Juniper Hill (The Edens)

Knox’s story kept spinning in my head, like a book or movie I couldn’t stop replaying.

He’d gone through a pregnancy. He’d watched the birth of his child. He’d been a father. Then in an instant, his baby had been gone, ripped from his life.

I ached for him. I raged for him. In the hours since I’d been home, my emotions had been riding a rollercoaster.

Knox and I had sat in the hotel room earlier, shrouded in silence until finally he’d brushed his lips to mine in a chaste kiss and left without another word.

Drake let out a string of babbles from his play mat. The oohs and aahs and guhs were coming more often these days.

I stretched out beside him, watching him kick his legs and work his arms. Above him, the mobile of safari animals smiled and swung as he hit one with a fist.

He smiled.

I smiled.

He cooed.

I cooed, mimicking his sound.

The idea of someone taking him away made my stomach churn. How Knox had endured it, how he’d walked away . . .

I pressed a hand to my heart and stared at my son.

We were still navigating through rough waters. Drake and I were close to drowning more often than not. Just last night I’d nearly cracked and answered my phone.

Then Knox had kissed me and as much as I wanted to say it had helped, that kiss had just sent me careening over a waterfall.

The imprint of his large hands lingered on my cheeks. The soft pressure of his lips. The sweep of his tongue.

A kiss to change a life. Or destroy one.

Beyond the windows, the sky was darkening, the Montana days growing shorter and shorter as winter approached. A flash of light had me shooting off the floor and tiptoeing to the glass. The hum of the garage opening below the loft rippled beneath my feet as Knox’s truck eased into the driveway and into its stall beside the Volvo.

I held my breath as a door slammed shut, watching at the window to see which direction he’d head. When he started across the driveway for his own home, I sighed.

Was I relieved? Disappointed? Both?

Knox hesitated on his front porch, glancing over his shoulder and up to my window. He spotted me and lifted a hand.

I waved back.

Then he was gone, under his own roof, flipping on lights as he moved through his home.

I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to the cold glass.

Knox was a good man. He was as reliable as the sunrise. As breathtaking as the Montana sunsets. He was the type of person I wanted Drake to become.

I stared at his house as he moved into his bedroom and disappeared into the bathroom, probably for a shower after being in the restaurant all day. Only a door separated me from a naked Knox. I pictured the water sluicing over his muscled arms. Dripping over those tattoos. Cascading down the rippled planes of his chest and stomach.

My imagination would have to suffice.

I tore myself away from the window and picked up Drake from the floor. He was up later tonight than normal, but Jill had told me that he’d had a longer nap at daycare, so we’d spent more time playing tonight.

“It’s better this way,” I told Drake as I ran his bath in the sink.

He smiled as he splashed in the sudsy water.

It hurt to lose Knox. It hurt to lose him before I’d even had him. But it was better this way. I had no idea what the future held. I struggled to plan for tomorrow, let alone the next five years.

And I would not be the woman who took another child from Knox.

THE BEEP of my phone’s alarm jolted me out of a dreamless sleep. I fumbled to shut off the beeping so it wouldn’t wake Drake.

Drake.

He hadn’t woken up.

“Drake.” I gasped, panic racing through my veins as I flew out of bed, running to the crib. My heart was in my throat as I reached for him. What was wrong? Why hadn’t he woken up?

He stirred as I hefted him into my arms, his eyelids heavy as he blinked them open.

I scanned him head to toe, feeling across his pajamas. Two arms. Two legs. I pressed my hand to his chest, feeling his breath expand his ribs and letting his heart beat against my palm.

“Ohmygod.” The air rushed from my lungs.

He’d slept through the night.

That was why he hadn’t woken up. Not because he was sick or . . .

I refused to let myself think of the alternative.

He’d slept through the night.

My heart hammered in my chest as I clutched him close. Tears flooded my eyes as the adrenaline spike ebbed. It was fine. He was fine. He’d just slept all night.

Why did that make me cry? I should have been ecstatic, but instead, I spent the rest of the morning on the verge of tears, my hands shaking as I rushed to get ready for the day.

