Just a Wolf

Amelia

We’ve been at it all morning. I glance at my watch, and see that it is coming up on noon. I wonder how Dominic is doing. I hope that they are staying safe out there on the road. I had hoped they’d be back by now.

Darlene apparently sees me looking at the time, even though I had tried to do it surreptitiously. I don’t want her to think that I am eager to end our meeting. It would be disrespectful, and furthermore it wouldn’t be true. I am amazed at how much I am enjoying her company. She is smart, and witty, and insightful, and kind. She must be such a good Luna for her people.

She asks me, “Do you have another meeting?” indicating the watch that I just looked at.

“Oh, no, not at all,” I say, then just tell her the truth. “I’m only wondering how long the leaders will be gone today. I thought they were only going out to inspect the area where they encountered the rogues.”

Her face softens. “Don’t be worried,” she tells me, “they’re doing just fine. I spoke to Ross, and he told me that they have finished the inspection of the area, and are now on their way to your Alpha’s lodge to have a discussion.”

I am sure my face reflects my surprise. She must have texted him while I wasn’t looking? I know she didn’t call him, I’ve been with her every minute since they drove away.

I don’t ask her, but she obviously can tell that I am wondering how she knows. She sits back in her chair. “I mind-linked him,” she explains.

What? She hasn’t shifted since we’ve been together, either.

She smiles a little. “Have you ever mind-linked?”

I feel very young and ignorant all of the sudden. I’m eighteen now, of course, but sometimes I get the feeling that I was unusually sheltered as I grew up. This isn’t the first time that I have felt unaware of something that other people know about.

“Yes,” I tell her, “during our pack runs.”

“I can mind-link with Ross without shifting,” she explains.

“Really?” bursts out of me. I want to ask a million more questions. Is it because they are mated? Is it because they are Alpha and Luna? Can other people do that? I always assumed that there was no way to mind-link without shifting first, that it was something that only our wolves could do when they were in control of our physical forms. But I hold all my questions in. It would be very presumptuous of me to interrogate the Luna.

She looks at me with what appears to be understanding. But rather than going on, she says, “Amelia, I think it is about lunchtime. If you aren’t busy, would you like to get some food from the cafeteria with me, and take it up to my suite? We could have a more comfortable discussion up there over lunch.”

Oh! “Yes, thank you, that would be wonderful!” I say. What a privilege, to be invited to have lunch with the Luna in her private rooms!

She laughs, just a little, very softly. “You know, Amelia, I’m not that different from you. I don’t think you’re even very much younger than me. I’m twenty-five. How old are you, nineteen? Twenty?”

I duck my head. “I just turned eighteen. The day you arrived.”

She looks surprised. “Really? Well happy birthday, then.” It takes me a little off guard, because this is the only time anyone wished me a happy birthday. She goes on, “I would have thought you are a little older than that. You are so intelligent and organized and creative. You’re actually far more impressive than I am.” I look at her doubtfully, and it makes her laugh.

“Come on, let’s grab some lunch,” she says, and I pick up my stack of notes before we leave the conference room. I’ll want to keep working on them upstairs.

When we get to the kitchen and pick out our food, I ask the staff to put together some take-out boxes for us, so that we can take our lunch upstairs. The server says that they can deliver the food to the Alpha guest suite, so we don’t have to carry it up. Darlene lags behind a little to ask them to add something else she thought of, then we head upstairs to her suite.

I look around when we get inside, just to make sure everything is in order, and am pleased to see that the cleaning staff has obviously been in this morning, as everything is tidy and spotless. “Is your suite satisfactory?” I ask her.

She laughs again. “Yes, Amelia, and please, can’t you just try to treat me more like a peer and less like a Luna? I’d really rather be your friend than have you acting like I am your superior.”

“But you are -” I begin, and she shushes me melodramatically, waving her arms in the air. That’s it, I’m laughing now too, and somehow this breaks the ice. I feel much easier with her.

She’s right, she’s not that much older than me, and I have been allowing myself to be more awestruck over her status than simply seeing her as another person.

“Sorry,” I say, “I’ll try to get over it.”

It’s easier from there. The food arrives a few minutes after we do, and I set it out on the little kitchen table in their suite. Darlene takes the bag from me before I manage to get it all out, with a funny little smile on her face. I wonder if she is setting aside a little favorite treat for her mate for later, but of course I don’t ask.

As we’re enjoying lunch, we start chatting, far less formally than we had been before. We’ll get back to the event planning, but for now we’re having a good time getting to know each other.

I tell her about my family, how my mother is a wolf from River Moon, but my father is a human from Eureka. They met in college, going to Humboldt State University together, fell in love, and have been together ever since. They have had a very happy life together, an example of how wolves can find true love even without being fated mates.

It has worried me a little, after Alpha Kanen’s heart was broken when Sandra found her mate and left him, to know that it still might technically be possible for my mother. I never knew, but it must have been a constant worry for my father, ever since he learned the truth about werewolves before they got married.

Darlene seems very interested in my background. “Do you have siblings?” she asks.

“Yes,” I tell her, making my way through my salad, “a younger sister and brother.”

