In My Desperate Time

Although I'm unwilling to say that, it might be the best choice for me.
Frances lowers his head and stars at me unbelievably.
After quite a while, he says with a sneer.
"You want to leave me? Impossible. You can't leave me until you die!"
I neither want to die nor stay with Frances.
He is a nightmare to me.
"Frances, you are insane. You must be punished for your tyrannies!" I shout at him with anger.
Frances sneers, holding my chin with his hand. He whispers in my ear, "Let's go to the hell together then."
His words make me shudder.
The man standing in front of me is horrible.
In my mind, there is no difference between Frances and the murderous lunatic now.
Our talk ends in discord. It not only doesn't solve the misunderstanding between us but also makes our relation even more
stained.
Frances has been elusive for these days and I haven't met him at all. I have no idea whether he doesn't come back or he is
avoiding me deliberately.
Well, I'm happy that I don't see him.
The divorce I said seems to have no response as well.
The days without Earl's company are really hard for me.
I miss Earl. I can't help missing him everyday.
I wonder how he's doing and if he misses me as well.
In other words, I wonder whether Whitney Jordan continues to abuse him or not.

But I know that it's no use no matter how I worry about him.
Earl is Whitney's kid. No matter how hard Frances tries, he can't change the fact.
I'm so bored that I ask Mindy to go shopping with me.
Seeing Mindy carefully hold the baby in her arms, I feel deeply sad.
If only...Earl were here.
"Look how sad you are, Jane. Are you sure you come for shopping?"
Mindy looks at me and sighs helplessly.
I would like to be happy, but I can't smile.
I don't want Mindy to worry about me, however.
Managing to force a smile, I say to Mindy, "Mindy, I miss Earl so much. It seems that I've already treated him as my own child
unconsciously."
"I know. I can tell that you do like that kid. But if you really like kids, why not have another baby?" Mindy suggests so.
"Have a baby? With whom? Frances Louis?" I say it with a bitter smile.
We did have a baby. But the baby has been killed by his own father. Such great hatred makes the huge estrangement between
Frances and me even bigger.
"Yep. In fact, I've been thinking if it's a misunderstanding. Hamlin's death is strange. Frances could have killed Hamlin earlier if
he wants make himself innocent. Isn't it too obvious that Frances killed him now? Why did Frances do so with his intelligence?"
I actually have thought about what Mindy says.
It's just sometimes that I dare not think it over carefully.
I bitterly laugh and say with desperation," Mindy, it's not that I don't believe it but I dare not think about it. I'm afraid that I'll fall in
love with Frances again once I believe him. However, I'll feel so sorry for my dead kid if Frances has done everything and I

believe him. I would like to believe him, while I have no courage. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll be deeply hurt again. Mindy, I can't
take the loss."
Only when facing Mindy, I can talk about the worries kept in my heart for a long time.
I also want to believe that Frances has never done those things. However, what if I am wrong?
Therefore, I won't easily believe his words before there is convincing evidence.
I might be considered to be stubborn and obdurate. Facing Frances, I can never relax myself.
Mindy frowns. Suddenly, she looks up at me and says each word clearly, "Jane, what if it's a trick? That is to make you and
Frances incompatible as fire and water like now. Then, who is the one that can benefit the most from it?"