The sound of the garage opening and Knox’s truck rumbling to life sounded while I hurried through a shower. I dropped my brush three times while blow-drying my hair. My stomach was too jittery to eat breakfast. Even the sight of Anne Eden’s apple pie made me queasy, so I filled a glass of water only to choke on the first gulp. My fingers fumbled with the snaps on Drake’s onesie as I worked to get him dressed.

Everything felt . . . off. Unsteady.

“He’s fine.” I whispered those words to myself as I made my way to the car. Then I said them again five more times as I drove into town.

The parking lot at the daycare was bustling with parents coming in and out. I pulled into one of the only empty spaces, then carted Drake inside, passing another one of the mothers in the hallway to the nursery.

The space was narrow, so I shifted Drake’s car seat so it was in front of me, but in the move, the keys I’d had in my other hand fell to the floor. I set him down, bending to pick them up, but that caused the diaper bag over my shoulder to fall.

“What is wrong with me?” Get it together, Memphis. I drew in a deep breath, willing my heart out of my throat, then squared my shoulders and got back onto my feet.

With my keys shoved into a jeans pocket, I was hooking the diaper bag over a shoulder when Jill’s voice carried down the hallway.

“Her biggest priority is finding a new daddy for her baby.”

My entire body froze.

Was she talking about me? No way. It had to be someone else. Unless someone had seen Knox and me at Knuckles, sharing a booth, and assumed we were a couple. That was a stretch. But this was a small town. Maybe gossip traveled that fast.

My head was playing tricks on me today. I shook it off, unstuck my feet.

Another woman’s voice carried from the nursery. “Are you surprised she’s already dating? I think she was seeing this new guy before the divorce was even final. I told you I saw them at Big Sam’s that one night.”

Okay, definitely not me. Big Sam’s Saloon was one of the bars on Main, and a place I’d never been.

What was my problem this morning? Of course they hadn’t been talking about me. It wasn’t like I shared my personal life with Jill. Drake wasn’t talking either. When had I become this anxious, unraveled person? Old Memphis, for all her faults, had always held her head high.

I didn’t miss her, but I wouldn’t be angry if some of her former confidence worked its way to the surface.

The moment Jill spotted me from the nursery, she handed the baby girl she’d been holding to the other woman—one of the ladies I’d seen in the office a few times—then came over and stole Drake’s car seat.

“There’s my favorite guy.” She smiled at him as she unsnapped him from his seat. In no time, he was in her arms, kicking his legs with a smile of his own.

“Here’s his bottles and more diapers.” I hung the diaper bag on Drake’s designated hook.

Jill didn’t even spare me a glance.

I walked over, touching Drake’s hand. “Have a good day, baby. I love you.”

Jill spun him so that he was out of my reach.

My heart twisted but I backed away, easing out of the room. My strides were slow and sluggish. So much of me wanted to go in there, get my son and never set foot in this building again.

“Is that the one living with Knox Eden?”

That question stopped me cold.

“Yep.” Jill popped the p, the disdain in her voice as bright as the yellow color on the walls.

“There’s another single mom looking for a daddy. I guess if I were her, I’d go after the richest bachelor in town too.”

I cringed. This was what people were saying about me? That I was after Knox for his money? Humiliation crawled up my skin, red and itchy. My cheeks flamed.

It took all of my strength to keep walking. Because while these women were awful to me, Jill at least loved my son. And for today, I didn’t have any other options.

I had to get to work for my shift.

For the first time in weeks, I didn’t park beside Knox’s truck, choosing a space much farther away. After punching my time card, I went straight for a cleaning cart, skipping my regular cup of coffee and quick hello to Eloise at the front counter. Did she think I was here to chase her brother?

I was waiting at the staff elevator when footsteps sounded in the hallway. Knox was walking my way, a notepad and pen in his hand, his white chef’s coat sleeves pushed up his forearms.

He smiled.

A smile so handsome I wanted to cry.

