Inevitably Yours

“Hey,” my mom called from the living room as I came into the house.

“I brought ice cream,” I called to her as I kicked off my shoes. I didn’t have to work, but I stopped by the ice cream shop to grab something for everyone. I was in an excellent mood after finding out there would be no Calculus 2 final if we took the AP test. The admission notifications would be posted in the morning for the school I hoped to leave the pack for, and I had a good feeling about getting in.

“That was thoughtful!” my mom called. I came into the living room. She was folding a basket of laundry. “I left you some dinner in the microwave. I wasn’t sure when you would be back tonight. Your dad and brother are out helping your grandmother.”

“Cool. I’ll stick there’s in the freezer,” I said. I leaned over the couch and handed Mom her favorite blended soft-serve treat.

I headed into the kitchen and stuck the remaining dessert in the freezer before warming up my dinner.

“So, Quinn,” my mom called as she joined me in the kitchen. “There is something we have been meaning to talk to you about.”

“If it is the AP test fees, the letters went out in the morning before I paid them this week. The secretary told me we can ignore it because I am paid in full now,” I told her.

“No, sweetie, not that,” Mom frowned. “You have been very responsible about that, and I’m proud of you for stepping up.”

“Then what is it?” I asked as I pulled my plate from the microwave. I set it on the island and started eating the chicken with my fingers. My mom rolled her eyes and got me a fork from the drawer.

“We need to talk about college,” she said.

“Seeing as I only applied to the four-year programs that are not on the approved list, I didn’t think I was going anywhere,” I said. I couldn’t let on to wanting to leave the pack. They would be crushed, but I was also sure they would understand. Maybe someone would come in and challenge Alpha Lawrence, or maybe my family would also decide to leave.

“Well, we want you to have some plan for next year,” my mom continued.

“Maybe I’ll try to get a manager’s position at the ice cream shop,” I told her. “One of the girls starts an internship next week and told the general manager she would be leaving by the end of the summer.”

“We had much higher hopes for you than a manager at an ice cream store,” my mom admonished. I stopped eating and just stared at her.

“You’re joking, right?” I said. My mom just stared back at me. “I didn’t choose this. Those five acceptances I chose that. I didn’t choose a tyrannical psychopath as my Alpha. I don’t know if you have been paying attention, but there aren’t too many jobs with upward movement around here.”

“Quinn!” my mom hissed.

“If we didn’t have to listen to these bullshit rules, would there even be money for me to go to college? Or would I be on my own for that too?” I asked her pointedly.

“Your father and I are doing everything we can to make sure you and your brother enjoy a certain level of comfort. We would help you as much as possible if that were the case,” she defended.

“When there isn’t money for the Alpha’s ‘taxes,’ who’s college fund does it come out of first?” I asked her. I knew my savings account had been all but drained; they had dipped into my brother’s as well, but I guessed they were banking on scholarships for me more than him.

“Quinn, the last few years have not been great in this pack, but-”

“No, Mom,” I cut her off. “We don’t need to talk about it anymore. I’ll look for something better after graduation and move out if it’s necessary.”

“We aren’t kicking you out! We just think it might not be bad to start at the lesser college, and maybe the restrictions will get lifted,” my mom tried. I walked around the counter as she spoke, depositing my half-eaten plate in the sink.

“I’m going back to work. If I stay off the clock, Rach will let me work for tips. Looks like I’ll need every dime,” I muttered.

“Quinn!” my mom called exasperatedly. Whatever gentle point or persuasion she was trying to get across had totally failed. I got it. The real world didn’t have pretty solutions and miracle outcomes. I wanted so bad to tell her I had a way out, but I wasn’t going to let anyone know. They couldn’t get hurt if they didn’t know.

I got in the car and headed to Carl’s. His parents were out on a date, so he would be lying around the house anyway. I didn’t want to call M in such a bad mood when he couldn’t do much to help. Carl would wallow with me and probably had some decent leftovers in the fridge.

