Joelene

Mamaw and Papaw were still at the market,

and I was here with Eric,

walking back to the house,

wet and giggling.

And when we ran up the steps,

the house sounded empty

and our steps were hollow and ominous.

Then we were in my room,

and I was stripping off.

I pulled my shirt over my head.

Eric caught a glimpse of my chest,

and he turned around respectfully.

"Tell me when you're done," he said,

and dragged his shirt over his head.

And I stripped my skirt off.

And I never knew why

he was in my room.

When he could change

inside his.

And standing half-bare

in my rags and bra-less,

I dropped my hands by my sides,

and said confidently:

"you can turn around now."

He slowly spun around,

like a criminal, caught in headlights.

He froze.

Eyes trailing over my body.

And with a smug smile,

I hooked my fingers

under the waist of my rags,

and pulled them down slowly.

I stepped out of them,

leaving them in a tangled loop.

Now I was bare.

Eric swallowed again.

That pointed thing in his throat moving.

Then before I knew it,

he was close to me.

Hands on my arm.

His naked chest brushing against my naked chest.

Our breaths mixing.

Then we were kissing.

And he was kissing me too hard.

And he was going fast.

Until I was on the bed.

And he was over me.

And we kissed and kissed and kissed.

He bit my lip.

He bit my ear.

And he dipped his hand between my legs.

I saw stars. I saw sparkles. I saw the whole night sky.

And then he started undoing his belt.

Fear welled in my gut.

I lay still, underneath him.

But there was a red light in my head.

Saying: stop, stop.

But I closed my eyes.

He didn't kiss me.

He told me to open my eyes.

And when I did, he wasn't looking at me.

His eyes were shut, his head tipped back.

And it happened.

The worst thing I'd ever felt.

I screamed and tried to push him off.

But it was already gone.

Something I could never ever get back.