I've Been There Before

Grace stood in front of the white door for a long time. Finally, she reached out and opened the door.
“I won’t eat.” Payne lay on the bed, weak and haggard. These days, he had been anxious. The desire to live kept him struggling
in pain.
However, the pain was too much to bear. With days passing by, he grew increasingly desperate.
He wanted to live, so he fought with the agony and the disease, dreaming to go back to the days when he could enjoy the luxury
life had to offer and be carefree.
Mrs. James cried every day. Payne couldn’t bear to watch her like that. Then she got sick, too. Payne was a little relieved that he
finally didn’t have to be around her.
Only the housekeeper would deliver food to him. Mrs. James hired the best nurses for her beloved son. They worked 24 hours a
day and took turns to take care of Payne.
Payne was fed up with this white room. When he had a clear mind, he would look out of the window. His eyes were no longer as
bright as before.
When the door was opened, he thought the housekeeper had come with food. The medicine and the chemotherapy cost him his
appetite. Everything tasted bitter.
Now he would only eat when he was starving.
He was even too weak to speak.
Naturally, he wouldn’t bother to see who was coming.
He just sat on the bed, pretending to enjoy the view outside the window.
The he felt a shadow over him.
He didn’t want to waste his energy to check it out. Annoyance climbed onto his haggard face.
Yes, he was annoyed. He hated to have others pity him. If possible, he would rather it be the other way around.
“Get out,” Payne said in a weak voice, somewhat annoyed, “I know I am sick.”

“Is it affecting your mind, too?”
Payne heard a woman’s voice.
He froze, shocked.
He slowly turned his head from the window to the bedside. In just 45 degrees, his expression changed dramatically.
Staring at her for a long moment, he laughed self-deprecatingly, “Are you here to check if I’m dead?”
The woman remained silent. She pulled the chair beside the bed over and sat down. Glancing at Payne, she stood up, picked up
a pillow from the sofa and put it behind Payne.
“What are you doing? Are you pitying me?”
Grace looked at his sunken cheeks for a long time. It was hard to recall his handsome features. He changed so much that she
couldn’t recognize him.
She stretched out and buttoned Payne’s white hospital gown.
“What are you doing?” Payne pursed his pale lips with vigilance.
Grace shook off his hand and then unbuttoned the shirt. Then a scar on his shoulder was exposed. The wound had healed, but
the scar was nasty.
“Do you remember how you got this?” she asked, her voice hoarse.
She stroked the scar. Payne wanted to dodge her hands as he felt the scar burning, his shoulders trembling.
“If you’re here for nostalgia, save it. I’m dying. What’s the point of reliving the past with a dying man?”
Grace ignored his harsh words and continued to caress him.
She continued, “I grew up with Grandpa.”
“Are you showing off? Grace, he is dead. You lost him forever.”
She ignored him again.

“I used to envy you.
Mom and dad loved you. I was too young. I thought they didn’t like me because I had done something wrong.
So, I tried my best to be better than you for their attention.
The truth is I’m stupid. Grandfather said you were smarter than me, but I was not convinced. So, when you played, I studied. I
didn’t even know if it would work.
I studied everything, thinking that it would make me outstanding, so that mom and dad would love me too.
That was what I thought, and that was what I did.
But later, as I became better and better, I discovered that they disliked me even more. Only then did I realize that ... they never
wanted me to be somebody.
I was angry. You are their child. So am I.
The anger kept me working like a stupid machine.
I also told myself that it didn’t matter if they could never love me, because I had Grandpa.
He was the most important person to me.
For a long time, the only thing that made me feel less useless was grandfather’s approval. It let me taste the sweetness of love
and care.
At least I was not trash.
Until one day, Grandpa said to me, “Your brother was actually smarter and more talented than you.”
I could feel his expectation towards you, and I realized that he did not bias me.
But it didn’t matter. He loved me. That was enough.”
Payne was shocked at first, but then he was engrossed.
Only Grace’s hoarse voice could be heard in the ward. She told the story in a steady and slow pace.

“Then I hated you even more. You already got mom and dad’s love. Why would you take away grandfather’s love, too? That was
all I had.”
She was like a bystander, telling another person’s story.
“Do you remember how you got the scar?” She looked up at the brown scar, gently stroking it with her index finger.
Payne was too weak, his face pale. After a long while, he said, “I forgot....”
Grace chuckled softly, “When I was in primary school, I didn’t tell anyone about our family and was bullied by the seniors.
Then you discovered that. You dragged me into your bedroom, and you rudely took off my clothes to see my cuts and bruises.
Payne, only then did I know that you had a knack for handling injuries.
Then you chased me out of your room.
I was afraid that you would tell grandfather about it, so he would be disappointed and look down on me.
I was worried all day. But grandfather didn’t blame me. Then I believed that you didn’t tell him about it.
For a long time afterwards, I went home with injuries every day, and you would treat them.”
She pressed her fingertips against the scar on Payne’s shoulder. “This scar was the booty of a fight. You protected me against a
bunch of hooligans. They cut you. After that, I felt something different about you. You were strong and would protect me.”
She asked Payne, “Do you remember what you said during the fight?”
Payne’s eyes sparkled.
Grace continued.
“You said, ‘only I can bully my sister’.”
Grace paused.
Payne pursed his pale lips tighter.
“From then on, I didn’t hate you that much anymore, because I knew you would protect me.”