“Are they also wolves?” she asks.

“My sister is, but my brother hasn’t hit puberty yet, so we don’t know about him.” I shrug. “My sister and I each transferred to the pack school once our wolves emerged.”

She nods. That is standard. Most packs have their children attending normal human public schools for their early education. Then once their werewolf nature manifests, they transfer to the private pack schools, which start in seventh grade and go through twelfth, mirroring the way that human schools are run. With the addition, obviously, of classes teaching wolf and lycan history, physical education, and biology. No human schools could include such a curriculum.

She is silent for a minute, then says, “I wonder…” and she stops talking.

I look at her. “What?”

She looks a little reluctant. “Please don’t take this the wrong way,” she says, a bit worriedly, “but I am wondering if your upbringing, in a mixed family, might explain why you haven’t seemed to be aware of a couple of things I have mentioned.”

I stop eating, and stare off to the side. It takes a minute, but I start to realize that this really might explain some things. How many times in the last few days have I felt like I didn’t understand what was going on? That I wished I had been told more about the mating process, or mind-links, or other things? I have felt ignorant, and maybe it is because that is exactly what I am.

She watches while my mind is spinning, thinking about all of this. It is starting to make so much sense. My mother is a wolf, but my father isn’t, so they aren’t fated mates. I grew up watching parents who are deeply in love with each other, but who don’t have the special bond that fated mates have. They couldn’t teach me about it, because they didn’t have the experience to do so.

I meet her eyes, and I know that the dawning awareness must be clear on my face. “I… I think you’re right,” I say.

“You know,” she says, “I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have. You have shown me what a great asset you are to your pack, and if I can help you fill in any gaps in your learning I would love to do it.” She watches me as I process this offer, her brown eyes full of nothing but kindness.

I wouldn’t even know where to start. And I’m still keeping my secret about Dominic, so I can’t ask any of the ten million questions I have about what is going on there. I just stare at her, helplessly. Her eyes move to my throat, and I realize that my hand is there, stroking back and forth across the sensitive spot that he left, and I jerk my hand down and clasp it in my lap.

She quirks her head at me, curiously, but doesn’t mention that. Instead, she says, “Well, for instance, it seems like maybe you don’t know exactly how the mind-link works?”

That’s true, apparently. “No, I guess not. I thought it only happened when the pack is in our wolf forms.”

She nods, and briskly says, “That is the primary use, but there are some others. It isn’t commonly taught, but pack leaders can communicate through their thoughts even in human form, so most Alphas and Betas can remain in contact when needed.”

I think back, trying to remember if I have seen Kanen and Malcolm doing so, but I guess I wouldn’t have. If they were together they wouldn’t need to. And I’m hardly ever with them anyway. I’m just a wolf, I don’t hang around with the leaders. Well, with Michael, obviously, since he’s my boss, but I’m not included in the leader group normally. Yesterday’s meeting was one of the few times I’ve even been close to the Beta, and I’ve scarcely even been in the same room with the Alpha.

I nod, and she goes on. “The Alpha and Luna can do the same, communicate without being shifted into wolf form.” She pauses and looks at me. “I understand why you wouldn’t know this, since your Alpha hasn’t had a Luna until now.”

“And,” she goes on, “another thing you might not be aware of is that sometimes fated mates can communicate mentally with each other, due to their close bond with each other.”

My eyes widen, and I realize that again my hand has snaked its way back up and is stroking Dominic’s spot on my throat. She definitely notices.

“Amelia,” she hesitates, “are you.…” She breaks off her question, then apparently decides to approach it another way. “I noticed you with Dominic last night at dinner,” she says, “he is a very nice guy. Have you gotten to know him well?”

“I, um, er….” I stammer, feeling very nervous. Have I somehow blown my cover? I am a terrible liar - I’ve never been able to do it. I thought we could keep our secret, but maybe it was always impossible.

Ha - Impossible Girl, I think of him calling me, and I feel a blush rising to my cheeks, and for some reason tears starting to come to my eyes. I’ve been trying to hold back this impossible secret, and I suddenly miss him again so much that it almost hurts, and my hand will not leave my throat alone.

And she is staring at me, with an expression of recognition and amazement in her eyes. It is her understanding and kindness that is my undoing, and I don’t think I can conceal this any longer.

“Are you… you can’t be… it almost seems like you are… mated?” she asks.

The threatening tears overflow, and a sob bursts out of me. “Please don’t tell anybody!” I beg her.

She gasps with shock, then as I bury my head in my hands and start shaking, I feel her arms go around me, and she holds me close. I have never had such a violent and sudden emotional outburst, and I am helpless to do anything else. It is completely out of my control. “Shhh,” she whispers to me, “it’s all right. I won’t tell. We’ll figure this out. Shhh.”

I rest my head on her shoulder, feeling her kindness washing over me, until I calm down.

When I finally lean back from her, she already has a tissue in her hand which she gives to me. While I am wiping my eyes, clearing away the deluge that washed over me so unexpectedly, she says, “We need to talk.”

I know that I can trust her. I nod, sniffling a little, and my hand is at my throat again, feeling the little bit of Dominic that he has left behind.