In My Desperate Time

Frances Louis is standing there, watching me quietly.
His eyes are cold, without any expression, but I still feel guilty.
I always feel like a woman caught in bed by her husband.
But it's my relationship with him that's unpresentable.
I think, what should I do if Frances Louis comes over at this moment? If Noah Jefferson knows about my relationship with
Frances Louis, I would feel embarrassed in front of him for the rest of my life.
“Jane Noyes.”
Seeing me don’t answer him, Noah Jefferson urges me again.
I know he is waiting for my response.
If there is a ray of white moonlight in everyone's heart, Noah Jefferson is the irreplaceable in my heart. It never occurs to me that
the person I hide in my heart is liking me the same way.
If I had known this, if I can be brave then, maybe now, everything would be different.
But now, I don’t know how to answer him.
How could I dare to respond to the feelings of Noah Jefferson when I could not see my own future?
And the presence of Frances Louis makes me even more nervous.
Fortunately, Frances Louis only looks at me for a few seconds and then gets into the car. I am relieved to see the car fly away.
All the while, Noah Jefferson looks at me so tenderly that it almost melts me.
“Why haven’t you come in? Come in and flirt!”
Seeing we stand outside, the second-generation rich boy comes out and calls us in.
Feeling like I am grasping at a life-saving straw, I say to Noah Jefferson, “Let’s come in first.”
Like I thought, he doesn’t have time to talk about it after we get inside.

During the whole process, everyone is singing and playing games and the whole room is noisy. Naturally, that topic couldn’t have
a chance to be continued.
But Noah Jefferson’s words reverberate in my mind. They touch my soft heart again and again.
“Jane Noyes, I like you.”
The whole time, Noah Jefferson's eyes are locked on me.
The crowd also see the difference between us and boo, “Noah Jefferson, if you lover her, just get her! Anyway, she is single,
don’t be a coward! Just take her home tonight and make a baby! everything will be easy!”
My face blushes at once. My eyes dodge and I don't know what to say.
It is Fountain who is speaking. We were good friends in high school, but does she mean to embarrass me by saying that now?
“I will leave if you make any jokes.” Noah Jefferson says lightly. Hearing what he says, people lost the fun and go on playing.
It looks like they're staying up all night. At about ten o 'clock, I get up and want to go.
Frances Louis doesn’t like me going home too late. He catches me at such a scene tonight. I feel a little guilty. It is better for me
to go home early.
“Why go home so early? You are single now and there would be no husband to blame you. Come on, stay and enjoy your life.”
Joy, the commissary in charge of sports in high school, says.
“I have to go to work tomorrow. I am divorced and no one feed me. If I am late, someone would deduct my wages.”
Hearing what I say, people don’t keep me stay anymore and let me go. Furthermore, no one needs me to stay. I didn’t get along
well with others in high school. Now I can’t fit into them, too.
“Let me take you home.”
Noah Jefferson follows me out. It is a bit windy outside and he puts his coat over my shoulders. But I feel a pang of anxiety.
It would be terrible if Noah Jefferson knows that I am living with Frances Louis. I don't want him to know, and it’s better that he
would never know.

“I can take a taxi. You go back to play.”
I smile to Noah Jefferson and say lightly.
I feel strangely nervous with him, and even get a little tongue-tied when I speak with him.
Fortunately, Noah Jefferson doesn’t notice my awkward. He holds my shoulders, staring at me, and says, “Jane Noyes, why are
you hiding from me? Believe me, I really like you. When I was in high school, I missed you because I was always afraid to open
my mouth. But now, I don't want to make myself regret.”
Every word he says makes ripples in my heart.
The Prince Charming who I have always dreamed about is saying that he likes me. How could I stay calm?
But why my heart feels like pressed by a big stone, and I can’t fell any happy?
I was wondering if some people in this world has missed each other and would not meet again for the rest of their lives.
“Noah Jefferson. I liked you, but that was before. In high school, I was crazy about you. I'm really happy to hear you say you like
me. But it is too late. Noah Jefferson, I was married. And, divorced.” I try to smile at him, but bitterness showed on the corners of
my mouth.
It's hard to accept it, but even harder to say it out.
“I don't care. I don't care about your past. I don't know who you've met before, and I don't care what your history is. I just want to
cherish you for the rest of your life and try my best to be good to you.”
She’s deeply touched.
No man has ever loved me so much like him.
But in the end reason trumps impulse.
“But I care. Noah Jefferson, you're probably drunk and impulsive. We haven't seen each other for so many years. You may have
misunderstood your feelings for me. Maybe you don't like me as much as you thought. Let’s talk about it when you are sober.”
A taxi pulls up to the road and I get in and close the door.

A pang of bitterness rushes into my heart.
God knows how much I want to jump into the arms of Noah Jefferson and let this man shelter me.
But between him and me, there is Andrew Malan, and then a Frances Louis, we are far apart and a short distance away.
The car drives to Louis’s house. I get off but don’t dare to go in.
I stand downstairs for almost ten minutes and my waist hurts.
Damn it. Let me die!
I inhale deeply, take up my courage and go in.
The light in Frances Louis' room is off. Perhaps he is asleep.
Relieved, I creep upstairs.
Just as I enter the room and close the door, the cold voice of Frances Louis comes behind me.
“Have fun?”