The elevator opened. I looked away, pushed the cart inside and rode to the fourth floor with my eyes squeezed shut.

The phone in my back pocket rang as I unlocked the first guest room door. I pulled it out, hoping that it was daycare with some reason why I had to leave and get Drake. Today, I didn’t want the hours at work. Today, I wanted to curl up with my son and forget the world.

But it wasn’t a Montana number with the four-oh-six area code.

One hundred thirty-two.

I declined it on the second ring and stowed it away.

As I was bending to get the bottle of toilet cleaner, it rang again.

One hundred thirty-three.

I threw the bottle and rag to the floor, ripped the phone out and, once more, hit the red button. “Stop calling me.”

It was still in my hand when it rang again.

My eyes flooded. My chin quivered.

Don’t give up.

I declined it once more and picked up my supplies, then I went to the bathroom and scrubbed the toilet to a sparkling white shine. The mirror and counter gleamed after a polish. The floor was spotless and the air smelled like bleach.

I cleaned.

And the phone rang.

Over and over and over, until finally, as I was stripping the bed, it stopped. There were days like this. Days when I’d get twenty calls in an hour. Others only one in twenty-four.

I tensed, waiting for it to buzz again, but when it didn’t, I breathed.

The stress of the day was building behind my temples, and I lifted my hands, rubbing at the ache.

“What’s wrong?” I jumped at Knox’s deep voice.

How many shocks could a heart take in one day? I felt like I was in a haunted house with a creepy clown jumping out at me after each corner.

“Nothing.” I waved it off.

“Memphis.” He strode my way, stopping close enough that the scent of his spicy soap hit my nose.

God, he smelled good. Today, there was a hint of lemon too. Maybe he’d been making lemon meringue pie. It was my favorite.

“Talk to me.”

“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just a headache.”

“Close your eyes.”

“Knox, I’m fine.”

“You’re a horrible liar.”

I huffed a dry laugh. How many times had Oliver told me the same? Though he’d been the king of lies, so compared to him, everyone was merely an apprentice.

“You ran away from me earlier.” He inched closer.

“I’ve been thinking,” I said, squaring my shoulders and raising my chin. If I didn’t have confidence, I’d have to fake it. “I think it’s best if we stop this, whatever this is, before it goes any further.”

His eyes narrowed and those blue eyes saw straight through the façade. Damn. “Why?”

“Drake.”

“Look . . .” Knox ran a hand through his hair. “About what I said yesterday. I was just being honest. But I didn’t tell you the truth so you’d push me away.”

“If we tried this and it didn’t work, you’d lose him.”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I know what’s on the line, Memphis. But I’m standing here anyway.”

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea.” Another lie that made him frown. “Drake has to be my focus.”

“Did I ask you to take him out of focus?”

“Well . . . no.” I couldn’t imagine Knox asking me to forsake my child.

He raised his hands and I tensed, sure that if he kissed me again, I’d crumble. But he didn’t cup my face and lean in like he had on Halloween. He rested the heel of his palms on my cheekbones so that his fingers could rub small circles on my temples.

It was heaven.

And hell.

“I can’t do this,” I whispered, my eyes falling closed so that I didn’t cry.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to let Drake down. I can’t let him down. I’m all he has.” I had no backup plan. Failure was not an option.

And I was scared too. That was the whole truth.

I was hanging on by threads most days. I gave Drake all my extra. If Knox made me fall in love with him and then we fell apart, I would fall apart. I wasn’t sure I had the strength to mend another shattered heart.

Knox was quiet for a few moments, the circling of his talented fingers never stopping. “Yesterday, I told you about the hardest part of my life. I told you about my first-worst day. I told you about the woman who destroyed me. I’m not asking you to tell me about Drake’s father. But I’m promising you that if you want to give me that trust, I won’t betray it.”

When I opened my eyes, his piercing gaze was waiting. He was so gorgeous it almost hurt to look at him. I wanted to tell him about Oliver. If there was anyone who would take care with my secrets, it was Knox.

But . . .

I stayed quiet.

