not to think about hot coffee and bacon.

Corinne

“Hey, Corinne, Luna Darlene asked if you can bring some lunch up to her suite,” Barbara says.

“Of course,” I say, and she hands me a tray full of veggies with dip, cheese and crackers, chips and nuts. I smile. This is a lunch for women, for sure. Men would want a big stack of meat. I’m sure that Barbara, being the head cook for River Moon, has those preferences all figured out.

I head upstairs with the tray, knowing exactly where to go. Interesting how in just a few days you can start feeling so accustomed to a place.

I’ll miss it.

When I get to Darlene’s room, the door is standing open, and as I enter I see that Luna Janine is also inside, along with Amelia who is apparently in charge of tomorrow’s event.

They all smile at me. I set the tray on the table and turn, preparing to go back downstairs, but Darlene says, “Won’t you stay and join us for lunch? We haven’t really had the chance to talk for a couple of days. I’d like to know how you are getting along.”

I nod, nervously, and Amelia immediately tries to make me feel more comfortable, handing me a plate before starting to fill her own.

I’ll miss her too.

I suppose she thinks that I am still just nervous to be here in the first place, but I’ve really gotten over that. What’s making me anxious isn’t merely being in the packhouse, it’s the plan that I’m formulating to run away from it. I’ve decided that the perfect time to go would be tomorrow night, right in the middle of the ceremony. Assuming they don’t just lock me into my room in the basement, I’d be willing to bet that it’ll be easy to find a chance to slip away, while everyone is distracted with the celebration. Then I will start making my way back to the one cave that the packs are leaving to the rogues. The weather might even help, if it’s still pouring my scent will be harder to follow.

I’ll be in trouble with Xavier, and I’m sure beatings and violent sex will be involved as I try to earn his forgiveness for running away. I’m ready for that. I just want him to let me rejoin the rogues. It’s the only way I can think of to warn my sister rogues about what is coming, and try to help them escape before it happens.

I know that I told Amelia and our other friends about the women I want to protect, but I have realized that they aren’t in charge. The leaders are, and they will not prioritize the safety of my sisters. I doubt it would even be the slightest consideration.

No, the only way to protect them is to try to get them out of there before the battle. And I’m the only one who can do it.

I’ll endure some beatings, some painful sex, some anger, but that will all be worth it if I can find a way to help them.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Darlene asks, jolting me out of my thoughts.

“Oh, um, yes, I am,” I respond, and start filling up my plate with the finger foods.

We settle onto the couch and comfortable chairs with our food, and I am relieved when nobody starts asking me any questions. It makes me feel guilty to be here enjoying a ladies’ lunch while my rogue sisters are suffering. But it also makes me feel guilty to be secretly plotting to escape, when I have known nothing but kindness and safety here. It isn’t just a betrayal, it is incredibly ungrateful, and I hate to do it. But I don’t feel like I have any choice. So I’m relieved to munch on my food in silence and listen to their conversation.

Darlene tells Janine, “I feel bad that you have been too busy to have much input for your ceremony. I hope that you like the way we have arranged everything.”

Janine waves her hand. “Everything is going to be completely perfect. I have no taste at all, any input I gave would have just messed everything up. I’m not sure Kanen really appreciates what an utter nerd he has mated. I’ve had my head completely buried in all the phone’s metadata for the last two days.

Amelia glances over at me, but the Lunas are engrossed in their conversation. “Have you made much progress?” Darlene asks.

“I really have. I’ve gotten lots of text streams, location tracking, names and numbers. This is really useful stuff. It left off as of a few weeks ago, though, that must have been the last time the phone was used.”

She glances at me. “Thank you again, Corinne, for helping obtain the information.”

I nod, and softly say, “You’re welcome. I hope it helps.”

“It will,” Janine says. “When they get back tomorrow, we’ll be able to start coordinating a plan.”

I look down at my hands. I know they will.

“Are you all right?” Darlene asks.

“Mm-hmm.”