When Payne heard that, his shoulders trembled. He lowered his head, his dim eyes revealing something else.
“We were good.” Grace looked at the back of Payne’s head and choked, her eyes turning red, “Why are we like this?”
Payne suddenly grabbed the sheets, his heart beating fast.
He didn’t eat anything. But he tasted something bitter in his mouth. Staring at his quilt, he went into a daze.
“You said no one can bully me. But, where were you?”
“I thought you would protect me. Why did we change so much after we grew up?”
Grace’s eyes were even redder. She had never behaved like this even when she was having a hard time. She even managed to
remain calm after being cheated by Caden.
She was good at controlling her emotions. But why did her eyes turn red? She was confused.
“Grandfather gave you everything,” After a long while, Payne said weakly.
Grace stared into his eyes for a long time. Was it about money?
Or power?
Or fame?
“Actually, I was also jealous of you.” Payne finally confessed, after all these years. Grace was shocked by his eyes.
“You said mom and dad loved me very much, but I was jealous every time I saw grandfather taught you things. I am the big
brother, but grandfather only cared about you.
He never stopped me from playing. But he would reproach you even if you only played for a while.
So, I tried to draw his attention by being naughty.
I didn’t understand why he treated you so well and ignored me. As I got older, I cared more about that. He taught you everything,
but he never did that with me.
The older I got, the more jealous I became. Yet you don’t know anything about it.”

Grace’s eyes were filled with surprise. This was the first time she had listened to him unbiased.
After Payne finished, Grace said mockingly.
“You’re wrong.
Grandfather didn’t give me everything.
When he was alive, he warned me more than once that you would be the man in charge in this family.
When he let me take over Wei’ai Foundation, he said I could do anything with it. If I made it successful, I would find my place in
Shanghai.
But if I failed, I would only get a dowry.
He wouldn’t let me take over the James Group.
That was what he said.”
Payne couldn’t believe what he heard.
He suddenly looked up at her. Her face was as pale as his. In a trance, he saw the eighteen-year-old Grace. She used to be so
confident and happy.
“You knew what he was planning? But why did you care about him so much and even come back from Erhai Lake for him even
after he was dead?” asked Payne.
Grace smiled gently, looking at Payne.
“He meant the world to me. I knew his care came with a price. But I still cherished it. After he died, I learned the truth, but I
continued to lie to myself.”
“I would rather do that than to accept the fact that nobody loved me unconditionally.”
Payne was shocked. He used to hate her so much. However, after over a decade of separation, his heart ached so much for her.
Grace didn’t point out that he had broken his promise of protecting her, and that he only had had hatred and jealousy towards
her. Payne closed his eyes.

In the past few years, he had taken that scar as a normal scar.
But it really hurt at this moment. He felt great pain.
Grace stared at Payne whose cheeks were sunken and eyes were tightly closed in pain. Then she slowly took out the phone
from her bag. There were many missed calls and messages.
It was Caden.
She tapped the screen and found that number. In fact, she had it memorized, so there should have been no need to find it in the
contact app.
She dialed that number. Seconds later, someone picked up the phone, “Hello, Ms. James.”
“Is it very difficult to find the right bone marrow for my brother?”
After a moment of silence, the other party answered like a robot, “We are still working on it. Miss James, we believe that as long
as we do not give up, we will have a chance to turn the tables even at the last moment.
You’re so concerned about your brother. I believe there will be a miracle.”
Grace lowered her eyes. How rare was a miracle?
“I’m calling today to formally inform you. There’s no need to continue searching. We’ve already found the right person.”
“Really? Impossible. We are the largest and the most authoritative organization in China. We won’t miss any chance.”
“I will pay the bill.”
“It’s not about money. Miss James, you didn’t ask any illegal organizations for help, did you?
That’s against the law.”
“Don’t worry. We won’t do anything illegal. We will do this through a regular channel.”
“How is that possible...?”
Grace did not want to say more and hung up the phone.

Payne was astonished. He thought she was cold-blooded. Only then did he know that she had done so much for him, but she
never talked about it.
Payne felt sad and regretful. That was her. She never boasted.
He recalled how his mother used to curse Grace from time to time.
“Grace, I....” He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t.
“Payne, you will not die.” She smiled and stood up.