“You want to stand on your own. I get that, honey.” His fingers shifted away from my temples to thread into my ponytail. “Standing on your own doesn’t mean you have to be alone. There’s a difference.”

“But Drake—”

“Don’t use him as an excuse because you’re scared. You wanting me doesn’t mean Drake has to suffer.”

He was so . . . right. So damn right.

Knox’s hands fell away, returning to his sides. “Figure out what you want. You know where to find me.”

And then he was gone, striding out of the room, leaving behind only his words.

What did I want? Did it even matter? I couldn’t afford dreams for myself.

And Knox . . . he was a dream.

The rest of my day was spent cleaning alone with Knox’s words to keep me company. It wasn’t a best day. But it wasn’t a worst either. The weight of the day sat heavy on my shoulders as I trudged to my car and drove to the daycare center.

I walked into the nursery, desperately wanting to hold my son, but as I scanned the room, I saw no Jill. And no Drake.

“Um, hi. Where’s Drake?” I asked the woman changing a baby. It was the same girl from this morning, young like Jill, with strawberry-blond hair.

“Oh, he’s not here.”

I blinked. “What?”

“Jill had to run a quick errand and she took him along.”

“Excuse me?” What. The. Fuck.

“She just lives next door.” The woman pointed to the wall. “She’ll be back in a minute.”

“Okay,” I clipped and plucked his diaper bag from his hook. Then I waited, arms crossed over my chest, foot tapping on the floor as I counted the seconds ticking by on the wall clock.

Three minutes and forty-one seconds later, the back door opened and Jill came inside with Drake on her hip. Her smile faltered for a moment when she spotted me.

I crossed the room and took Drake out of her arms. “Hey, baby.”

He started crying, like he did every day, and reached for Jill.

Like she had done to me this morning, I twisted and pulled him out of her reach when she tried to touch his hand.

“I’d prefer it if Drake wasn’t taken out of this building.” I walked him to his car seat and put him in, working the straps as fast as my fingers would move.

“Oh, okay,” Jill said. “I didn’t think it would be a problem. We were just next door.”

I didn’t trust myself to speak another word, so as Drake fussed, I clicked his buckle, looped the diaper bag over my shoulder and walked out the door.

The moment his seat was clicked into its base and I slid behind the wheel, my phone rang.

I checked the number and hit decline. One hundred fifty-five calls in the two months I’d lived in Quincy. Since I didn’t have to worry about daycare calling and there wasn’t anyone I wanted to talk to anyway, I shut the damn thing off.

Drake’s crying stopped by the time we hit the highway.

And that’s when mine started.

I was so tired. Mentally. Physically. But mostly, I was tired of being alone.

All my life, the women in my family had been at the mercy of the men who kept them. My mother. My grandmother. My sister. I’d broken that cycle by coming to Montana.

If I let Knox or anyone help, wasn’t that like taking a huge step backward? What happened when I depended on him?

Except I couldn’t keep going like this. I needed . . . help. Admitting that, even to myself, made me just cry harder.

The tears fell in a steady stream as I turned onto Juniper Hill, winding my way down the lane. The lights were on at Knox’s house, casting a golden glow into the night. His truck was in the garage.

I parked and took out Drake, planning on going upstairs and making myself a dry and depressing peanut butter sandwich for dinner. But my feet carried me across the gravel to Knox’s front door.

He opened it before I could knock. His gaze tracked a tear as it dripped down my cheek.

“I want to not feel so alone. I want my kid to smile when I pick him up from daycare. I want Drake to have a normal life, and I feel like this is so far away from one, I can’t even see which direction to start walking. I want you to kiss me again. I want to never eat a peanut butter sandwich again. I want—”

Knox silenced me with his lips, banding one strong arm around my shoulders while the other lifted Drake’s car seat from my hand. His tongue dragged across my lower lip as his soft mouth pressed into mine.

Before I was ready for it to end, he pulled his lips from mine, but his arm stayed tight, pulling me to his chest. “There’s one want granted. What else do you want?”

I leaned into him and told him the terrifying truth. “You.”