It'll Come Naturally

"Okay, let's go." With these words Michelle started leaving. She didn't look at his face, thus she didn't notice the complicated emotions warring there. "Um. About that thing you said last time. Do you still mean it?" Luke hesitantly asked Michelle in a small voice, after a few seconds of pondering in stride next to her.

"What thing?" Michelle's face remained emotionless. Luke had no visual clues as to what she was thinking right now, and it bothered him. Luke helplessly furrowed his eyebrows. It was a taste of his own medicine. Now, after being treated coldly by Michelle, he finally realized how she must have felt all this time, while being constantly rejected by him. He had hurt her badly. Thinking of this, his heart began throbbing in his chest. Was there any chance that he could fix this? He had no idea. In fact, he still had very mixed feelings about Michelle. He had been so sure that he could never love her, but finally seeing the pain he had caused her made his icy heart thaw. And now, he wasn't so sure about his previous decisions.

"Nothing. Just forget it." Michelle's indifference was like cold water being poured over him. Only now, did he realize that sometimes, being treated coldly hurt even more than being the object of anger. He didn't know what to say to Michelle anymore. It felt like they were slowly drifting apart.

The way back home was filled with an uncomfortable silence. Both of them were in deep, but different thoughts. The atmosphere was a bit awkward. They had become complete strangers, not a couple. Luke wanted to change it, but he just didn't know how.

"Are you still sleeping here tonight?" Michelle asked with a surprised look. She really couldn't understand his recent actions. She had originally hoped that maybe he was ready to let his guard down and accept her. But it seemed that she had hoped falsely. She didn't feel any change in his attitude at all. He was still cold and ignoring her. If he was not going to change his mind, then what he was doing now? Why did he insist on sleeping in the same room as her?

"Don't forget that this is also my room. Besides, we are a married couple, and it is normal for us to share a room, isn't it?" Luke said boldly to Michelle. He seemed to have completely forgotten what he had said when the two of them first got married. He had said so many harsh and cruel things to Michelle, often and had easily broken her heart.

"But you said differently when we got married." Michelle was a bit slow in the uptake. She didn't realize that Luke was trying to get closer to her. He wanted to mend their relationship, but he also wasn't the type to pour his heart out. This was the best approach he could think of.

"It was said when we first got married. Now I've changed my mind." With these words, Luke lay down on the large bed, his large figure taking up more than half of the space. He didn't explain more, having let her know that he had changed his mind about their sleeping arrangement.

"Luke, I will say to you one last time. If you are so sure that you don't want to have anything to do with me, then please don't give me any false hope. I want to take it seriously." Michelle said in a neutral tone, her face showing no emotion. She was behaving differently around Luke from before. Now, she was no longer willing to satisfy him, or to do anything he asked her to, and thereby lose her own dignity. She had now decided to put herself first. She had to protect her heart from being broken by him again. She would never make the same mistake twice. As long as she knew for certain that Luke would never love her back, she could maintain a facade of indifference. She didn't want to hand her heart to Luke once more only to have it broken again.

"What if I say that I am being honest this time?" Luke looked over at Michelle. There was still hesitance showing in his eyes though. It was clear that he was still very conflicted and hadn't made up his mind. This was not the assurance that Michelle wanted to see. She just couldn't risk it again.

"Yeah, what if? You are not even honest with yourself. So please, I beg you, don't give me any false signals ever again. Let me at least keep my dignity, for that's all that I can keep for myself right now. If you don't love me, then just leave me alone. Don't pretend to care about me. And don't try to sweet talk me. Just continue ignoring me. It's what you are good at, isn't it? I really can't afford to be hurt again." Michelle spoke sincerely, staring at Luke with intense eyes. She had kept her face blank, though deep inside, her heart was beating painfully, making it hard for her to breathe. But she wouldn't show Luke her weakness. She wanted so badly to salvage her self-respect.

Then there was silence. The two of them stared at each other, not saying a word. Neither of them was willing to look away. It seemed that they were both trying to penetrate the empty look on each other's face, and see what the other was thinking. Michelle was wondering what Luke really wanted. He had possessed all of her once, but he didn't cherish what he had. All Michelle wanted now was to avoid more heartbreak. Across the room, Luke was also wondering what Michelle wanted. He wanted so badly to know if he could ever hold a special place in her heart again.

Unfortunately, they were not the only ones who were hurting. On the other side of the globe, Leena was also suffering, having left her family and friends behind. Surprisingly, it had already been a full month. She hadn't expected that she could make it this far when she first left the country. But time flew by swiftly, and she kept busy. She was constantly drawing and working, trying so hard to avoid thinking about Kevin and the rest of the people she missed. But now, she had finished all her work. Unoccupied by work, all the thoughts about Kevin suddenly rushed back. She missed him so badly.