Amelia looks at me with concern, then gets an expression like she has suddenly realized what is bothering me. She looks over at Janine. “Corinne was telling us, the first night we spoke, that the other women in the rogue gang are nothing but victims, just like she was. Do you think that there will be a way to, maybe, leave them out of the battle when it happens?”

Janine and Darlene meet eyes, then Janine says, “I don’t know, but we can bring it up when they are making the plans.”

Darlene leans over to me and touches my hand. “I know you’re worried about your friends, Corinne. Hopefully they will stay safe, no matter what happens.”

The noncommittal phrasing is obvious. These women would protect the rogue women if they could, but it isn’t up to them. The male leaders will decide. I’m touched by what they said, as far as it goes, but it doesn’t change my plans. Nobody is guaranteed to look after my sisters except me.

Janine says, “Well, I want to finish printing out the rest of the phone data. See you at dinner, Darlene?”

“Yes, have a good afternoon.”

I stand up, ready to get back to work, but Darlene says, “Wait a moment, please, Corinne.”

I sit back down, waiting to see what she needs. She glances at Amelia, then tells me, “I have an appointment here this afternoon.”

I nod, not sure what this has to do with me. She goes on, “It isn’t common knowledge yet, but I am expecting a baby, and the River Moon pack doctor has agreed to come here for a routine examination. I missed my appointment that I had scheduled at Dark Woods since we are staying here longer than we expected.”

I look down at my hands. Do they know?

She pauses, then says, “I understand that you have not wanted to shift, that you could have escaped when Evan first caught you, but you stayed human.”

Tears spring into my eyes, an unwelcome sign of weakness. I bite my lip. I don’t know whether confessing my situation will help or hurt.

When I am silent, Amelia says, “You don’t need to share anything that is private, Corinne, and we don’t mean to pry. But Darlene just thought that, maybe, since the doctor will be here anyway, you could have an appointment too? Just to make sure that everything is okay, and that you and… that you are healthy?”

I wipe my eyes. I am more moved than I can say. This is just another instance of the extraordinary kindness that I have been shown, and that I am planning to betray.

“Say yes to the doctor,” my wolf demands. “You’d be an idiot to refuse. Who knows if you’ll get another chance before the baby is born.”

She’s right. I nod. “Yes, thank you,” I whisper.

Dominic

This day has been so slow and painful. We woke up buried in snow, froze our asses off getting into the cars, then crept along the back roads the few miles that it took to find the cave.

We had to brush aside snow to leave our marks outside, since marking the snow itself wouldn’t be particularly effective. Stripping off our clothes to shift and slip inside the narrow cave entrance was excruciating, then more torture as soon as we had finished marking inside, had to shift back and stand in the snow to get dressed again.

Shit, this is grueling.

Even Alpha Ross is looking daunted, and I never expected anything to actually get to him. He blows into his hands as we approach the cars, which are waiting for us in a slightly sheltered area under some trees, snow blowing around and already starting to accumulate in his eyebrows and beard. It hasn’t let up all day.

“Okay, on to the last one,” he says, probably trying to sound encouraging but it is obvious that he’s freezing to death too. “I hope to get there and mark it before sunset, then we can try to get back down off the mountain and below the snowline. Darlene has kept me updated, and the weather where they are is terrible also, but at least it is rain there and not snow. With any luck we’ll be able to find a motel and sleep indoors tonight.”

Then tomorrow, back to Amelia. She is the only thing keeping me going. I wonder if she knows how comforting it is to feel her presence with me, even though she isn’t physically here? Last night in my tent I dreamed of her again, my wolf and I somehow dreaming together with her, and I felt everything like it was really happening. My wolf fur was keeping me warm outside, and Amelia was keeping me warm inside.

It has stayed with me all day, a burning kernel of love in my heart, in my soul, the sense of her warming me, helping me to endure this ordeal. I want to get home, I want to have her in my arms, I want to feel her physical warmth, but until then her soul is warming mine, and that is enough. Even alone in winter, I feel her embrace.