“Q, what are you doing here?” he asked, opening the door.

“Fought with my mom,” I grumbled. He stepped aside, letting me in. There was a movie on the TV in the living room and a pizza box open on the coffee table. I walked over and took a slice, slumping down on the couch. He sat next to me.

“You didn’t fight about your boyfriend, did you?” he asked cautiously.

“No, why?” I asked.

“I just wondered when they would ask questions. I mean it’s been a long time, but you split from Jaxx kind of suddenly,” Carl said.

“Yea, well, that is an issue they decided to leave unspoken of,” I sighed.

“At least he can’t even come into the pack anymore,” Carl said, grabbing the remote. I looked at him, confused.

“I’m not really excited to debate everything that was happening that day, but what are you talking about?” I asked him.

He sighed and set his food down; he leaned his elbows on his knees. I sat up straighter. “Carl, what aren’t you telling me? Was Jaxx like f*g someone else in Stary?”

“No,” he said. He turned his head and looked at me seriously. “But I know what he did to you.”

I blanched. “Look, I told you, he didn’t hit me. He was getting a little jealous and out of hand, but-”

“Cut the s**t, Q,” he stopped me. “I don’t feel good about it. I should have done something, but I thought I was just reading into something that wasn’t there.”

I stared at him, trying to remember how to breathe. No. No. No.

“Quinn, you have to know I hate myself for not saying anything. When you left with him that day, I shifted and followed. I saw him yelling at you, and I just knew it was true. I could smell him on you, but I didn’t think you were there yet. You love with your whole heart, but I knew that would be something big,” Carl said. His hands rested over mine, and I stared at them, his words barely registering.

He knew. He knew. He’d been so much nicer to me after that day, treating me more delicately than ever before. I thought it was just worry that I would go back to Jaxx. He took me to prom. He knew. I was damaged, and he was taking pity on me.

“Quinn, Quinn,” Carl said, snapping his fingers. I snapped my eyes up to his. “Please say something. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

I reached up and dashed away the warm liquid escaping the corner of my eyes. “I…” words left me. I wanted to curl up and die. I didn’t want anyone to know; First M and now Carl.

“Quinn, I’m sorry. I ignored the signs, and I shouldn’t have. I never liked the guy, but I didn’t ever think he would-”

“STOP!” I shouted. His eyes went wide. “This isn’t happening.” I stood up and went for the door.

“Quinn!” Carl called after me as he followed. I rushed out of the house and down the driveway toward my car. “Come back. I’m an idiot.”

“Yes, you are!” I shouted. I wrenched open my car door and folded myself inside. The engine was running, and I was pulling out of the driveway in an instant. Carl watched me go.

No. No. NO!

“Quinn, please come back. We don’t have to talk about it,” Carl linked me.

“It’s none of your business,” I shot back.

“I’m not blaming you. I don’t know; I guess I couldn’t stay quiet anymore,” he said.

“Keep your mouth shut,” I warned him.

“I wouldn’t tell anyone,” he promised.

“There is nothing to tell,” I said, shutting him out.

No. No. No. Was it so hard to just leave it behind? I just wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. I couldn’t go back and be clean, but I could go back to being me. What was even the point in telling me?

My phone rang. Nic. I didn’t have the energy for this. She was really nice, and M finally asked if he could give her my number. I think he held her back from calling me too much so that she wasn’t bothering me. She had so much energy, like Christy.

“Hey, Nic,” I answered. “It’s really not a good time.”

“Is everything alright? Michael started acting a little funny during training. I didn’t say anything; he’s in the bathroom right now,” she said.

“I’m fine. Why would that matter, though?” I asked her.

“Just a theory,” she said.

“Look, I have to go. Tell him he can call me later,” I told her.

“Okay,” she said warily.

I hung up the phone and tossed it on the passenger floorboard. I needed everyone to just leave me alone for a little while.